Today, I asked my dad if I was a planned baby. He asked me if the crazy drunken party he and my mom had nine months prior to my birth counted. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML
Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML
Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML
Today, my parents, my aunt, and her husband went out to dinner. Once there, my aunt told us that she was pregnant. Out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML
Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML
Today, someone asked my wife if I was her father. FML
Today, I asked my mother why she didn't drink. She laughed and said, "The last time I drank was the night you were conceived. I didn't need any other disasters." FML
Today, I was asked when my baby is due. My baby was due 6 months ago. FML
Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML
Today, I was tying my hair up when my dad rubbed my stomach and asked how his grandchild was doing. He knows I'm not pregnant and that I've been trying really hard to lose weight. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
vballcutie08 6
I've never been brave enough to ask, I was afraid I'd get an answer like this one..
bellakaykid 6
Yes, that counts.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (97)
Danger716 0
third!
americanhoney4 6
Trouble counting?
Thabb 0
Comment deleted!
Shadow1368 17
I'm sorry.
annasworld 3
yes quite planned indeed :)
genesisnirvana 11
You shouldn't be sorry.OP was obviously a planned baby.
weewee1 0
well he did plan that party
EvilPotato 14
BTW it doesn't.
LuHGiiiT 11
You totally deserved it.
MC18 0
That's rough...
MrSousa10 8
my dad told me that the worst STD you can have is a child............ we both started laughing
wolflover44 5
Well if OP's parents didn't want him/her they could've gotten rid of him/her quite easily. No matter if OP was "planned" or not, it's obvious s/he was wanted.
yamatelle 19
On the bright side, at least he didn't scream "I wish I'd never adopted you!" That would have been a messed up way to find out that, not only were you not planned, but you were adopted.
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
Shadow1368 why did you use the same pic as shroomz? v confusing.
Shadow1368 17
#80 sorry do u want me to change it? it's no trouble if I do. My friend and I were sending each other pictures and she told me to save that one cause it's cool, so I did. I didn't know someone else on FML had that, sorry guys!
silver0jay 11
71- An FML reference. Good for you
Charlie1993_fml 0
Awesomeeeee :)
bhawks8188 0
Last time I heard that one I laughed so hard that I fell off my dinosaur
IAm1AwesomeChick 7
Op wasn't planned but at least the father didn't say he was a mistake.
Jaxx66 21
Exactly 145. Most kids aren't actually 'planned' they are wanted, but a vast majority of the time you don't seek out having sex to get pregnant, it happens and it makes you happy :)
a_nutritionist 10
you dont know that they were wanted either...many people have kids cos they dont feel abortion is right. then they go on to bitch about how they 'dont feel they should be punished forever for a mistake they made when they were young'...as though anybody cares. so what it comes down to is, you asked a question, they answered, if you couldnt handle hearing it then dont ask. ydi.
Danger716 0
third!
vballcutie08 6
I've never been brave enough to ask, I was afraid I'd get an answer like this one..
annasworld 3
what does "OP" stand for?
daisyloo 7
Orange Poop
Shadow1368 17
#22 Original Poster
supimnyancat 9
Octopus poo.
LordGoober 13
Octagonal Pussy
daisyloo 7
You ruined it 28
Shadow1368 17
Oh, well I'm sorry for actually telling #22 what it meant because they actually wanted to know.
EvilPotato 14
Oprah's penis.
AnagenisisZagus 13
Oprah Pimphry.
sheethapins 13
Overgrown Prostate
Sportsfan86 3
Optimus Prime
tatababe 1
Overweight popo
PrickHead 0
oblong punani
xShannonxSammyx 7
OMNOMNOM Pie.
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
O-busive PaPa.
RoflBagels 0
Orgasmic proctologist.
bthomas0319 2
Open pussy
Shadow1368 17
C-c-combo breaker! And I love (sarcasm) how everyone thumbs down my comment because I told that person what it actually meant. Are u people that rude?
Brool_Story_Co 17
Ovular Penis
bdemore 3
it stands for original poster :)
rob1188 0
It can stand for whatever you want it to stand for
RetardedBullFrog 4
Obese Pornstar
Brool_Story_Co 17
Way to ruin it 136
aFatFuck 0
Oriental Pimp
Jvr91 8
Now you gave it away for sure 141
annasworld 3
thank you!
ShawnzieNstuff 6
Ovulating punani
cmac86 23
Agreed. Sometimes ignorance truly is bliss.
SecretlyEvil9792 22
WTF just happened here?
a_nutritionist 10
it stands for truth, justice and the american way. it doesnt however stand for any of your crap, so shut the **** up.
ih82bl8 2
Ruiner
MuziKMajoR 5
This girl is hot n op stands for overgrown pubes
Nutty4Muffs 3
And not one C-C-C-Combo Breaker? This thread stands to be original!
bellakaykid 6
Yes, that counts.
shovels 0
It's not that no one wants you, it's that no one wanted you... Feel better?
lovelydarlings 6
Yes, yes it does.
AubreasLuv 1
I was an accident too. if they had another chance, I'm sure they would mean to have you. that's why it's called an accident
themaddog 0
If they would have done it over again I think they wouldnt have had her at all.
Dalliance 4
#43, from this FML there's no way you can glean that information.
themaddog 0
I was just responding to 8, so don't hate.
starsfan_9 7
I don't believe that's why they call it an accident. I believe an accident is unintended result.
themaddog 0
55- also what does "glean" mean?
Molord1 0
Look it up or use context clues. Lazy...
Blueglasscup 18
I'm an accident too and an only child... I never had to ask though since my dad never stopped talking about how I wasn't planned since I was 8... :
a_nutritionist 10
yes i crashed my car by accident, of course now if i was given another chance id mean to crash it. thats why they call it an accident...excuse me, i have to go for a drive.
taytoc 10
Sorry op :( the next time your dad asks for a hand or something go over and help for five seconds and ask if that counted
RabidBunny 10
Don't feel bad, I wasn't planed either. To be honest my parents only stayed together because I was born. The important thing is that you are alive now! With only one life so short you must make the best of it. Don't question the past but look towards the future!
Dalliance 4
Okay, so RabidBunny's words were a little cliched and trite, but way to make him feel bad about offering consolation to the OP. Check out the first sentence on his profile. How fitting.
blacksswan 10
35 oh shut the **** up :)
blacksswan 10
You must have had a rough life? Always trolling and bringing down others and that to by using a keyboard :D
thisguy22 33
No one ever really plans to have a baby anymore. Unless they're ******* crazy or old.
Ch0sen 13
Your parents must have been ******* crazy and old. So how are they doing now?
thisguy22 33
Amicably divorced for 10 years. However, I did say "anymore" meaning now-a-days and not my parents generation so your comment is moot... And mine is very late in coming.