Today, a man wearing a Santa hat stumbled out of a bar, staggered over to my car, and vomited through the open window into my lap. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML
Today, my friend got drunk. He always pukes when he gets drunk, but I decided to drive him home anyway. He didn't puke the whole ride. We arrived at his house and he got out. Right as I was about to drive away he stumbled back to my car because he forgot his wallet. He grabbed it and puked on me. FML
Today, it was a warm day out so I left my car windows slightly open while I was at work. One of the local bums apparently thought this was a perfect opportunity to use my open driver's side window as a barf receptacle. FML
Today, while I was waiting at a red light, a drunk guy limped in front of my car, unzipped, and started pissing on my windshield. FML
Today, after my work's Christmas party, everyone got so drunk that I had to help one of my only sober co-workers take everyone home and clean up vomit. FML
Today, some woman, sick with god knows what, didn’t vomit into the bin next to my car, or even just onto the floor, she lurched over to my car and vomited through my open window onto my shirt and legs, and down into the footwell. I can still smell it. FML
Today, whilst driving, I had the sudden urge to vomit. As I pulled over I wound my window down, stuck my head out, and emptied my stomach. At least I would have if I had wound down the driver's window instead of the back window. FML
Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML
Today, I was mugged by a guy in a Santa suit. FML
Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
"Ho ho hooouurrgh!"
the_zero_article 15
Sounds like someone had a few too many Christmas spirits...
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Comments (70)
the_zero_article 15
Sounds like someone had a few too many Christmas spirits...
EXOPH 8
lol I agree. too drunk xD
DREAMCATCHERoooo 4
Was this during Santacon?
Topasofmagic 17
In the first sentence, I kind of forgot I was on FML and thought it was a beginning of a joke... I should get some more sleep... •_•'
incoherentrmblr 22
I guess you were on the naughty list...
ohnowhyme123 15
tis' the season
DocBastard 40
"Ho ho hooouurrgh!"
StillUsesMyspace 22
Merry Christmas!
zandalee 20
Bad Santa!!
gracehi 33
Let me guess... This happened a few nights ago in NYC. YDI for braving the streets of New York during "Santa Con." Actually, you don't deserve it, but that sentence sounded more definitive that way.
Rozay333 36
Did you not see that OP is in the UK?
gracehi 33
Do British people never travel to New York City? Perhaps the most internationally known American city?
Ambient25 25
Is it New York? I only know it as Gotham...
gracehi 33
Or is it Metropolis? Central City? Atlantis?
Ambient25 25
I think it's just Big Apple
EXOPH 8
He lives in G.Brit.
LaurenLo 17
Well he had an early Christmas celebration this year
UrYousername 15
Merry Christmas!
girlrome 19
Think of it as an early christmas gift.
saocrates 16
Only if that's what he asked for when he sat on Santa's lap.
buckdharma 38
Palpable proof there is a Santa Claus!
Izabushel 65
I was quite surprised to see that he was in the UK. I thought that with an open window at this time of the year it would more likely be Australia.
sanecatlady 13
That is just unbelievably gross. I'd have to send the car to the scrap heap and burn my clothes, they would never feel clean again. And neither would I.
DocBastard 40
If that's how you feel, I would strongly suggest you never have children. You will get covered in more filth than you could possibly imagine.
sanecatlady 13
I will never have kids, just being in the same room with one makes me nervous.
ColbyGB 13
Christmas spirits are high! And some spirits are on sale this time of year ;)