Nearly FMLs

By gelisweeet - 15/02/2019 21:54

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he broke up with me because I have brown nipples and he said that is a deal breaker for him; he wants pink nipples on his girl.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 0

By Jack - 15/02/2019 21:53

Today I found out I have to put my childhood dog down. I was so upset that I missed a whole test while I was crying my eyes out in my dorm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 1

By Guntho - 15/02/2019 18:00

Today I was on a date with a beautiful girl and had just finished a $300 dinner when my father called claiming my dog died, of course I left my date and rushed home only to find out that my dog was perfectly fine and my dad was hallucinating the whole thing. The girl didn’t believe me... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 520

You deserved it 150

By Stressed out student - 15/02/2019 10:42 - United States - Normal

Today, I found out that the project i’ve been working on for the past month was canceled two weeks ago, because the professor decided it was to hard. I had strep the day that was announced and when I asked what I’d missed in class no one thought to tell me! The due date was Today! FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 1

By LEA 1 UCA - 15/02/2019 16:56 - France - Blaise

Today I went to a party, where I was drinking beer In the morning everyone wanted to go to sleep, but I didn't have a sleeping bag. I was feeling okay, so I decided to take my car and go. The next thing I remember is a fireman knocking on the car door. I had fallen asleep on the side of the road FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 8

By officeoops - 15/02/2019 10:18 - United States - Philadelphia

Today I forgot to refill tampons in my purse (I only have two) and had to use the bathroom shortly after I changed it. I tried to go while holding in my tampon (c’mon we’ve all been there) and my body got confused and let out the loudest queef I’ve ever heard. I know someone had to hear it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 4

By snouche - 15/02/2019 16:00

Today I was chatting with the morbidly obese cleaner. After asking her if she had any time off over the holidays, she answered that she hadn't, but she told me she'd have 4 months off in 2 weeks. When asked what she'd be doing she told me she'll be giving birth in 6 weeks. Hadn't noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 366

By Spoken English UCA - 15/02/2019 14:54

Today, in class we were asked about our FML moments. I said that my girlfriend had told me that she was sick. Later on I went into the city centre and there I saw her with another guy. This guy, guess what, is partnered with me in class to write my FML moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 0

By poato_1 - 15/02/2019 12:52

About two years ago my dog Butch got cancer and we had to put him down. After about a week without him, my family got a new puppy named Allie. Today, two years after getting her, we found out she has cancer and we’re going to have to put her down.

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 0

By Sleepy Mum - 15/02/2019 10:40

Today, it’a 5am. My toddler has been awake screaming for 3 hours while my husband sleeps soundly. I work in the morning. He doesn’t work at all. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 2

By Lulu - 15/02/2019 09:16

Today I found out on facebook that my brother's step daughter got special handmade gifts on Valentines day from my father and step mom. My son and I didn't even get a call or a text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By "daddysjudy92" - 15/02/2019 09:07

Today I was stuck in bed with crippling morning sickness while also recovering from a broken arm and dislocated shoulder after slipping on the ice. Thinking that things could only get better from here my phone starts ringing. It was my sister, informing me that my grandma just passed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/02/2019 08:43 - Belgium - Gent

Today, I have to deal with the fact that my boyfriend of 1,5 years dumped me on Valentine’s day last year. I wouldn’t be as sad if he would not have told me yesterday, 1 year later, that he’s engaged now. Oh, and tomorrow’s my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By wtf?! - 14/02/2019 23:04 - United States - Hesperia

Today I found out through mutual friends my ex has been pretending to be the “poor Dad who isn’t allowed to see his kid” in order to get girls. The same ex who demanded I get an abortion and severed all contact when I refused. He’s never even met our son or spoken to me in three years. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 0

By UniSnobApparently - 15/02/2019 07:49 - Denmark

Today, yet again, my brother made a negative comment on how I make more money than his gf. Apparently the fact that I have a Master’s degree and work 6 days and at least 45 hours a week, nights and weekends, while she is a receptionist, is not an acceptable point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 0

By Brownie - 15/02/2019 07:32

Today at school I was sitting alone in the hallway on Valentine’s Day. Soon a group of girls came to me with a basket and gave me a Valentine. But I didn’t recognize the initials. With a google search I realized it was from a mental health organization, probably to advertise to people like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By "risingtide" - 15/02/2019 05:58

Today, in family gathering, I overheard conversation of my homophobic family and relatives about me, being the 'ideal' son in whole family tree. They talked about Marrying me as soon as I get a job (arrange marriage is popular in my country). I'm 19. I was about to come out as gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 0

By Weeze - 15/02/2019 05:33

Today, my office had a cockroach infestation. Followed by someone hacking into my bank account info, which then caused money to be stolen out of my account. That lead to a two hour conversation with my bank, where they asked me to file a police report. The police did nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 0

By weeping_willow - 15/02/2019 04:55

Today, my boyfriend got sinus surgery. The doctors were rather quick about releasing him, so he was still pretty loopy from anesthesia. 3 people had to help him out to the car and yet they STILL managed to smash his face off the car door in the process. This FML is for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 0

By Upsetwolf - 14/02/2019 20:00 - United States - Boise

Today, I got yelled at for twenty minutes at work because I said, "What?" the wrong way. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 470

You deserved it 188

By Rosescausedread - 15/02/2019 03:12

Today I tried to surprise the girl I went on a date with two roses and card for valentine's day. Unfortunately flowers would cause a big cultural scandal so I spent all day yesterday trying to get the delivery cancelled. Despite hours on the phone and online, the flowers still came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By Someboiwithoutagoodnickname - 14/02/2019 21:10 - Canada - Toronto

Today, while working at post office, a customer came in for his parcel. When I told him it wasn’t with us, he got extremely mad. He called me lazy because I wouldn’t check to see if it did come and said he didn’t like my attitude. I was willing to look in the back...if it was in the system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By Kyrie - 15/02/2019 02:00

Today my mom told me she wasn't gonna pay for my trip (meant to be an Xmas present). I bought the tickets while on the phone with her verifying that the price was ok & that she was still on board. Wouldn't be going on this trip if she hadn't told me to. I'm a poor college student, in debt. FML....

I agree, your life sucks 1 352

You deserved it 143

By SomethingElse - 15/02/2019 01:01

Today, my friend go mad at me. We were doing a group project and she deleted my name from the project. Not knowing what happened, I assumed she was finishing it. I went to school to find out she submitted it under her own name. The teacher believes her and the project was worth 80% of the grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 2

By Broke and Broken - 14/02/2019 17:41 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was a passenger in a car accident two months ago, and the insurance was being difficult, so I wasn't able to get my displaced broken collarbone set, and now it's too late. My bone won't heal and I had to go back to work and school, so I'm serving in a sling and I can't use my dominant hand still.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 0

By Car joining - 14/02/2019 22:49 - United Kingdom - Croydon

Today I took my car for my first drive. Going down my road I manage to hit a wind mirrors, back into a car and side scraped a car. This was all in 5 minutes. Maybe I passed too soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 3

By ObeseHope - 14/02/2019 16:44 - United States - Berrien Springs

Today I was taking a dump when my nose started bleeding and I looked over and there is no toilet paper. I am sitting on the toilet with my finger plugging my nose to make it not bleed all over me dabating just pulling my pants up try to find tp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By emmmmmaaaaaa - 14/02/2019 21:50

Today, I tried to test into college math. I spent 2 1/2 hours on the test and got a 45. The passing score was 46. Now, I have to take a 5 hour remediation course and retake it. Also, half of my test was over the subject we learned last week, which I was missed because I had the flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By Liphaem5 - 14/02/2019 21:04

Today, instead of shingles (which used to happen when I was in matric), my body has reacted to stress by shedding excess skin off my hands. It looks terrible and they are probably only going to get better after my exam in May. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 14/02/2019 20:35

Today, I learned my girlfriend who had dumped me last week did so to get with a friend of mine she had been seeing behind my back. Even still, she vandalized MY house and took a bunch of my things and told everyone she left cause I was cheating. I never saw another women the whole relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 3

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The Top

Today, I was standing in line at a burger joint, facing my social anxiety and practicing my order in my head so I wouldn’t mess it up. When it was finally my turn, I panicked and said, “One large confidence, please.” The cashier just handed me a straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 137

Today, I was in the bathroom, when someone came up behind me. Instead of waiting for a urinal to free up, he wedged his way in between me and another guy, and promptly began peeing in my urinal, crossing streams in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 778

You deserved it 3 765

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend while we were on my couch having a romantic moment. She seemed incredibly excited when she saw the ring and put it on. The way she bolted out the door tells me I'm not going to see her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 385

You deserved it 2 557

Today, I tapped my sister on her shoulder to get her attention. I guess I was too close to her neck, which is where she is most ticklish, and ended up in the emergency room with a broken nose after she elbowed me in the face. I was just trying to repay her the $10 I borrowed from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 464

You deserved it 2 055

Today, when my girlfriend walked out the room, for a laugh, I covered my whole body except my knob in blankets. Then when I heard her come back in, I yelled, "Surprise!" It was her mom, who'd dropped by unannounced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 722

You deserved it 1 031

Today, my mom tripped over a curb and cried, because she “tripped and not even drunk.” I thought it was normal to trip over my own two feet several times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 389

You deserved it 233