Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML
Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML
Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, I was jerking off at 2am when a giant, thumb-sized cockroach came flying across my room, prompting me to scream pretty loudly. My mom then came into my room worried, only to find me naked on top of the couch, screaming like a little girl. I still had an erection. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML
Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML
Today, I was really horny after some dirty texts from my boyfriend. Since everyone seemed to be sleeping, I closed my eyes and started to touch myself. I was really close to climaxing when I opened my eyes and made eye contact with my mother staring at me as I was masturbating. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
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Top comments
Horny_Christian 0
At least she didn't pick up that you were masterbating.
AliSama 17
be happy, she was worried and loves you. also.. umm. being caught masturbating, and being comforted is not a fml. It is just a comedy, which ended with you knowing you are loved. A fml would have been well, far worst. lol.
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Comments (94)
AliSama 17
be happy, she was worried and loves you. also.. umm. being caught masturbating, and being comforted is not a fml. It is just a comedy, which ended with you knowing you are loved. A fml would have been well, far worst. lol.
hayleyjames 0
allsama scares me... anyone else sit it will be embarressing if he scares no one else
hayleyjames 0
**shit
i8thelastcookeii 0
hayleyjames, ur a douche. alisamas comments are usually smart and helpful.
DoctorKyda 5
^ Kiss-ass.
blacklagoon_fml 0
Girl or guy? Either way that sucks. Did she know? Lol
HeavyTank 0
On 02/18/2009 at 6:01pm - sex - by dirtyhands (WOMAN) - United States (Florida) Do you know how to read?
zac12345 0
it's a girl masterbating, her mom walks in thinking she's crying, and grabs her juice covered hands thinking they were tears, indeed an fml. ydi for doing it in a loud place
stephanieeDawnx 0
^^ maybe they're on a phone? It doesn't say on mine. Do you know how to not be a douche?
WaterPoloLove3 0
It doesn't even matter if you're A dumb ass, the symbol is pink...
gman123999 14
Really? That looks purple to me.. Although that could just be me.. Oh wait I'm commenting on a fml from four years ago, not like anyone is going to see this..
LordP123 0
definitely doesn't sound like it's true...but if it is...not fml but awkwarddd xD
Horny_Christian 0
At least she didn't pick up that you were masterbating.
darf1023 3
As soon as she touches the hands, she knows.
precious606893 0
are you a girl or a boy?
elfuin 0
Are you an idiot or are you blind?
HannahPaloozah 0
It's a girl
ErinPinelli 24
A giraffe.
elguapo_fml 0
HAHAHA! oooh, man. did she go make dinner afterwards?
AlWAYSN4EVR 13
Ewwww. Now that's just nasty Dx
lukeeeeeeee 0
do tht wen u r home alone
midnyte 0
Even if the bedroom door didn't have a lock, chances are a bathroom door would have.
ImTheAlpha 30
None of the bathroom doors in my home lock. Actually, no room locks in my house.
haygurlhay 0
Your poor mother.
ridiculous_gnome 0
remorse forever... issues forever... you are NEVER going to be able to kiss your mother on the cheek again... GOD