The Top

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Elaborate

By ehxtraordinarily pissed - 13/12/2014 18:36 - United States - Coweta

Today, my Canadian friend is staying a few days at my parents' house. I drove him from the airport, only to find my idiot dad had decked the spare room out with maple syrup bottles. He keeps saying "Eh" all the time and asked "What's he so upset aboot?" when my friend was offended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 056

You deserved it 3 393

By MemoKrosav - 30/01/2016 03:54 - Mexico - Matamoros

Today, I had the most uncomfortable feeling in my socks, but I didn't care to check. It wasn't until I got home that I realized that the feeling was a small thin piece of glass that was slowly cutting away at the bottom of my foot. I still don't know how it got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 313

You deserved it 4 562

By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 05:41 - United States - Spring

Today, my boss got mad at me because I told her that I wouldn't be able to work two days out of the week, due to college classes. She then cut back my hours so much that I now only work one day a week. I got the job in the first place to pay for my college classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 312

You deserved it 1 640

By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 03:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, I put a sock on my dorm room door to get everyone to think I was getting laid. In truth, I'm a virgin and just wanted to take a peaceful nap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 306

You deserved it 8 614

The Nerf of some people

By Anonymous - 27/11/2018 13:30

Today, I took my son to festival at a local church. He had a Nerf gun as part of his costume, but when I set it down to put something in my bag, someone walked off with it. We can't even go to a church function without running into thieves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 677

You deserved it 300

Lesson: Always have insurance and a dashcam!

By Anonymous - 29/11/2018 22:00

Today, I got into an accident and my bike broke. My insurance expired 5 days ago and the accident wasn't even my fault. The lady was on the phone and on the wrong side of the road. She's threatening to sue me even though her car is in better condition. There are no witnesses and no cameras either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 035

You deserved it 671

Spooked

By void bowels() { cry(); } - 26/11/2014 20:45 - United Kingdom - Caerphilly

Today, I came home late from work. As I got out of my car, I noticed a child-shaped silhouette in my bedroom window. I almost shat myself, since I live alone. I searched the whole house, sobbing in fear, only to find no trace of whatever or whoever I'd seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 992

You deserved it 3 693

By fsfs - 17/08/2013 16:27 - Germany - Kiel

Today, I went downstairs a little after midnight to grab a snack, and in the dark hallway, I clearly saw a small child walk into the kitchen. I was freaked out, but I followed him in. There was nobody in the room. I'm now too scared to sleep, and am seriously considering moving house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 594

You deserved it 5 168

By Anonymous - 16/06/2009 17:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I let my on-again, off-again boyfriend spend the night. For months we had been fighting about his new flame. After he convinced me that they are no longer an item, we had the most mind-blowing sex then we fell asleep. I awoke to him moaning her name. Followed by pelvic thrusts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 060

You deserved it 54 383

By FuckedOver - 14/01/2016 14:31 - United States - Houston

Today, I found out my mom took around $2,500 from my savings account to pay off my sister's college tuition. She recently flunked out of her studies and won't be returning to college anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 858

You deserved it 1 608

Dad jokes

By Anonymous - 10/10/2011 22:26 - United States

Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said, "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 249

You deserved it 27 891

By Anonymous - 11/08/2013 00:04 - United States - Reno

Today, after swimming in the pool, I went into the shower. Little did I know that my niece was hiding in there. She excitedly yelled "I saw your boobs!" Now my nephew won't stop crying because he didn't get to see them as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 403

You deserved it 4 403

By Anonymous - 06/12/2018 21:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, when I went to my gp for an annual check up, I was complaining to the nurse about my chronically sore ankle. Turns out it has been fractured for 8 years. When I was 11 I was playing in my grans garden and went over on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 684

You deserved it 310

By Anonymous - 14/11/2014 22:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out one of my girlfriend's recent Google searches was, "Should I admit to cheating or just dump him?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 610

You deserved it 2 600

By pride? what's that? :( - 01/09/2012 00:23 - Belgium - Leuven

Spicy

Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 818

You deserved it 40 541

By bloodless - 05/01/2016 05:17 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I went for bloodwork. It's routine for me, so I was ready for the nurse to put in the needle and take my blood. It went in fine, but right after, she slowly pulled the needle out, then wondered why the blood stopped. She then moved it back and forth in my arm while I panicked silently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 349

You deserved it 1 553

By Anonymous - 25/12/2009 07:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend. Things got a little hot and I started to pull up my shirt. She screamed and told me to stop because the innocence of her stuffed animals was at stake. We are 18, and she was dead serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 633

You deserved it 4 121

By Anonymous - 21/12/2009 08:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, while my boyfriend was sleeping, I got naked and sat on top of him. He woke up and I asked him if he would rather stay awake or go back to sleep, in hopes that he would stay awake and want to do some naughty stuff with me. His response? To grab my butt, and then go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 352

You deserved it 20 017

Young love

By Anonymous - 09/02/2022 10:01

Today, I thought my husband was going to explode the vein in his forehead when our daughter's new boyfriend turned up with a Mike Tyson face tattoo, a weed cigarette in his mouth, and instead of “Hello” all he said was, “What up, grandpa dude. Is Sarah ready?” Our daughter's name is Sandra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 349

You deserved it 149

By canadiankc - 04/06/2009 02:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at the waterpark. I decided to go down a slide shaped like a funnel. On the way down, my bikini bottom untied. Then I got lodged in a V shape, arse first, in the hole at the funnel exit, exposing myself to the entire pool until I could slither out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 431

You deserved it 8 584

Worst party ever

By Dumbass - 10/01/2019 12:00

Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 4 083

By Anon - 29/01/2019 02:00

Today, I was working on an art commission for some random kid's OC and I didn't notice that I made the nose look like a man's private parts. The mother was upset and spammed my mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 904

You deserved it 500

By Anonymous - 30/05/2009 11:39 - Canada

Today, I won $200 a contest at a bar. The manager took me to a vault where money collected from the strippers go into a pool. He told me that at least half of the bills were slid through a strippers butt crack so I was to "choose wisely". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 669

You deserved it 9 047

By Dirty - 23/02/2017 08:00 - Canada

Today, I grabbed a fresh hand towel from the drawer in the bathroom. I wiped my hands and noticed they smelled like shit. My 6-year-old had wiped poo from his finger onto the dark grey towels. I guess he sometimes helps the poo out. Good to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 376

You deserved it 563

By peniswoman - 14/07/2013 17:03 - United Kingdom - Paisley

Spicy

Today, my naked boyfriend walked up to me with my towel around his neck and with a hard-on, then declared he was "The Penis Man" and slapped me with his junk. I thought I was dating a man, not a man-child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 071

You deserved it 18 358

Touched by the Hand of God

By lils - 05/08/2012 17:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, while I was getting intimate with my husband, he moaned someone else's name. He actually tried to explain himself by saying that he'd had a "divine encounter," and while "possessed by the Lord," he'd been told the name of our future daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 212

You deserved it 3 111

Creepy

By 420SUX - 04/08/2012 06:17 - United States - Federal Way

Spicy

Today, I caught my boyfriend staring at my sister through the doorway while we were having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 163

You deserved it 9 525

By I_Am_The_Cold - 02/12/2015 09:00 - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, I realized how much of an invisible artist I am when I got a little excited when someone stole my art. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 715

You deserved it 1 999

I_Am_The_Cold tells us more.

I_Am_The_Cold 19

Saturday 5 December 2015 9:20

Original Poster here. I made an account a long time ago and used this bad occurrence as a last ditch effort to get an FML up. I gave up on my account and posted anonymously, so, here I am. Yes, some fool stole my art and posted it to their site claiming it as their own. I got a bit excited that someone liked my art enough to do SOMETHING with it, but then a few minutes later, the logic set in. It's down now, thankfully.

Fast and Furious 17: Hot cross buns in the city

By Stan017 - 13/03/2017 02:00

Today, I'm fasting for Lent. I'm a copywriter and my current client is a food company. I have to research about, and look at pictures of food all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 794

You deserved it 1 504

The big time

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Des Moines

Today, I found out that my parents spent all of the money in my college fund to pay for my cat to be flown to LA and audition for a movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 425

You deserved it 4 188

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, I had a dream that I met my celebrity crush. As I leant in to kiss him, he rejected me saying, “Woah no thanks.” Cool, I get rejected even in my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 573

You deserved it 294

Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off for an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 281

You deserved it 8 742

Today, I had to call out of work due to my house flooding. As if that wasn't bad enough, my boss promptly accused me of lying because "the others from your town made it in today." I didn't realize we all lived together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 441

You deserved it 763

Today, my mom grounded me for “giving her a dirty look.” I cannot sense or control my own facial expressions, and they almost never match my mood. I was in a good mood when said “dirty look” appeared on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 136

Today, I work at a chocolate factory on the sanitation shift. I was under a machine cleaning and a spider fell on me. I started freaking out and a coworker thought I got caught in the moving parts and frantically pulled me out and alerted my boss. Turns out it was just a piece of caramel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 237

You deserved it 44 986

Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school. After a bit of talking, I ended up giving her my phone number. I wrote it on an old receipt. Little did I remember, the receipt was from when I bought lube and condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 780

You deserved it 39 751