Nearly FMLs

By MonsterInLaw - 24/01/2016 17:27 - United States - Mission

Today, I can't please my mother-in-law. I'm a biology major with a 4.0 GPA and she still tells me that I'm "nothing but a stupid blonde bimbo who doesn't deserve her son." FML

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By sally - 24/01/2016 17:22 - Luxembourg

Today, I told my mom I was pregnant. She immediately told me I should get an abortion since kids ruin your life and how she wished she had aborted me, then her and dad wouldn't have divorced when I was 3. It's a wonderful feeling knowing your mother wished she had killed you before you were born FML

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By Rika no - 24/01/2016 17:10 - United States - Laramie

Today, my dog ate and chewed up a quilt that has been in the family for four generations. FML

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By crownhernic - 24/01/2016 16:48 - United States

Today, I went to get my eyebrow waxed and right as he was ripping the paper off he sneezed and shifted it. He still proceeded. Guess who has 1 and 1/4 of an eyebrow. Guess who still had to pay full price. FML

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By anonymous - 24/01/2016 16:46 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I had stayed at a friends from a party I had been to the night before, made sure all the alcohol I had consumed was out my system before walking to my parents to get my car the following morning. My car wasn't parked there anymore, my parents had sold my car without telling me, FML.

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By Anonymous - 24/01/2016 16:46 - Canada

Today, after me not being able to have sex in 3 weeks, my husband had planned to make a nice dinner and seduce me after work. A 12 hour shift got turned into a 15 and he was in bed by the time I got home. FML!

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By Toniii94 - 24/01/2016 16:30 - Norway - Drammen

Today, I had to teach my 22 year old boyfriend how a calendar works. FML

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By third times a charm - 24/01/2016 16:28 - United States - Mooresville

Today, my date took me to a really nice, fancy, expensive dinner. As the server was taking our order, he leaned in and said "You're the third one this week". FML

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By Anonymous - 24/01/2016 16:25 - Australia - Point Cook

Today, I chewed up and swallowed a sticky note because I was too lazy to get up and throw it in the bin. FML

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By blondeybear - 24/01/2016 16:24 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found out im going to be a dad. That wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't 17 and still in school. FML.

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By Cataranaholly - 24/01/2016 16:22 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, I finally got around to finishing an art project I've been working on. My family also got around to installing new software on my laptop. Without telling me. I lost three months of work. FML.

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By kristincybulski - 24/01/2016 16:12 - United States

Today, I picked up my cat because he was yowling. Turns out he was sick and I found out by being puked on...FML.

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By pinchedseptum - 24/01/2016 15:41 - Canada - Woodstock

Today, I asked for help putting in my nosering. After it was mostly done, I am handed the closers to finish it off so you can't see the seam. In my finesse, I proceeded to break the nosering and now I can't move it let alone remove it. FML

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By itchyitchy - 24/01/2016 14:59 - United States - Massapequa

Today, I had to wake my boyfriend up at 3 AM to trudge through a record-breaking snowstorm to get medication for the raging yeast infection I woke up with. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/01/2016 14:48 - Switzerland - Geneve

Today, it was my brithday. My boyfriend gave me a bag full of makeup. I don't usually wear makeup and he knows it. FML

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By dizney4prez - 24/01/2016 14:28 - United States - Miami

Today, I was taking an exam I had studied for weeks for. A few minutes into the exam, I started to extreme pain in my abdomen. I ignored it and continued my exam. Next thing I know, I've shit myself and the girl next to me is making the ugliest stank face ever.

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By Frankinator - 24/01/2016 14:18 - Netherlands - Venlo

Today, my girlfriend was talking to other guys on tinder while i sat right next to her. FML

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By Zacholicious - 24/01/2016 13:23 - United States - Dayton

Today, I was eating dinner when my dog decided it would be a good idea to jump on the table and walk through my spaghetti... An hour later I was still scrubbing sauce out of the carpet. FML

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By It_gets_better - 24/01/2016 11:50 - United States - Apo

Today, I put on a veggie-tales video tape for the kids in my Sunday School class. Someone handed me the wrong VHS. The tape was open heart surgery. I had 3-8 year olds. FML

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By Nottodayincest - 24/01/2016 11:37 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my brother, a very vocal anti-gay pastor tried to sexually assault me infront of our mum. I got bitched out for punching him when he tried to give me a BJ. FML.

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By TakeMeToNeverlan - 24/01/2016 11:33 - Romania - Radovanu

Today, on several occasion, my fiance's father told him he can find someone better... and then proceeded to call me "just a piece of a**". FML.

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By crimson_roxy - 24/01/2016 10:54 - United States - Bremerton

Today, upper management opened up my access to other systems in the computers. Systems only my manager is supposed to have access too. They've also mentioned how they think I would likely manage the department better. My manager has become a good friend. My hard work might end her career. FML.

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By ugh - 24/01/2016 10:41 - Australia - Artarmon

Today, my boyfriend of three years broke up with me because I suggested we watch something other than SpongeBob. We've been watching old episodes for the past five months. FML.

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By katertott - 24/01/2016 10:17 - United States - Spokane

Today, while looking at the reusable water bottles on a store shelf, my mom accidentally bumped one- which thanks to the domino effect- made the rest of them fall to the floor. When everyone turned and looked, she blamed me and walked off laughing. FML

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By Lotte - 24/01/2016 10:03 - Belgium - Mol

Today, I saw a picture of my childhood friends having fun together. Which would be okay, if they hadn't said that we had all grown apart and there was no use in hanging out any more. Apparently they just meant they didn't want to hang out with me. FML.

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By Anonymous - 24/01/2016 09:51

Today, I had a customer return an item to the store I work at. After tipping the item out the bag something else dropped on the counter, when we finished the refund she looked at the used tampon she had also tipped on the counter shrugged and left. Guess who had to dispose of it?? Yep me. fML

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By Dilexar - 24/01/2016 09:47 - United States - Killeen

Today, my brother spent the night at my house. He passed out in my bed, on my charger. He weighs 235 pounds, & my phone is at 15%. FML

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By steven - 24/01/2016 09:44 - United Arab Emirates

Today, my dad, who is a teacher, had a pair of eyes tattooed on the back of his head just to show his students that he meant it when he could see them texting under their desks. FML

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By tbrill - 24/01/2016 09:26 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, while carrying 4 heavy stacked plates of hot food to deliver at my casino waitressing job, I was yelled at by a man for interrupting him when he was in a poker hand all while burning my own hands on his omelette at the bottom's expense. FML.

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By I got roasted - 24/01/2016 09:23

Today, I, a vegan, got into an argument with my meat-eating roommate, about whether or not chicken was a sufficient source of nutrients. When I woke up from a nap soon after, I found that my roommate had drawn a roast chicken on my forehead as a joke with permanent marker. It won't come off. FML.

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The Top

Today, I had a concert. At the end, my conductor was recognizing soloists. When he pointed at me, I was confused, but stood up anyway. It turns out he was pointing at the person behind me. I had to awkwardly sit back down in front of over 500 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 875

You deserved it 6 051

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I said yes. This caused him to panic, excuse himself, then take it back via text message a half hour later, claiming he'd been drunk. We live together. When he comes back home, it's going to be very awkward indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 596

You deserved it 3 115

Today, I am still recovering after my second round of chemotherapy. You’d think I’d be able to rest instead of making lunch and dinner for our kids, and cleaning the house. But no, my wife says that would mess up her day. Which is centred around an 8-hour M*A*S*H marathon. FML

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You deserved it 111

Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML

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You deserved it 2 632

Today, as always, my parents wait until I go into the kitchen to drop what they’re doing, rush into the kitchen, and stare at me while I’m making food. They also comment on what I’m eating. I’ve had seven therapists and none of them were able to help me with my embarrassment surrounding food. FML

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You deserved it 142

Today, one of my neighbors dressed up in the exact same costume as me. Every house I go to refuses to give me candy because my neighbor has already been there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 321

You deserved it 3 528