Today, I was driving through the mountains and there was a chain requirement. I went to put them on and found a note where my chains used to be saying, "Have fun in a blizzard now, bitch" from my ex. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, one of my tires blew out on the highway. I managed to slow down and pull over without dying, and went to get my spare tire. I found it right where it was supposed to be, knifed to hell and with a taunting note from my psycho ex taped to it. We broke up nearly 3 years ago. FML
Today, my car got a flat tire. I jacked up my car, removed the flat, and went to get my spare out of the trunk. Where my spare is supposed to be, I found a note. It said, "You're a bitch - John". John is my ex-boyfriend. He borrowed my car the day we broke up, apparently he stole my spare tire too. FML
Today, I was on my way to work when my ex-wife drove past me in the car she got from me. She fucked me over so hard in the divorce that I have to ride my bike to work while wearing a full suit. FML
Today, whilst on a cycling holiday, in a somewhat hungover state, I accidentally chained my bike to the back of someone else's caravan. As I walked away, I heard a loud scraping noise. I turned around and watched my bike get dragged down a long gravel road and through a pile of horse shit. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house so that he could break up with me. I went out to my car to leave only to discover that all of the wheels had been stolen. Even the spare. I had to spend the rest of the day with my ex-boyfriend finding a way to get my car home. FML
Today, right before a huge snowstorm hit our area, I broke up with my girlfriend. In her fury, she decided to grab my car keys and roll down all four windows in my car. I now have 2 feet of half melted snow in my backseat. FML
Today, I went for a drive to clear my head of relationship issues. That night, I got pulled over. Lost the car and my license. I texted my girlfriend, saying I was sorry; she left. Lost her too. FML
Today, I biked to the store to buy a new lock, since biking is my only form of transportation. I left my bike unattended for the last time, only to come back with a new chain, but no bike. FML
Today, I found my car with its front end smashed in. The offender was nowhere to be seen, but had left a helpful note that stated, "Sorry about your car but you can go fuck yourself because you will never find me. Muwahahaha!" FML
Today, I went to my car to discover a note on the windshield from the city telling me that they had hit my car. On top of that note was a parking ticket, also from the city. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
beaglegal 42
Glad he's your ex. What a dick! FYL indeed.
junkman6 22
I almost never say damage someone else's vehicle...... But in this case a few dead fish in the trunk of his/her car is the best revenge.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (119)
beaglegal 42
Glad he's your ex. What a dick! FYL indeed.
friedpwnadge 25
That's theft and he obviously intended to endanger you, get the cops on that pathetic man-child.
frizz101 22
He also left a note that basically said he took them. Even the most brain dead lawyer can get him a couple years in jail.
applebramble 22
Clearly he's the dumped and can't take it like a man . What an immature child . OP's ex going to jail for a certain amount of time for property damage is justice enough , in my opinion .
nurchok 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
#23, #33, and #45, +1 on that...
CallMeMcFeelii 13
Guys, you're missing the point! He wrote "Have fun in a blizzard now, bitch" so obviously he just wants OP to be free and have fun! Geez, all these stand up guys are totally misunderstood..
nurchok 15
OP, when your ex left a note saying "Hey, I've tried to kill you," you should reply with "Challenge accepted!" and report him...
kuzzy00 22
Gget him a few years in jail? Murder? Really? Lol #21,#23,#33, I don't think either of you were legal trained. One track minded rednecks with unrealistic and overzealous expectations. Worst he can be done for is theft - which let's face it; monetary fine? "Have fun in the blizzard" could be manipulated to different viewpoints. For instance: the message could imply he wants to make her travels difficult (not a crime), or that he wants her to enjoy the snow (not a crime), or that he wants to disadvantage her by stealing her chains (crime). Who says his intent is murder? Most people would be able to call for help or they'd have winter clothes in their car.
KittenSandwich 9
#52 I love how no one understands your sarcasm.
CallMeMcFeelii 13
I think they caught on now, haha. It's a hit or miss it seems. Comments like yours seem necessary(sadly) for people to even get the joke. Good on you, 57, you understood it without someone explaining it, haha.
monster_tamer 11
I'm pretty sure, the "bitch" at the end makes it pretty clear what the intentions of the theft were (ie: purely malicious).
Traitoro 9
People need to calm down with this attempted murder stuff. She just can't drive in the snow, cutting her breaks would be attempted murder.
teentee401 36
"Today, I stole my exes snow chains right before she went driving through the mountains, leaving a note that said, "Have fun with the blizzard, bitch." She took the note to the police and now I'm off to court. FML."
yesrod 4
Take a chain to his or her face
Shadowsofthedead 10
As pissed as I'd be if something like this happened to me, I think that your suggestion is just a little over the top. I would stick with property damage. Much more passive-aggressive.
joeyl2008 29
I guess you are no longer the ol' ball and chain.
lenalee96 22
That's horrible. You should go and get them back. And slash his tired while you're at it.
lenalee96 22
Darn, **tires
joeyl2008 29
Calm down there, psycho.
billiejoeinabox 7
Slash his tires indeed, but only 3 of them, if you slash all 4 his insurance will cover it, if you slash only 3 he'll have to pay everything from his own pocket. ;)
ksks1234 33
13-- you seem to know this really well. I am going to assume you are an insurance adjuster.
BluKatz 11
Or, ya know, call the police and report ex for theft.
Clay_Pidgeon 11
Police: "Hello what is your problem?" OP:"Yes, my ex boyfriend stole my tire chains." Police: *static* Stolen tire chains are the least of worries for most police departments. They have bigger problems usually. They are not going to start an investigation or be on the lookout for something like a tire chain.
sohigh10 34
that's not the point. The bitch stole something from him. It's their job to impose the consequences of stealing on her.
Lil_Red777 21
@79 OP is the female and her ex boyfriend stole her shit. Ever try actually reading?
crazytwinsmom 25
79's name explains their confusion.
nikkipettyfer 24
How nice of her
dachayke 16
It clearly says op is female.
kozzard 17
Females can't have female ex's?
Crazc 15
#40 nope
KK3137 31
And why not?
iAlissa 34
@47 Try telling that the the thousands of lesbians and bisexuals happily in a relationship with another female.
warsun 27
Lesbian? Of course OP is not a lesbian I'm just replying to the comment
dachayke 16
The majority of people in the world are straight. So we assume op is straight just like anything else.
Traitoro 9
Most people are actually bisexual.
junkman6 22
I almost never say damage someone else's vehicle...... But in this case a few dead fish in the trunk of his/her car is the best revenge.
RpiesSPIES 27
Or one inside each of his hubcaps ;D That '70s Show style
Enslaved 36
Or melted Limburger cheese on top of his engine.
MsMourningStar 22
I find it amusing that people are assuming the sex of the person one way or another right away because of the use of the word bitch. I hope you're okay OP, that is very dangerous and your ex is an asshole, whether they're a male or a female.
ThatFancyPenn 18
I am fairly certain that it's a make because OP's gender is female.
jazzy_123 20
it probably isn't showing you but I can see that it clearly says OP is female...
MsMourningStar 22
I was talking about the ex. And I cannot see that OP is a female on my phone.
kozzard 17
Your point? How does the gender of OP determine the gender her ex? Jumping to conclusions isn't good for intelligent thought
junkman6 22
If a female tells me "my ex did this" I'm going to think her ex is a guy. If a dude tells me "my ex did this" I'm going to think its a female. It has nothing to do with the word choice of "bitch" by OPs ex. Critical thinking and reasoning, a dying skill set.
syed121417 22
I swear to god, everything becomes gender issued or biased on this app.
amisenho 11
#92: Don't forget the "Hitler Did Nothing Wrong" tangent!
Kitouran 30
#48, what if they're not straight? I'm female, but I'm more likely to date a woman.
Kamon97 23
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I'm confused what's the chain for? But I can see why that dick is your ex
junkman6 22
You put chains on your tires in snowy or icy road conditions.
acgt1 5
The chains are for making driving in snowy/icy conditions safer. It gives you more control of your vehicle. (They go on the wheels.) Just look up "Snow chains for cars" on Google.
buttcramp 21
thanks. I'm from Houston so this FML didn't make much sense to me either. I agree with posts above saying to tell the police.
TXFernwoods 26
Your ex is the biggest douche.
taylor21398 14
What an asshole!