Nearly FMLs

By Trama1201 - 25/01/2016 00:27 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I made two grilled cheese sandwiches, I was already finished one and was half-way done the second when I looked down to see a maggot melted in with my cheese. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Sangue0608 - 25/01/2016 00:14 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I got cut off riding my Harley and nearly put the bike down, though I managed to save it only destroying my boot. I told my wife about what happened, her response... "You didn't scratch the bike, did you?" She then asked me to show her how low the bike got. FML

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You deserved it 0

By sad - 25/01/2016 00:10 - Ireland

Today, when I told my 8 year old son that all of our dreams are within reach as long as we follow our heart and take action, he asked me if it was always my dream to be a waitress.FML

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You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 24/01/2016 23:58 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, I had to pee really bad and was extremely exhausted. I went to the bathroom and Once I finished peeing, I realized I still had my underwear on. FML

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By musiclover - 24/01/2016 23:51 - United States - Laguna Niguel

Today, I realized that the only time my boyfriend tells me he loves me is while I'm giving him a blowjob. FML

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You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 24/01/2016 23:48 - Ireland

Today, after I watched my dog get run over by a car, I sat on the side of the road holding him and crying. And just before he died, he licked the tears off my face. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Psycocharger - 24/01/2016 23:40 - United States - Clarkston

Today, I found out my girlfriend has a bigger dick than me. Literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 34

By Anonymous - 24/01/2016 23:34 - United States - Longmont

Today, I was left alone with my German-speaking grandma in her apartment while my mom, who usually does the translating for us, had to go shopping. We literally stared at each other from opposite sides of the room for 20 minutes. FML

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You deserved it 0

By acneface - 24/01/2016 23:27 - United States - Grapevine

Today, I had a panic attack while making out with a boy because he was rubbing his hands on my cheeks, and I was afraid that I was going to break out. FML

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You deserved it 0

By BibiMotionless - 24/01/2016 23:19 - South Africa - Boksburg

Today, while having a conversation with a guy I hooked up with a week ago, he suddenly piped up "no offence or anything but, I like hot girls." I really know how to pick them. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By littleturtle - 24/01/2016 23:09 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, my housemate jokingly said I moan like a turtle when I masturbate. My first reaction was "really!?" and then I realized I had betrayed myself. FML

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You deserved it 0

By cantfixme36 - 24/01/2016 23:04 - Canada - Windsor

Today, a man yelled at my boss and I and refused to pay for his meal because we didn't have gluten-free barbecue sauce for our chicken wings. I work in a Chinese buffet restaurant. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 24/01/2016 22:53 - United States - Longmont

Today, I had to take a math test. I was really sleep deprived after helping my friend study for the same test until about 2 in the morning last night. She ended up getting the highest score in the class and wrecking the curve. I got a C-. FML

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You deserved it 0

By FalloutScrolls - 24/01/2016 22:26 - United States - West Bend

Today, my kids watched Home Alone. They loved the part with all the traps. So much so, that they decided to put a bunch of Hot Wheels cars on the wood floor by the front door. I found out the hard way when I came back from shopping. Now I have a bruised tailbone. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 24/01/2016 22:26 - United States - Longmont

Today, I was at the theater where I work as a backstage technician that helps actors hide their microphones. I found out that an actor has been keeping his mic box in his ass crack and got it stuck. I had to spend half of my lunch break cutting him out of his spandex to get it unstuck. FML

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You deserved it 0

By SanG1122 - 24/01/2016 22:11 - United States

Today, like every other time my husband and I are getting ready to go somewhere he holds us up by having to take a shit. He takes about 15-20 minutes in the bathroom. I'm beginning to think he does this on purpose. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 24/01/2016 22:08 - United States - Longmont

Today, my dogs got into the trash can in the bathroom. I've been finding tampons scattered around my house. There were even some in my bed. I wouldn't be super grossed out if it wasn't for the fact that none of the tampons were mine. FML

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You deserved it 0

By shockedgirl - 24/01/2016 22:06 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I found out my mother and my ex partner of four years whom I have a two year old son to are majorly in-love with each other and have been hiding this from me for awhile. I found out red handed when I saw them in the bedroom together. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anomonys - 24/01/2016 22:00 - United States - Winchester

Today, I lost my virginity and the condom broke, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anngrace2005 - 24/01/2016 21:59 - United States - Bismarck

Today, after paying all my bills and having almost nothing left over my friend sent me a picture of her holding a big check from the lottery she won. She won $375,000 and I can't even afford to go to the dollar tree... FML.

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 24/01/2016 21:57 - United States - Longmont

Today, I had my first anxiety attack. Too bad it was in the middle of a school presentation that couldn't be rescheduled and was worth 30% of my grade. My teacher had to hold me up for 10 minutes to keep me from passing out. FML

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You deserved it 0

By frustratedbeyondbelief - 24/01/2016 21:52 - United States - Woodside

Today, I realized what my past relationship of four years and my current relationship of two years have in common. Both are sexless. FML

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You deserved it 0

By doggone heartbroken - 24/01/2016 21:46 - United States - Bensalem

Today, my girlfriend of two years ended our relationship, saying that my negative outlook wasn't healthy for her wellbeing. I've only been sad since yesterday, when my dog died. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 24/01/2016 21:45 - United States - Longmont

Today, I found out that my brother and I have been using the same four pairs of underwear, that we both thought were ours, for at least half a year. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 24/01/2016 21:37 - United States - Longmont

Today, I was at the a homeless shelter supply counter where I volunteer. We use the same plastic cups for everything. I went to take a drink of water... only to find that someone had put a cup of liquid laundry detergent next to my water cup. I accidentally spit it all over a homeless guy. FML

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You deserved it 0

By What the fuck - 24/01/2016 21:29 - United States - Rochester

Today, I changed my doctor after 17 years. The first thing my new doctor asks is if I was a transgender. I said no and asked why. After he laid down the facts and looked at my medical record, turns out when I was born, my parents attempted to change me into a girl, but it didn't work out. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Dang - 24/01/2016 21:00 - United States - Oakland

Today, my family was getting close to using up all of the family plan for data. Being cautious I went on the Verizon app to check how much was left. Right when I opened the app I got a text message from Verizon saying I went over my limit. FML

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By JustShootMeFML - 24/01/2016 20:40 - United States

Today, while doing leg day at the gym I was getting receiving way more male attention than normal. I was feeling proud of myself, that is until I caught a glance of myself in the mirror. My period came early this month. FML

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You deserved it 0

By mairelys - 24/01/2016 20:31 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had two consecutive nightmares about my boyfriend breaking up with me. When I told him, he held me closer and, "Shh, I'm right here." I immediately thought about how lucky I was. Half an hour later, we got out of bed and he broke up with me. FML

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You deserved it 0

By please don't - 24/01/2016 20:29 - United States - Opelousas

Today, I started my new job at a cheap dollar store. I was called in early, which is fine, but around the end of my shift, a truck came in. They asked me to stay late, which again, was fine. I wasn't told I could take breaks and a lunch. I stood for 6 hours straight. FML.

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You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, after I got off work, as I walked into the house, I noticed something running across the floor towards me and out of complete terror I kicked it halfway across my living room, not knowing what it was. Turns out it was my roommate's new puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 084

You deserved it 50 545

Today, to make a good impression, I brought in homemade blueberry muffins for my newish coworkers. Everyone loved them, up until the guy with a nut allergy had to be rushed to the hospital. Turns out my almond milk wasn’t as "nut-free" as I thought. Welcome to the team! FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 800

Today, I had to go to the dentist to have a cavity filled. Around halfway through the procedure, something broke the silence in the room. It was my dentist, who had farted. I had to smell his rancid flatulence for around the next five minutes. All the while, I had to keep my mouth wide open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 797

You deserved it 2 705

Today, I was instructed to shave my back in preperation for my first tattoo. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 094

You deserved it 12 609

Today, after watching over my drunken mother all last night to make sure she didn't choke on her own vomit, I came to the conclusion that at the age of 53, she's more of a party animal than I ever will be. I'm a 22 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 972

You deserved it 5 422

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend's boss. She was wondering if he was okay, since he hasn't shown up to work for the past two weeks. Now I'm wondering where he's been going when he leaves the house each day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 042

You deserved it 4 339