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By pain in my gums - 27/02/2017 16:00 - Canada - St. John's

Today, I went to the dentist to get my wisdom teeth removed. The surgeon took a better X-ray to see what he was dealing with before he got started. When he came back into the room, he started to laugh and told me it was my lucky day because in the X-rays he found 2 big extra wisdom teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 985

You deserved it 398

By TalkDirtyToMe - 10/10/2014 19:33 - New Zealand

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk dirty to my boyfriend, after he promised not to laugh at me. All seemed well, until I heard laughter. It wasn't him, though; it was his family listening from the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 150

You deserved it 7 496

Bobs and vagene!!

By fuck - 13/07/2013 17:22 - United Kingdom - Farnham

Today, I was browsing porn in my room, when my dad barged in. I quickly switched to another tab, only to see it was parked on another porn page. I had another browser window open, so I switched to that. More porn. My dad said, "Riiiggghhhttt... You need help, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 516

You deserved it 59 976

By xRyu - 09/10/2014 00:30 - United States - Denver

Today, I found out via a voicemail from my boss that my hours are being cut. He said, "They said I can't fire you, so you'll only be getting 20 hours a week. Starting today." Who'd they give my other 20 hours to? The one person that calls off sick almost daily and is never on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 251

You deserved it 2 850

Misconstrued

By DeeGirlMon - 03/08/2012 05:24 - Canada - Calgary

Today, the coworker I've had a crush on for the past few months asked me if I was busy Friday night. I was so excited, I immediately replied, "I thought you'd never ask!" He gave me a funny look and said, "Good, because I need you to take my shift." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 678

You deserved it 6 075

Not taking it well

By runsinthefamily - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Aurora

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 046

You deserved it 4 651

By sy123 - 29/07/2012 23:34 - United States - Frankfort

Today, I had an ovarian cyst rupture at work, causing sudden severe stomach cramps; this caused my bowels to release everything right then and there, while on the phone with a customer, in the middle of the call center surrounded by 200 other sales reps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 502

You deserved it 1 871

By dfkjhregoiuberiug - 09/12/2009 09:20 - United States

Today, I woke up in my best guy friend's bed to the sound of him jerking off. As I laid there motionless with my back to him, he reached around me to grab a tissue. I don't think I can ever speak to him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 085

You deserved it 4 871

By Abbynyc - 28/09/2014 11:40 - United States - Bay Shore

Today, while running an event, my belt loop got caught in those metal whorls that outdoor chairs have. I couldn't get it undone and had to greet guests by standing up and bringing the chair with me, hanging from my ass. My coworker finally had to cut the belt loop to set me free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 691

You deserved it 4 178

By buttuglyforeveralone :( - 05/07/2013 21:37 - United Kingdom - Treharris

Today, my step-dad tried to talk me into getting plastic surgery. His reasoning: "Let's face it, 28 and single? Look, I know your mum gave you shitty genes, but that's no excuse to avoid fixing your face, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 617

You deserved it 3 517

What the hell, guys?

By disgruntled - 26/03/2019 18:00

Today, I was passed over for a team lead role at work which went to my older male coworker instead. He repeatedly said that he only wanted the position for the money and didn’t care about leading. When I asked why he was offered the role over me, they said he had more leadership experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 044

You deserved it 283

Hogwatch

By McEffedUp - 22/02/2022 18:00

Today, while I was working at McDonald’s, a customer ordered the Shamrock Shake. I told him that due to supply chain issues, it was sold out. He threw a tantrum, then blamed all of us for, “Putting Sleepy Joe in office.” He stormed out, yelling, “Let’s go Brandon.” I don’t get paid enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 245

Bad trip

By MrGullible - 17/04/2019 00:00

Today, I found out that not only did I pay for my wife to travel overseas to see her brother but to bang some guy half her age as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 452

You deserved it 206

By tapeissticky591 - 14/07/2012 05:49 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 915

You deserved it 36 544

By Anonymous - 05/11/2010 09:19 - Australia

Today, after moving house, changing my number, my email, and beginning legal action to get away from a girl who was stalking me, I decided to go to the movies to relax. As soon as I got in my seat, that same girl walked into the nearly empty theatre. She sat next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 797

You deserved it 3 181

Traditions suck

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 08:01

Today, I found out the girl who ghosted me a month ago is engaged. Not only is she engaged, but she is in an arranged marriage. And not only is she going to be married, but she still has feelings for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 127

Proud Papa moment

By Anonymous - 19/11/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter turned up at my house because her boyfriend kicked her out. I rang him and it turns out his love and affection and even the time he spent getting to know her kids wasn’t enough for her, my daughter just had to throw it all away by sucking her coworker's dick in her boyfriend's bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 676

You deserved it 159

By jo1429 - 31/10/2010 21:27 - United States

Today, I got into a car accident. While getting my things out of the car to bring into the tow truck, I noticed the handcuffs from my Halloween costume were still in the trunk. The tow truck driver noticed before I did, because he smiled, winked, and asked if I needed any more help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 583

You deserved it 5 381

By Anonymous - 13/05/2019 22:00

Today, I drove my truck into the garage for a couple of minor repairs. It was returned on a flatbed with a blown engine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 862

You deserved it 115

Now we know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall

By Anonymous - 16/05/2019 20:25

Today, it appears that I spent three years of my life studying for a degree to find myself driving around looking for potholes. That's literally my job. I didn't even study roading, my civil engineering degree is in designing structures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 776

You deserved it 272

That shit adds up

By melikeyturtles - 03/07/2012 15:08 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out my home health patient purposely drinks tons of prune juice every night so I will have a huge mess to clean up in the morning because I'm "a lazy bastard" and I "need to work harder." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 225

You deserved it 2 836

By shitless88 - 20/08/2011 00:23 - United States

Today, I'm sitting in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 882

You deserved it 4 273

By Anon - 10/05/2009 12:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up really early before my mom so I could make pancakes for Mother's Day. I placed everything on a tray and even picked a flower, had a card for her and took it to her bedroom. She said, "You shouldn't have, pancakes are fattening." She took one bite and fed the rest to the dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 322

You deserved it 4 254

Going swimmingly

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 11:03 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I was excited to go to swim after a long time of not doing so because of Covid restrictions. After changing into my trunks and putting my goggles on, I jumped into the pool straight away, while still wearing my mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 687

By buhknee - 25/11/2009 00:08 - United States

Today, I realized that our generation will be remembered as the kids who liked sparkly vampires. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 546

You deserved it 13 519

By rs - 30/06/2012 18:36 - Egypt

Today, after watching Hulk with my friends, we spent a good half hour discussing exactly how enlarged Bruce Banner's package would be in his Hulk state. I couldn't hide my excitement, and now my friends won't stop teasing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 540

You deserved it 25 410

By Username - 11/08/2011 23:38 - United States

Today, after coming back from deployment, I found a homeless guy had broken into my house and made it his home for the last 5 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 211

You deserved it 2 729

Treat yourself

By Reggie - 12/05/2017 12:00

Today, it was the first sunny spring day that I had off from work. I spent the morning making a picnic lunch and took my girlfriend to a beautiful spot overlooking the lake. I did not count on a bird flying by with perfect poop aim as soon as we spread out the food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 702

You deserved it 242

By wolfwhowanders - 11/12/2016 18:18 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, my $1300 mattress that I bought for my new home was delivered. To my old house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 438

You deserved it 1 656

How about no?

By pocketrocket90 - 08/08/2014 06:05 - Australia - Capalaba

Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her." The conversation ended with me getting hung up on, because I "don't have a heart." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 536

You deserved it 5 357

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The Top

Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 209

You deserved it 4 128

Today, I'm a host at a restaurant. We had a birthday party for a couple of 15 year old boys and their friends. I went to clean the bathroom at the end of my shift and discovered cake everywhere, including all over the urinal. They were even nice enough to draw a smiley on the mirror with icing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 336

You deserved it 2 470

Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed to be quite the gentleman. I was proven wrong when he told me to "shut it" during dinner, stiffed me on the bill, and then left me at the restaurant so he could get his own taxi home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 920

You deserved it 5 117

Today, my mom told me she can't wait for me to turn eighteen so she can turn my room into a place for her to display all her antique glass dolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 593

You deserved it 2 525

Today, at a family gathering, my aunt asked me when I was planning to have children. I'm only 16, I laughed and said not for a while, definitely not until I get married. My family shook their heads, and ignored me for the rest of the day. Apparently, teenage pregnancy is valued in my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 245

You deserved it 3 285

Today, I was admonished by a supermarket cashier because my mask had slipped below my nose. So had hers, actually. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 394