Today, my neighbor called me a lucky bastard and said he heard me getting my wife off last night. I was too ashamed to admit the sounds he was referring to were from my 17-year-old daughter after a wasp flew through her bedroom window. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, while entering the building I live in, I walked into my neighbor who winked at me and said last night must have been great. After I asked why, he said he could hear my girlfriend moaning and screaming, and that I must be pretty good at it. I was just coming back from a week overseas. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML
Today, my upstairs neighbor congratulated me on keeping him up 'til dawn with my girlfriend and the chick in the apartment next to us. He doesn't know how I got them to agree to a threesome. Since I was at my folks all weekend, neither do I. FML
Today, my husband and I were told by our elderly neighbors that they can hear us having sex a lot. To top it off, the elderly man said while patting his wife's arm with a smile, "Carol used to make noises like that too, back in the day." FML
Today, my neighbor had a word with me for being "loud in the bedroom" last night. I haven't had any action for two years now, but I was too happy that she thought I'd got lucky to tell her the truth. So what was I really doing last night? Trying to sing like Christina Aguilera. FML
Today, I heard my neighbors having a violent argument in their front yard. I listened in, and soon found out why the wife wasn't happy with her husband. Apparently, she had caught her husband peeking through my windows for the second time this month. FML
Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response, "Lucky you." FML
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Top comments
warrenhoward42 20
what the ****? too embarassed? I woulda set him straight right there.
Tarlachia 33
Here's the logic: the neighbor thought OP was doing great with his wife. However, the OP knew it was his daughter making the sounds that made the neighbor think the OP was getting laid. Somehow, the OP is ashamed that it wasn't his wife making those sexual noises, and quite possibly is also ashamed that his daughter is capable of making such noises. Hence, my comment. No father wants to think of their daughter making such noises let along engaging in sexual activity. It's kind of similar how kids don't want to hear or think about their parents banging each other.
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Comments (71)
ACCOUNTKILLER 18
that's none of his business
ChrisMora 16
Oh man, knowing "FMLs", I was thinking you were going to say, "It's too bad I was out of town last night."
SecundusSecunda 27
Man up, OP! Take this as a challenge to get your wife off!
DoomedGemini 37
I'm 18 and would scream and hide, there's no reason to be ashamed. Wasps are cruel little ******* straight from hell.
infinitemonkey 21
Just to be clear...that's a weird thing to say to your neighbor whatever the circumstances.
the_real_dvd 21
I think it's better that he didn't say "that wasn't my wife. It was my daughter". It would be a totally different FML.
amzee96 18
You probably woulda gotten punched if you admitted it. "Oh, no. That wasn't my wife, that was my daughter".
anarchymaniac 22
Awkward
derpyshy 16
As someone with a phobia of wasps, I am amused, confused and terrified all at once.
GhostFox 33
Isn't a phobia of wasps basically common sense, though? I mean, the little ******* will sting you for no reason other than you being within ten yards of the fruit they want to eat.
WatDaHail 13
Good thing you didn't say "it was actually my daughter doing the screaming..."