Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie where a girl proposed to a guy. He said "I would hate it if that happened to me, obviously I don't want to get married if I haven't proposed myself." I was planning on proposing later. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19603) - you totally deserved it (3822)
On 11/26/2009 at 10:23pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)
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No man wants his girl to propose to him. Period.
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Agreed. Quit trying to be the man in your relationship OP.
#4 - On 11/27/2009 at 3:39am by alexandraa
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Yeah shuddup with proposing and make us a sammich
Thankyou
At least you found this out before you proposed. And that doesn't mean he doesn't want to go to the next step. Not really that much of an FML
I do. That'd show me that she's not a backwards and sexist person that cares too much about this dumb tradition. If she wants to marry, she should propose. Giving hints is childish and stupid because leads to misunderstanding and frustration.
#22 - On 11/27/2009 at 5:32am by leiziueyes
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#22, i'm all for men being equal to women. but that doesn't men and women the same roles...
#41 - On 11/27/2009 at 8:21am by IgniteMe28
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way to emasculate a man!!
#51 - On 11/27/2009 at 10:50am by patticake1601
I love number 22 :D Completely agree If a woman wants to propose then she can there's no law against it. :D
#68 - On 11/27/2009 at 3:57pm by fridalovesyou
Hi Toxi :] Don't understand this emasculachun stuffs either :[
(Am PMing you in a bit.. we're having a DVD marathon/Hot Toddy day. StarTrek2009!) :D
I wouldn't mind if my girlfriend proposed to me. At any rate that would show she really wanted to be with me.
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I have to agree, it would be awkward as hell if a girl proposed
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#2 - On 11/27/2009 at 3:36am by Starchild21
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your an idiot. you deserve it. guys are always supposed to ask. ALWAYS. no exceptions. when girls ask the relationship fails miserably and you look look worse than before.
on the other hand.
tell your boyfriend how you feel and that you wanna step it up. and maybe he'll take the hint. ;)
#3 - On 11/27/2009 at 3:37am by Apachefire21
Wow calm down first of all. A girl proposing is different, but it's not going to make the relationship fail...that's like saying only guys should ask girls out, and only guys should make the important decisions in a relationship. This is 2009 people hello girls can do whatever the fuck we want to do, including propose. Maybe you're not man enough to deal with the girl switching things up or something.
Is saying "Its the 21st century peoplz!!" the default argument for why ________ can do whatever they please? Just wondering, because whenever you see something like this, you know that comeback's gonna show up....
#30 - On 11/27/2009 at 6:09am by Whydoyouask
It's the default argument because it makes sense. Like, in this case, I meant that in say, 1910 women did not have a lot of rights, and could not do as they please, and were expected to let a man make all the decisions and could not step out of the gender box...now it is 2009 and women have rights and can do things normally expected of a man. Okay?
I think you missed my point. I'm agreeing with everything you've said. My general observation, though, is that its getting pretty cliche and repetitive using the "its the 21 century" argument. It wasn't to single you out or to refute your claims.
#33 - On 11/27/2009 at 6:34am by Whydoyouask
agreed! i asked my boyfriend out and we've been going out for a year and 8 months so it worked out pretty well for us. i wouldn't propose to him just because i want him to propose when he's ready.
but any guy who doesn't want a girl to ask them out or propose can't handle a strong woman. sucks for them.
:)
#64 - On 11/27/2009 at 3:17pm by chicken_lover
#5 -- you're a jackass. get off your fat lazy ass and try making yourself a damn "sammich". or ask your mother, since you probably still live in that bitches basement
#62 - On 11/27/2009 at 2:58pm by Let_it_Be1
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Ohh yea. That was a reeel good idea. Emasculate the poor bastard before the marriage...
Every woman knows you wait til AFTER the marriage before you try take his balls away from him!
At least he told you before you proposed and got rejected !!! Quit whining !
#8 - On 11/27/2009 at 3:56am by hannaclara
Um so the guy she wanted to marry basically completely shut her down and ruined the romantic gesture she was planning to do later that night. No, her life isn't fucked at all, oh wait except it is. She wanted to marry him and he made her feel bad about it without realizing it. She probably spent some time thinking about this and got all excited and then he's all, that's so stupid I'd hate it if that happened to me. So she should be whining.
I see nothing wrong with the girl proposing. I have a feeling I will have to be the one to pop the question because my man is very timid and shy about it.
well... i think you got your answer then!
honestly, you should be thankful that you learned he felt this way before you proposed....
#13 - On 11/27/2009 at 4:07am by hayride1987
Yeah, good thing you found out before you asked. You might want to break up with this guy, too, since he would ask if he wanted to be married, and he hasn't, and you obviously want to be married.
Sometimes guys have to risk losing the girl before they realize they want to be committed. Either way, if the girl wants to get married someday, and the guy is dragging his feet, sometimes she's gotta speak up and tell him that either they get married or they move on. That's how it was with my husband.
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You're all douchebags, a girl proposing is hawt. After she proposes she can go make me a sandwich.
Wow, I wasn't aware people were still this backwards.
OP: yeah, it sucks that your plans got ruined, but at least that little offhand remark saved you the embarrassment of getting rejected.
lol i wondered this too. when a girl proposes does she still get down on one knee with a tiffany's box containing a ring for the guy?
#66 - On 11/27/2009 at 3:51pm by RyeBreadBoy
So? Wait a while and try again.
I hope you didn't put the ring in his sammich, btw.
#26 - On 11/27/2009 at 5:46am by blastvortex
didnt you think that maybe he knew you were going to propose and he doesnt wanna marry you yet?
#32 - On 11/27/2009 at 6:17am by weezershashpipe
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Quit your bitching and get back in the kitchen! YDI for taking a man's place.
#35 - On 11/27/2009 at 7:03am by pattheaninal
You were really so lucky. Lead him to propose to you then. :D
#36 - On 11/27/2009 at 7:09am by Sakata_Gintoki
I'd propose to my man if I believed in marriage. And leading a guy to proposals... Fail from the start. That whole "you can lead a horse to water.." thing is true.
#39 - On 11/27/2009 at 7:54am by stinchbird
He just told you he didn't want to get married. If you want a husband, better get another boyfriend.
That's exactly what I was about to say. It seemed to me he knew about your plan to propose, didn't have the balls to say no outright, and decided to cut you off before you could get there. Ditch him.
Also, for the record, there's nothing wrong with a girl proposing. Any guy who would feel emasculated by a girl popping the question clearly never had much manhood to lose in the first place.
Yeah if you follow tradition with the whole man asking a woman to marry him then you can still get away with the woman asking the man - old tradition, if a woman wants to propose she does it on the 29th Feb, so you only have a window every 4 years.
That being said why constrict yourself by stupid traditions that do nothing for a relationship, some men don't have the guts to do everything, guys like girls to ask them out because it shows confidence and flatters their ego, surely asking them to marry you is an extension of this.
That being said, he predicted what you were going to to and shut you down, try persuading him to do the asking now since he's clearly a traditionalist
#44 - On 11/27/2009 at 8:32am by xsunnysmilesx
yeaa its kindaa truee. i think guys get freaked outt, return the ring. its really cutee tho and at least you know before you did it
#45 - On 11/27/2009 at 9:43am by i_love_you143
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Girls should never propose, too many emotional and pschycotic women would be asking way too quick. let the guy decide when is a good time. women will never understand.
I hope you're just trolling with this comment.
Because implying that men can't possibly be psychotic is just plain stupid.
#49 - On 11/27/2009 at 10:30am by Lawlipop
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You probably got him a shiny piece of rock for him to show his gal-pals too. YDI.
he did not say that he wasn`t interested in getting married, he just wanted to do the proposing himself.
#48 - On 11/27/2009 at 10:30am by KingHumanity
Let's set the record straight people. We live in an ever-changing world. There is no code or law that says a woman cannot propose to man. (Even if there was, it would be ridiculous)
For the poster of this FML: I'd say it wasn't chance that this happened to you. Your subconscious probably picked it up and manifested a situation to allow you to find out that your BF would rather propose to avoid unnecessary heartache and grief. You can try hinting to him (SUBTLY, but not too subtle) that you're ready to take things to the next level. Or you can talk about the things you might do when the both of you are married to make him realize you're comfortable with the idea of marriage.
Except for the code of tradition for the past, oh i don't know, 3000 years? how long has marriage been a thing? oh then about that long.
Marriage used (well, depending on where ya live) to be about buying and selling women as property, oh and let's not forget as long as you are arranged with someone the same race as you.
If you want to follow "tradition," be my guest, but don't expect everyone else to. Fuck all what gender the person proposing is, that is not important. I find it funny people wonder why so many marriages fail. I guess it does not have a single thing to do with people being more focused on weddings than why they are getting married as well.
#80 - On 11/28/2009 at 12:45am by waterynuggets
Ok, well I guess he's right, but the wording is odd. "I would hate it if that happened to me, obviously I don't want to get married if I haven't proposed myself." Couldn't that go for girls too? If SHE hasn't proposed maybe she doesn't want to get married.
But the guy to girl proposal is traditional.
#55 - On 11/27/2009 at 12:13pm by Yooh_Plus_Meh
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Girls don't propose. Period.
#56 - On 11/27/2009 at 12:38pm by FritoLovesYou
OP, you obviously don't know your boyfriend well enough if you don't know he does not believe in marriage. Proposing is clearly premature if you don't know each other that well.
That being said, I still feel sorry for you.
#58 - On 11/27/2009 at 1:36pm by lostfaithinpppl
Well even though he proposed, he will ALWAYS be the man in bed. But if not, WTF is wrong with him?!?!??
I would suspect there is a good reason to wait for the guy to propose. Statistically speaking more guys are unfaithful, with relatively few women cheating with lots of guys. So women should be extra careful that the guy is really committed and wait for him to propose.
#60 - On 11/27/2009 at 1:58pm by I_am_stupid_also
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Any story I've ever heard like this, the girl is a crazy nut-job who has been ignoring all of the signs that the guy isn't interested in getting married. Why can't you be happy in a relationship and not try to go to "the next level?"
#61 - On 11/27/2009 at 2:55pm by Punkartmama
at least you got warning before you did something stupid.
careful marrying someone you don't know well enough to know something he feels so strongly about.
#70 - On 11/27/2009 at 4:25pm by 42billybob
Maybe he would just be weirded out by you proposing to him instead of the other way around...some guys are like that. Wait and see, he might be planning to propose to you...
#71 - On 11/27/2009 at 4:55pm by horseluvr91
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Why were you gonba propose? Dont try to be the man. When the time is rit it wilk happen wit the rit guy. Good luck.
#72 - On 11/27/2009 at 5:03pm by Krazyaliz10
well come on, If a guy is secure enough he wont mind being proposed first of all, secondly the guy prolly hasn't proposed n she is getting tired. Just because society has made woman look like the ones that have to be proposed to doesnt mean they cant propose to man.
If she's getting tired and upset over him not proposing, how is she going to take being married to him? I mean, marriage is ideally forever. Just a thought. Although, I mean nothing against her proposing to him.
#78 - On 11/28/2009 at 12:21am by containsnosoy
At least you found out BEFORE you popped the question.
#79 - On 11/28/2009 at 12:40am by KarmaLanding
it's an odd situation. Sure, traditionally the guy asks, but it seems like the women tend to think more about marraige than guys do. Probably stems from the fact that from a young age, guys are encouraged to try to get with a lot of girls, and be a 'playa'. Our movies and television shows romanticize the suave, cool guy who can get with any girl he wants, and does in fact get with every girl he wants. Yet the public perception is against women who do the same things. If a guy does it, he's a cool playa. If a girl does it, she's a dirty slut.
I think the next logical manifestation of this is that women (at least those with a religious or conservative upbrining, I'm sure there are plenty of exceptions) want to be with one guy, and a ring on her finger is the best way to make sure that that one guy stays with her. Guys, on the other hand, might be more inclined to "play the field" and try out lots of women before settling down.
Now, obviously, all of the major religions have a part in creating this stereotype. With their idealized concepts of virginity as a virtue, mostly for women, they discourage women from seeking multiple partners.
Perhaps this can be traced back to a more primal need. From a strictly scientific point of view, a man takes anywhere from 3 seconds to 3 hours to make a baby. A woman takes 9 months. In order to spread their genetic legacy as far as possible, it 'makes sense' for a neanderthal man to try to impregnate as many women as possible, to improve the chances that some of them will be able to make children with his genes. However, since a woman is unable to concieve again once she has become pregnant, it 'makes sense' genetically for her to seek one man to impregnate her, then hold onto him to protect her and keep her safe during the vulnerable months of pregnancy, where she is physically weak and immobile. These two aims are at odds to each other.
It makes sense, then, that ancient civilizations would try to find a way to reconcile these two genetic habits into a "happy medium", which resulted in the institution of marriage. Women are discouraged from sex before marriage, since without a binding legal contract, she cannot be sure that the man who fathers her child will care for her and provide for her during the pregnancy, rather than just running away. Even now, in 'modern' 2009, most people still frown upon children born to single parents. The invention of birth control has relegated virginity until marriage to a practice performed by only the most devout religious people, since it's simple enough to enjoy sex without having to deal with children.
However, our social constructs have not yet evolved to the point of removing these obsolete ideas, since each generation is firmly ingrained with a sense of tradition, doing things a certain way because "That's how it's always been done."
The guy asking the woman out, the guy proposing, the girl staying home to take care of the children, the woman taking the man's last name, the woman cleaning the house, these are all irrelevant traditions whose origins are long forgotten, but which are passed down from generation to generation. We've achieved gender equality in a legal sense in that it is acceptable for women to work any job that men can, and for women to be political leaders, and for women to receive proper educations. However, our preconceived notions of what is the proper role of a woman in a relationship and what is the proper role of a man in a relationship remained mired in the past.
Ew the guy is always supposed to make the first move, thats how it always is, the girl is the one standing up gushing, the guy doesnt. Wata retard
#82 - On 11/28/2009 at 12:59am by huskycheer2015
Says who, the Proposal Police?
If a woman proposes I wouldn't recomend her doing the whole down-on-one-knee-with-giant-diamond-ring way, but that's a very traditionalist way of proposing and if she's proposing they're already breaking tradition, anyway. But there are other ways of proposing.
The ONLY real reason why a woman shouldn't propose is tradition, and when it goes down to it, tradition is only as important as you make it out to be.
What's wrong with being honest with what you want out of a relationship? If the guy isn't ready, he can always say "no", just like a girl can if a guy proposes to her. I thought guys liked it when women take the initiative...
Not to be sexist, but there's a reason that it's the guy that proposes and not the girl: the same reason that it's the guy that says "I love you" first. Girls are simply a lot more open to commitment, so they have to wait for the guy to be ready for it, which is easiest if the guy makes the first move.
I would hate it if a girl proposed. I wouldn't really mind if she asked me out, it would be a little weird, but I could deal with that. I just couldn't have a girl propose because I am a traditional man. I would want it to be perfect because it's something that a girl will remember for the rest of her life. It's special for her and the guy should propose.
Personally, I wouldn't propose to my current boyfriend. But that's simply because he would probably feel terrible that he didn't get the opportunity to do something incredibly special like ask me to marry him in some elaborate way.
I think a lot of people here are assuming that OP is a woman trying to rush into something when the guy isn't necessarily ready. I understand any two people not being ready that commitment at the same exact time. It just happens. She shouldn't necessarily break up with him because of this. And for those who are saying YDI for not knowing him well enough to know his opinion on the subject: Who talks about those things? I'm sure by the time she even considered the fact that she never discussed it with him, she realized asking may spoil the surprise.
Anywho, I agree with #83: Since a woman proposing to a man is already "breaking tradition", she most likely wouldn't do it in the same manner a man would. I would more than likely do it in a casual manner, but that's just my style. And, that's what all of this boils down to - personal preference.
I think its okay for a woman to propose to the man. Its just that they sometimes want to ask their girlfriend themselves and feel like they didnt get to sweep her off her feet like he wanted to or something.
Personally, I (a woman) will not propose. I will also never ask a guy out. Why? Because I want a guy who is willing to put himself on the line and ask me. That's the kind of roles I want us to have, and maybe that's the kind of role he wants to have.
#90 - On 11/28/2009 at 9:52pm by youKnowBetter
well thats just silly.
if you like a guy, ask him out for god's sake.
I hate when women expect us males to be the fairy tale princes we're dipicted to have to be.
Maybe a guy is waiting for a girl who's not afraid to take chances?
because most guys dont wait around.
first of all, #22, you rock.
second. . . OP...I cry emo tears of sadness for you, but if your guy is to insecure to be proposed to by you, he doesn't deserve a strong woman like you. also...at least he said that before you actually proposed. =/
When we were dating, my girlfriend proposed to me, circumventing the public romantic display I was starting to plane without her knowledge... but she knew me well enough to know that I am a sucked tfor those sorts of things. She, on the other hand hates - HATES any sort of PDA, and especially hates being singled out for special treatment, which I knew but thought I could still get away with it.
When she proposed, it was sweet and simple - a box under the Christmas tree that held a silver ring I'd owned for a long time, but had stopped really wearing. When I opened the box, I looked at the ring, a little confused and she just gave me one of her killer smiles, saying, "So, will ya...?" In that moment I knew that this was the perfect romantic gesture, that we both got what we wanted.
We've been married 11 years and have two beautiful kids...
Follow your heart - maybe it was just a flip comment that didn't really mean anything, or maybe he just isn't "the one". When the time is right, won't both of you know?
my best friend proposed to her husband because he was to shy to do it and was afraid she would say know even though he knew she loved him.
they have been married for quite sometime now
#95 - On 12/01/2009 at 1:32pm by Future_Mrs_Voltz
If the cunt proposes, does the husband get to take half of HER money when they divorce?
#97 - On 12/04/2009 at 3:34am by COBRAMORPH
I love this because I want to know how he thinks the women feel. Maybe if I haven't asked it means I don't want it.
I would have no problem asking a guy out, but proposing is another story. it wouldn't seem that official to me. :(
