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darkflight

Offline (the 11/18/2014 at 4:31am) | Search for a member

darkflight

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 631
  • Number of comments : 8
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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darkflight's favorite FMLs

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML

#21276776
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36344) - you deserved it (5251)

On 10/13/2014 at 6:20am - intimacy - by Drafrica (woman) - South Africa

Today, my husband asked our tax professional if we could file my profession as "Expert Dream Murderer." I'm a guidance counselor. FML

#21251173
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35758) - you deserved it (4949)

On 09/03/2014 at 2:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that while other people drunk call their exes, I drunk adopt cats. Seven cats, to be exact. FML

#21248352
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41083) - you deserved it (9529)

On 08/30/2014 at 7:56am - animals - by cat lady (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML

#21238375
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44549) - you deserved it (4598)

On 08/15/2014 at 6:09pm - love - by meltdowninrels (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, my boss threw out the report I wrote for the board of directors. He said that if it were legal, he'd smash me in the balls with a brick for using Comic Sans. I had to do the whole thing again in another font with my coworkers snickering at me. FML

#21238351
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21003) - you deserved it (51175)

On 08/15/2014 at 5:35pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my little sister started freaking out, because she was playing with some white-out eraser and got some on her finger. She started crying inconsolably because she thought her entire finger was going to disappear. FML

#21198613
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39050) - you deserved it (4136)

On 07/04/2014 at 3:41pm - kids - by neryc (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to CVS to buy some tampons. The cashier said, "Ewwww... You're on your period." FML

Today, I sent my girlfriend a request to confirm our relationship on Facebook. She accepted, then changed her screen name into "His Hand". FML

#21169063
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52643) - you deserved it (11517)

On 06/10/2014 at 12:02am - love - by MiserableMan (man) - Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh)

Today, I walked in on my brother shaving his nuts, all while giggling like a maniac and seemingly high out of his mind. FML

#21117346
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41117) - you deserved it (5053)

On 04/19/2014 at 5:26pm - misc - by burnmyeyes (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my co-worker started talking in third person. Not only that, but he narrates his daily tasks. "Jeff reached for a stapler", "Jeff stapled a report". I have to sit beside this chimp for 8 hours a day, and nothing I say can end this. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. After a while, he started staring at my lady parts, and said my "vag looks like a mockingjay". He then stretched the lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML

#21033383
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58536) - you deserved it (9413)

On 01/19/2014 at 10:59pm - intimacy - by Goodyear (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML

#21033101
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50824) - you deserved it (7910)

On 01/19/2014 at 6:21pm - intimacy - by Subliminal message (woman) - Switzerland

Today, it was my birthday, so when I woke up, I came downstairs yelling, "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, IS A BIG BOOTY HOE," only to find that my family had thrown me a surprise party. All my grandparents were at the bottom of the stairs. FML

#21025933
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31833) - you deserved it (39518)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:40pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

#21023934
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46470) - you deserved it (8740)

On 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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