The Top

The fact is, my wife was in the front yard with my dog when this happened. She apologized that my dog was in the way and the mailman still refused to give her the mail. I totally understand the position of the mailman. And I did actually move my mailbox last night. I'm just upset with the way he handled the situation because we try our best to keep the dogs in our back yard around the time the mail is going to be delivered. It just happened that my dog really had to pee!

Wanker

By Sandman2015 - 29/01/2016 18:36 - United States - American Fork

Today, I walked in on one of my co-workers jerking off in the bathroom, complete with heavy breathing and victory groans. I don't want to go to HR, but I can't even look at him anymore. We have to work on a project together next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 403

You deserved it 1 935

OK?

By Habit - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that the only reason most of my students come to my lectures is that they have a running bet on how many times I say "OK" in two hours. It was 137 last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 200

You deserved it 10 309

By sore - 04/01/2010 11:30 - France

Today, I woke up with bruised nipples because apparently my boyfriend likes to excessively play with them while I sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 825

You deserved it 3 885

By Anonymous - 17/12/2010 17:30 - United States

Today, my car heater finally died. I deliver pizzas. In Alaska. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 277

You deserved it 4 265

Sounds neat

By danii - 05/10/2011 03:28 - Reserved

Today, I drove to the liquor store completely naked except for my dressing gown, with a carload of idiot stoners who ran in and stole vodka, tequila and whiskey. We drank in a bush. Last week I was a good citizen, and now I'm white trash. I'm not quite sure what happened in between. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 125

You deserved it 65 090

Privacy

By Anonymous - 20/07/2019 22:00 - Australia - Brighton

Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 950

You deserved it 272

By PillPopperApparently - 20/12/2018 12:00

Today, after constantly shaming me for my ADHD and anti-anxiety pills, my family finally convinced me to drop $250 on their trusted psychiatrist friend because they thought he’d talk me out of taking them. He recommended higher doses of everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 703

You deserved it 192

By Anonymous - 01/02/2017 20:49 - United States - Arlington

Today, in the middle of blizzard, I hopped out of my car to rescue a small white cat that darted across the street in front of me. After running in the snow to find it, I realized what I'd seen wasn't a cat at all. It was a plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 592

You deserved it 1 463

Lejuicyfruit tells us more.

Lejuicyfruit 10

Wednesday 1 February 2017 21:57

OP here! My first FML got published, yay! Not sure why the heck it says I posted this from Texas... I'm from Colorado. And I'm also not a guy. *shrugs* Anyway, thank you all for the nice comments! I feel like a fool, but at least I tried to help a kitty in need. Even if it was just a plastic bag.

By Anonymous - 10/02/2017 22:27 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, while working as a truck driver, I decided to enjoy my lunch break in a park. Within minutes, I was shat on by a bird. On my way back to my table after cleaning myself off I saw birds swooping down to my bag and stealing the rest of my lunch. I have no food left and didn't bring my debit card. Only 14 hours of driving to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 387

You deserved it 1 889

vaderfc tells us more.

vaderfc 19

Wednesday 8 February 2017 23:39

OP here. first some bits i had to cut out for lack of room. i had just been dropped off at my truck as id stayed at a relatives house the night before so it was midday just before starting a return shift at truck rest stop and the "didnt bring my debit card" was entirely my fault as i hadnt checked in my rush to leave as id been running late id already got quite far when id realised id left it behind, also a sunday afternoon so no banks open to get a replacement card....turned out a happy ending though as i remembered i had hidden an emergency 20 in a compartment of said truck. Lesson learned i have a emergency kit with a credit card and cash just incase of attack of the birds has a sequel.