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By nah - 09/09/2015 19:55 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I started my period. Every time I try to open a tampon, my dog goes crazy thinking it's one of his treats. Now I have to open them with my hair dryer on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 395

You deserved it 2 949

By anonymous - 23/04/2013 21:07 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I went to my grandmom's house for an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets and about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg and couldn't get it off because it "hurts too much." I'm 24 and he's 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 444

You deserved it 5 519

But… why?

By Fmylife - 06/07/2011 09:17 - United States

Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 267

You deserved it 121 044

By Anonymous - 17/08/2017 21:45 - Romania

Today, I went on my first date in a year with a guy I met just a couple hours ago. I went back to my hotel to get better dressed and met him at the bar. I brought my purse, he brought his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 887

You deserved it 349

By ToddesPizza - 20/08/2015 01:00 - United States - Coos Bay

Today, I haven't shaved for so long the hair on my legs has split ends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 612

You deserved it 11 613

By 7thwardlord - 21/08/2017 16:00

Today, I decided to be nice and "drop" a twenty in my grandma's house for her to find. She injured her back while picking it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 011

You deserved it 881

By nekal - 21/09/2016 16:50 - United States - Nashville

Today, I tried to sneakily leave my boyfriend's house at 3 a.m. without his parents knowing. I had a flat tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 965

You deserved it 3 688

By missingno007 - 28/08/2017 13:00 - United States - Clarkesville

Today, my first day of college, the textbooks I ordered a month in advance still haven't arrived. My first class of the semester is College Readiness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 396

You deserved it 369

Mr Selfish

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 11:00

Today, it's the fifth time this week alone I've attempted to explain to my boyfriend that I need more than just two minutes of foreplay to get horny. He tells me he's too tired, but is apparently not too tired to receive head and then have sex afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 277

You deserved it 203

Oh no…

By pacelily - 30/08/2016 20:32 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I met my new upstairs neighbors and their 4 kids all under the age of 6. I met them due to all the thudding coming from upstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 943

You deserved it 896

By Anonymous - 25/03/2013 21:53 - Netherlands - Drachten

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I wouldn't give her a new iPhone 5 for free to replace her broken Nokia, which she threw out the window in "blind rage". I felt awful having to thank her for calling. Sadly, this is a daily event. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 791

You deserved it 2 693

By Mikey832 - 09/08/2010 13:24 - United Kingdom

Today, my brother's girlfriend and my girlfriend went out shopping. My brother's girlfriend bought a pair of killer black heels and a box of condoms. My girlfriend bought a pair of orange Crocs and a vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 978

You deserved it 14 846

Eyes on the prize

By tatatest - 06/04/2012 03:02 - United States - Casselberry

Today, I was taking a really big test in a class that I was failing. It was worth at least 7 grades so I studied my butt off. During the test, a girl with huge breasts sat down next to me and I couldn't stop staring. My test got confiscated because they thought I was cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 484

You deserved it 59 088

By KatieB - 04/04/2012 21:11 - United Kingdom - Newark

Today, my boyfriend was over. I asked my dad how long until dinner was ready, his reply was, "Five minutes, so no, you can't go upstairs for a quickie". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 643

You deserved it 7 360

By Worker - 20/10/2017 19:12 - Australia - Forrestfield

Today, the friend I recommended for a job at my workplace is getting fired for being one of the worst people they have ever hired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 343

You deserved it 858

By Alice - 27/05/2011 05:46 - Australia

Today, I made a fresh juice for a customer. He called the cops because the juice was too acidic for him. He sat in a corner and waited for two hours for them to arrive. Obviously, they didn't turn up. So he yelled at me and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 497

You deserved it 3 193

Repetitive

By justgreat - 24/03/2012 02:30 - United States - Opa Locka

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 645

You deserved it 6 238

Who am I?

By explain please! - 05/08/2022 22:00

Today, my sister and I decided to do one of those online DNA tests just for fun. Our mom came in, saw all the stuff on the table, and lost her mind. She started bawling and apologizing. Apparently, neither one or neither of us actually belong to my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 445

You deserved it 126

By DSM - 14/03/2009 11:05 - United States

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 818

You deserved it 117 444

Background noise

By DumbCuntApparently - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Netherlands - Hilversum

Today, a classmate posted a recording of a recent lecture on my university's Facebook page, so we could listen again and take notes at home. A few minutes in, I heard myself asking a question. I then heard snorting and some girl muttering "dumb cunt" under her breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 462

You deserved it 4 544

My Baby Boy

By Lilahpaints - 22/10/2019 18:00

Today, twelve days after stomach surgery, I birthed a left behind, forgotten blood-stained stinky surgical swab from my vagina. I have no idea why it was there in the first place. I feel violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 422

You deserved it 177

By Noname - 08/03/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, I opened my birthday present from my grandfather. It was a map of the USA color coded by regional percentage of available men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 751

You deserved it 4 493

Kids love that sort of repetition

By Vicky Cain - 15/06/2021 22:01 - Isle of Man - Douglas

Today, my child thinks it's hilarious to continuously pour his entire Lego collection all over the floor. When I tidy it away, he does it all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 725

By Anonymous - 15/02/2014 22:44 - United States - Carlisle

Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 848

You deserved it 8 844

By beaverless - 02/05/2011 20:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend kindly broke the news to me that she doesn't want to take part in any sexual activity anymore because it's getting too boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 619

You deserved it 17 624

By Victor - 09/09/2009 12:32 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in my last period class. When I woke up my teacher said "you missed your bus". I grabbed all my stuff and ran out the room. My class mates were standing outside the class laughing. We still had an hour left in class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 665

You deserved it 59 302

It's a gas gas gas

By riappp - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I farted in my cubicle thinking no one would smell it. Two seconds later, everyone came to my cubicle to wish me a happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 346

You deserved it 42 085

By Anonymous - 20/03/2018 15:00

Today, while bagging at a grocery store, a customer had me use some canvas bags he'd brought with him. This wouldn't have been a problem had they not reeked strongly of cat piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 808

You deserved it 232

Jeez

By not getting any anymore - 22/02/2009 03:23 - United States

Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 631

You deserved it 7 868

By eejit - 21/02/2009 11:52 - Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend that I think teddy bears are THE most pointless and careless gift. He shyly gave me my birthday present afterwards. It was a carebear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 722

You deserved it 67 588

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The Top

Today, I got pulled over, not because I was speeding but because apparently, I looked like a kid driving. The officer said I was too short to drive and needed a booster seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 237

You deserved it 1 166

Today, my AP government teacher moved our seats and of course, I was seated next to my ex who has harassed me ever since our breakup. When I asked the teacher after class if I could please have a seat change, she told me I would have to write a 3-page essay on why I made the request. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 594

You deserved it 1 008

Today, my boyfriend gave me an anniversary present to mark 5 years of us being together. It was a Mooncup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 742

You deserved it 4 914

Today, while I was in the shower, my older brother thought it would be funny to change the language on my phone to Serbo-Croatian. I don't know how and can't change it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 030

You deserved it 4 363

Today, my friend told me she had a stalker who had been emailing her. I laughed, and told her it was probably some fat, ugly virgin sat behind his computer all day. I then continued to describe and mock the stalker, only to realise that I was basically describing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 975

You deserved it 54 000

Today, after many hours studying a complete course of Spanish, I felt really good. I had accomplished something, something I could really use next week when I fly to Mexico on vacation. Then I found out what I had learned was Spanish as they speak it in Spain, not how they speak it in Latin America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 1 188