Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 25/01/2016 08:10 - United States - Oakland

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to "spice up" our love life. We did a bit of role playing and she started leading me to the bedroom by my penis. Just before we got there she tripped and didn't let go. I can not describe the pain I'm in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By giggles - 25/01/2016 08:05 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, I was angry with my boyfriend. As I was calmly trying to explain why I was upset, my diaphragm spasmed and I burst into uncontrollable laughter. I don't think I made my point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By bunnyfish - 25/01/2016 07:41 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I got fired from my new job, my boss said I lied on my application, I put bi lingual. I'm fluent in sign language. He said its not a real language and i should just go down town and mime because its just over glorified charades. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By WittyMoron - 25/01/2016 07:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to tell an incredibly sexist joke in a hall full of feminists. My friends told me that if I didn't do it they would sell my dog. I'm on my way now and I'm scared shitless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Guythatdoesntlikeyou - 25/01/2016 07:35 - United States - Valdez

Today, i found out through all my hardships for my fiancé she was cheating on me with my brother and my mom knew about it. I only found out because my brother said something in his best man speech at my wedding. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By RocketGirl92 - 25/01/2016 07:14 - United States - Savannah

Today, I got accidentally punched in the vagina. Sadly, that's the most action I've had in months. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By well fack. - 25/01/2016 06:45 - United States - West Hartford

Today, my best friend and I were having a deep conversation about human sexuality. Her input on bisexuals was that "they need to pick a side" and that "people only say they're bi for attention." I'm now petrified of coming out to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By stupidcat-youmakemelookbad - 25/01/2016 06:44 - United States

Today, I adopted a cat named Jamie. Jamie just killed my 6 year old sisters new hamster. She'll be home any second now. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By unluckybastard - 25/01/2016 06:42 - United States - New York

Today, after moving back into my dorm, I spent two hours cleaning mold out of my fridge, as a result of my roommate unplugging it and leaving it without properly defrosting or drying it at the end of last semester. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By whysis - 25/01/2016 06:40 - United States - Newark

Today, I found out the the new pair of jeans I left at home were ripped by my little sister. I've only received two new pairs of jeans in the past year. Apparently she was climbing a tree and thought that they were "the stretchy kind". They were. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By friendlyfailure - 25/01/2016 06:23 - United States - Escondido

Today, I scratched inside my nose because it was itchy, when I pulled my finger away there was a spider leg on it, I can't find the rest of the spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By MrsDruidess - 25/01/2016 06:19 - United States - Denver

Today, I had my first real big mood swing while pregnant with twins, I was crying over our home team making it to the Super Bowl, my oh so loving husband looks at me and tells me "good for them, now knock it off". FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Fumbled_Wager - 25/01/2016 05:52 - United States - Bangor

Today, I had bet my entire winter bonus on The Patriots taking the Super Bowl this year , so I could make extra spending money for our vacation this year. We didn't even make it to the Super Bowl thanks to Manning. My wife still won't speak to me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

By Foxtr0tMikeLima - 25/01/2016 05:26 - United States - Helena

Today, I'm feeling depressed, I went to one of my good female friends because I needed someone to talk to, all she had to say was "it sounds like you're on your man period" and now I feel like I have no one to talk to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By angelinakaleel - 25/01/2016 05:20 - Australia - Strathfield

Today, as a substitute teacher, I asked my class to write a few paragraphs explaining the quote "you don't know what you've got until it's gone" with an example. Everyone in the whole class used the same example: you don't appreciate the WiFi until it stops working. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 25/01/2016 05:18 - United States - Detroit

Today, after 6 weeks of binge watching all 201 of the old X-Files shows and both movies in preparation for the new episode tonight, our cable went out and I missed it. But at least I got to see everyone post on Facebook that they were watching it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By nominaski - 25/01/2016 05:14 - United States - Dupont

Today, I told my friend all the things that have made me so depressed in the last few years. He didn't believe because "I wasn't, like, raped by a man or anything". What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 25/01/2016 05:12 - Australia - Strathfield

Today, I visited my girlfriends new apartment, which I couldn't see until she bought it, as a surprise. She told me that the only reason that she wanted to live here was so she could get the free wifi from the cafe downstairs. She then told me that she used my money to pay for half of it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By ICantUnseeThat - 25/01/2016 05:08 - United States - Freeport

Today, I was online shopping with my mom on her phone. A notification popped up. From Tinder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By DrProfessor777 - 25/01/2016 05:06 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got arrested after my mom lied about domestic violence to the cops because it was "To teach me a lesson," after I got a D on my Calc test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By emlizcat - 25/01/2016 05:01 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I finally went on a date with a guy that I've had a huge crush on. As soon as we sat down, the waitress told me that I was the third girl he's brought this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Xandriajoy10 - 25/01/2016 04:46 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I discovered my baby has cut its first tooth. Four hours in the emergency room and 7 stitches in my nipple later. Guess who gets to keep breastfeeding? Fml

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By jg - 25/01/2016 04:16 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I had intercourse with my girlfriend. She was pretty drunk. She moaned "your dick is sooooo much better than Mike's." Mike was my best friend since elementary school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By My Fingers Hurt - 25/01/2016 04:15 - United States - Warren

Today, I got a paper cut on my thumb and it started to bleed a lot. I went to get a bandage from my desk drawer and proceeded to get yet another bad paper cut in a different spot on the same thumb. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By badwithnames - 25/01/2016 04:10 - United States - Mesa

Today, I was at a family event for my boyfriend. He has a big family & I get confused with who is who, I started talking about one of his aunts to some guy- about how annoying & obnoxious she was. Turns out I was speaking to that same woman's husband. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By ugh - 25/01/2016 04:09 - Australia - Strathfield

Today, I found an engagement ring in the very back my boyfriends cupboard. When I asked him about it, he didn't know what I was talking about until five minutes later when he remembered that he bought it about seven months ago when he was going to propose, but he "forgot about it". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By mess - 25/01/2016 04:08 - United States - Amherst

Today, I finally realized I need to seek help for my overwhelming social anxiety. The only way to schedule an appointment with the Wellness Office is by making a phone call. My social anxiety means I can't call someone on the phone without having a panic attack. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By katie_alex - 25/01/2016 04:07 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me. Why? Because I got raped and he can't live with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 25/01/2016 03:54 - United States - Clyde

Today a teenage boy I upset on Facebook literally told his Mom on me. Why? Because I corrected his use of the word 'your'.This generation is screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 25/01/2016 03:49 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I had a soda and I left it in the bathroom for awhile before coming back to it an hour later. I was about to take a sip and then thought it's probably flat so I poured it into the sink. It was about 2% drink and 98% ants. My life literally just flashed before my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my pubic hairs were poking into my wang. I went to scratch it. Something bit my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 037

You deserved it 8 378

Today, I read through my phone, hoping there weren't any drunk texts by me from the night before. Apparently I dirty texted everyone, even my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 919

You deserved it 39 325

Today, I attended my graduation ceremony. My parents acted mysteriously and kept urging me to go home, since we had to be "on time" for something. Thinking they might have planned a surprise party, I left my friends behind. I missed my graduation because my mom wanted to watch a TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 892

You deserved it 338

Today, I saw someone get out of a car without putting it in park. I sprinted over and jumped in, trying to stop the car before it went down an incline. I didn't make it. I now have a dozen broken bones, need surgery, and was just informed I'm being held responsible for the wreck, since I was in it last. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 461

Today, a lady at the clothing store told me to, “Stop speaking 'Mexicano', this is America!” when I was talking on the phone. I actually speak Portuguese. When I pointed this out, she verbally tortured me and threatened to, “Call the cops” if I didn’t leave her store for, “making her feel threatened.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 182

Today, I finally finished watching Dexter. I was more disappointed by the finale than the picture I later received of my girlfriend cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 011

You deserved it 5 534