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By Anonymous - 17/04/2013 15:14 - United States

Today, I left my son with my husband while I went to the store. Ten minutes later, my dog was missing a large patch of fur, and neither of them can stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 866

You deserved it 7 946

By scarlet5000 - 26/09/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, there was a traffic accident on the highway which I normally take. I couldn't resist laughing at the driver since he was stupid enough to rear-end someone on the highway. What I didn't realize is that I forgot to pay attention to the road and rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 228

You deserved it 75 660

By Anonymous - 14/01/2014 21:09 - United States

Today, after trying for several days to change some details on the social security website, I got fed up and called them. I waited nearly two hours on hold, and when I finally got through, the guy on the other end just told me to reboot my computer and try again, then hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 179

You deserved it 4 386

By nana. - 15/02/2009 15:29 - Canada

Today, I was playing musical chairs at a family reunion. It's a well known fact that I'm competitive and tend to hip check people to get that last chair. It came down to me and The Nana. I won. The Nana has a broken hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 473

You deserved it 73 206

Sucks to suck

By youfuckingdumbassmum - 27/12/2012 23:20 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I was texting my mother after my boyfriend broke off our relationship. She offered incredibly supportive replies such as "No, really?" and "Aww, that sucks." before apparently getting bored and claiming she had to go because her "text reception" was breaking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 730

You deserved it 4 901

Oh no, the fun police is here

By We're still popping them - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Fremont

Today, the neighbors called the cops because they heard "gun shots". My girlfriend and I were popping bubble wrap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 085

You deserved it 2 944

Panic

By not a cancerous pimple - 31/01/2015 00:11 - United States - Chester Springs

Today, I felt a painful lump on my jaw. After going on Google, I was convinced I either had an infected tooth or jaw cancer. In a panic, I rushed to the dentist and told the receptionist the problem. She pulled the dentist from an appointment, and he felt around my jaw. It was just a pimple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 331

You deserved it 27 437

By anonymous - 16/09/2013 05:35 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, a lady stormed into the pharmacy I work at and chewed me out because the medicine I sold her the day before gave her horrible diarrhea as a "side effect". I checked, and it was the medicine she asked for - laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 076

You deserved it 2 721

Grossssssss

By Anonymous - 06/10/2011 04:23 - United States

Today, a customer handed me the ankle-length hosiery she had just used to try on some shoes, and as I sat there feeling the warm dampness of them in the palm of my hand, she said, "You should throw those away, I have a toe fungus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 101

You deserved it 2 938

By AccidentalFlasher - 08/01/2016 02:08 - Canada - Thornhill

Today, I was chilling in my comfy zip-up sweatshirt when I realized I was running late for an acting class. In my mad panic, I forgot I didn't have a shirt or bra underneath. Later in class, I was performing a scene and started to unzip my sweatshirt. You can figure out the rest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 482

You deserved it 5 622

Neat

By moms know best??? - 27/07/2013 21:41 - Canada - Morinville

Today, I received some unwanted anal sex tips. They were unwanted because I'm not into anal sex, and the tips came from my drunk mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 906

You deserved it 4 664

By killmenow - 03/12/2015 05:33 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I burped in front of my crush. Well, not really in front of him. I turned around mid-burp and noticed him, not knowing anyone was there. The surprise made me scream a little, which only amplified the burp. So I made this mighty belch-turned-scream noise, while maintaining eye contact with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 292

You deserved it 2 661

By BunniesOnAcid - 03/07/2012 23:01 - United States - Clinton

Today, I was at the airport. I was on my way to see my dad for the first time since I was 4. Whilst I was waiting for my dad to find me, a strange man started flirting with me. Irritated, I told him I was waiting for my dad to get me, and to f*ck off. The strange man was my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 870

You deserved it 4 143

By Anonymous - 14/06/2013 21:21 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my girlfriend got into bed with me and started fooling around. I had a terrible migraine, which she knew, so I asked her to stop because it wasn't helping. She then yelled at me for being "ungrateful" and "selfish", and accused me of secretly being gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 469

You deserved it 7 613

Merry Holidays!

By SadMom - 21/12/2016 15:56

Today, I was told by a family member that if we come over on Christmas and my small children get upset or throw a fit, we will be asked to leave. I can't guarantee that my 2-year-old and 3-year-old won't have any meltdowns, so I guess we won't be spending Christmas with the rest of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 945

You deserved it 1 798

Big baby

By pansypup - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I discovered that my 100-pound Rottweiler is absolutely terrified of (drumroll please) orange peels. Yup. A byproduct of my lunch will turn this hulking monolith with teeth into a whimpering puddle of pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 090

You deserved it 2 342

Preference

By Windstar - 07/04/2009 07:32 - Canada

Today, my daughter ran up to a librarian working in the kids section and screamed "MOMMY!" and hugged her. She looked at her and said "I'm not your mommy." My daughters reply: "I know. But you're better than mommy" FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 881

You deserved it 7 977

By Alice - 27/05/2011 05:46 - Australia

Today, I made a fresh juice for a customer. He called the cops because the juice was too acidic for him. He sat in a corner and waited for two hours for them to arrive. Obviously, they didn't turn up. So he yelled at me and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 497

You deserved it 3 193

By meandme - 04/03/2014 22:55 - Canada - Fort Vermilion

Today, I saw a kid getting bullied; a girl was hitting him in the head. After having an inner struggle with what to do, I tried to stop them. Both kids then turned on me, and called me a "hippo". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 721

You deserved it 4 457

By Anonymous - 10/07/2016 14:23

Today, a customer asked if we stocked gluten-free water. Then she got pissed when I laughed at what I thought was her joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 184

You deserved it 1 071

Procrastination station

By goodbye cruel world - 23/02/2014 19:00 - United States - Salisbury

Today, I've been forced to start packing to go on a vacation with my parents, because they say I've been studying too hard and need a break. I've hardly studied at all and was planning on making up for it all in the time I had left before finals. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 439

You deserved it 41 895

By xolaurennnn - 22/05/2015 15:55 - United States

Today, it was hot out, so I wore shorts. My dad took one look at me and said, "Your thighs are so pale, it's like staring into the sun". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 280

You deserved it 3 313

Bad tipper, good shitter

By kmctl - 20/05/2015 18:40 - United States - San Francisco

Today, some guy walked into the restaurant I work at and ordered enough food to serve the entire National Guard of Texas. He thanked us by leaving a $0.50 tip and shitting on the bathroom floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 050

You deserved it 2 017

By PangolinScholar - 25/01/2014 00:34 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I found that I conduct so much static electricity that I'm periodically given a shock by my headphones as I walk with them on. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 36 328

You deserved it 4 323

By Anonymous - 09/05/2015 20:50

Today, my drunk grandma flashed me, after confusing me, a 19 year-old girl, for my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 943

You deserved it 2 365

Check that expiration date man, it's later than you think

By dk_2k16 - 12/04/2016 20:29 - United States - Hattiesburg

Today, I went to take my permit test. I had been studying for months and was familiar with the whole book. When I sat down to take my test, I didn't recognize any of the questions. I went home and found out the book I used to study was the book my mom used to take her test in 1970. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 587

You deserved it 18 873

By scaredofcutouts - 10/10/2012 21:44 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my sister thought it would be funny to place a cardboard cut-out of a person at the foot of my bed. I woke up, saw the cut-out from the corner of my eye, fell out of bed, landed on my hand wrong, and broke two fingers. She got it all on video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 037

You deserved it 2 328

By Anonymous - 23/11/2014 12:52 - United Kingdom

Today, my grandpa came into my room and asked for a pen. As I gave it to him, he let rip the foulest fart I've ever smelled in my life, and walked out without a word. 2 hours later, the smell is not only still there, it's filled the room. Looks like I'm sleeping downstairs on the couch tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 340

You deserved it 2 988

That's not my name

By nametag - 09/06/2009 02:07 - Canada

Today, I finally got my nametag. I had been using other people's names like Maria and Caie for a week, so I was happy to be called my own name. I put it on and got to work. Ten minutes later, I was called into the office. I got laid off. I got to wear my nametag for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 069

You deserved it 3 932

By Anonymous - 15/09/2014 18:48 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 215

You deserved it 4 395

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The Top

Today, I got my third promotion at work in as many years. My husband congratulated me very briefly, before asking if this meant he no longer had to look for a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 445

You deserved it 5 111

Today, I scored the winning goal in my soccer tournament. For the other team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 756

You deserved it 18 108

Today, I finally got the nerve to tell my parents that I'm no longer going to pay them a flat percent of my salary, but only what they need to cover my expenses. Their response: "Better find a place of your own then, you freeloading bastard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 871

You deserved it 34 727

Today, while at a rest stop, I heard a woman in the stall next to me answer her phone and say to the other person, "Oh nothing just pooping and shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 900

You deserved it 557

Today, Facebook showed me pictures from five years of a happy time I had traveling with a boyfriend, who later ended our 8-year relationship by telling me he had gotten an apartment and furniture in secret, and was moving out. No warning, no reason, no explanation. He never spoke to me again. I loved him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 922

You deserved it 229

Today, I took an exam, for which I have been studying for weeks, I was confident at first, but then really struggled with it. I finished with about ten minutes to spare, turned to what I thought would be the end of my paper and found the first page of questions I was supposed to have answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 348