Today, I jokingly told my friend that when a tree seems to sway in the wind, it's really just having an orgasm. Not only did she believe me, she's been smugly informing everyone we know. She's 26. I seem to be friends with an absolute idiot. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my friend told me that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Since he's my friend, I didn't want to call him out too bad, so I joked that 90% of statistics are made up on the spot. He called me an idiot and lectured me on how I'd just made that figure up myself. I need new friends. FML
Today, I was talking to a guy when he pointed behind me and said, “Hey, what’s that?” I looked behind me and he burst out laughing, saying he “can’t believe I’m so stupid that I still fall for that old trick.” We were having a conversation, not a physical fight. FML
Today, I was at my best friend's house, listening to him complain about his mother remembering all the bad stuff he did when he was in high school. I jokingly said, "An elephant never forgets." Guess who was behind me. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years took offense to a "That's what she said joke", and blew up, saying she doesn't like those jokes. She thinks that she is the "She" of the jokes every time I guess. I tried explaining how the jokes work, but she wouldn't believe me. She says that I'm just lying. FML
Today, I found out that my friends have been "fake laughing" whenever I make a joke just so that the situation doesn't get awkward. FML
Today, my best friend told me that she was a virgin again because she hadn't had sex in 6 months. She's 19 and actually believes it. FML
Today, while I was telling a friend she needs to be more careful about getting hurt, I dislocated and sprained my thumb. She then laughed at me and said, "Yes, I will." FML
Today, I was telling my friends a story. I added a few "embellishments" to make it more intense. One my friends piped up with, "I was with you, half of what you just said wasn't true". It's now all over Facebook and I'm known as "The Bullshitter". FML
Today, I found out that a female colleague thinks that because I got a vasectomy, I "got my balls chopped off." Then again, this woman also believes the cracks in her front brick fence are because her house is built on the equator. FML
Today, I made fun of a crazy-looking woman at the park. The man next to me turned out to be her husband, and he dragged me by my ear over to apologize to her. My friends are still laughing at me and my ear is swollen to twice the usual size. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
redbluegreen 40
Well, it is a natural reaction when you're getting blown.
beclaurela 18
The wind just penetrates the branches relentlessly. What else would happen?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (59)
redbluegreen 40
Well, it is a natural reaction when you're getting blown.
roro_superloser 13
& when there's a especially powerful wind when the trees are next to one another. That's what they call a orgy.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Hell, don't we all sway a little to the left when we ******?
Wizardo 33
Don't we all groan and creek a little too? I mean some even bend all the way back...
Lennes 12
Can you imagine what tornados do to them? Lucky bastards.
Nicostream 16
#1 I hereby announce that I've found an actually good pun on fml. I may die in peace now.
beclaurela 18
The wind just penetrates the branches relentlessly. What else would happen?
s13495 19
There's a tiny bit of logic behind it... When the wind blows the trees seeds may be knocked down. I think sycamore trees do this, the little spinning helicopter type seed (maybe have the wrong name)
zach205 24
24, that's nothing compared to cottonwood trees. They are the ones that release the seads that look surrounded in cotton, they in such abundance that it makes huge piles in corners.
FlamingColor 30
She didn't go to college or even school did she?
WhoopWhoop321 18
Doesn't she know that trees don't have genitals?
Uramonkey 11
At least not the type that we are all familiar with.
persianninja 23
Probably not we all have that one friend
Googolman 29
Of course trees have genitals... If they didn't, trees would all die out, and we wouldn't be here.
flockz 19
and tree huggers are actually just giving them handjobs.
worldclassrager 39
Joking can sometimes be taken a bit too far...tell him to fact check it...hope he doesn't put that on Wikipedia...
worldclassrager 39
Her she*
Zomg_Okay 26
Hershey? Yum.
worldclassrager 39
Lol
redbandit9877 12
Maybe she knows and just wants to see how many people she can get to believe it.
DeathInACan 3
We can only hope...
BlesstheSilence 11
She sounds extremely gullible. You might want to keep an eye on her.
XxcaitanatorXx 12
new friends ?
illegalbeagle69 23
No!! Do you know how much fun OP could have with this friend?!?!
awesome222 8
I wonder if that kind of stupidity is genetic.