Kids

Thanks, Walt

By Anonymous - 31/07/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom - Kirkcaldy

Today, it turned out that letting my daughter watch '101 Dalmatians' backfired; our dog gave birth to two gorgeous pups but she can't stop crying and asking where 'the rest of them' went. Apparently she's been telling her friends all week that she'd soon have 15 puppies to play with, and now will never be happy again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 151

Science, bitch!

By Anonymous - 26/07/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, one of my twin sons found out he's going to be a dad. His little sister who loves science ended up telling him that, since he has a twin who is genetically identical, he's genetically the baby's dad too. My son, being a bit dim, took this to mean his brother slept with his wife and hit him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 121

You can't do anything these days!

By I want a divorce! - 24/07/2024 13:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, even though I told him not to, my husband tried the old “pull a shotgun on your daughter’s date” thing. It turns out the kid’s mom is a lawyer and his uncle is a cop. Now my husband is under investigation for a hate crime, because the kid is a different race than us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 588

You deserved it 382

Cash machine

By Loser Ninong - 24/07/2024 20:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, my sister attempted to get me to fund her daughter, my godchild's, birthday party. I told her I would give her 200 (which isn't much). Our mom "intervened" by cussing me out for being a cheap ass piece of shit. I was about to give her $200, which is A LOT in our currency when exchanged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 121

Honey, time to move

By Anonymous - 24/07/2024 11:00

Today, I told my mom that I’m pregnant. My husband and I live in a cottage on her land, and her actual words were, “Well you better abort it, because you’re not having any baby in my cottage. The piss, shit, and sick will ruin the resale value.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 654

You deserved it 194

Not my problem

By Anonymous - 23/07/2024 11:00

Today, my aunt keeps calling me to come and settle her baby for her, because I’m the only one she sleeps for. Seriously, she’ll sleep for hours when I hold her, but anyone else and she’ll scream. I don’t even like kids and the constant disruptions to my childfree life aren’t helping change my opinion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 103

Fumbled

By Dean - 23/07/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, the cops showed up to my house and served me a child support order from the girl I had a one-night stand with, and who'd promised me she would abort the baby. All this was two years ago. My wife of three years was in the house and heard everything. She packed up her things and told me she’ll be calling her attorney. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 1 663

Rekt thread

By Anonymous - 23/07/2024 05:00

Today, my son came home saying there had been a bad accident where two people died in a crash. This sounded terrible but he then said, "Yeah, I took pictures. Wanna see the bodies? They’re disgusting." Everyone in the house except me jumped up to look at those poor dead people. I raised savages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 562

You deserved it 148

Settled

By Anonymous - 22/07/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son is still single in his forties, so I asked him about it. Turns out, because he has his buddies and doesn’t want kids, he hires a house cleaning service twice a month and prostitutes twice a week, so he can’t think of any scenario in which a wife could improve his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 640

Classic grandma

By Anonymous - 22/07/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I announced my fourth pregnancy, this time with twins. I heard my mother mutter, “Finally two kids from the same dad.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 1 135

i'm not paid enough for this shit (and piss)

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I was informed by my manager at work that there had been an "accident" in the playground. I then had to crawl through tunnels designed for 5 year-olds, to a tiny playroom with no fresh air, and clean up a stupid kid's pee and crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 762

You deserved it 3 477

Going well, isn't it?

By Abandon - 20/07/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, it was supposed to be my night off from the baby. Instead, my wife said she "couldn't even begin to deal", so she locked herself in the bedroom and I had to watch both my baby and my stepson, who both became hyper-needy the second she shut the door. This is the fifth time in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 192

Door knocking

By firewait - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I gave my 16 year-old step-daughter and her friends a lecture on respecting other people's privacy. Two hours later, I accidentally walked into her room without knocking. She and her friends were giving each other bikini waxes. Now her friends call me "the hypocritical pervert." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 648

You deserved it 80 908

Masters of mischief

By Anonymous - 18/07/2024 16:00 - United States - Salem

Today, my 4-year-old twin sons discovered how to lock doors. They locked me out of the house while I was taking out the trash. I had to climb through the kitchen window, which they'd generously smeared with peanut butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 156

Cat Burglar!

By Aimee Lutz - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I found my lost cat. As I was hooking it up to a leash to get it in my car, a man approached and asked what I was doing. His kids alerted him that there was a woman stealing their cat from their front lawn. It was not my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 424

You deserved it 1 348

Archeology

By Anonymous - 16/07/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was digging the foundation for what will eventually be my garage. My kids wanted to help Daddy, which means they had a front row seat with their little spades when we unearthed the skeleton of some previous homeowner's dog. Now they won’t stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 71

Come home

By Anonymous - 14/07/2024 11:00

Today, my daughter is such a bitch that when her husband texted to say he’d be 30 minutes late after work, she rang him to yell at him. He got so upset, he decided not to come home at all and booked a hotel, which was awkward for everyone waiting to surprise him with a birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 166

My favorite letter is L

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 8 year-old niece and I were arguing over how many letters were in the alphabet. Guess who was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 111

You deserved it 51 303

Real Housewives coded

By Anonymous - 14/07/2024 03:30 - India

Today, just because my mum's friend's son got better grades than me, she's now treating me like shit. You know what lady? His mom is way better than you too! She didn't attempt to kill her child half a dozen times, and you don't see me complaining about it all day long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 118

Boundaries

By Anonymous - 13/07/2024 16:00 - United States - Central Square

Today, while I was at work, the cops were called for a wellness check on me because I'd blocked my bio father for being a pedophile. He'd called them on me, and I'm really embarrassed and upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 103

Time out

By nooo - 12/07/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, after a fight, my boyfriend brought me a soda that exploded when I opened it. Furious at his constant childish bullshit, I threw his ass out. Two hours later, my son confessed that he'd shaken the cans as a joke. I tried to call my boyfriend, but he'd blocked my number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 933

Brat era

By bastards - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Netherlands - Den Haag

Today, I babysat the brattiest and most foul-mouthed 8-year-old I've ever met. After I survived three hours of it, his parents finally came home. He claimed I'd invited a boy over and that we did "stuff" on the couch all evening. They believed him. I didn't get paid, to say the least. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 630

You deserved it 4 290

Think again, ******

By gorilla warfare - 10/07/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I came home to my son crying and packing a bag, with his laptop smashed on the floor. He said he needed to run away because a "crazy military guy" was coming to kill him. I logged in to his account and found that someone had sent him the Navy SEAL copypasta. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 136

Whatever it is, it's not enough

By mother of an idiot - 09/07/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, my second-grade daughter asked her teacher how much money she makes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 211

I blame the parents

By Anonymous - 07/07/2024 05:00

Today, my son decided he is done with women and is never getting married. I couldn’t even argue with him that modern women aren’t worth marrying because his sister just yesterday dumped her boyfriend because he refused to pay to get her car out of impound for her unpaid parking tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 246

Adulting

By Laurenb - 06/07/2024 16:00 - Canada

Today, I was teaching a class when a kid asked me why grown-ups needed to drink coffee. Before I could answer, another kid chimed in, "Because adults are boring and tired all the time." I laughed and said that sometimes adults need a little extra energy. One kid raised his hand to ask, "Is that why you're so grumpy every morning?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 216

Unfair

By Anonymous - 06/07/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got screwed over by the justice system. I make just over £20,000 a year, my ex makes over £250,000. We share custody of our kids 50/50 and yet I’m the one paying her child support. Our kids are very well cared for; she doesn’t need that money. I survive on instant noodles and tap water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 647

You deserved it 156

Parroting

By Anonymous - 06/07/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, my toddler repeated a very inappropriate word I'd said when I'd stubbed my toe. He chose to do this in the middle of a crowded supermarket, loudly, and repeatedly. Now the whole town probably thinks I have questionable parenting skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 219

Too much

By Lost Reggie - 05/07/2024 05:00 - United States - Tulsa

Today, my daughter had her gall bladder removed after just having liver surgery, my girlfriend tripped and fell, breaking several toes and possibly her ankle, and I got almost no sleep between my night shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 102

Cannonball

By Anonymous - 04/07/2024 23:00

Today, after her very first driving lesson, my daughter came home claiming she did really well. Which is suspicious since her instructor was at that moment on the phone with me yelling, saying I must be crazy if I think she’s ever getting in his car again, and that I should explain to her what a bus pass is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 111

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my anxious, obsessive, overbearing mother called me four times. That's significantly less than usual. When I complained to my dad, he said, "She just worries about you because she loves you." I don't feel loved, I feel smothered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 151

Today, I decided to start making healthier decisions. Instead of the usual cheeseburger I have for lunch I ate an apple instead. I took one bite and broke one of my teeth. Apparently, apples keep the doctor away, but not dentists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 358

You deserved it 7 390

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a year and a half ended it. Why? He found another girl. "She's just like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 135

You deserved it 4 228

Today, my fiancé called me as I was clocking out. I thought he was going to tell me that he was waiting outside. Instead, he told me that he's getting arrested and needs me to call his mom for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 254

You deserved it 3 080

Today, I got back from a week long holiday with my new girlfriend. I started thinking about her whilst talking to my parents and reflexively cupped my mother's ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 239

You deserved it 31 172

Today, I heard a loud beep for over an hour. It didn't come from my phone or even an alarm of some sort. It was my son pretending to be a smoke alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 012

You deserved it 3 574