Today, my husband broke his toe after tripping over one of our dog's toys. Instead of telling the doctors what actually happened, he said it was "sex related". I had to sit there, beet red with embarrassment, getting weird looks while he giggled to himself. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, as I was on the floor playing with the dog, my husband walked past, tripped over something, and fell on me, smashing his bony elbow right into my crotch. FML
Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML
Today, I broke my toe. After telling my friend about it, he promptly stomped on it to "see what my reaction would be." FML
Today, my boyfriend won't talk to me because I let a giggle slip during sex and he's convinced I was laughing at him. FML
Today, I tripped really hard and twisted my ankle on a toy that was on the floor, dropping a bag of trash filled with coffee and energy drinks my husband has piled around his desk. Instead of helping me up or helping me clean, he berated me about it. Told me that it's not my problem and went to his LoL game. FML
Today, while in the shower with my boyfriend, I tried to heat things up by washing his knob with my loofa. He couldn't stop laughing and eventually laughed so hard that he slipped and fell. He now has a bruised butt while I have a missing toenail from catching his fall. Ouch. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It would have been a lot sexier had our chihuahua not decided to rim his ass as he thrust into me, causing him to break out into a case of the giggles. FML
Today, my husband was involved in a horrible series of accidents; he repeatedly slipped and fell into my best friend's vagina. FML
Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long, nasty toenails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML
Today, I was hanging out with my friends when I tripped and a chair rolled over my foot, breaking a bone. A friend, who didn't believe me, then dogpiled on top of me and laughed as I screamed. FML
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Top comments
MrSassypants 33
You should've said. "Yeah, and if you think the toe is bad, you should see his penis." The quickest way to hurt a man is to hurt his penis, figuratively or literally.
Hiimhaileypotter 52
I probably would've just said, "If it was sex related, you weren't with me. I did see you trip over the dog toy, however." It's funny what people say in weird situations. Maybe he was just nervous or felt stupid for tripping over a dog toy?
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Comments (54)
zilfy 17
50 Shades
General_Cool 24
Wasted first comment
lostinareverie 21
This proves my gender is full of big little boys.
Hiimhaileypotter 52
I probably would've just said, "If it was sex related, you weren't with me. I did see you trip over the dog toy, however." It's funny what people say in weird situations. Maybe he was just nervous or felt stupid for tripping over a dog toy?
SystemofaBlink41 27
Maybe it was a joke?
Hiimhaileypotter 52
Well, I feel dumb for not even thinking of that possibility.
KillerCheez 2
Keep that guy lmfao
AllyJo1231 15
Well, they say pay back is a bitch! Next time something happens embarrass him! :)
MrSassypants 33
You should've said. "Yeah, and if you think the toe is bad, you should see his penis." The quickest way to hurt a man is to hurt his penis, figuratively or literally.
MRS_SILVER 11
Or she could have said "We have to use his toe because it's bigger than his dick" haha
MrSassypants 33
No, it isn't the number one sign. My shirt that says "don't make fun of my penis" on the front of it is the number one sign of my genital insecurity.
Abhimanyu 14
haha your comment was Savage af :D
ERaj1123 18
At least say that the sex was bad!
LilMissCanadian 22
Relationship goals.
warped_executive 16
Least he has a good sense of humor!
hasooon 24
Maybe he was just saying the truth?