SIR!

By twatstick - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Worksop

Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML
I agree, your life sucks 48 039
You deserved it 3 414
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Top comments

DocBastard 38

I hope you work at a grocery store. Otherwise this FML goes from kinky to truly bizarre.

245 7
ballettillidie 8

Please use the lotion instead.

216 7

Comments

AlwayzCelly 13

It's better than having to say "Sir please stop rubbing yourself in pee"

iazy9 14

Does that mean he was rubbing the inside if his bladder? Ouch.

2 48
TheCanucklehead 22

Why not rub yourself with pee. I hear it's a healthy conditioner

42 4
ballettillidie 8

Please use the lotion instead.

216 7
Jake_Hale 7

Why? The peas is already itself a turn on. Better than 50 shades a grey I might say lol (oh my god I rhymed)

0 42
esines 9

The lotion on his peanis? Sounds like an average night for me

7 17
MichellinMan 20

It puts the lotion on the skins or it gets the hose again.

32 4
niallo 23

You know, some people would pay more for Those peas.

1 6
shaww 28

It sounds like he's masturbating with peas

19 73
NoFlippinWai 24

Where is Watson? I always thought he was the mastermind.

26 4
DocBastard 38

I hope you work at a grocery store. Otherwise this FML goes from kinky to truly bizarre.

245 7
DividableByZero 11

Or an old folks home. Crazy shit always happens there

60 4
thatgirlinoregon 21

It could have also potentially been in a restaurant. "Sir, please refrain from using your genitals to stir your split pea soup."

43 3
Corgidan 12

At least she was able to maintain a *adorns tinted lenses* PEASful situation!

4 0
mpsteve137 15

I've always had such a problem trying to like vegetables. Now look at this guy! What a champ

130 7
Henge 6

true. I have always been told to eat my greens... never to play with my food though....

8 1
jrod9327 17

I am afraid to ask what kind of job you have lol. Hopefully an all natural lotion manufacture that uses peas? Maybe, probably not but oh god I dont know what to think.

2 44
yourmurderscenex 13

I guess a grocery store is out of the question?

13 0
NoFlippinWai 24

Resturant? Nursing Home? Home Nurse? Stripper?

1 7
lickastick 27

I need more information because my mental picture is a tad disturbing.

48 2
Conn3ct 9

I don't think more details will make it less disturbing sadly.

40 0
cosicosei 22

Can i have your job? It seems so entertaining

23 1
zandalee 19

It's probably in the New Zealand Beehive. :)

2 0