The Top

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By Ignored - 13/07/2011 06:47 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend can name each and every Pokémon, but can't remember my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 358

You deserved it 9 378

By Anonymous - 16/06/2014 16:33 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, my laziness reached an all-time high. I had a dream that I was at school and had spilled all the contents of my backpack onto the floor. I then purposely shook myself out of my sleep to avoid cleaning up the mess in my dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 719

You deserved it 11 012

By Anonymous - 11/07/2011 07:42 - Australia

Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 617

You deserved it 3 290

Something for nothing

By Anonymous - 05/08/2019 02:02

Today, I pointed out to my manager that I haven’t been paid for my first month's work. They told me my paperwork had been misplaced, so I hadn’t actually been hired yet. So I just worked a full month for free. Oh, and apparently they’re not legally obligated to pay me, so I’m not getting paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 500

You deserved it 193

By Anonymous - 21/04/2013 17:36 - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that taking triple the maximum dosage of painkillers won't actually triple its effects. She rolled her eyes, called me clueless, and said that I should "leave this stuff to the professionals." She's studying to become a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 231

You deserved it 6 457

By Bekah - 04/07/2011 13:24 - United States

Today, I finished reading a book about the treatment of mental patients and decided to use some of the strategies on my dad. We've never gotten along better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 652

You deserved it 4 452

Make your mind up

By Jason Brazil - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, my boss threatened to fire me because I'm unproductive, and haven't been doing anything. He doesn't tell me what to do, and expects me to read his mind. When I ask him what he wants me to do, he gets pissed and says that I should already know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 214

You deserved it 566

By Anonymous - 02/07/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, I found a very large pumpkin super-glued to my car. It will not come off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 878

You deserved it 3 582

By nikaea - 23/05/2014 22:44 - United States - Everett

Today, some girl's mom gave me a load of abuse for endangering her daughter's health. How? By deleting my Facebook account, which caused her to have a serious panic attack. Apparently she thought we were best friends, and that I was ditching her. I'm confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 948

You deserved it 3 566

By Username - 27/06/2011 08:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came before I'd even unbuttoned my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 534

You deserved it 7 775

By Squeezebox - 30/08/2017 16:00 - United States - Missoula

Today, my son ruined our fairly new 60 inch smart TV by giving it a bath with his squirt gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 260

You deserved it 590

By SofiMarti - 24/08/2019 00:02 - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, my mom was named principal of the school I go to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 798

You deserved it 240

By pathetic - 20/08/2010 09:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of a year and I had sex for the first time in several weeks due to relationship problems; I came in less than 10 seconds. We're still having problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 716

You deserved it 29 910

Getting hot in here

By blocked_by_fire - 17/04/2012 18:13 - United States - Pullman

Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 804

You deserved it 4 535

By Inconnu - 18/06/2011 05:13 - France

Today, I was holding my drunken friend's hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party. She said, crying, "Y'don't have to do this..." I told her that that's what friends are for. She replied, "Yeah, but I did sleep with your boyfriend..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 624

You deserved it 3 869

By Anonymous - 22/04/2014 03:00 - United States

Today, after years of marriage and my lazy husband letting himself go, I can now finish a bottle of wine and still be sober. This means I've built immunity to the last thing that can make me want to have sex with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 393

You deserved it 15 568

By ash - 13/06/2011 03:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he is homophobic. This wouldn't be such a big deal, if my mother wasn't a lesbian. He doesn't know this yet, and I'm afraid to tell him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 501

You deserved it 7 044

Just a prank, bro

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 01:59 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my kids found out how to control my Google alarm clock with their phones. While I was gone, they set it to play screamo metal at max volume, then paused it. Sometime after midnight, as I was sleeping, they pressed play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 228

Banger

By fuckyouharddad - 15/04/2014 19:24 - United States - Sacramento

Today, my 12-year-old sister watched Frozen. She's spent the last two hours playing the song Let It Go on high volume, over and over, and in different languages. I now have a skull-splitting headache, and my dad just sarcastically told me to "let it go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 513

You deserved it 6 621

Plumbing issues

By thirddegreeburned - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Monroe

Today, I finally made the connection between people in my apartment building flushing their toilets, and my running shower water becoming scalding hot. This wouldn't be quite as bad if there weren't six floors to the building, with twenty units on each. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 554

You deserved it 2 685

By babylove - 11/04/2014 21:58 - South Africa

Today, I'm in the process of adopting a child. When I called my mom to tell her the news, she just said, "Oh honey, don't adopt, it's the worst decision you'll ever make." I'm adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 210

You deserved it 3 385

Keep your secrets, do your own laundry

By Anonymous - 25/09/2019 22:00 - United Kingdom - Chester

Today, I found out that before my grandma washes my clothes, she smells my underwear to "make sure they're dirty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 577

You deserved it 274

By Fuck irony - 29/10/2017 15:00 - United States - Binghamton

Today, I was volunteering at a soup kitchen and was advised to leave my wallet and cell phone in my car so they wouldn’t be stolen. Someone broke into my car and stole them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 017

You deserved it 513

Crossed purposes

By katiebell - 04/10/2019 12:00

Today, while I was walking home, a homeless man saw me and didn't ask for change, but how much I charged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 455

You deserved it 248

By Needasafe1234 - 25/09/2009 15:24 - United States

Today, it was my mother's birthday. My 5 year old brother and 85 year old grandma decided to decorate the house with balloons and a blow up "people" they found in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 040

You deserved it 46 831

By jailey - 26/07/2016 02:26

Today, my friend decided that we should go clubbing together to "catch up". Her version of catching up is me standing beside her making out with some random dude in the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 667

You deserved it 1 299

Pets 4 life

By Anon - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was so lonely that I was comforted by the sound of mice running through the walls of my apartment. I left cheese and peanut butter out for them to find so that I could at least have a pet for company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 561

You deserved it 10 056

By musicaddict - 10/03/2009 20:42 - United States

Today, the cute boy in my biology class I had been crushing on invited me over to study for a huge test. Once I got to his house, I really had to use the bathroom. I ended ending up taking a huge dump and clogging up his toilet. He had to come plunge it for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 404

You deserved it 24 215

By poop - 08/03/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, I woke up at my grandparents house since my mom was out of town, still half asleep i went to brush my teeth. Mid brush my mouth started getting numb I looked again at the tooth paste I used..turns out it was my grandpa's anti-itch anal cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 094

You deserved it 22 171

You can't explain that

By anonymous - 20/02/2014 05:27 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was doing a science presentation about glucose. There were around 20 judges at the event who could've judged me, but instead I got judged by the only person in the whole entire world who doesn't know what glucose is, and doesn't think it exists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 288

You deserved it 3 410

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The Top

Today, someone brought cake to class. Trying to get some attention from the guy I have a crush on, I asked if he wanted my piece of cake. He accepted it, and then offered it to another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 711

You deserved it 5 033

Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 310

You deserved it 34 600

Today, I was sleeping next to my girlfriend and I turned over to the sound of her talking in her sleep. Because it was so cute, I was happy and I smiled, until she began to talk about "Troy" and "all the nasty things you can do to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 740

You deserved it 2 583

Today, my wife had a dream that I was in the bath with our newborn baby. In the dream, I threw the baby out like a football. She can't get the image out of her head and won't forgive me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 290

You deserved it 98

Today, it might be the day I ask my wife to peg me. Hope it goes well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 1 300

Today, I proudly showed off my new body, after losing 80 pounds. My life-long best friend immediately uninvited me to her upcoming wedding, and won't explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 66