The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By moon_paw - 28/11/2009 16:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that I am dating a 25 year-old man-child. He turns 13 whenever he sees my boobs, complete with big eyes and saying "honk honk" whenever he touches them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 093

You deserved it 10 646

By yeahno - 31/10/2010 16:10 - United States

Today, I wore my high school letterman jacket while I was out shopping. A man saw me and muttered to his wife about how sad it is some adults can't grow up and continue to wear their high school paraphernalia, constantly trying to relive their senior year. I am a senior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 846

You deserved it 3 018

By Anonymous - 13/05/2019 22:00

Today, I drove my truck into the garage for a couple of minor repairs. It was returned on a flatbed with a blown engine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 858

You deserved it 114

By lala7 - 20/08/2011 23:02 - United States

Today, my brother told the family that if you pull on the dog's back foot then she always obeys. I later found my mom tugging on the dog's foot, while whispering, "Jump off a cliff" repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 147

You deserved it 2 577

Bigmouth

By XxespoxX - 11/05/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, my dad took me to a Yankees game at the new Yankee Stadium. During the 5th inning the camera crew put a man on the big screen. I yelled out, "Look at that ugly asshole!" It was the guy sitting 4 seats to the left of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 054

You deserved it 102 221

Now we know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall

By Anonymous - 16/05/2019 20:25

Today, it appears that I spent three years of my life studying for a degree to find myself driving around looking for potholes. That's literally my job. I didn't even study roading, my civil engineering degree is in designing structures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 775

You deserved it 271

Going swimmingly

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 18:03 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I was excited to go to swim after a long time of not doing so because of Covid restrictions. After changing into my trunks and putting my goggles on, I jumped into the pool straight away, while still wearing my mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 687

Balls!

By BigmouthStrikesAgain - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, after a tennis lesson, the coach was picking up the stray tennis balls around the court. Trying to be helpful, I asked him, "Do you want me to grab your ball bag?" His eyeballs almost burst out of their sockets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 453

You deserved it 8 447

Are you new?

By Anonymous - 28/06/2012 02:28 - United States - Lakewood

Today, while walking around the local thrift store, I noticed an attractive guy watching me and following me through the aisles. As he followed me to my car I was sure I would get his number. He then asks me to bring my purse inside as I had been tagged as a shoplifter. I work at the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 794

You deserved it 2 540

By Anonymous - 08/06/2013 19:01 - Australia - Perth

Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 654

You deserved it 9 539

Treat yourself

By Reggie - 12/05/2017 12:00

Today, it was the first sunny spring day that I had off from work. I spent the morning making a picnic lunch and took my girlfriend to a beautiful spot overlooking the lake. I did not count on a bird flying by with perfect poop aim as soon as we spread out the food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 698

You deserved it 241

By wolfwhowanders - 11/12/2016 18:18 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, my $1300 mattress that I bought for my new home was delivered. To my old house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 436

You deserved it 1 655

How about no?

By pocketrocket90 - 08/08/2014 06:05 - Australia - Capalaba

Spicy

Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her." The conversation ended with me getting hung up on, because I "don't have a heart." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 517

You deserved it 5 356

By really though? - 03/08/2014 22:02 - United States - Dover

Today, I was taking an order for a patron at the casino. The policy is to "pay first." After explaining this to him, he still refused to pay. After years of being polite, I finally cracked and said, "You are making this really f-ing difficult". This particular patron was our CEO's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 851

You deserved it 14 175

Simple solution

By lacieQ - 01/08/2014 20:09 - Canada

Today, I confided to my grandma that I'm suffering from depression and I feel like a burden to everyone. She replied that her grandpa used to suffer from depression too, but that he'd cured himself in the end, namely by committing suicide. Thanks, grandma, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 145

You deserved it 4 238

By sopissed - 13/06/2012 18:13 - United States - Laurel

Today, I went to take my driver's test, and I did almost everything perfectly. The last thing was to back into a driveway. As I went to put my hand on the passenger seat to look over my shoulder, I got so nervous that I hit my instructor in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 692

You deserved it 3 638

By Catlover234 - 02/10/2015 19:08 - United States - Madison

Today, I was mistaken for a prostitute after I got into the front seat of an elderly man's car. The man was my grandfather, and he was taking me to a doctor's appointment, since I wasn't going to be allowed to drive home after it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 964

You deserved it 2 165

Catlover234 tells us more.

Catlover234 4

Saturday 3 October 2015 7:20

Hi, OP here, I created an account to better explain what happened. This actually happened a few months ago. I was at the beach with some friends and didn't have the time to change out of my swimsuit when my grandpa showed up. We only took one car and the beach wasn't very far away from my grandparent's house, so my grandpa agreed to pick me up from the beach and take to my eye doctor appointment. I couldn't drive home because I was getting drops in my eyes. Some very loud girls in their late teens/early twenties saw me get in the passenger seat, pointed at me and said "She's a hooker!" loud enough for me to hear. My grandpa's hard of hearing, so he didn't hear it. I was dressed in my swimsuit like pretty much everyone else on the beach. Everything else was in my beach bag.

By kat101 - 04/10/2010 22:11 - United States

Today, my varsity swim team got second place in the State meet. My coach said I could bring the trophy home for the weekend. On the way home, I accidentally sat on it and broke it, cutting my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 356

You deserved it 36 116

By JohnFarrell - 24/04/2009 17:20 - United States

Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 530

You deserved it 66 064

By Briscuit - 01/06/2012 21:05 - Canada - New Westminster

Today, I went to the hospital for stomach pains, and was told that it sounds like I have an ovarian cyst. My mom went into a rage, screaming that I'd lied to her about being a virgin. Despite the doctor explaining that sexual activity has nothing to do with it, she refuses to believe him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 281

You deserved it 2 010

Briscuit tells us more.

Briscuit 24

Saturday 2 June 2012 6:54

2- My mother did eventually understand you can get it while still being a virgin. She thought the doctor was covering for me so I wouldn't have to tell her I was sexually active. When we got home we looked up articles and I proved it to her. Either way, I'm still going to be in a crap load of pain when these puppies burst if they decide not to remove them...

Bad timing

By kellym - 22/04/2009 03:24 - Canada

Today, I called my husband and he told me that he was going to invite his friend Jeff over that night. I told him I would prefer that he didn't come over. He took it to mean that I wanted to spend time with him and came home with flowers. Then had to tell him I was leaving him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 634

You deserved it 158 185

LEAVE US ALONE

By Crowded House - 12/07/2019 12:28

Today, my newborn son is only four days-old. My in-laws have been over five times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 812

You deserved it 287

Ghost town

By TheL1nds - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia - Kingswood

Today, I checked my fake Facebook account for the first time in ages and realized that the "fake me" got more birthday greetings than the "real me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 617

You deserved it 28 430

Bye bye loser

By Anonymous - 25/09/2010 02:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 036

You deserved it 5 030

Smooth sailing

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Puerto Rico

Today, I was messing around in computer class when somebody called my name from the hall. Trying to be smooth, I tried rolling my chair backwards out into the hall. The wheels wasted no time jamming and sending me crashing face-first into the floor in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 336

You deserved it 27 459

Was?

By themildthings - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Germany

Today, whilst working as a language assistant in Germany as part of my degree, some 9 year-old German kids asked me to please speak English to them because my German was so shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 870

You deserved it 24 472

Not joking

By sharibaby - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, it's my wedding day. I have a cold sore that makes me look like The Joker. Make-up won't cover it and the emergency medicine my doctor gave me only irritates it more. My future husband asks, "Why so serious?" and laughs whenever he sees me. Fantastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 247

You deserved it 4 174

By Laura - 17/09/2010 00:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of three years decided it was finally time to have sex. After we did, he told me that he was sleeping with another girl. He wanted to have sex with me to see who was better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 835

You deserved it 6 238

By RiceCrispyTreats - 01/09/2015 16:46 - United States - Pelham

Today, I left my phone outside on the grass while I went inside to get a drink. I didn't expect my dad to run over it with the lawn mower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 869

You deserved it 28 401

By Anonymous - 15/06/2014 18:01 - United States - Corona

Today, my brother got pantsed by his idiot friends. It was a surprise to everyone that he was wearing women's underwear at the time, but even more of a surprise for me that the underwear belonged to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 065

You deserved it 4 687

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, as always, my mom slams every door she closes. I faint when I hear loud sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 197

Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 252

You deserved it 10 357

Today, I got written up for asking my coworker a question that I should have asked my boss to ask my coworker. Yay bureaucracy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 789

You deserved it 4 144

Today, at work, I came back from my break to find a child covered in mud. Turns out it wasn't mud. One of the other children had taken all of the poop out of their diaper and smeared it all over the floor, walls, and other children. The other teacher hadn't noticed, and I had to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 153

You deserved it 151

Today, my dad invited me to a bar that turned out to be a brothel, because “it’s pathetic that I’m still a virgin and it’s past time I just get it over with.” I’m not a virgin, I’ve just never been with a woman because I’m gay and still haven’t told my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 203

Today, I was yelled at by a customer, who was upset over having waited twenty minutes for a waiter to come take her order. Maybe it would be understandable, if she was sitting in an actual restaurant, and not a serve-yourself coffee house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 413

You deserved it 1 629