Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my cat got his head stuck in the handle of a plastic bag while snooping. Unfortunately, it was the bag I use to put his turds in after scooping them from the litter tray. With the bag trapped around his neck, he got spooked, then ran around the house, spreading turds from the bag as he fled. FML
Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML
Today, our rodent problem was taken care of. I discovered this when my cat projectile-vomited a soggy, death-scented wad of dark fur and tiny organs onto the couch. FML
Today, my cat wouldn't stop attacking the strings on my pants, and I couldn't get him to stop. However, he did finally stop when he missed the strings and grabbed me by the dick, because I accidentally kicked him across the room when he did. FML
Today, I came home to find that my sweet kitten had gotten out and dragged a bird inside, where he ripped it to shreds. I found the bird's head in my underwear drawer. FML
Today, I realized I'm missing my diamond earrings. After ripping apart the vacuum bag and exhausting all other options I'm pretty sure my new cat ate them. I'm going to go sift through several days worth of cat shit now. FML
Today, I watched as my poor old cat dragged his ass across our living room carpet, leaving an equally long shit stain on our pristine carpet. My pleas for him to stop only made his diarrhea worse as he ran off. FML
Today, I was spinning some yarn around to make my new cat run in circles. After about 10 seconds, he stopped going in circles and went straight ahead, happily running several feet into the wall and knocking himself out. My bowel movements have more brain-power than this thing. FML
Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML
Today, my cat had a long dingleberry hanging off his butt. He decided the best way to get rid of it was to freak out and run around the house, shaking shit everywhere. To make it worse, he then licked his still shit covered butt, made a face and promptly threw up. Guess my cat isn’t the brightest. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
Top comments
ChasinParkedCars 0
Nothing like pleasuring your pussy.
redbluegreen 40
What is it with animals, their rectums and this site? Time to break out the awkward turtle.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (208)
ChasinParkedCars 0
Nothing like pleasuring your pussy.
SoccerChic7 0
Lmao! good one #1 lol I agree with #2.. haha FYL (:
lmfao25 0
Hahahahahhahahah brilliant.
ChasinParkedCars 0
You need to relax. Maybe the cat found it outside or something? Is she supposed to keep her cat in a baby guard? Cats get get into small places easily anyway, there's no point of putting things out of reach. Chill the **** out.
Wtfisflapdoodle 0
Cats can jump over fences. So I think they would be able to reach most things. Heck my cat ocassionally runs on my roof.
gwenhwyfaer 0
In case you weren't aware of this, cats habitually purr when they're in pain; it's not unknown to find a cat that's been hit by a car purring its heart out. It's thought that purring stimulates the production of something resembling opioids. Her cat was probably in agony as it had three feet of plastic pulled through its intestine. The submitter of this FML needs to (a) count herself VERY lucky that her cat is still alive; (b) get the cat to a vet ASAP to be checked over; and (c) should it ever happen again, take the cat to the vet INSTEAD of trying to unravel its arsehole.
awdorable 0
Congrats #1, you win the funniest comment of the day!!! haha, epic win, epic win!! xoxo
melanijade 0
I agree with 43. I don't think people understand the fact that cats purr whenever they're emotional. My cat was giving birth, looking scared, and purring at the same time.
cha40_fml 0
yea you should have taken your cat to the vet. it happened to mine and the vet said it could have been bad because it could have been wrapped around the intestine or something and have damaged the intestines if we had tried to pull it out. poor cat :(
krispykreem 0
Hahahaha #1 that's more incredible than 99% of the FML's on this website lately.
vanaathiel 13
Yes yes yes! You beat me too it # 76, you should NEVER take it upon yourself to do that unless you are a) a vet or b) a vet tech....you could have really damaged your cats intestines. I'd take it to a vet ASAP for a check up just to be certain...and watch what you leave around from now on, chances aree if he ate it once he'll eat it again.
Kyzomo 0
bro u deserve an award that so so funny lmao
ImaBmyLonurTees 0
Lol @ # 1. I watched my mom pull a string out of our cats ass once. It was unnecessarily long.
crazy_cat_lady24 0
You are completely right. This FML didn't make me laugh, it just made me sad. OP, listen to #43. Take your cat to a vet ASAP. If you damaged her intestines by pulling that string, she may not have much time left...
moomoo88 0
Maybe they didnt realize how long this string was. The exact same thing happened to me actually, so i cant believe this FML is up here. deja vu. But with my cat it was thread and wasnt that long, and shes absolutely fine. It's been almost a year since that happened. The only person affected was me, traumatized that there was resistance when pulling out the string and that the part that i pulled out was brown. ICKY.
whatacoolkid 0
hahah i bet he was one happy pussy cat.
harmony88 0
Very true.... many animals have a habit of eating long indigestible materials and rather than being fortunate enough for it to come out the other end, it lacerates their intestines to shreds.
hi5534 3
i had to pull a long hair out of my cat's ass once, i know the dogs eat them, but that was rare to see and do that.
rosebud_fml 0
thats wanky
ABbaby 10
#1 ******* classic lmao!!! =]
chilliin 0
LOL very witty
megalan 0
lmfao
GtDriver 6
Actually, the kite string used today is nylon. 5-7 little tiny strands of nylon twisted together to create one think sturdy strand of nylon that can resist up to 25 mph wind bursts. I fly kites all the time.
Hatebrigade 0
hahahahahaha
RedMeelz 0
here here!
TheWazBe 0
I'd tap that puszy ;)
SeaMen 3
u would no #1
rawrlily 0
Cats purr when in pain, OP.
Zelda210 0
Haha wow that's dirty
meb123hazel 21
Ok that's wonderful. I think all of our our life are much better now that we know what kite strings are made of -.-
meb123hazel 21
Ok that's wonderful. I think all of our our life are much better now that we know what kite strings are made of -.-
kLow_fml 0
mmm delicious... i used to have to do that to my dog with abnormally long piece of grass... maybe they should hook up it's definitely an FML if that is the most erotic thing you've done in a while...
redbluegreen 40
What is it with animals, their rectums and this site? Time to break out the awkward turtle.
kopei 0
lol ikr? xD Poor turtle.
Cerataphora 0
Some aquatic turtles breathe from their ass, awkward enough for you?
redbluegreen 40
There's nothing quite like a deep, refreshing breath, is there?
callargh 0
I think the awkward turtle liked it.
Juggalette_623 9
LOLZ are you talking about that one FML with the turtle butt and Q-tip? That was special! XD
Emma_91 0
Because a dick can't get stuck in your intestines. A dick evolved to fit into the body and not cause it harm, but a string can cause severe internal bleeding.
Cittenscollar 0
Basic cat knowledge FAIL on your part :/
alphabetsoup96 0
but what if the Tuttle farts? would it breathe the fart? lol think about it!
ohhdamn 0
Your pussy will be a star!
SturmFireforge 0
"Today I did something nice for my pet, and it was appreciative." How is this an FML?
normandin131 0
Because it was gross pulling a string out of the cats ass.
ilovedastone 0
this. pulling it out could kill the cat. take it to a vet instead! that is.. if you care about your cat at all. don't leave string around your cat... it will be devoured.
lego_15 0
very good point # 27...
BRITTANYHUNGRY 0
Because he was enforcing sexual pleasure on something that should've made the cat uncomfortable.. -_-
Bored_2_Death 0
ha that happened to my cat once, but she wasnt as happy about it.
taterpotatotots 0
That was intense :)
FML_FYL_YDI 0
That's a bit gross, but good for your kitty, I suppose.
sweaterlady 0
No other FML has ever made me laugh this hard! Sorry it had to be you, though. Now your cat will be looking for string to eat all the time, waiting for his "special treat" the next day!
kapow_fml 0
haha that's so gross! definitely FYL!