Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was over at a friend's place until very late. He had stolen my keys as a joke at some point, but by the time I noticed, he was too drunk to remember where he'd hidden them. FML
Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck, and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML
Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML
Today, I locked myself, drunk and naked, out of my hotel room. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML
Today, I went to spend time with friends. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in my bed with several blocked contacts and text messages, saying that what I did was unacceptable. No drugs or alcohol were involved, and I have no memory of this. FML
Today, I woke up extremely hungover. I couldn't find my car keys so I went out to my car to see if I had locked them inside. I walked back to the door of my apartment barefoot and empty handed, only to find that I had locked myself out of the apartment. FML
Today, while we were in a hotel, I got so drunk I apparently couldn't find my room, and passed out in the corridor. I woke up to see hotel staff calling security. FML
Today, I woke up to a tap on my shoulder and had no idea where I was. I quickly discovered It was 11 am and I was still at the bar I had been drinking at the night before. My shoes were gone. FML
Today, I let my nephew and his friend spend the night to watch movies. After I fell asleep, they stole my liquor and went roaming. When they saw the cop car in front of my house and realized they were busted, they went up to the cop and told them I gave them the alcohol to avoid being grounded. FML
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Top comments
ZombieInConverse 13
Best friends are like enemies except treat you a hell of a lot worse.
Faff 20
if your FML starts with 'after a night of heavy drinking', you know nobody's going to have sympathy for you.
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Comments (91)
rawr_ily96 24
Wow. Your friends are douches. Sorry OP. FYL.
GuessWhatKids 13
My bullshit radar is going off. If OP is handcuffed to the bed (I'm assuming both hands but could be wrong), how did they make this FML?
cyanidesandwich 21
All OP's friends have to do is give him a handsaw and give him the decision to stay handcuffed or lose a limb...
andyyroxx 20
33- U wot m8
Dramori 29
33 - is that a Mad Max reference or Saw? :O
Catkam623 27
Think it's a walking dead.
MDTeddy 13
If it was Saw then it would be something like hancuffed in a room full of oil where you have a choise of losing a limb or getting burned alive as your timer is a candle.
then000bster 16
I'm JUST saying, but what if Op was a girl. Nobody would find this funny and cops would be involved. Equal rights....someday.
Meettitan 14
I do believe #33 is referencing the original Saw movie. Where the protagonists were chained to pipes in a bathroom with 2 saws.
cyanidesandwich 21
44/61- yeah I was referencing the original Saw movie
ZombieInConverse 13
Best friends are like enemies except treat you a hell of a lot worse.
Faff 20
if your FML starts with 'after a night of heavy drinking', you know nobody's going to have sympathy for you.
guitarbeast 22
Have you never had a night of heavy drinking?
Feverrotes 15
We all have at some point, but the unwritten rule is that you are still responsible for whatever happens after a night of heavy drinking.
flockz 20
well one time i drank a whole gallon of tap water at one sitting, and there's supposedly alot of lead in it right? would that be considered heavy drinking? i never woke up chained to a bed though.
mn_shr 22
My thoughts exactly #3
Faff 20
Ofcourse I have, 25. I was just stating how the FML community works.
ironichalibut 24
Yeah, this is one of the first FML's that start with that, that hasn't been a YDI. What's this guys secret get-out-of-jail (or handcuffs) secret?
Debragga99 6
Lol 29
Zebediabolical 45
Handcuffs operate on a ratchet system generally. All you need is a thin shim and some time to get out of one.
schpanki 11
I cant sympathize for someone who puts the resposibility of his or her actions onto someone else when he or she drinks. Just because you drink too much doesnt mean its everyone elses fault that you end up in a certain way. Control yourself.
Harmell 7
It's the Hangover part 3
iammeorami 25
behind the scenes !!
chabelo 10
at least theres not a tiger in the bathroom
maz95 17
Well at least you're not handcuffed and naked. That'd be worse.
Damian95 16
Ah the benefits of heavy drinking.
HortonThelephant 15
Well then Houdini? How did you escape and type up this FML?
adam3650 12
You don't want to know what appendage he used to type this.
flockz 20
there's no spelling mistakes though. he must have a dick that resembles the width of a pencil.
flockz 20
so from logical reasoning: waking up handcuffed to a bed but somehow writing an FML means OP has a small penis. FLAWLESS!
GothickNihilist 15
To quote the waterboy " needledick "
gdam 4
@31 then he turned into a girl according to 52
Dcm210 19
So how did you type this FML?
FrauMueller93 3
and you're writing this with you hands being handcuffed?
beehardxcore 26
Well at least we know you didn't wander off and get in trouble!