Today, my dad is forcing me to go shopping with him tomorrow for Black Friday, because he's convinced that my martial arts classes will come in handy when people "inevitably" try to beat the shit out of us in the rush for cheap stuff. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while shopping, my dad asked me to walk further away from him, saying I was cramping his style in front of all the chicks there. FML
Today, my dad forced me to leave my empty shopping cart in the middle of a store, rather than return it to the corral. My dad’s word is law, and all I can think about is how much of an asshole I am. FML
Today, I told my dad I started taking jiu-jitsu lessons. He responded by laughing and saying, "Martial arts are for pussies, you should just get a gun." FML
Today, nearly Christmas, my dad got mad because I don't have enough money for holiday festivities. I can't afford things because I haven't gotten my paycheck yet. I work for my dad. FML
Today, I went to Target with my dad, and he told me to get in the shopping cart. I thought he was being cool and wanted to push me around. He snorted and said he was thinking about crashing me into a car and suing the driver. FML
Today, my mom told me to do karate with her, and so I said no. Now my mom won't let me do anything until I go do karate with her. FML
Today, I was forced to go to the mall with my dad. He wore a bear suit the entire time. FML
Today, and every time I want to try something new, my dad starts pointing out why it’s a stupid idea, or how it will obviously go wrong, and gets himself so worked up that in the end he’s just shouting at me while I cower, yet it also makes him mad when I just sit in my room with no hobbies. FML
Today, my dad is a drill sergeant, which is bad enough, but my boyfriend wants to meet him and my mom. This cannot go well, all the jokes and comedy movies say this cannot go well at all. FML
Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML
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Top comments
ForkymeetsPorky 15
And he's absolutely 100% correct.
metallica_wins 20
There's no mercy. He's gotta take advantage of you, y'know?
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Comments (65)
metallica_wins 20
There's no mercy. He's gotta take advantage of you, y'know?
Eahae3 12
:o
fuckyourlifeOP 25
I thumbs'd up this comment just because of your username. m/
incoherentrmblr 22
Only at Walmart...
ForkymeetsPorky 15
And he's absolutely 100% correct.
Welshite 40
This is why I barricade myself in my house on Black Friday and watch movies all day. I would rather not mess with all the rabid animals fighting for the best deal. I'll pay the extra money if it means I get to keep my life.
Dthsapprntc 23
I'm with Welshite on this one. The pain, dismemberment and possible death just isn't worth it. On the otherhand, the news should be interesting, if a bit depressing.
annie_nk 23
Welshite, when you say rabid animals, do you mean Sheeple?
Welshite 40
No. Sheeple suggests a placid herd meandering through the store. I'm talking rabid tear-your-limbs-off crazy. The one time I actually participated in a Black Friday rampage I witnessed a six year old girl tackle a 300 pound man and eat his still beating heart. Never again.
SmuggletheBudgie 15
What is this black friday you speak of, sounds terrifying.
Dthsapprntc 23
#27, 'tis the most awful, horrible and terrifying shopping experience known to man. It should not be spoken of too loudly or often or it might show up at more times and places than the day after Thanksgiving in th US. Beware. It is evil. You have been warned.
HJKM_fml 19
@8 This is why I only participate in cyber Monday. No worries there.
1947Chevy 17
More like 50% they will beat the shit out of them but the martial arts will be futile against that mob
Setareh23 34
Interestingly enough, a worker was trampled to death in 2008 when he opened Walmart doors on Black Friday. He fell over but people just kept walking over him... Well known story and definitely not the norm, but make sure you accompany your dad so you can go ninja on any stampeding people!
Odis12 11
I worked at Walmart this "black thursday". I am still standing. Not a bruise or cut or chunk taken out of me. I'm like Bruce Willis in unbreakable! I could sense what people hated me when I rubbed up against them.
StellaNox 16
I wouldnt dare to be your enemy on BF.
foxy_grampa 19
Everybody was Kung fu fightingggg
JaegerMayCry 13
Its going to be like the movies, with a single person fighting one on one with a huge group. remember to make sound effects OP
maxhhh 18
It can come in handy, I remember a lady got tazed for an Xbox a few years back.
iknowiwantyou 13
I remember on the news some Walmart employees got trampled to death by barbarically desperate customers.
Dthsapprntc 23
I remember one year someone got stabbed to death over an Xbox 360. Or a it may have been PS3. One of the two.
jkmartinjk 16
Holy shit! Knowing this, I see no Black Friday shopping in my future.
abhi95 31
This is your test my son. The moment you've been working for!
1947Chevy 17
Sorry about the dislike I missed the button
nichollelovins 18
hey you gotta do what you gotta do bro lol
zRatio 6
But he is being forced to do that.
nichollelovins 18
I know...
greeneyebeauty9 28
Put them skills to use!
olpally 33
Might as well use it on Black Friday. It'll be a black and blue Friday for the other customers if they come across you and your dad. Good luck. Haha
lissa_jade 22
your dad might be on to something.. do you only escort family members around on Black Friday ??