Today, the only conversation I had with my mother where she didn't explode into a hissy fit was about peanut butter vs. almond butter. And even then she was starting to get mad at me. FML
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Today, my dad yelled at me for buying chunky peanut butter. He wanted smooth. Apparently he's "allergic to peanuts." I had to explain to him why his argument made no sense. FML
Today, my mom and I got into a fight about a topic we agreed on. Seems like we're destined to never get along. FML
Today, I kindly asked my irate mother to respect my boundaries and to find other outlets for her frustration. Instead of responding AT ALL to what I had asked, she yelled at me for an hour about a completely unrelated political documentary she'd seen on YouTube, and then didn't apologize for her outburst. Typical. FML
Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, my mom complained that I never do anything nice for her, so while out shopping I bought her favorite chocolate bar. When I got home, she screamed at me because she’s on a diet. FML
Today, I was trying to explain to my mother-in-law how I hated the way my father-in-law talks to me, the tone he uses. She thought I was attacking him and got mad at me. FML
Today, my wife got mad at me for buying Raisin Bran without almonds. I offered to add confectionery sliced almonds, which we already had at home. Her response, “That’s not the same thing.” It is exactly the same thing. FML
Today, I finally got to a point where I could ask my mother about how enthusiastically she used to beat me. First sentence out of her mouth was, "It didn't change your behaviour, but it did make me feel better." FML
Today, my mom baked a cake for the whole family. One spent EpiPen later, I found out there were nuts in it, which I'm severely allergic to. My mom's defense was that she thought I'd have "gotten over" my allergy by now. FML
Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML
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Top comments
then000bster 16
If you're going to be nuts, might as well be nuts for nuts.
DocBastard 38
Why the argument? Are you both completely insane? Who the hell would argue about that? What the **** is wrong with you two? Everyone knows cashew butter is the best.
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Comments (64)
then000bster 16
If you're going to be nuts, might as well be nuts for nuts.
Kamon97 23
Good thing they wernt arguing about which jelly was better otherwise they would be jelly for jelly :p
firefighter925 18
Sounds like she needs to get laid
BoltTheSuperdog 22
I just hope that they can make al-monds (amends)! The last thing they need is for one person to pecan the other for their taste in nuts!
\ 28
Interesting world we live in, where people argue feverishly about different types of butter and some of us have only known regular butter.
DREAMCATCHERoooo 4
#first world problems
coried91 28
Some people haven't even had butter.
Topasofmagic 17
Oki, I know that this has nothing to do with the FML or your comment, but it has bothered me like hell for a while now(nothing serious though, just curiosity)... Booda, you/your profile pic(which I assume is you, but ya never know...) resemble Ted Mosby in a level which my poor, asocial mind cannot grasp without thinking myself mad about it. So here it goes... Are you Ted Mosby(to lazy to find out which actor is playing Ted, so let's just pretend that he's a real person), or have we just found yet another dobbleganger of this lonely bastard? ~.0
Wizardo 33
You guys need to jam,butter her up and get on her good side don't want to mess with Lady Marmalade.
ruckfules85 34
What could possibly piss her off during a conversation about condiments.
Jjimen1654 9
Menapuase.
froggyjade 16
Never heard of almond butter, do they sell it in the UK?
OctoDope 15
#5, its like the same as peanut butter but textured differently, a darker colour, a bit more viscous, and healthier for you. I still like my classic peanut butter more though.
froggyjade 16
I'll have to look out for it :-D
BellaBear90 27
They sell it in Tesco :)
fucMyLifeSoHard 18
14- So it's the same as peanut butter, but completely different?
evan_7899 28
I believe 14 was saying that its is similar for a reference but giving all of the differences so you know how it is different
Wakachulak 22
It's not that different, when you strip out the sugar and all the emulgators out of it, peanut butter is equally healthy. But tastes shit.
tukies 28
A lot of people allergic to peanut butter eat almond butter. It's a good sub, and I have bought from time to time in UK :/
DanielleinDC 33
You can probably find it in a natural foods store. Instead of grinding peanuts, they grind almonds into a paste. It's good stuff.
ZY1431 24
I don't get how she can go Into a hissy fit bout someone's opinion on something.
coried91 28
I feel like this is sarcasm. If not then everyone does it.
Dracoboxer357 35
Really? Funny, my experiences has shown me that the opinions of others is the most common thing to fight about among the Passionate, the Ignorant and the Insecure. Don't believe me? Walk up to a random stranger (or even here on FML) and bring up politics, religion and abortion, and it seems that 8 times out of 10, you'll get an argument...or a closed comments block. ;)
krad204 21
Or, if you approached me, I'd tell you to **** off, and walk away...
TheLonelyZerg 5
Happens with me and my dad all the time. I feel your pain OP. :(
zandalee 19
It gets better though. Hang on in there OP.
LostMy_Marbles 24
My mum is the same. Mine started an argument because she asked where to go in the hospital when I am in labour; I explained where to go and she got up me telling me I was wrong! Just nod your head when she talks, might stop her from losing her temper - works with mine! Haha ;)
DocBastard 38
Why the argument? Are you both completely insane? Who the hell would argue about that? What the **** is wrong with you two? Everyone knows cashew butter is the best.
Wakachulak 22
Not if price is part of the argument, Doc.
drewflav 17
I thought macadamia butter was the best? *Checks wallet and bank account* Oh right, that's why I'm broke! lol
Nilorak 24
Butter up.