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Nice to see you too

By Anonymous - 19/03/2011 15:43 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was on Facebook, looking at pictures from a party I went to. In most of them, I was sitting on the sofa, my shorts bunched to the side, with half my vajayjay on show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 869

You deserved it 67 423

By Hesjustapuppy - 10/05/2016 12:56 - United States - Kalamazoo

Today, while I have never been able to say my dog ate my homework, I do get to call several people and tell them my dog ate my wallet. He even chewed up my driver's license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 688

You deserved it 1 077

By Vitriol - 15/01/2012 18:14 - France

Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She'd confused me with her clock-radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 639

You deserved it 3 773

hero93 tells us more.

hero93 6

Monday 16 January 2012 4:53

it took me 10 minutes to understand what OP was trying to say. and then when I understood I was like why is this on here ?

Lovely bundles of joy

By Anonymous - 12/01/2012 11:54 - Sweden

Today, I've had chairs thrown at me, kicks have hit me in the nuts and I've heard "I'm gonna fucking kill you, bitch" several times. I work at a kindergarten. And this is a good day compared to what I'm used to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 192

You deserved it 3 864

Quality family time

By Thanksalot - 30/11/2013 05:58 - United States - Edinburg

Spicy

Today, I'm staying with my in-laws. My husband is fighting with his dad, who's fighting with his brother-in-law, who's fighting with his wife. The only ones not fighting are my sister-in-law and her boyfriend, who're getting along great on a squeaky mattress in the room next to mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 598

You deserved it 4 170

Not a history major

By surrounded by dumbfucks - 13/12/2012 23:44 - United States - Carmel

Today, in history class, we were talking about Ancient Rome, and what childbirth would have been like back then. One girl asked in all seriousness why they didn't use ultrasound machines to see what sex their babies were. I have to deal with people like this on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 017

You deserved it 2 160

Kinky

By sandwichsex - 08/08/2009 22:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 218

You deserved it 12 037

Date night

By JulleandCici - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I had dinner on my own. My cat came and sat on the chair on the other side of the table. We stared at each other during the whole meal. Pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 078

You deserved it 5 066

By going to the dentist - 31/07/2018 16:05 - Slovenia - Maribor

Today, I unconsciously clenched my jaw together when I woke up from a nightmare. A part of my tooth broke off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 024

You deserved it 205

By brandogg - 27/04/2016 09:33 - United States - Clovis

Today, I tried to impress a girl I like by sliding down the rails of our school's stairs. My foot got snagged and I ended up with a broken ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 170

You deserved it 15 015

brandogg tells us more.

brandogg 13

Thursday 28 April 2016 12:20

Just so you know, it was a really long and also it spiraled

Overdoing it

By Anonymous - 29/05/2020 08:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to "dirty talk" with him. I'd never done it before, so I figured I would give it a go. I ended up getting so excited that I had an anxiety attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 657

You deserved it 424

Protips

By notagoodsign - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, while watching Animal Planet, I realised my boyfriend uses the Dog Whisperer techniques on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 139

You deserved it 9 533

Cough up

By Nezje - 08/08/2018 18:30

Today, I didn't get my driver's license, even though I didn't make any mistakes because my examiner said it was only my first time taking the exam, so it wouldn't matter if I failed. Now I have to pay another €240 for a second exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 869

You deserved it 182

By nickthetank - 31/12/2011 09:21 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I got circumcised by my girlfriend's braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 012

You deserved it 12 256

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 04:52 - United States

Today, a guy rang my doorbell, yelled "Happy Halloween" and then threw a bunch of leaves that he'd lit on fire at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 014

You deserved it 2 771

By anonymous - 19/02/2011 13:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having the best sex with my husband, and right when I reached climax, he shouted "Abracadabra!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 096

You deserved it 7 407

Tasty

By Emily Salt - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Spicy

Today, whilst nibbling on my husband's ear, I swallowed a lump of his earwax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 028

You deserved it 25 677

By babysonfire - 31/03/2016 21:40 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sounds of fire alarms. Panicked and assuming it was my neighbor's gas furnace that set it off, I nearly broke their baby's bedroom window trying to wake them up. Turns out my roof leaked into the fire alarm, causing an electrical fire. It was my first day here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 878

You deserved it 2 355

babysonfire tells us more.

babysonfire 5

Tuesday 5 April 2016 3:19

OP here. I wanted to add that this all happened at 3AM during a thunderstorm. The neighbors didn't answer their door until the firefighters knocked. The fire didn't start until they were already here, so there was no smoke at first. The storm blew loose shingles off in 1 place- over the alarm.

By NOKHAN - 25/10/2013 17:17 - United States - Durham

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I watched Star Trek Into Darkness together. He liked it so much that he's now chosen to yell "KHAAANNNNN!" as he cums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 141

You deserved it 7 263

Breaking Bad Habits

By FML Videos - 24/08/2018 19:30

Help! I'm stuck!

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 90

By sadinseattle - 22/07/2009 17:13 - United States

Today, I was driving on the freeway when I get a call from my friend explaining that our two best friends died in a car accident. I pulled over in hysterics and a cop came to see what was wrong. I explained what happened and he gave me a ticket for talking on the phone while driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 364

You deserved it 17 548

Air filters

By David - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Seattle

Today, my mother-in-law moved in because she has a hip problem. I don't know what's worse, her constant complaining and slob like tendencies, or the eight cats she brought along with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 449

You deserved it 2 226

By lucas90 - 04/02/2015 21:42 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, my fiancée told me about her new diet. Apparently, she is only going to drink water and tan in a tanning bed so she can photosynthesise. She thinks this will help her lose weight, since she doesn't have to eat anything. I'm dating a dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 252

You deserved it 7 298

lucas90 tells us more.

lucas90 2

Sunday 8 February 2015 1:55

Hey, I'm the OP! In all fairness, she and her friends were wasted, and I was the designated driver. She didn't remember any of this the next day, and actually found it quite funny. She's not dumb. Sorry to dissapoint you. And to the people that pointed out my typo - yes I'm MARRYING a her. English isn't my first language and I was exhausted when I wrote this. :)

By Misunderstood Waitress - 06/11/2012 22:37 - United States

Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 747

You deserved it 49 873

Phantom shitter

By eirbear - 14/09/2018 18:30

Today, someone had explosive diarrhea in my bathroom at work and didn't clean it up. I'm the only woman in the office and I have only one toilet with no window or fan, so I have to leave the door open to air it out. It's right beside the canteen. Everyone will think it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 953

You deserved it 149

Extreme cooking

By oldmold - 23/07/2020 17:01

Today, my husband and I got into a huge argument. He called me wasteful for throwing out old food. He insisted that you can simply pick the mold off and the food was perfectly fine. He’s going to kill our kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 752

You deserved it 248

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 23:31 - United States - Iowa City

Spicy

Today, in the middle of sex with my boyfriend, my visiting brother knocked on the door saying he'd want to hear the details later. My boyfriend said, "Sure", and kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 749

You deserved it 4 168

By unknown52 - 02/12/2011 02:02 - Netherlands

Today, after three days of getting stared at by my neighbour from the window, I realized that she wasn't alive anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 835

You deserved it 3 777

By virgo - 30/01/2010 06:50 - France

Spicy

Today, I had to lie to my therapist about my sex life to make myself feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 262

You deserved it 6 588

Jeez, chill out dude

By Anonymous - 22/01/2023 17:30 - Australia - Peakhurst

Today, my wife is still angry with me, 11 years later, for not allowing her to give our son her surname. Damn you, your surname is your ex-husband's name. You never changed it back. How on Earth is it acceptable for my child to carry your ex's surname? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 213

You deserved it 166

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, while my best friend's dad was dying, I raced to get her brother who I had never met. I had no idea how to make him feel better so I gave him a plastic glow-in-the-dark duck. I gave a grown man a trinket to try to make him feel better about his father dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 156

Today, my husband is a normal man in his thirties with a receding hairline and a dad bod. So why am I insanely attracted to him and just want to always have sex with him or do things to him? I can't stop myself. I just turn on when I see him and start sucking his cock. He can't keep up and hates it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 182

Today, after having had a sore throat all day, I finally decided to have a throat lozenge on the bus. It was nice and soothing, until the bus sharply turned a corner and I started coughing and choking on it violently like a cat with a furball. My throat now feels like Satan pissed nails down it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 107

Today, at 16 years-old, I got "the talk" from Dad. He began with, "I don’t really need to give you the talk do I? It would just be awkward for us both." I agreed with him, and we drove home in silence. Thanks for avoiding the awkwardness, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 393

You deserved it 390

Today, it’s my second week at work. I received a phone call from corporate HQ that they wanted to make our monitors wireless, so they wanted me to cut the red wire from the main monitors. I did so, and my boss walks in, furious. Turns out it was a set up to see if I’m “that gullible.” Yes, I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 1 521

Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 720

You deserved it 9 391