Today, I tried to pick up a girl by asking her what the time was as a conversation starter. She responded by telling me it was time to pick a girl more in my league. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I tried to pick up two girls by asking them what time it was. They burst out laughing. FML
Today, I asked a girl what time she'd like me to pick her up for our date tonight. She didn't know what I was talking about. It seems like, after months of sweaty palms, nervous smiles, and awkward sentences, I only dreamed she said yes to going out. FML
Today, I sent a girl a friendly conversation starter on Facebook. She replied, "I know what you guys are like. Oh, and that invitation to a date in about 5 messages time? Not a chance." FML
Today, I got rejected by a girl I wasn't even trying to ask out. FML
Today, I was online dating and a girl from high school messaged me. Thinking she might have matured since we're now in our 40's, I messaged back. She then said it was a joke and that I'm still a desperate, pathetic nerd trying to score with the hottest girl in class. FML
Today, I told a girl that I liked her. She replied, "Don't." FML
Today, I saw a cute girl at a bar and decided to go and chat her up. After charming her with my usual crap for a while, I told her she was really pretty, and asked for her number. She replied, "You asshole, I met you here a year ago and gave you my number, and you never called me." FML
Today, I saw a beautiful girl at the bar. I attempted to be friendly and hit her up for a chat. She called me a “creep” and told me to get lost. A few moments later, another guy does the exact same thing I did and she smiled and kept flirting. FML
Today, I was playing Badminton in P.E, and I was paired with a particularly pretty girl, who for some reason kept asking stupid questions that we both knew the answers to. I've only now just realized that she was trying to initiate conversation with me. This is why I have no friends. FML
Today, I asked out this girl I've been spending a lot of time with lately. She told me she was only hanging out with me because she thought I was gay and wouldn't try to get in her pants. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 38
Sounds like she just clocked you in the face.
Megan98 18
I would've said "You're right, I can do so much better".... Then laugh when she has a bitch fit.
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Comments (49)
DocBastard 38
Sounds like she just clocked you in the face.
supportcommand 17
He was clock blocked.
saylajay 1
It's not the time for these jokes.
supportcommand 17
Sorry, I thought it was. That's alarming.
ZackST 6
Seems I'm a quarter-too late for any timely puns.
thesubconscious 9
I don't have time for any of these bad puns
SirCharles83 13
God that would tic me off. You should tok to her about it.
B5B0N35 18
i see what you did there
ninjajoehenes48 8
Its about time these puns clocked out
coolboy675 16
Nine!
Bubbelz 25
Nice one. It's obviously pun season and it has been some time since I last had this flu. So watch out! I hope I'm not too late.
BunchieRules 31
44 - Why try to stop the thread? It's obviously out of hour hands now.
CaBur 5
So your saying that she wouldn't give you the time of day?
alwayswinning123 7
Should have started it with a simple "hello"
lambda_fml 40
#56 I thought it was a James May reference aswell.
Inediblepeaches 15
2- It works all the time for Captain Jack Harkness...
IamBunghole 9
Or answered with a, " You're right, I should aim higher."
Brad31_fml 21
Sorry mate, had to let my mum know your pain. She says that that girl's a mole. I agree.
BunchieRules 31
29 - FML should make a button on comments for "there's a button for that" to prevent any more useless comments saying "there's a button for that." Interesting...
konstantinos616 17
*Ashton Kutcher 'BURN!!!' meme*
supportcommand 17
Ashton's a tool.
gc327072 30
5-Now it's time to play an FML game called "Bury'd"
supportcommand 17
Bury'd? How about buried.
konstantinos616 17
Yeah 41, if you're going to insult me at least use good English. Although I have to admit that was clever
Marcelb 17
49 - It was probably a reference to Punk'd, which was once hosted by Aston Kutcher.
slimjim8094 12
73 - **** that, it's a That '70s Show reference.
Welshite 39
Your obvious mistake is that you tried to "pick up" a girl using verbal methods. Next time, literally pick her up. She'll be swept off her feet, trust me.
Megan98 18
I would've said "You're right, I can do so much better".... Then laugh when she has a bitch fit.
daniel_dd31 13
Bitch alert! Just for saying that she's out of your league.
bigredmonkeybutt 28
Should've told her you like to slum it now and then.
Chris455 8
Someone take this man or woman to the hospital. No amount of water will cool this burn.
KyleGruber 2
It sucks that you're unattractive and all, but you clearly tried to pick up this girl because of her physical attributes. It's an unfair double standard to not allow her the chance to reject you based on your physical attributes.
Welshite 39
Are you kidding me? Where in the FML does it say OP is unattractive and was just talking to this girl because of her looks?
KyleGruber 2
Do you go up to ugly people and try to pick them up? Do pretty people tell other pretty people that they're out of their league?
Welshite 39
Honestly, looks don't matter to me. I'm not that shallow. Personality and compatibility are so much more important. You need to rethink your approach to the opposite sex.
KyleGruber 2
Yeah I'm gay, so thanks for that assumption, but I manage to find plenty of attractive people who are interested in me and have great personalities and senses of humor. So clearly my system's working for me. If you're going to have a physical and emotional relationship you have to be attracted to someone physically and emotionally, and it's not a huge injustice to the world to say "that person really doesn't do much for me" just after glancing at them. It's just the way we're wired.
Welshite 39
"Not a huge injustice to the world...just after glancing at them." What about the men and women who were unlucky on the physical trait scale, but are beautiful people where it counts? Seems like an injustice to me if they are shoved to the side based on looks. Besides, how exactly do you judge physical attractiveness, hmm? It's subjective; every person is different. What you might find attractive may be god-awful to someone else. I don't care about your sexual orientation. I'm just saying that you shouldn't assume the physical attractiveness of either OP or the girl. I suggest getting to know someone first. Don't discount them because of appearance.
sammyjanette 17
I totally agree with you, KyleGruber. Also, Welshite, we can tell that OP wanted to pick her up for her looks, because she is a bitch. She obviously didn't win him with her sparkling personality.
GhostChickens 17
You don't have to talk to someone just because you think they're attractive. I've met lots of people because they were doing something I found interesting or I was doing something they find interesting. I'm not pretty but guys will start a conversation with me and ask for my number if they think we have mutual interests (I know that doesn't count as "hitting on", but some people would apply the same rules to dating). For example, if I'm wearing band merch and the guy likes the band or I'm reading a book they like. I do the same thing when talking to people too; I go for people who seem like they'd be similar to me. Sometimes people just catch your eye and looks have nothing to do with it. Maybe he thought she seemed like somebody he'd like.
lochiamochia 25
34 - Not all bitches are pretty and not all uglies are nice. Just because OP found 'something' about her appealing enough to try and talk to her doesn't mean she is necessarily attractive. I know plenty of people who like certain attributes about others. For example, one girl I know likes guys that have tattoos. the fact that the guy can be quite ugly is irrelevant. The tattoo itself is the only thing that will compel her to approach him. "Pretty is as pretty does."