Nearly FMLs

By Swagalious - 04/02/2016 22:16 - United States

Today, during a wrestling tournament, a dude got a hard on. And it was before the match. FML

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You deserved it 1

By srhearrell - 04/02/2016 22:11 - United States - Bellbrook

Today, I finally decided to get in shape. I went to my school's student gym complex to start, but when I gave them my student ID, the girl at the desk sneered and told me "Sorry. We can't let someone as fat as you in. It'll hurt our image if anyone sees you 'attempting' to loose weight." FML

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You deserved it 0

By Leauge - 04/02/2016 22:01 - United States - Russellville

Today, my girlfriend complained on Facebook that a real man should be 6'7. I told her I was only 5'8, she and all her friends botched me out for complaining and now I'm single. FML

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By TimetolearnASL - 04/02/2016 22:01 - United States - Seattle

Today, after months of daily migraines and doctor's visits, the ENT informed me that my "temporary" hearing loss has nothing to do with my migraines, nor is it temporary at all, as I'm soon going to be completely deaf. I'm a musician. FML.

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By halfcloseted - 04/02/2016 21:21 - United Kingdom - Wigton

Today, at work a colleague was trying to set me up with a guy in a different department, as we'd "got on so well" at a work party. The main reason I was talking to him was so I wouldn't be caught staring at the girl I DO have a crush on. Now I have to come clean and come out or go on the date. FML.

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By oww - 04/02/2016 20:56 - United States - Stafford

Today, I got my tonsils removed, my arm is in a cast, and I just started my period. So much pain. FML

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By doglover1818 - 04/02/2016 20:45 - United States

Today, I walked in on my sister meowing at my kitten angrily. She is 21. FML

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By progoFather - 04/02/2016 20:38 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I realized that I have put on more pregnancy weight then my pregnant fiancé, FML

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You deserved it 0

By cheesy_wotsit - 04/02/2016 20:19 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I found out I didn't get an interview for the job at the company I already work full time for. When I asked why not, I was told that I would need experience in that particular department to get the job. How can I get experience in the job I want when I can't get the job without it? FML

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By sagabeans - 04/02/2016 20:10 - United States - Ithaca

Today, I paid 250$ extra to fly to my small city rather than flying to New York and driving in the snow. Unfortunately, due to a storm, my flight got diverted to another airport... New York. Fml

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By thefaekitten - 04/02/2016 19:29 - United States - Akron

Today, I went into the girl's bathroom at my school. When I went into the stall, I found a used pad stuck to the wall. FML

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By Anonymous - 04/02/2016 19:22 - United States - Lakeville

Today, I found out I have to have on-one-on one sensitivity training meetings with my straight boss about being more aware of gay sensibilities. I am gay. And out at work. FML.

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By movingout - 04/02/2016 19:10 - United States - Augusta

Today, after not having a job for a year I resorted to stripping. I saw my dad there. FML.

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By Anonymous - 04/02/2016 19:00 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today my Boss's Boss yelled at me and tore me to shreds in front of the whole office for apparently sharing information I should not have via email. When I privately asked to see this email so that I could figure out where I went wrong, he ignored me. I guess there is no email....FML

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You deserved it 0

By JillianJuneBug - 04/02/2016 18:28 - United States - Elmira

Today, a guy in my group plagiarized his section of our project without the rest of us knowing. When the professor called him out on it, he told them that the whole group was in on it. She ended up giving us all a failing grade. His reasoning was that he "didn't want to suffer failure alone." FML

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By jackie_ross - 04/02/2016 17:45 - United States - Austin

Today, my boyfriend wanted to cook for me. As I was really hungry, I excitedly said yes. He made ramen but horribly over cooked them, then drained the water. Dinner was a chunk of "noodles" with seasoning sprinkled on top. FML.

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By Goblin182 - 04/02/2016 17:37 - United States - Sussex

Today my wife announced she would split our income tax refund with me. She is self employed and doesn't pay in any estimated taxes. All of the taxes that "we" pay in come out of my paycheck. I have extra taken out of my pay to make sure we pay in enough each year. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 04/02/2016 17:28 - Norway - T?nsberg

Today, I received a message from someone on kik saying that I had talked to them on omegle. After explaining that I didn't use omegle and that they had the wrong person, the person saved my profile picture and now uses it as their own profile picture on kik. FML

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By TrippyEyes - 04/02/2016 17:22 - United States - Irvington

Today, I went to the dentist. He took one good look at my teeth, vomited on my shirt, which caused me to vomit on the floor, and then him again on my shirt. He then told me to trade cigarettes for dental floss. FML.

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By yay!! - 04/02/2016 17:07 - United States - Junction City

Today, as a freshman in high school, I'm already starting to get used to the sexual harassment in hallways and in my classrooms. FML

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By anonymous - 04/02/2016 16:59 - United States - Levittown

Today, my mom was watching my daughter while I was at work. I came home to a box of cheese its, hamster food, two bottles of fish food, and an assortment of toys in my tropical fish tank. FML

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By thisandthat - 04/02/2016 16:13 - Philippines

Today, my siblings saw me take medication for depression and anxiety (among other things). The only thing that made me feel relief was at least they didn't have what I had. When I talked to them about it, it turns out, both of them have tried to take their lives at one point. FML

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By Anonymous - 04/02/2016 16:11 - Canada - Dartmouth

I was told by my supervisor I had two vacation days left to use up, so I decided to take Thursday and Friday off. My boss calls me Thursday morning telling me I don't have any vacation days left. Now he thinks I owe him unpaid overtime. FML

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By poopypanties - 04/02/2016 15:48 - Canada - Vancouver

Today while at the airport I had to take a shit. Not wanting to leave my bags unattended I waited for my husband to return. I didn't make it. Fml.

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By PingusTheDingus - 04/02/2016 15:40 - United States - Marietta

Today, my stomach was hurting in class, and I tried to slip out a silent fart. It wasn't a fart. It was sudden diarreah. FML

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By PingusTheDingus - 04/02/2016 15:29 - United States - Marietta

Today, I finally found my missing cat. One part was rotting on one side of my neighbor's backyard, and another was getting torn to shreds by his dog on the other side. FML

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You deserved it 0

By my mouth hurts - 04/02/2016 15:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I finally scheduled the day I will get my wisdom teeth out. That day is also the day my girlfriend is fully recovered from getting her's out. FML

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By ilytyvm - 04/02/2016 14:57 - United States - Johnstown

Today, after working the last day of a 17-day stretch due to staffing shortages, I come home to find my house cold as a crypt and the furnace completely unresponsive. I'm broke for another week and a half. FML

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By bad wolf - 04/02/2016 14:41 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, I made a nice dinner for my husband while he ran an errand. I got in the shower and got out to discover he drunkenly inhaled his dinner as well as mine. Thanks, honey. FML

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By MemoKrosav - 04/02/2016 14:39 - United States - Brownsville

A few months ago I started dating this girl. After a couple of weeks I decided to break it off... I didn't know how to without looking like a jerk so I told her I was gay when she was with her friends. Her response she said "I knew it" extremely loud as her friend handed her a ten dollar bill. FML

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I didn't call her in the last few days. I tried to explain to her that I was out at my grandfather's house in a remote place with no cell service to stand by him on his death bed. She thought I was making excuses and called me a lying bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 903

You deserved it 4 568

Today, I found out why my dad doesn't want my girlfriend coming to our house anymore. Apparently, her dad used to bully him a lot during high school and he's never gotten over it. He's threatened to disown me if she comes back over here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 774

You deserved it 285

Today, my girlfriend of six months broke up with me because of 'creative differences', as she put it. The real reason is that we couldn't decide which cupboard the plates should have gone in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 051

You deserved it 4 427

Today, I got a job! When they sent me the offer letter, I sent it back ASAP after being satisfied with the salary and benefits. My problem? I wrote that I'd accepted the wrong position (in the interview it went by different names) The irony? I'm supposed to be in QC, ie., I'm supposed to have a keen eye for errors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 864

Today, my father informed me that I will have no chance of dating a good man if I keep up with these interracial relationships. And that he won't be supporting me through college if I continue this "rebellion." My boyfriend is half black and loves the same music, sports, and movies as my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 870

You deserved it 2 059

Today, I went to the school I work at, to set up my new classroom. I'm 5'1" and I was carrying a backpack full of fun educational posters. I also have a new boss. When we met for the first time he was yelling at me because "there were no students allowed in here yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 562

You deserved it 3 057