Today, my wife and I were watching Killing Kennedy. Jokingly, I said, "Spoiler alert: he dies." She threw a book at me and won't talk to me. I think she's serious. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I had to warn my wife not to kill her insane mother. I was serious. FML
Today, my wife straight up knocked my mother out cold with a straight jab to the face, turned to walk away, cracked her neck and announced to the world, “I’ve been waiting 4 years to do that.” What the hell has been going on around here? FML
Today, I learned my wife has an extra level of anger. First is sarcasm, then yelling, then the silent treatment, it’s been that way for our whole marriage. Turns out the level above that is hurling a sledgehammer at me. She still won’t tell me what I did to surpass the silent treatment. FML
Today, I mentioned to my wife that we should try marriage counseling. She responded by denying it while throwing a carton of milk at me. FML
Today, I found out why my wife has been upset with me for the last week. She told me this morning that I did something to upset her on our date night last Friday, she won't tell me what, and she said she'll leave me if I do it again. FML
Today, my wife of 12 years told me she would be more peaceful if I just killed myself. I argued that I’m not going to, but she assured me that I would. It’s just ‘when’ that’s in question. FML
Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML
Today, my wife demanded that I cut all ties with my best friend, just because she doesn't like the jokes he tells. Now she's bitching that she's upset because his wife, who she works with, is talking about her. FML
Today, my wife and I were watching TV. The lady on the show began to talk about how to have a smooth divorce. My wife discreetly turned the volume up. FML
Today, I finally got my boyfriend to watch one of my favorite TV shows. I was excitedly talking when he interrupted me and angrily said, "Can you stop with the fucking spoilers?" I then realized I'd spoiled half the show. He left to play video games. FML
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Top comments
isallwaysme 27
well what else would the movie be about?
DocBastard 38
Just keep watching with her. When the motorcade starts going down the street, just yell, "DUCK, JACK!" After he's shot, she'll be amazed that you accurately predicted the outcome. She'll think you're a genius. It couldn't possibly go wrong.
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Comments (102)
isallwaysme 27
well what else would the movie be about?
TourettesGuyFTW 25
Beansprouts. The life of grizzly bears. Or Harry Potter. Hmmm...I just discovered that my phone has Harry Potter in its predictive text.
ImJKingYou 8
Unicorns and rainbows I believe
alleybean123 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
No one likes a spoiler. I would do the same... YDI
zomgbies 17
#3. If you're serious I feel bad for you.
Zomg_Okay 26
3 - Kennedy's assassination is a widely known historical fact. It's also in the goddamn title. There is no excuses for anybody on the receiving end of this "spoiler".
StompinOnCrayons 15
In a different film, titanic, the iceberg hits the ship. *spoiler alert* Isn't it just general knowledge to know about such incidents ?
KickItHigh 32
I sincerely hope you were being sarcastic. The title was a dead giveaway.
miami_girl_1 3
The show is called KILLING Kennedy...
Blink_me26 21
Deeeaaaaad giveaway
AmongTheShadows 8
Can you guys not spit a joke? #3 is obviously joking
ajeppsen 25
For the sake of humanity, go read some kind of biography on JFK. (If you were serious)
ShyAnn29 14
28, you mean the ship hits the iceberg!
pistolpete31000 7
#3 is obviously joking ******* assholes got nothing but hate on here
caremedy 6
OMG!!! You mean he DIES in Killing Kennedy???
TheCovertGamer 2
Yeah I got so shocked when that happened too. Why Kennedy why!!!! ;-;
DocBastard 38
Just keep watching with her. When the motorcade starts going down the street, just yell, "DUCK, JACK!" After he's shot, she'll be amazed that you accurately predicted the outcome. She'll think you're a genius. It couldn't possibly go wrong.
gracehi 31
I just realized when I was watching that movie last night how similar JFK's first name was to his wife's, mainly because I never heard anybody refer to him as "Jack" before. I wonder if that made things weird in the bedroom.
yahoowizard 16
I'm completely lost...the J in JFK is John, yes? There might be some subtle joke here but I don't see it.
gracehi 31
Jack is a variant of John. His legal name was John, and that's the name he used in his political career. But in the movie, "Killing Kennedy," his friends and family kept calling him "Jack." If that's really what people close to him called him, then his name would have been very similar to that of his wife, Jackie.
SadisticPlatypi 6
Oh bloody hell, you just spoiled the movie for me!
MasqueradePrince 25
How could you spoil it for her and not feel bad? I am mighty ashamed of you young man! -shakes my head- just when the world was starting to look bright too...
red225 14
I guess that bullet flew past your head.
Bevspeaks 11
Well, you shouldn't have ruined history for her, she may have wanted to learn if he died in Killing Kennedy, shame on you OP
perdix 29
Why was she holding a book? I doubt she knows how to read one.
Bevspeaks 11
She might have been holding it just for the purpose of throwing it
picante72 24
It was a pop up picture book.
anyoldnamewilldo 23
LOL...I am baffled that there are comments from people just as clueless complaining about your "spoiler". I can only hope they are not from the United States and therefore have an excuse to not know American history. Here's some help: 1) The title itself is a spoiler. 2) Your history book from 6th grade also contains the spoiler. PLEASE learn basic history people.
DocBastard 38
*psst* It's sarcasm.
GwennaRose 22
Didn't we FMLers make a rule a while back to surround sarcastic comments with tildes? ~~ so that the more...gullible of our peers would understand the sarcasm?
old_enough 5
I'm not from the US but I still know that Kennedy was killed. That's general knowledge!
DocBastard 38
GwennaRose - Rules here are like cobwebs. People see them and realise they should do something about them, but they just can't bring themselves to give a ****.
robbins28 7
Never spoil a good movie
cyttex 13
I know right? There's no obvious information lets say in the title to show how the movie ends..
astralvagan 20
what about spoiling a show on TV, which this is?
sunnyray812 42
The title even gives it away. She shouldn't be pissed.