Today, my neighbor called me a lucky bastard and said he heard me getting my wife off last night. I was too ashamed to admit the sounds he was referring to were from my 17-year-old daughter after a wasp flew through her bedroom window. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, while entering the building I live in, I walked into my neighbor who winked at me and said last night must have been great. After I asked why, he said he could hear my girlfriend moaning and screaming, and that I must be pretty good at it. I was just coming back from a week overseas. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML
Today, my upstairs neighbor congratulated me on keeping him up 'til dawn with my girlfriend and the chick in the apartment next to us. He doesn't know how I got them to agree to a threesome. Since I was at my folks all weekend, neither do I. FML
Today, my husband and I were told by our elderly neighbors that they can hear us having sex a lot. To top it off, the elderly man said while patting his wife's arm with a smile, "Carol used to make noises like that too, back in the day." FML
Today, my neighbor had a word with me for being "loud in the bedroom" last night. I haven't had any action for two years now, but I was too happy that she thought I'd got lucky to tell her the truth. So what was I really doing last night? Trying to sing like Christina Aguilera. FML
Today, I heard my neighbors having a violent argument in their front yard. I listened in, and soon found out why the wife wasn't happy with her husband. Apparently, she had caught her husband peeking through my windows for the second time this month. FML
Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response, "Lucky you." FML
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Top comments
warrenhoward42 20
what the ****? too embarassed? I woulda set him straight right there.
Tarlachia 33
Here's the logic: the neighbor thought OP was doing great with his wife. However, the OP knew it was his daughter making the sounds that made the neighbor think the OP was getting laid. Somehow, the OP is ashamed that it wasn't his wife making those sexual noises, and quite possibly is also ashamed that his daughter is capable of making such noises. Hence, my comment. No father wants to think of their daughter making such noises let along engaging in sexual activity. It's kind of similar how kids don't want to hear or think about their parents banging each other.
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Comments (71)
Tripartita 44
It's like somebody put the birds-and-bees talk through several layers of translation, and now we have daughters and wasps.
aminehs 10
If there is no word twists in the story, this is hilarious but there is no reason to be ashamed though
beeferjay 34
better to be called lucky bastard than fat bastard
tigerisabelle 31
"AAAAAH!! AAAAAHHH DADDY!!! YES DADDY!!!! YESSSSSSSSS AHHHHHH!!! SMASH IT!! OHMYGOD YES I LOVE YOU"
Zebediabolical 43
...i came.
amanda810 10
well I gotta say thats one of the hotest things I've.. I should be ashamed
BWARD51 12
Lol that's legit.
mzshannababy 16
so how is this embarrassing?
Joshawott 21
Some people just have no courtesy these days. The wasp could have at least had dinner with the family first, instead of heading straight to the bedroom.
AGhost5445 25
Haha!!!
fpants2010 18
This FML went in a different direction than I was expecting!
HollyQuinn 21
That's creepy of him.
fmylifegshit 10
Is your daughter available? Can I get her number?
trucker2 33
That's just wrong....
MzZombicidal 36
STOP THAT RIGHT NOW...
Earl_KarmasBitch 34
0800-IHateWasps
GhostFox 33
I think this is the creepiest comment I've read on the Internet in the last two weeks. Also a fairly dumb one, since I think most fathers would rather punch someone in the face for asking that in reaction to the scenario the OP described.