Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
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Top comments
irishfever 0
not sure how to interpret this one.... haha that sucks it sounds like she's not ready... don't pressure her
kwbuzz23wk 0
sounds like a compliment
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Comments (437)
irishfever 0
not sure how to interpret this one.... haha that sucks it sounds like she's not ready... don't pressure her
chyeahbro 0
two years and she never saw your dick. **** your life! you are supposed to work in steps stupid. you don't just go straight to sex after two years, work up to that shit wowww you deserve it for being so ******* stupid and having dumb girlfriend
thatguy626 0
what a stud
ordinarybadger 0
was ur dick really that small??
eliasnader 0
i think you should have began with your finger, and after that, when she gets it, you continue with your "canon" :D .... mni7a :)
breadfuck 0
my fiancé and I were together 2 years before she saw my penis, she'd never seen one before that. But we waited a further year before actually having sex. and I DON'T regret waiting a long time.
ahti546 11
she fainted? jackpot!
piehunter1 0
Score! I think you know what do now my friend ;) Step 1: get naked Step 2: Fu!k her Step 3:??? Step 4: profit! ;)
Toasty283 8
Maybe the awesomeness overwhelmed her.
kwbuzz23wk 0
sounds like a compliment
Stand_Up 0
that it does. (: lol
emilieee_fml 0
It was sooooo big, she passed out;)
SirNiceAss 13
This made ME laugh too hard.
pushinglimits_fml 0
that is one of the greatest things i've ever heard. maybe she was overwhelmed? and way to go, #3!
Squirty 0
Haha my thoughts exactly
wantmenot 0
wow.. totally not ready for sex or what
BillyDisselhorst 3
How the hell didn't she see your dick after two years. You are waaaaaay more patient than I.
cselby 0
dude you're a legend. this made me laugh so friggin hard
thequeenofscots 0
3: Oh no, some people wait to have sex. The horror! I feel your girlfriend's pain, but then again, I'm a lesbian. ;]. Just take it slow with her, she's probably just nervous.
WickedPixie 0
I like your comment. ;)
piehunter1 0
Lesbian!? Hot ;] I don't like waiting but will for my gf. :P
omglyktotally78 0
could have been any penis.....not just yours
Rawrrr14 0
that disappointing huh? haha just kidding.....
FMLIA 0
cool name rawrrr
lonewolf621 17
More like a meow
TheSmirkster 0
Well, either she thought it was terrifyingly disgusting, or she thought it was terrifyingly huge, you might be ******, or not, either way.
Art_Vandeley 0
Dude fyl 2 years and not even a handjob? Your dick must be really really ugly.