The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

Classic mistake

By Anonymous - 21/08/2021 02:01

Today, I waved at my crush, but he waved at someone behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 123

Safety first

By Anonymous - 24/12/2021 08:01 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, two days before Christmas, my pyromaniac family brought out the Christmas Bad Idea. It's a delicately-carved tower that spins. The spin power is provided by about twelve lit candles. The entire thing is made of wood. It's raining to the point of flooding outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 192

The smells of summer

By Anonymous - 02/09/2021 08:01

Today, I was sitting in the garden with a book, enjoying the fragrant summer breeze. That fragrance changed somewhat once my kittens discovered that the big mole hill next to me made an excellent toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 169

Towards the light

By Sure grandma, let's get you to bed - 15/10/2022 14:00 - United States

Today, my grandma miraculously survived a bout with pneumonia. She keeps saying, 'The Lord spoke to her' while she was comatose. While comatose, she had to be physically restrained because she would unconsciously mess with the medical equipment, and when she woke up, she was completely delirious. Yeah, no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 152

Who's the boss?

By m…… - 26/05/2023 12:00

Today, one of my managers explained to me, very slowly and loudly, what a pallet jack is for. I've been at the warehouse for 6 months now and was actively using a pallet jack at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 109

Mom of the year

By Bianca - 19/02/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, my car’s at the mechanic's so I called my mom and asked her to come pick me up from class, since it ends at 9pm and I was scared to walk home at night. She told me, “Oh honey, you have nothing to worry about, you’re too fat to get raped, plus you need the exercise.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 212

Anger management

By Anonymous - 22/12/2021 05:01

Today, my husband started screaming at me about how I’d lost the mop, so he couldn’t mop the kitchen, and how the mess in the house is my fault since I got fired before Covid and "sit all day doing nothing" when I could be cleaning. Because job hunting during Covid is totally doing nothing all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 1 160

Ultimatum

By Moving out tomorrow smh - 12/02/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I gave my boyfriend an ultimatum: me, the girl who’s been there through thick and thin for the past 2 years, supported him through his unemployment and death of his father, and who cooks and cleans for him every day, or the girl coworker who he’s been emotionally cheating on me with. Guess who he chose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 217

Thanks for the support

By Anonymous - 04/04/2021 23:00 - United States - Elmwood Park

Today, I told my dad I’m applying for a big pageant and I’ll find out tomorrow if I’m chosen to compete. I told him that there's a registration fee and a sponsorship fee. I then said that I might not be picked, but he assured me that I would… because they want the money from the fees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 301

In New York, concrete jungle wet dream tomato

By Anonymous - 18/02/2023 02:00

Today, my brain seemingly went on vacation and I forgot the lyrics to a song I was performing in front of a live audience, so I ended up ad-libbing a bunch of garbage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 305

Unhinged

By Anonymous - 29/04/2023 12:00

Today, I recently participated in a play and my mom asked for the video, so I said that someone should be sending it soon. My dad said, "It's OK, she doesn't have friends, she hasn't had one since childhood, that's why she doesn't have the video." I do in fact have friends, and the video had been sent already but I forgot to check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 130

Yummy

By Anonymous - 05/05/2021 11:01

Today, I got an unexpected freebie for breakfast: I took my coffee and a plate of food up to my room. By the time I got there, some fairy had topped the food with a generous serving of animal hair. Gee, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 210

Careless and carefree

By Anonymous - 12/08/2022 06:00 - Romania

Today, when I crossed the street, I almost died because of a careless driver, but when I crossed it again on my way back, I got hit by a bicycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 307

There's no such thing as a coincidence

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 11:00 - Germany - Dornum

Today, I created a shared album with over a 1000 pictures and videos from a romantic vacation with my girlfriend of 3 months. Later, I got an angry text from my ex. It seems I accidentally added everything to a shared work-related album with my ex, which I didn't realise I had. My ex thinks I did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 582

FML Approved, Video #1

By Louis - 14/03/2017 10:30

"And she's riiiiiding a ski lift… to heeeeeaven."

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 152

Content warning

By Anonymous - 08/12/2023 00:00 - Germany

Today, I was working from home and had an important meeting with my superiors. It was fine until my sleepy wife came in and asked if I could find a better time for calls. I didn't notice her right away and failed to disable my camera. She was fully naked, and I received an email about inappropriate behaviour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 188

Rivalry

By todd - 01/02/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend got fired from her job for arguing with her female coworker. I found out from a mutual friend that the reason they were arguing was because they were fighting over "a hot male coworker" who hooked up with the female coworker. I think I need to leave her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 119

Doug E. Not So Fresh

By Anonymous - 28/10/2021 20:00 - India - Jamshedpur

Today, I was trying to learn beatboxing. As soon as I started trying it out, my grandmother started slapping my back, and mom came in running with a glass of water. Both of them thought I was choking to death. I can't beatbox to save my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 582

Don't back down, double down

By Anonymous - 25/05/2023 06:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, and my heart is shattered to pieces. The worst part is we are supposed to go on vacation together in a week, and neither of us is backing out, or giving the other the room, so it looks like we’ll be staying together on vacation for 11 days straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 270

Needs

By Short end of the stick - 18/06/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, my long-distance boyfriend announced he’s sleeping with someone else and he can’t take the distance anymore. I literally drive 12 hours to see him every weekend. I just took a week off to spend time up there with him. So basically he can’t go 5 regular days of the week without sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 187

NEXT!

By Anonymous - 14/07/2024 22:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because I got a haircut without asking for his permission first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 134

Morning conversation

By Anonymous - 15/03/2021 08:01

Today, I went into the bathroom only to discover my dad on the pot. “Oh, sorry”, I say and turn to leave. His reply, “Oh I don’t mind. Just having a shit here.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 203

Check that expiration date man, it's later than you think

By Anonymous - 17/05/2021 17:01 - Chile - Santiago

Today, I found out that I might not get a job in the States, because I let my certification expire and haven't driven in the States in two years. I can't get the experience without a job, can't get a job without experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 350

We meet again

By Anonymous - 09/10/2023 07:30 - Germany

Today, it’s been 5 months since I can’t walk properly, 3 months that I’ve been waiting for a doctor’s appointment, and 1 day since I found out that the "top specialist" was in fact the same doofus who couldn’t help me with the same issue years ago. He was out of his depth as soon as nothing conclusive showed on the X-ray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 108

I did warn you…

By Anonymous - 28/08/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, my mom came to me, hysterically crying that her boyfriend had hit and choked her. I’d feel bad for her except he’s my ex who also beat me, yet when I turned to my mother for help she decided to take him in instead and get pregnant with his kid. What goes around comes around bitch! FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 95

Escapism

By ChemoInReno - 25/06/2024 20:00 - Australia - Point Piper

Today, I am still recovering after my second round of chemotherapy. You’d think I’d be able to rest instead of making lunch and dinner for our kids, and cleaning the house. But no, my wife says that would mess up her day. Which is centred around an 8-hour M*A*S*H marathon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 111

So far…

By sutz22 - 22/08/2023 00:02 - Italy

Today, marks the day I break up with my boyfriend after being cheated on for years, and getting a few STIs from him. It's also the year my mum died, and so did my dog, just 20 days apart. 2023 has not been my year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 146

Prosopagnosia

By jiji - 19/07/2022 06:00

Today, I called my coworker by the name of another coworker, and now he won’t speak to me. They’re both bald and roughly the same weight and height, so it’s not like I can easily tell them apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 468

How very dare you?

By Oh Lawd He Comin - 05/08/2022 16:00 - United States

Today, I got tired of my cat trying to open the bag that contains his food when he literally has food in his bowl, so I put the bag on a high shelf he can't reach. Since then, he's been giving me all sorts of dirty looks whenever we're in the same room, to try and make me feel bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 299

Chop chop

By shaz - 27/04/2023 10:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend by cooking dinner. As I was chopping onions, I cut my finger and started bleeding everywhere. She walked in, saw the blood on the onions, and almost passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 134

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The Top

Today, my new girlfriend gave me head for the first time. It was so good, I swear she sucked my soul into another dimension! I was snapped back to earth by the thought that no one sucks that good without years and years of practice. Now I can’t stop thinking about all the other dicks she’s sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 1 907

Today, right now, for some reason my dad is sat in the living room masturbating. In our house you have to go through the living room to reach the front door, as there's no access to the front of the house if I go out the back to the garden. It’s been a while. If he doesn’t hurry up I’ll be late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 111

Random

Today, I had a stranger scream at me that I was a whore and I was trying to steal her boyfriend. She then said my full name, stating my previous hair colour, my recent activities and that her boyfriend had been my year nine dance partner. I officially have a stalker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 744

You deserved it 3 693

Today, my 4-year-old son is distraught. This morning we saw a man, dressed as Santa, passed out drunk on a public bench. My son is now convinced that it was his corpse, and that Santa Claus is dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 453

You deserved it 1 972

Today, I was laying naked, face down across our bed when I asked my husband to crack my back. He quickly replied with, "Holy! I never realized that your ass hairs were so long before." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 435

You deserved it 1 669

Today, it was one of those days when my housemates thinks they can bug me every five minutes when I'm trying to work from home. Doing this or talking about that, wrecking my train of thought on complicated work until it's a railyard of disaster. Is it five o'clock yet? FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 127

Today, I told my girlfriend that my ex is pregnant, but not to worry because it’s not mine. That’s how I inadvertently told her I’ve been cheating on her with my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 1 401

Today, at a wedding reception, on a crowded dance floor, it was a perfect opportunity for a candid photo. I took one step back without looking and bumped straight into the cake table, then watched in slow motion as the entire cake tipped and slid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 446