Today, I had the questionable honor of explaining the difference between "your" and "you're" to my boss, and very diplomatically make her see why her poor grasp of language could affect our credibility as a communication agency. I'm Swedish, and English is my third language. She's American. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
Communication Breakdown
Today, I was unable to communicate with a customer who only spoke French. As a result, my boss called me a "monolingual idiot." I speak Spanish, German, and Japanese. FML
Make it make sense
Today, my boss is on the phone with a Russian customer, who keeps saying, "Speak Russian please!" My boss asks me to translate, as he hired me for my knowledge of Russian. He says something, I translate in Russian, then the customer says, "Speak English please!" FML
Today, I was instructed by my boss to welcome the 2 new foreign business partners since I am the only one who could speak their language. When they arrived I greeted them in their language. One of them scratched his head and asked his companion in plain and clear English, "What did he say?" FML
Today, I was at the airport trying to help a man get to the right terminal. When he finished he turned to tell me "Don't worry, your English is pretty good, considering you're not American". English is my only language. FML
Cheating cheater
Today, my boss's son is training to take over my job as head translator, after having convinced his dad that he's fluent in Spanish, and that my skills suck. I soon walked in on him using Google Translate on a legal document. My boss refuses to believe me. FML
Today, I pronounced FAQ as 'fuck' to my boss. I'm not a native speaker. FML
What word was it?
Today, a tourist from an English-as-second-language country taught me a new word. In English. FML
Differences
Today, I almost got written up for insubordination by my boss. All I did was explain to him that I couldn't help a tourist out because I speak Japanese, not Korean, and that it's not in fact "the same Asian shit" as he seemed to think. FML
Charming
Today, I realized my coworker can't comprehend English, or any other language. When I mentioned this to a coworker, they accused me of being an ableist. This is the same person who insults him to his face, knowing he can't understand her. FML
Smart
Today, my boss chewed me out for correcting several spelling and grammar mistakes in one of his reports. The words "Think you're so damn smart, don't ya?" were uttered. I'm his secretary, and proofreading his shit is part of my job. FML
Top comments
Grand_Cookie 21
We need a new plague. I vote zombies.
Talientary 8
This will probably offend some people, but oh well. I'm an American. Let's just say that I can name a few different versions of "English" that I've heard that you probably wouldn't recognize. I wouldn't expect much from the stereotypical American. #yoloswaql8rlol
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Comments (96)
Grand_Cookie 21
We need a new plague. I vote zombies.
Nikkitaria 9
That's the worst possible plague that could happen. It only affects those who have a brain.
pedinhuh 23
I say third world war
nickob96 25
Well you sir don't know the devastation that came from the second one let alone the first.... with today's technology...tanks helicopters jets nukes imagine the devastation that will come from a third one
GoodLookingGeese 10
Play the last of us and see of you're into this
random_jay 6
Everyone thinks they would be awesome and survive a zombie apocalypse, when in reality chances are that they would simply be eaten.
Han1156 23
But, Walking Dead has taught us well.
DKjazz 20
World War 3 won't work. Americans have a habit of being on the winning side of those
Samster2000 9
Correction: the USA has a habit of joining in at the last moment when the war is almost won. Put them in the driving seat however, and you get a completely different story (see Vietnam, Afghanistan, Iraq etc.)
Fedezzer 20
Now, the problem with starting a third World War like #58 suggested is that, like all past ones, it would just allow the Americans to let others do the work up until the U.S. deem it financially beneficial to help out.
Zeus1070 17
Funny, seeing as we were there in WWII from '41 to '45, not to mention fighting on two or three fronts, like the Eastern, Pacific, and African theaters. So i guess we just let everyone else do everything for us.
TheDrifter 23
They're just pointing out that the rest of the continent had the advance halted and had already been at war for two years before the Americans deigned to show up. Even the Canadians made it there on time.
jujuthefroggy_fml 16
American civil war II will work, and won't affect the rest of world ;)
DaniPandi 22
Zombies are lame. I vote Leviathans and Sucrocorp.
Summoner_T3L 15
I agree 1. We shall feed them "YOLOers" and "swaggots" thus cleaning up the old plague with the new one.
Clay_Pidgeon 11
108, The last time I checked Europe and Britain were getting there assholes kicked in, before we joined WW2. You should be grateful you are not speaking German. Du dumme Schlampe.
Clay_Pidgeon 11
138, the loss of life won't impact the rest of the world. But the economy will tank and the world could be in the biggest depression there ever was.
Leprekhaun 14
I love how this is all really thought out about a WWIII. I for one would like zombies only because you can't run from a nuke.
thatkidhesh 11
I thought an IKEA comment might be seen as random for this post. somehow it became a discussion on a zombie apocalypse vs world war 3. mind sufficiently blown.
sarsuela 29
Apparently Corona-virus won the vote.
Riya2595 15
The grammar nazis strike again!
coredumpfml 4
You should be able to write properly in your own language. That's pretty basic.
grumpybr 13
If they work in communications field, it is mandatory to be able to properly write. I do make mistakes too, but english is my third language as well.
brackaman 18
78 Why does your profile say it's your second language then?
edris_305 21
'Murica **** yeah :-p
MichaelMcSexy 9
It's not JUST Americans with a poor grasp on English.
noelasis94 18
Making moneys not a top priority of the company, where have you been?
Virtual_BS 13
No-one ever started a business without the intention to make a profit. In fact, that is the sole reason that most businesses exist.
MrConcise 34
Aren't nonprofit charities still businesses? They want to make money for others, though.
xlord 27
The main objective of a business is to provide returns (profit) to the owner. Even though many non-profit organisations act like businesses they are technically just an organisation much like a sporting club (provide benefit to particular group, not the owners).
Talientary 8
This will probably offend some people, but oh well. I'm an American. Let's just say that I can name a few different versions of "English" that I've heard that you probably wouldn't recognize. I wouldn't expect much from the stereotypical American. #yoloswaql8rlol
tinman1166 5
Sadly, it is quite frequent that we butcher our own language. Our educational system is seriously flawed.
nightbirdblue 27
So only Americans butcher their language? I thought slang was part of all languages. Well anyways, it depends on the quality of the teacher and how much the student actually listens to that teacher. Also the aptitude of the student in a particular subject and the amount of incentive to learn must be taken into consideration. I've had some good English teachers. I tried to pay attention to them. I will admit to napping through class and doodling. My aptitude for language skills is actually below par. I could never sound out word in my head for some reason. I often forget how to spell some words. I can never grasp every last rule of commas, semicolons, and colons. My incentive to learn wasn't too high.
ManInTheMachine 19
59-Not being able to tell the difference between 'your' and 'you're' isn't slang, it's not knowing basic English parts of speech. You're right about it not being only Americans that can butcher their native tongue, but as the previous comments above you state, the American education system is in such a state that it is pumping people into the corporate world that don't even know the difference between the two words I mentioned above, and it's not just English skills they lack, unfortunately. I'm sure many of my fellow classmates, before I moved to Canada, will still (as many did before I left) refer to Africa as a third world country, and won't be able to point Afghanistan out on a map. Shit, some of them probably think Iraq and Afghanistan are the same place.
rocker_chick105 31
59- I know seniors in high school who have taken 4 years of English classes. Do you know what we learn? How to read books and write about them. I know too many seniors who don't know proper grammar. Sure we use slang, but I feel that proper grammar wouldn't be such a hard thing to teach.
MaryJane75 7
#80- It's not a hard thing to teach. That's why it is taught in elementary school, not high school. Students should already know how to use proper grammar by the time they reach that level. High school English classes shouldn't be about re-teaching things that kids should have already learned.
rocker_chick105 31
90- I agree that they shouldn't reteach it, but if students don't know it or remember it when they're in high school, it should be looked over again.
Jimmothy68 5
I feel like it's solely based on the school you go to. I just finished my freshman year and, having gone to two high schools, two middle schools, and two elementary schools, I've been taught by a lot of people. The school I'm going to now, however, is by far the best I've been to. For instance, in geography we had to know every country, and geographical landmark of three continents throughout the semester. So I feel like saying the educational system as a whole is flawed is incorrect.
RedPillSucks 31
The "System" is flawed because there's no good holistic approach to education. Sure, depending on the neighborhood you're in, you find a good school. Schools are funded with property taxes, so the areas with higher salaries will have better schools. It sucks for you if you live in a middle class or poor area though.
radiohaley 14
#90 key word...SHOULDN'T...but sadly...a lot of times is needed. I work in a school system and can tell you first hand that even in elementary school the educationl system is so flawed that teachers aren't allowed to teach basic skills..they are mandated to "teach the test" because so much importance is placed on state standarized testing
zango1 15
I'm from Britain and you'd be surprised at the moronic babble that seems to pass for English now. I think part of the problem is the growing number of people who hate 'grammar nazis'. There's no such thing as a grammar nazi. There are those that are literate and those who are not. The illiterate should be forced to pull themselves up, not drag the literate down.
noldier 5
Slang might be a part of a language, but if a person in the work place can't spell correctly because they only know slang. That is called stupidity.
Zimmington 21
Yes 119! That's all I was taught throughout school. I pretty much sought out to learn new interesting things myself because in class we "Have to get you ready for the TAKS." I guess something I'll actually use in life can wait?
bettyboop428 24
120: I wish I could thumb you up hundreds more times just for your last sentence.
fymother 13
USA! USA! USA!
Lct1196 31
Technically, we don't even have a national language as Americans, so we don't have a native language to butcher.
Aczidraindrop420 7
i apologize for our education system...My dad had a teacher tell him "ain't, ain't a word" So you can see the problems we're dealing with....
MidnaLink 33
Technically, "ain't" can be used as a word, as long as it is used by children, and in place of "am not".
Funkymunky1511 4
Foreigner study second language who alway notice and learn grammar is better than so many native people. It's truth for every language, i think it's not only education system in America
_DudeGuy_ 16
"A'int" was added to the dictionary. It is an official word, as is "funner" which was added in 2010.
TheDrifter 23
Wait, they're dumbing down the dictionary to compensate for poor grammar? That's just sad.
buckerado 19
Your all idiots. It isn't that hard to use you're language's proper grammar. You're schools have obviously failed you since your so incompetent. If only you're parents helped you as a child you're mind wouldn't be so slow. "You're" and "your" are so simple. (If you haven't noticed, I'm being sarcastic.)
ravenevercross 19
#146, lol. I was about to correct your first use of the word "your", but decided to finish reading your paragraph instead. I realized what you were doing quickly and it made me laugh. Well done.
MrsAlexander83 10
They've also put a few common text phrases in there, such as "lol" and "omg." So, yes, they're dumbing it down! Yay! Don't quote me on this but I do believe they've also added in some Ebonics because it is part of the "African American culture."
softrally 15
I feel you. I'm Korean, and I often need to correct Canadians' grammar.
TheYouget 4
AMERICA!!!
Iamevil123 16
No...
xtna 9
**** yeah!
Futacy 29
No, no, no. It's 'MURICA!
robotiick7 23
Merica! **** yea!
Treveyon56 14
This is why I hate to be American sometimes. Others make us look like fat, stupid, drunken idiots.
Wakachulak 22
So if the rest of the world didn't exist, Americans would think better of themselves? I think I finally understand!
Solle 9
I think he meant other Americans.
SleepWalken 5
Bbbuuut... Christopher Walken is from America...
Capriccio22 13
You should visit Australia mate. Apparently we're dumb drunk and racist. That's two out of three.
heinous966 15
Well, according to statistics, most of us are fat, ignorant, idiots.
dixiefoxx 22
Yeah, I know a guy that's in my grade (I'm going into 11th) and he's fat, obnoxious, ignorant, mean... (calm down, this guy made my life hell at a point, and if you met him, you'd see how mean and obnoxious he is -.- and... He is putting on some weight) I hate being American sometimes because of our stupid stereotypes, and people like I mentioned above make it so we have these stereotypes.
cathyfang1533 12
163 - I could pick apart your grammatically incorrect paragraph, or I could just act like I don't care, since what you do or think pertains only to you. Ah, decisions decisions. By the way, feel free to thumbs this down.
swedeNix 13
Swedish as well, Speaks english better than most americans i've met. Thanks to a childhood of videogames
Iamevil123 16
Never again can people say that videogames harm society!
ebbalofstedt 9
Haha instämmer
grahmagog 14
Having english as my only language, i know we can get lazy as there are so many words and varients for the same thing, when a foreigner learns english, its harder for them as they have to learn all these varients, so most have a better understanding of it, where as we're already learning it from before birth, it comes to us naturally, and we have to think less about it, unlike the foreigners that learn it from ages above ours, i guess what im ttying to state is that we all get lazy with our mother tongue, learning a new language means we have to learn all about it so we pick up on these trivial bits of information
captainjaffa 7
One should know the basics though.
brilliantideas 6
Correct English is not trivial.
MissMustard 20
Normally I hate doing this but it seems appropriate here... *variants
lana28_fml 7
There are so many grammatical, punctual and spelling errors in this little paragraph, I don't know where to start. It also makes absolutely no sense. "Learn language before birth"? Huh? This is the proof that the American educational system is broken. This country is going down hill! No wonder America is the laughing stock of the world and nobody takes us seriously. Such a shame.
Solle 9
All I can say is that I wouldn't make similar mistakes in swedish. Except for "tyvärr", which I still don't know if it's supposed to be only one r in.
grahmagog 14
We all make mistakes in any language we have, even the "grammar nazi's" make them, and to be honest im not arsed at all, we have the ability to still make sense of whatever is written before us, regardless of spelling or punctuation amd all that other crap, and yes we do start learning language from before birth, we start picking out key words such as mom and dad, even lunch time, we start listening to tones and music, thats how a baby knows when dinner time, without understanding the word, they know what it means by the sound, if you play a particular kind of music to the womb, you can almost guarantee the child will grow to like that music, as a species we're incredibly smart
mala_19 19
Well, I´m Swedish as well and i just want to add that Swedish is a very difficult language to learn since we have many bendings of words that does not follow the grammar "rules". Still, i don´t see as many Swedes as Americans make misstakes in their own language...
FinJage 18
I'm Finnish and Swedish is obligatory for us, but I have to say that it's the easiest language.
rocker_chick105 31
Okay first of all, commas are not periods...
InfamousRaider 15
Rocker_chick who the hell are you talking to...no one used commas as periods.
RedPillSucks 31
81 was pointing out that grahmagog's comment had one long sentence with commas as the only punctuation, instead of breaking it into multiple sentences with periods.
Sheh_fml 25
Two R's. It's one of my favourite words, just because pretty much no other has two R's in a row. It looks so odd. Doesn't make any sense though, since the Ä is long, and they're generally short when followed by double letters.
malait 23
#29 It is "tyvärr" ;) Think "värre" And also, I don't really think that "being lazy" with your mother tounge is the problem this time.. Just being plain stupid (or ignoring all sort of education, which is pretty much the same thing as being stupid).
malait 23
And also, #153, it it not a long "ä" in tyvärr.. Or at least not in any dialect I've heard o.O
Himlagott 14
Actually, I think Swedes are just as bad and care just as little. Our education system is seriously horrible, with teachers who can't spell. I've had to correct several of my teachers' for särskrivning for instance, rök fritt and rökfritt isn't the same... tyska lärare, klass rum, elev råd. Also, have you noticed that most of our myndighetsnamn have logos with bad grammar in them? Pensions myndigheten... till växt verket? I've given up a long time ago, but the most horrible thing is I can't have kids because homeschooling is illegal here in Sweden, and I will never subject my kid to the horror that Swedish schools are.
HungerGames95 13
39 isn't stereotyping at all...
Danne696 14
There is no law that says that you can't teach your child as well as have him/her in school. I could both read and do fourth graders math when I started school, courtesty of my grandfather.
Ultimativefail 11
I'm German, English is my second language. Thanks to the Internet, I am not too bad at it. And English grammar really is kind of simple.