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Rules are rules

By Anonymous - 24/03/2020 08:00

Today, as I was leaving a night shift at McDonald’s, a woman wanted to use the toilets. I explained our doors didn’t open until 7 a.m. now due to COVID-19. She wouldn’t take no for an answer and as I went to walk off, I got a swift knee in the nuts for my troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 827

You deserved it 174

By Z3R0G5 - 06/01/2014 23:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my dog found out how to turn my Xbox off. So whenever he wants attention, guess what he does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 201

You deserved it 19 270

Going well

By shiney100893 - 14/01/2013 12:56 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was at a party with my crush. The collar on his shirt was sticking up so I fixed it for him. He gave me a hug and said, "Aww you're so good to me. You're like my mother. You can be my college mother." I got mother-zoned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 500

You deserved it 6 237

By thanks.... - 03/01/2014 21:04 - United States

Today, I woke up to every window in my house packed with snow. It was so bad that I thought I'd been snowed-in, and I started freaking out. It took two hours and multiple phone calls before I found out that my neighbor had taken our prank war too seriously and staged the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 216

You deserved it 13 447

Classic

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 00:00

Today, my wife woke me up, saying her husband was home and that I needed to escape before he caught me. I was still struggling with the window when I remembered I’m her husband and she was laughing, filming my half-asleep ass trying to escape from being caught by myself cheating with my own wife. Duh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 1 500

Discontent

By cmore - 11/03/2010 01:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked complaining for 15 minutes about how our sex sucked. Then he demanded that I dress him, because "it's my fault his clothes were off in the first place". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 229

You deserved it 5 672

By UniverseHatesMe - 26/05/2016 10:04 - United States - Cuyahoga Falls

Today, my neighbor kindly set off a bed bug fogger rather than getting an exterminator, which we'd even offered to help him pay for. We have baseboard heating in our condo building. Guess where the parasites crawled to now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 004

You deserved it 853

By Anonymous - 31/01/2012 05:16 - United States

Today, my little brother went through all the artistic anatomy reference books and colored in all the nipples and penises with a bright pink sharpie. These books were from the library. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 737

You deserved it 3 047

By Anonymous - 21/08/2009 04:01 - United States

Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 832

You deserved it 3 913

By aireeahna - 20/05/2016 06:04 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've been talking to. We ended up at his house around 4 a.m., but as we walked through the front door, his ex-girlfriend was sitting on the couch, apparently waiting for him to get home. They still live together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 167

You deserved it 1 104

By Anonymous - 01/01/2013 06:12 - United States - Amelia

Today, my brother thought New Year's would be more epic and memorable if the fireworks were set off in the family room and not outside. It is memorable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 62

By lifedownthegutter - 18/05/2016 18:21 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, the lawn I've been devoting all my efforts to saving from a nasty grub infestation isn't going to make it, but apparently the grass I noticed growing in my gutters is doing just fine. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 11 238

You deserved it 936

Drunken mess

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 17:18 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my ex-boyfriend of over four years ago decided to turn up outside my house at 1 a.m., drunk off his ass, to confess his love for me. When I told him I'd moved on and am happily engaged, he cried on the grass for an hour, then tried to steal my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 211

You deserved it 4 515

By all by myself - 25/12/2012 05:00 - United States - Alaska Peninsula Nwr

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I felt down, so I laid in bed and told my parents I needed some alone time. A couple of minutes later, one of them started blasting "All by Myself" so loud that I felt the floorboards vibrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 007

You deserved it 4 347

What the…

By bunny - 16/08/2009 13:58 - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 381

You deserved it 5 013

Lava lamp

By Kathleen Verhaegen - 30/04/2020 20:00

Today, I'm so pale, my boss asked me whether I light up in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 407

You deserved it 302

By virginmary - 02/03/2010 12:38 - Reserved

Today, I was making out like a sixteen year old at the high school prom with this guy I kinda liked. All of a sudden, he rolls away and tells me he's "finished." We both had our clothes on the entire time. He is 23, I'm 25. I didn't know that was possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 478

You deserved it 3 886

Mr Clean

By Jenn - 18/08/2021 09:59

Today, I discovered my new boyfriend doesn’t have toilet paper. He has a toilet cloth, which he instructed me to rinse off in the toilet after I was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 383

You deserved it 140

I want to smell feet

By Anonymous - 16/08/2021 14:01

Today, my idiot son incinerated his shoes in the oven. They were wet and he wanted to "quick-dry" them, so now the whole house smells terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 168

By Anonymous - 14/01/2012 19:26 - United States

Today, I got into an argument with my wife over how she spends too much time with her gay best friend. Now she says that if I want to ever get intimate with her again, I'll have to let her watch as I give him a striptease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 378

You deserved it 11 304

By AverageDeskJoe - 03/05/2016 20:43 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I met with my boss hoping to hear about a possible raise that had been promised many months ago. He then told me that the only way I would get a raise was if I found a better paying job and took it, and that the company was in no position to offer anyone a raise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 451

You deserved it 1 219

Yeet it

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 390

You deserved it 1 205

Divorced dad energy

By ihatemyex - 23/05/2020 14:00

Today, a woman I’d never met came to my door asking if my kids were ready to go. Obviously I refused to send my kids with a stranger. Apparently she’s my ex's new girlfriend and "has his permission" to come get my kids. Now he’s threatening to take me to court for violating the visitation order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 646

You deserved it 195

By anonymous - 21/02/2010 15:16 - United States

Today, I was checking out a gorgeous woman in spandex with beautiful flowing long black hair on the treadmill at the gym. I spent a few minutes just watching her body move and ripple under the material. She turned off the treadmill and got off, only for me to find out that it was a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 862

You deserved it 45 317

By Bad footwear choice - 09/08/2018 01:30 - Canada - Whitby

Today, both my flip flops broke when I left the pool. Since I was getting on the bus soon, I didn't think it was a big deal, but when it came the driver said that I couldn't get on without shoes and drove off. I walked barefoot for over an hour downtown to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 047

You deserved it 365

uBlock, mate

By Anonymous - 11/09/2021 05:01

Today, my husband has been in a bad mood all week, so I finally demanded to know why. He told me his favourite porn site has suddenly started showing adverts, so now he can’t wank in peace anymore without pop-up ads appearing every 20 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 316

You deserved it 252

Well shit.

By Trist - 09/08/2018 14:30

Today, after moving 1,400 miles across the country, quitting my full-time job, and selling most of my furniture to attend flight school, I got a call a month before my start date saying that they are closing my location. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 362

You deserved it 192

Bye bye clothes

By kmjlevesque - 03/06/2020 02:00

Today, I ran out of moving boxes so I used a few garbage bags to pack up my clothes. My new roommate decided to be helpful by putting those green garbage bags in the dumpster. It was garbage day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 689

You deserved it 356

BIKES!

By _aPerson_ - 22/04/2016 15:58 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I lost the key to my bike lock. I ended up having to cut it off, even though it was brand new. After spending 30 minutes hacking away at it, it finally came off. When I hopped onto my bike, I felt something poking my leg. My key was in my pocket the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 840

You deserved it 20 965

Parental approval

By Brandon - 04/08/2009 02:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called me from her parents' house where she is visiting. They were BBQing outside when out of the blue her childhood friend Adam showed up at the door for the BBQ. She asked her parents why he was there, and her dad replied that he "wants her to know that she has options." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 713

You deserved it 3 011

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The Top

Today, I finally brought a girl home from college. While I was making her some coffee, my roommate came down in her underwear, pretended to be my girlfriend, and asked if we were having a threesome. My date left before I could explain, and my roommate thinks it's fucking hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 152

You deserved it 9 986

Today, I have a massive headache, thanks to my asshat of a roommate, who decided to balance our tea kettle on the top of the kitchen door. When I stumbled into the kitchen, half-awake, it came smashing down onto my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 122

You deserved it 2 050

Today, it’s the anniversary of my mother’s death. My stepmom decided that since I’m not unusually sad or crying, it must mean I didn’t care that my own mom is dead, and am therefore a psychopath. Anniversaries mean nothing to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 110

Today, I'm a church girl. I grew up believing Christ is my savior and He still is, and I could not live peacefully without Him, but then I started falling in love with a girl, which is clearly written in the Bible to be wrong. I don't know what to do because all I ever want is to love this girl completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 496

Today, it's day three of me having unexplained diarrhea that leaves me with such bad gas that it keeps me up at night. Less than a month ago I was complaining to my doctor about having severe chronic constipation. My digestive tract can't seem to make up it's mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 59

Today, as I always do when we get a lot of snow, I shovelled the snow off my elderly neighbor’s driveway. I slipped and fell into a snowbank, breaking my collarbone, and she had to call 911 to help me out because I couldn't snow angel my way up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 72