Today, I was beating the hell out of one of the most useless employees ever. I mean really laying into him, all while telling him for the umpteenth time how to do his job right. Then my husband informed me I was hitting him in my sleep. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husband's rather rattling snoring, I finally managed to drop off… only to be rudely awakened an hour later by my husband elbowing me in the face in his sleep. FML
Today, while in bed, I tried to explain how overworked and unappreciated I feel doing all the housework to my fiancé. It was only when I'd finished my long rant that I realized he had been asleep almost the whole time. FML
Today, my husband smacked me quite hard, and I have a black eye as a result. It's not a case of a domestic abuse, it was 100% unintended because he was sleeping and had a really bad dream that made him swing his arm. He's feeling bad about it, and I would laugh it off, but I have an important meeting tonight. FML
Today, my insomnia got so bad that I became convinced my husband was having an affair in our bed right next to me. I punched him so hard in the shoulder that he awoke from a sound sleep, farted, and then shook it off and went back to sleep unfazed. I'm so jealous. FML
Today, I fell asleep at my desk. It's bad enough that it was for 45 minutes and that I was snoring. What makes it worse? My boss woke me up. FML
Today, I yelled out while I was asleep. However, I was sleeping during a very important meeting with customers and my boss. FML
Today, a patient, who is normally pretty chill, was being quite difficult for my workmates. They were whinging about him and I defended him, he's normally a sweet guy so something must be upsetting him. I went to chat with him, he punched me and called a useless a**hole. FML
Today, I was really, REALLY tired at work. I went to the restroom to take a little break, and must have dozed off, because I was awoken by my boss, knocking on the door of the stall. Apparently, I had been snoring. FML
Today, after a sleepless night, I fell asleep at my work desk. When I awoke, I found my co-workers had duct taped me to my chair. I was yelling at them to untape me, when our boss came in, scolded me for fucking about on the job, and left without saying a word to my colleagues. FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
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Top comments
Earths_Venus 25
Welcome to Management.
712sash 26
Sounds like you're stressed. You should try some thing to chill a little :)
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Comments (56)
fleuretta 19
Eff your employees life. Glad it was just a dream. Hah!
Polynomial 28
How is this a **** the employees life? He's lucky to still have a job, it seems.
fleuretta 19
I was being ironic. Eff his life in the dream lol!
pizzzah 9
thats not called irony though
thesinginguy 18
He/she is probably from somewhere like England, where saying "I was being ironic" commonly means "I was being sarcastic."
Polynomial 28
I don't see how that is sarcasm either, just a generic statement.
Earths_Venus 25
Welcome to Management.
Honema 16
Be sure to check if you're asleep next time. Wouldn't want to get seud.
712sash 26
Sounds like you're stressed. You should try some thing to chill a little :)
Pwib 14
And now YOU'RE the one on the couch.
idioticmess 15
well lets hope it went better in your dream if you do it later on irl.
jerryj 27
Were you fired or did you go to jail in your dream?
Grauncho 27
Jesus. Your employees are terrible even in your dreams.
Cemetery87 10
dreams can sometimes tell us what is bothering us when we are awake. perhaps a vacation is in order.
kozzard 17
Or new employees
girlrome 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You dream about beating the shit out of people? You must be really disturbed.
mario2012 18
I doubt it. She may feel like hitting them in real life but OP knows they can't do that. In dreams however, you can get away with anything you want.
Adysin 4
You've obviously never had a supremely stupid coworker.
Lioness8197 18
16, that's not necessarily true. I got arrested in my dream once...
kittykat1501 31
Lol wow. I got chased by a dead murderer in a dream once