Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 01/02/2016 05:12 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I kept smelling rancid food and mold. I spent hours searching for the source of the smell. I then realized it was my breath. FML

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By breakerone92 - 01/02/2016 05:06 - United States - Flint

Today, I found out I had gotten cum in my beard after masturbating, one of my coworkers told me. 5 hours into my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By catless - 01/02/2016 04:54 - Australia - Artarmon

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and moved out. She left all of her stuff at our apartment She left everything except our cat. FML.

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By Anonymous - 01/02/2016 04:31 - Canada - Ancaster

Today, while watching the news, I saw two guys peeing on someone's lawn behind the newscasters head. Then I looked outside, only to see the same thing I saw on TV. Too bad it was my lawn. FML

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By bellabitches - 01/02/2016 04:30 - United States - Covington

Today, I found out I'm being evicted from my apartment. My step mom knew. She didn't tell me. I have less than a week to find somewhere to live. FML

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By rikkirauha - 01/02/2016 04:29 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was in the nurse's office at school. I hadn't realized that a tag was slightly tucked in my jeans, but apparently she did. A 67 year old nurse shoved half her hand down my pants and yanked out the tag. FML

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By ADDiva - 01/02/2016 04:25 - United States - Mansfield

Today, I stacked 3 doc appointments into 1 day to save days off work. So in a 4 hour span I heard, "You have bronchial pneumonia, a bladder infection, may require bladder surgery, need trifocals for your 1st prescription & have basal cell skin cancer that needs removing." Geez! I'm 46, not 110! FML

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By Idiot - 01/02/2016 04:08 - United States - Portland

Today, my work finally allowed me to borrow the company truck in order to move. I drove it right into a bank, literally into the side of a bank. FML

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By amvoisard - 01/02/2016 03:48 - United States - Houston

Today, my foot kept twitching. It wasn't until after I took my shoe off that I found out it was a giant spider desperate to escape. FML

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You deserved it 0

By MadQueen - 01/02/2016 03:39 - Canada - Toronto

Today, found out my boyfriend loves getting head just as much as he loves getting me in the mood and not doing anything about it because its entertaining FML

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You deserved it 0

By Really? - 01/02/2016 03:36 - United States - Summerville

Today, Not only did I break my arm falling down a set of stairs, I also happened to face plant into a pile of fire ants. My face is so swollen that I can't see anything. FML

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By Zendroid - 01/02/2016 03:35 - United States - Cumming

Today, I asked my dad if he could help me study science. Midway through the study guide, he began trying to figure out why water had a high specific heat, as I had left that answer blank. He proceeded to watch a 30 minute video before I finally had to go to bed. I have a test tomorrow, FML.

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By AlecTheVman - 01/02/2016 03:33 - United States - Allendale

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I bent her over to switch things up a bit. I then noticed her asshole was bleeding.. FML.

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By anon - 01/02/2016 03:32 - United States - Denver

Today, I convinced my wife that the pair of panties she found in my office were mine, and even had to put them on as proof, FML.

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You deserved it 1

By notsopleasurable - 01/02/2016 03:28 - Australia - Perth

Today, while have a little "me time" with my vibrator, my boyfriends dad arrived at our house unannounced. How did he let us know he was there? He walked up to the open window and saw EVERYTHING. I can never attend another family dinner or make eye contact.

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By PhoenixChick - 01/02/2016 03:26 - United States - Champaign

Today I came home to find my visiting in-laws had convinced my husband to throw out everything in our fridge in an attempt to "find that horrible smell." The smell was my disabled MIL having shat on our couch without realizing. There was a week worth of meals prepped in that fridge. FML.

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By Anonymous - 01/02/2016 03:19 - United States - Cary

Today, I woke up to find I'd been shot. According to the paramedics, I'd been shot for four hours before calling 911. I have been asleep for 8 hours. I have no idea who shot me, why, or when. FML.

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By Josie - 01/02/2016 03:19 - United States - Garland

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time since he's been back from California for a Business trip, and while we were doing it he screamed "Yes Mia" my name is Josie. FML

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By Anonymous - 01/02/2016 02:46 - United States - Carteret

Today, while eating a delicious dinner, my dad asked my mom what did the pigs in a blanket remind her off. It's bad enough he made a small penis joke but then he told my mom to "suck on that boner" while she ate ribs. I lost my appetite. FML

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By Ellio - 01/02/2016 02:20 - United States - Bridgewater

Today, I went out to dinner with my girlfriend and her parents. They insisted on sushi, and though I had never tried it before decided I should as to not disappoint them. Little did I know I am extremely allergic to fish and had to be rushed to the hospital. FML

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By justarandom - 01/02/2016 01:46 - United States - Lennox

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 6 months is deaf in his left ear. He then told me he always tries to have that ear face towards me so he doesn't have to hear me talk. FML

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By anonymous - 01/02/2016 01:25 - United States - Cranford

Today, as part of my eating disorder recovery, I ate a burger that I had forbidden myself from eating for years. I got food poisoning. FML

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By sad - 01/02/2016 01:14 - United States - Cincinnati

Today,after months of my boyfriend begging I finally decided that we could do anal. After 2 minutes of the best sex of my life, he pulled out and said "nah not for me" and went to the bar with his buddies. FML

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By jber10 - 01/02/2016 01:03 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I realized just how deprived I am when I got a boner from putting on my pants. FML.

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By izazbouletz - 01/02/2016 00:52 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I was ordering a coffee with a colleague when I noticed a strange smell. I guess she noticed it too because she said "It smells like Black people but I can't see any." FML

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By whymacwhy - 01/02/2016 00:49 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I finished the project I had been working on for two months. I carefully saved it and turned off my computer. Later I attempted to turn it on, only to find that the operating system had essentially imploded and my hard drive was wiped clean. The project is due in a week. FML

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By ILikeFireALot - 01/02/2016 00:37 - United States - Dodge City

Today,I was kissing my boyfriend on my parents front lawn and my grandma saw.She told my parents and now I'm grounded. I'm 19,own a flat of my own, and was just visiting.FML.

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By Anon - 01/02/2016 00:33 - United States

Today, I showed my brother my new dog. The first thing he did was grab him, look at his dick and mumble, "Lucky" and drop him. FML

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By Thanks dog - 01/02/2016 00:32 - Canada - Victoria

Today, my husband and I were intimate for the first time in a few weeks. As soon as our bed springs started squeaking our dog started barking. I started giggling and couldn't stop. Kind of a mood killer. FML.

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By Iwtumn - 01/02/2016 00:18 - Austria - Graz

Today, a guy tried to pee on me because I refused to go on a date with him. FML

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, during my friend's group's science project presentation, the teacher yelled at me, "Stop making stupid faces at the presenters!" I was smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 306

You deserved it 3 896

Today, my dad and I had an argument. Then we went outside to shovel the snow out of the driveway. I heard him yelling and figured he was just yelling at me some more, so I turned my iPod up so I couldn't hear him anymore. Turns out he had fallen, cracked a rib, and needed help up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 160

You deserved it 44 111

Today, I had to give a deposition ahead of a trial in which my former boss is accused of fraud. I'm not a smart man, and I smoked a joint before heading out to try to calm my nerves. I got way too high and ended up giggling like an idiot through half the deposition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 185

You deserved it 70 045

Today, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. Although I am very happy in a sense and feel that there is finally an explanation for the past, this issue is not conducive to my adjustment to society. FML

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You deserved it 0

Today, I was with my mom and my boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and my mom excitedly says "You have friends!" As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says "Kidding, it's just me." My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 979

You deserved it 7 550

Today, my husband and I got into an argument. He wants to introduce our girlfriend to our kids and make her a part of our everyday family life. When we started this, I was under the impression that it was just a sex thing, and wouldn’t leave our bedroom. He wants to make her his second wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 750

You deserved it 4 652