Today, my neighbor called me a lucky bastard and said he heard me getting my wife off last night. I was too ashamed to admit the sounds he was referring to were from my 17-year-old daughter after a wasp flew through her bedroom window. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, while entering the building I live in, I walked into my neighbor who winked at me and said last night must have been great. After I asked why, he said he could hear my girlfriend moaning and screaming, and that I must be pretty good at it. I was just coming back from a week overseas. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML
Today, my upstairs neighbor congratulated me on keeping him up 'til dawn with my girlfriend and the chick in the apartment next to us. He doesn't know how I got them to agree to a threesome. Since I was at my folks all weekend, neither do I. FML
Today, my husband and I were told by our elderly neighbors that they can hear us having sex a lot. To top it off, the elderly man said while patting his wife's arm with a smile, "Carol used to make noises like that too, back in the day." FML
Today, my neighbor had a word with me for being "loud in the bedroom" last night. I haven't had any action for two years now, but I was too happy that she thought I'd got lucky to tell her the truth. So what was I really doing last night? Trying to sing like Christina Aguilera. FML
Today, I heard my neighbors having a violent argument in their front yard. I listened in, and soon found out why the wife wasn't happy with her husband. Apparently, she had caught her husband peeking through my windows for the second time this month. FML
Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response, "Lucky you." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
Top comments
warrenhoward42 20
what the ****? too embarassed? I woulda set him straight right there.
Tarlachia 33
Here's the logic: the neighbor thought OP was doing great with his wife. However, the OP knew it was his daughter making the sounds that made the neighbor think the OP was getting laid. Somehow, the OP is ashamed that it wasn't his wife making those sexual noises, and quite possibly is also ashamed that his daughter is capable of making such noises. Hence, my comment. No father wants to think of their daughter making such noises let along engaging in sexual activity. It's kind of similar how kids don't want to hear or think about their parents banging each other.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (71)
warrenhoward42 20
what the ****? too embarassed? I woulda set him straight right there.
beeferjay 34
what if he meant w.a.s.p. ?!?! maybe it was her bf who was the wasp
CharismaGeek 19
What the **** does w.a.s.p stand for?
littleteapot 21
...Wild Ass Sex Party??
ohSNAPyall 26
White Anglo-Saxon Protestant
9a_1z 12
Whiny And Sad Parent
Tarlachia 33
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Trust me, as a father myself, to think of your daughter doing anything sexual is... off putting to say the least.
fakedsincerity 32
... I think you misread the FML, friend.
LilMissCanadian 22
I think OP was referring to him and his wife...
Lalala579121 27
I'm concerned about you that somehow this FML made you think about sexual things with your daughter...
Tarlachia 33
Here's the logic: the neighbor thought OP was doing great with his wife. However, the OP knew it was his daughter making the sounds that made the neighbor think the OP was getting laid. Somehow, the OP is ashamed that it wasn't his wife making those sexual noises, and quite possibly is also ashamed that his daughter is capable of making such noises. Hence, my comment. No father wants to think of their daughter making such noises let along engaging in sexual activity. It's kind of similar how kids don't want to hear or think about their parents banging each other.
CharismaGeek 19
You do know the daughter was screaming because of a wasp, right?
GhostFox 33
I'm pretty sure that #31 knows it was a wasp, #34. He's saying that it would be off putting to explain it was OP's daughter, because the fact the neighbor said the noises sounded like a woman getting off. Thus, the neighbor accidentally or not made the OP think about the fact that his daughter is a person who can choose to have sex, which would make most parents uncomfortable because they generally dislike the idea of their offspring having sex, much like how children prefer to NOT think about how they were conceived. It wasn't that OP's daughter WAS having sex, but that she COULD choose to have sex.
MzZombicidal 36
There's nothing to be ashamed of, OP. As you can tell, a screaming woman isn't always the result of something great happening.
dyoy_87 21
How is that even remotely embarrassing
arano 29
He probably would've gotten a laugh out of the real story
guther_unicorn 15
How can the sound of being scared of a wasp be misstaken by the sound of having sex?
toastbrot 9
noises woman make tend to be read as sexual sometimes. especially in video games you can't tell if the moans of a female character should show pleasure or pain.
9a_1z 12
Yup, personally I emit a single high-pitched screech either way. Seriously though, it being muffled through a wall probably made it a bit less clear, maybe the neighbour was just commenting on the amount of noise and thought he was being funny.
Wolffy98 11
"Oh my GOD it's soooo big"
pks2014 10
Did the wasp bit her ??
LilMissCanadian 22
Are you ******* serious
wonandonly 11
Take a chill pill
Tomato_Cheese 22
Scary wasps...
andrmac 25
Thought she was a screamer!
DumbledoreDies1 11
Your daughter was making love to a wasp? How big was its stinger?
MzZombicidal 36
Stop that right now...
TommyG493 11
Yeah, beehave yourself