Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 01/02/2016 13:27 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, half way through watching a girl destroy her boyfriends car I realized that it was my car. Insurance won't cover it. FML

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By SydLuTom - 01/02/2016 13:25 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I hit my first trickshot in Call of Duty. I jumped up in excitement. Turns out I had a bowl on the floor. It's stuck in shards on my foot now. FML

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By omgplsguy - 01/02/2016 13:12 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was at work late at night and a customer wanted my help finding something. I was about to help him when I noticed his penis was hanging out of his pants through the fly. There is no way in hell he didn't know. I had to pretend not to notice and go find my supervisor. FML

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By NoticesNothing - 01/02/2016 12:44 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I came home to my brother telling me a truck had driven into our house. I don't know what's worse, that half my room is destroyed or that I didn't notice the smashed corner of the house when I walked by. FML.

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By kitty_Kat777 - 01/02/2016 12:31 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, while waiting to pick up my boyfriend from work, his boss came up to me and told me if we are seen making out in the t.v room again, he would get fired. I haven't been to his work in 2 weeks

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By GeeLoftus - 01/02/2016 12:13 - United States - Ozark

Today, apparently my parents want to get a new dog. This wouldn't be so bad if the 6 others dogs and 5 cats we had didn't already rip apart everything I own. Looks like there's going to be another reason to move out. FML.

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By Harry - 01/02/2016 11:39 - United Kingdom - Neath

Today, I don't know how, but sometime in the last 3 hours someone in the office got under my desk and actually tied my shoelaces together. I now have a black eye, a missing tooth and a splitting headache. I thought I worked in a bank, not a fucking primary school. FML

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By Linemanmike - 01/02/2016 10:24 - United States - Johnstown

Today, I got an interview for a better job. I was told I would be hired before entering the interview so I put my 2 weeks in for my current job. Turns out they just needed to fill their application quota... FML

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By JHPugh - 01/02/2016 10:24 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I figured out why my dad didn't want me to start seeing a therapist. It's because it would make him look bad for all the abuse he's put me through. I'm wishing I could move the hell out of here.. FML

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By Jibber96 - 01/02/2016 10:24 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I woke up to this weird pain I felt down there. The night before I had a girl over, without having sex or anything since she wanted to wait. Instead, we dryhumped each other for 4 hours. Now I have a rash on my penis from not even actually getting laid. And it really hurts. FML

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By stephiebabes - 01/02/2016 10:11 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had to leave work early. Why? I had a panic attack because I forgot to check on my games. FML

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By Oh dear - 01/02/2016 09:58 - Australia

Today, I learnt that you can laugh so hard that you projectile vomit. FML.

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By misterquinn - 01/02/2016 09:28 - Philippines - Navotas

Today, my crush texted me with a "Good morning, babe." Turns out, it was for my best friend. FML.

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By LackingExperience - 01/02/2016 08:59 - Denmark - ?lborg

Today, I received a phone call about a job that I was interviewed for lately. Turns out that they also decided to go with someone else with more experience. I've been unemployed ever since I graduated nearly 2 years ago, and this was my 11th interview. FML

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By gabbiedelaura - 01/02/2016 08:51 - United States

Today, I got in my first motorcycle accident and flipped over the bike and after being skinned alive and hitting my head my cousin decided I wasn't hurt bad enough and punched me in the mouth for crashing his bike FML

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By At Least its Legal Here - 01/02/2016 08:19 - United States - Richland

Today, I spent the entire day at my dying grandmothers beside, my phone off, just before she passes she tells me to spend the next day "as drunk and as high as I can get". My grandmother ran a liquor store and was a pot dealer, she left me her stash. FML

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By Frankie602 - 01/02/2016 07:46 - United States - Lincoln

Today, I went to meet my girlfriend's parents. Let's just say they aren't very welcoming to her dating people out of her race. As soon as I walked into their house to greet them they were shocked to see me. they then started to question me about my citizenship. fml

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By jber10 - 01/02/2016 07:37 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I saw a girl in my class pop a pimple on her finger and eat what came out. FML

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By moosemay - 01/02/2016 07:21 - Germany

Today, I asked my students in my Beginning German class for a rubber. They looked horrified until I remembered it was an eraser in AE. Nevertheless three students showed up for my office hour later and hit on me. FML

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You deserved it 0

By DestinyKing - 01/02/2016 07:16 - United States - West Memphis

Today, I have been asked to look at two phone screens, been sent one picture, and tagged in a silent video on Facebook. All of this done by close friends. Normally this would be just fine, but I went blind ten years ago. FML

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By anonymous - 01/02/2016 06:56 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I was pretty ill and my stomach didn't feel well but I was in bumper to bumper traffic. I ended up releasing massive diarrhea in my pants, had to marinate in it for 45 more minutes, Then I found a subway and waddled inside to the bathroom. I tried to wash my butt off in the sink. FML

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By keeza - 01/02/2016 06:40 - United States - Vancouver

My fiancé has been farting non stop since he broke the barrier last week. So tonight in bed he farted like 3 times so I told him to stop and he wouldn't. So for the first time tonight I let one rip towards him and now he is pissed and won't talk to me because "girls don't do that" FML.

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By Garnetshaddow - 01/02/2016 06:31 - United States - Boulder

Today, I had another quasi-date with a great guy I know. It's a shame he believes that relationships need an immediate "spark" and he hasn't felt it with me. He's just now told me that I'm an amazing friend he can't ever imagine dating. I was going to ask him if he would like to be more serious. FML

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By SmaxJax - 01/02/2016 06:28 - United States - New Braunfels

Today, I got a new dog to help me cope with the passing of my other one. He is extremely shy and won't do anything without fear, including the refusal to eat. Today, when he finally bit my mother, I realized this was a horrible mistake as I had a breakdown. I miss my dog, and this one hates me. FML.

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By otter - 01/02/2016 06:22 - United States - Middletown

Today, me (male) and my bf were in a hot 69 position when a woman busts through my apartment door. It was his WIFE of 7 years and we have been together 4. I didn't know he was married and now I'm single again! FML

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By user2499 - 01/02/2016 06:17 - United States - Exton

Today, I realized that the only reason I like being a woman is the fact that when I am forced to eat my lunch in the bathroom everyone just assumes the crinkling is a tampon wrapper. FML

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By orcatheseapanda - 01/02/2016 06:07 - Thailand

Today, I went to an internet cafe. The only people inside were a couple making out to mature porn and me. FML

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By LittlePengy - 01/02/2016 06:07 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my ceiling fan fell on me. FML.

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By /: - 01/02/2016 05:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend thought that I was cheating on her so she put icy hot on my condom that was out of the package. She was wrong and told me only after we had sex when I used that condom. FML

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You deserved it 2

By kassia_1011 - 01/02/2016 05:37 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, the same as everyday, my cat was laying in bed with me. I was on my phone and she was rubbing up against it pushing it around. When I went to tell her to stop, she shook her head, drool hitting me in the face and in my mouth. Message received. FML.

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, one of my workmates had threatened to destroy my car completely if I fired him for low performance. I was actually shocked, not because of the threat, but because I don't have a car of my own. I don't know how to drive, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 118

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me. That would have been fine, if we hadn't just moved in with his mother a week ago to save money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 668

You deserved it 2 085

Today, I was walking to a burger joint when a man driving by noticed me and parked. He started following me on foot. I noticed him when he was around 15 feet away. He walked back to his car and left, not caring that his intentions were then obvious, another robbery attempt. Post-pandemic life in California sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 174

Today, I was told by my manager to make sure the supervisor on shift does his job. Last month I was told I couldn't be a supervisor. Apparently I can supervise someone who earns more than I do though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 740

You deserved it 1 754

Today, I went on a blind date. My date would respond to me by saying "retweet" and "favorite" when she thought something was relatable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 234

You deserved it 4 104

Today, I found out why my wife insisted on naming our first child "George" if it was a boy. It was her first love's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 864

You deserved it 2 713