Today, at my grandmothers funeral I tried my hardest not to cry, only allowing tears to fall and not making any noise, to be respectful at her funeral. Afterwards, my mother tells my father that I didn't cry, which obviously meant that I didn't love my grandmother and had no soul. FML

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And you didn't explain? Wow..

It's a funeral, you're allowed to cry. Why would being upset at a funeral be disrespectful?

Did she not notice any tears falling?

Sorry for your loss.

Your mum wasn't being very nice there. Very sorry for your loss

Sometimes people feel like they need to prove they're grieving more than other people are. Probably what this was. It'll hurt you forever, but your mom will probably forget it ever happened. Them's the breaks. Sorry about your grandma.

wow. she's probably still very upset. I wouldn't get angry at her for it, just have a talk with her n explain things. Im sure she'll cool down.

Well if your from America guys tend to feel like they can't have emotions. Being a guy I know how this goes, but there's a few times when a guy can cry and probably needs to.

One of your family members dieing is a good time.

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i'm sure your grandmother wouldn't mind. lol. srry. Umm, why would it matter if u did cry?!? I mean it IS a funeral, ya know, ur supposed 2 cry, you durr.

What an evil bitch.

I would've been too pissed to forgive my mom for making a comment like that.

i concur with #10. thats just mean. everyone has their own way to go about funerals/deaths.

tears falling isn't crying?

Yet another one where I can't believe people actually say YDI. Unbelievable.

I agree with #10 & 11

I didn't cry at my grandmothers funeral just due to pure shock. I didn't believe she was dead, a week later I cried though.

I just dealt with the loss of my grandmother, it's extremely difficult. I did the same thing during my gm funeral, tears were falling but I wouldn't let it all go because if I started I wouldn't have been able to stop. I completely understand where you are coming from. Everyone deals with grief differently, some people feel the need to lash out at others, ala your mother saying you don't have a soul. Just make sure you let go and talk with someone about her, your memories together, everything positive, it helps. My girlfriend was an absolute rock for me for a couple weeks. Grief would come at the weirdest times and sometimes still creeps up on me when I see or hear something that reminds me of my GM. You'll get through it in time.

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Most likely your Mom was just still upset. She just lost her mother so she is still hurting, She saw you not crying and over reacted. If you sit her down in a few days and tell her that you were just trying to be strong for her and the family I will bet that she will apologize to you for her comment. So don't worry, people say things they don't mean when suffering threw grief

I'm sorry for your loss..

But yeah, wtf everyone has their own ways of letting go of a loved one.

You shouldn't hold in your tears at a funeral, especially at one of someone close to you. There is nothing wrong with crying for someone you love. I'm sorry for your loss.

#16 - You need to read more FMLs ;).

I hate it when people equate sadness with tears. There are so many ways of dealing with grief, sobbing uncontrollably isn't the only way.

sorry about your gran :(

You deserved it for spelling errors.
But I'm sorry all the same.

I'm sorry for your loss, and I understand your situation... But of course, like #6 says, your mother is probably very upset.

Tears are overrated. People don't HAVE to cry at funerals. It doesn't mean that you're not sad or don't respect the dead person or anything.

FYL for having such an "understanding" mother.

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My mom did that to me too, just because I never cried in front of her.

Your moms mean.
Not everyone cries over a death.
It's normal.
And also the fact that you were trying to be respectful,normal.
Just explain to your mom, if she doesn't understand, then she's a tard.
(:

my grandfather died today and my whole family acts like that. they probly are just upset and took it out on you a tad, but you can't get upset that they did because what if it was your mom or dad that died? I would be bitchy too.

WTF possessed your mom to make her say that? As soon as she said that I would have imitated the devil with some kind of crazy voice...

My stepfather did that to me, too. My grandfather passed away earlier that week and because I didn't cry in front of him, I got called an ice queen. Something stronger than that, actually, but whatever.

People grieve differently.

Yeah. People take anger out in awful ways at times like this. I usually keep my mouth shut and let people go at each other.

I have been to several funerals of close relatives. I get yelled at for not crying. Same situation with you basically. Im told I didnt love them, or dont care about others. The thing is, I know crying wont bring them back so why bother. Its not like I try not to cry, I just really cant even though Im still upset. FOL

Sucks man. But honestly at a funeral the status quo goes out the window for men not crying. It's a funeral for someone you love that is no longer on this earth. Though I do feel for you... when my brother got cancer I didn't shed a tear even though I was angry he got sick and sad for him. Just the water wouldn't flow. So don't feel you're a soulless person. Though next time don't worry about "trying your hardest not to cry" because at a funeral you can do whatever you want. Personally I'm going to get a clown for mine.

i should think that the puddle and your puffy red eyes might bode otherwise.

oh my go that's awful, sorry for your loss.

whats with all the mums on this website? they all seem to want to take some kind of vengeance upon their children, especially when they get pregnant it seems. but yeah she must have known tears were falling and was simply trying to get you in trouble with your father, since she knew he would react like that.

Say, is your mum friends with the girl who punched her boyfriend in the mouth?
seems like they both use "clever" wording to get others in bad situations.

Wow 277 people...how the hell does she deserve it?

I didn't cry at my grandmother's funeral, because I never knew her, she had huntington's disease, I was too young to remember her before she forgot who I was, I cared about her, I just didn'r feel sad. It's not a big deal, it doesn't make you souless. As long as you know you cared about her, that's all that matters.

I didn't cry at my grandmother's funeral, and she was really close to me. I loved her more than anyone. It's okay. I wouldn't bother about your mom. Some people can't cry in public. At least you let a few tears fall. I wouldn't want to draw attention to myself and full out bawl during the service, even if I could cry. I would feel like that would be interrupting the minister or speaker. You cared about her, so none of this matters. As long as that fact is true.

I hope that your parents soon realize that you have a soul, and I'm sorry for your loss.

awwwww! i am so sorry about your grandmother :( i know you you feel though. at my grampa's funeral i was trying to cry as silently as possible, just for the sake of not making a scene in front of everyone. and then when the priest started talking and saying his prayers, he all of a sudden burst into a song and it startled me so much that i started cracking up. at which point i just pressed my head up against my best friend's shoulder and tried to pass off my laugh as a cry. it worked and everyone thought i was crying but i did end up telling my family what had happened later on and they all thought it was funny because that's the kind of twisted humor my grampa would find funny :)

my dad did that to me wen my grandmother died. its not that i didnt want to show my grief, i just had no more tears.

sorry for your loss

It's a funeral - it's not disrespectful to cry! Where on earth did you hear that?

Your mom, however, is probably taking out her grief on you. Bad parenting there.

The same thing happened to me. I just couldnt cry at my grandmas funeral. Then after, my mom asked other people if i cried? People who are strangers could of cried more, but it doesnt mean the loss hurt them more.

Jesus, that sucks.

I recommend your mother go and eat a bag of dicks. How incredibly disrespectful it is for her to assume she knows how you feel based on your expressions and at such a venue. People deal with stress and loss in different ways.

Hell, I wish I could have been that composed at my uncle's funeral. I was a blubbering mess, so don't feel bad.

You should cope with loss in a healthy and adequately expressive manner that is best for you, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

for the future, you're allowed to cry and show emotions at funerals.......

i agree with every one who says to not take it personaly... greef is the worst of the emotions and plays with peoples thought process... she was probably just taking her anger out on you... in a few days shell calm down and it will be ok.. im really sorry for your loss.

I didn't cry at my grandma's funeral.
I didn't cry for like a week, then one day I broke down.

I guess, like you, I felt like I needed to be strong. My mom was having a really hard time with it, and so were my dad and sister. I just wanted to be able to support the rest of the family, or something. It was silly, and a bit unhealthy. Just let your emotions out; it'll be good for you, and make the grieving process easier.

There's nothing wrong with that. At my grandfather's funeral my dad didn't cry, at least not at the funeral. When my great uncle (who was like another grandfather to me, he did everything with me) died i didn't cry at the funeral either, but i did a whole 2 days before and after we got home. That was wrong of your parents to say, some people can grieve in public, some feel more comfortable in private.

I agree with the person b4 me. Same thing happened to me. Except I got called a cold heartless bitch. I don't know, I just don't like crying it's odd to me. People have different ways of greiving and your mom shouldn't have done that. Sorry for your loss you have my sympathies.

So...your mom was looking at other people, trying to gauge how much they were grieving, rather than grieving herself? What the hell?

Crying at a funeral is not disrespectful. I think it's one of the most respectful things there is to do at a funeral.

People in this country have gotten the whole emotions thing so wrong. Why don't we all show what we are feeling every minute of the day?


This one annoyed me.

I can't cry till I'm at work the next day...I understand :(
Your mum's the evil heartless soulless one.

For some reason, I didn't even shed a tear at my grandfather's funeral. I tried to, but I couldn't. However, I cried very, very hard when I had learned he had died and all the next day after that.

You didn't say which grandmother it was, but chances are your mother is probably still grieving. After the dust settles and if she still thinks you have no soul, sit down and explain yourself to her. If she's still a bitch about it, say you're going to throw a big celebration party when she dies.

That happened to me, but it was at my grandfather's funeral. I am sorry for your loss.

Ignore her. You're to be respected for showing consideration at her funeral.

Same happened to me with my grandpa when I was 13. Was picking at my nailpolish to distract myself, then was yelled at for acting like I was bored/not crying. Ugh.

actually #55, in many countries, mourners don't cry at funerals and that's perfectly normal. like in mexico for example, they don't mourn the loss of life, the celebrate it.

and everyone is different, you don't know the OPs situation. i know that when my grampa died i felt silly crying because he always told us not to cry or be upset because it was just his time to go. and maybe the OP doesn't mean the disrespect aimed towards their grandmother.. maybe they meant they didn't want to be disrespectful to the other mourners by getting over emotion.

That's disgusting of you!

The OP probably meant that she thought sobbing seemed inappropriate, which I agree, it does seem sort of inappropriate: bawling so loud that people can't hear the priest/rabbi/etc.
Sorry you offended your mother by not shaving off your eyebrows, throwing ashes on yourself, and hurling yourself into the grave after the casket had been lowered.

sorry for your loss. and i understand what you mean about not wanting to be respectful.

my grandpa died a year ago, and at his funeral, i was the one bawling my head off, and my dad was the one with no soul. he just held the camcorder, and making comments to us like, "you'll neverrrrr see him again."

In some cultures it IS disrespectful, or even bad luck, to cry loudly during a funeral. Also, like catryn/#64 said, I wouldn't want to drown out the clergy.

I didn't cry at either of my grandparents funeral/wake, or even when they died. It doesn't mean I didn't love them. Having no father, my grandpa was like my dad, and I want to get a tattoo for him. [He had a tattoo because he was a marine, and I want one like his, for him.] My mom said the same thing to me, that I was heartless for not crying. Death just... doesn't bother me. It's just something that happens. I'd only get sad if something was unjust, like if someone was murdered. :\

I didn't cry at my father's funeral
but crying at a funeral isn't disrespectful.
However, it was awful that she said that.

#2 funerals are joyous occasions! you are supposed to laugh and dance with glee!

why do ppl have to see someone cry in order to determine whether they cared or not. some ppl (like me) would rather not cry in front of other ppl.

Sorry to hear that. But I'm totally the same. I deal with stuff in my own way, own time. People outta realise that everyone deals with their emotions their own way and that tears are just that. Doesn't mean you don't cry infront of people you have a heart of stone! FTL

#63: hypocrite much? (ur name is try2 b kind or something....)
OP: i'm so swy...*hug* like almost every1 said, it's ok 2 not want 2 b a blubbering mess...i prefer crying privately all ALONE in my room myself

your mother's a clueless asshole

Snarky answer: Tell her your grandma had no soul either and isn't in heaven.


Srs answer: just ignore your mother.

aw, try not to take it personally. people get mad over ridiculous things when they're that distressed.

good luck with everything.

I didn't cry at my grandma's funeral. I don't think anyone in my family cried. You don't have to cry at funerals. People express grief in different ways. It doesn't mean my family didn't love my grandmother. We celebrated her life. I think there were more laughs and smiles during the eulogy than any other funeral I'd ever been to. Don't get me wrong, we were sad to lose her, but my point is you don't have to cry at a funeral. But yeah, just ignore what your mom said, especially if it was her mother who died.

I'd slap her

YDI for trying to be a macho ass
its a funeral your supposed to cry

@BB_baby

Who said the OP was trying to be macho ? Who said the OP was male!? S/he didn't want to make a scene.

I agree w/ a lotta ppl here. She was a bitch. I didn't cry @ my grandma's funeral, when I was little, and I only cried quietly at my dad's. I mean, ppl deal w/ death differently and i don't care what your mom's going through. If SHE'S going to be so unsensitive and judgemental to YOU, fuck her... Nd I'm sorry for your loss.

1) Your mother is a bitch

2) It's also OK to not cry.

Personally I don't cry a lot. I got choked up a couple of times at my uncle's funeral but... i don't usually cry at them.

And if you ever are at a funeral where you don't feel the need to cry... that is not bad or evil.

I've been at funerals where I barely knew the person. So, although I felt bad about the death, I wasn't crying or grieving. So I took care of some of the other tasks on hand to free up the people who *were* grieving more than i was.


and yet you were crying anyway.

that's just rotten of her

People deal with death differently than others do.. I mean, at my brother's funeral I only comforted my elder sister rather than crying myself. For some, it just doesn't full sink in that person's gone until days later. That's how I was.

You're mother sounds a tad insensitive, or she's just redirecting her own grief or something. I'm not sure if your grandmother was paternal or maternal, but if she was your maternal then your mother might've just been sort of emotionally unstable. Who knows ...

Never happened. Poster is a 18 year old girl who likes being a "victim".

*shrug* why do you care if your mother thinks you care about your grandma?

both my parents did that too me when my dog died. bastards

And that's what got Monseur Meursault in trouble.... sorta.... >.>

sorry for your loss; however, again as what other said people need to understand that some people cry at funerals and others just never cry. it's individual for everyone, and we should all understand that.

please don't flame me. i think we should not mourn the dead as much as we celebrate their life. i'm not a very emotional person, but a loss is a loss. some people have different reactions.

Yup! my mom tells me that all the time cuz I didn't "express" my feelings

I can see where he's coming from. It's not about "manning up" as it is about not making a huge scene during a solemn moment.

i didnt cry at a funeral
but it didnt mean i wasnt disrespectful
and that i didnt care
ppl have different ways of grieving
btw sorry for ur loss

That is pretty mean of your mother to say that. I mean how does she really know what you are exactly feeling. :/ People express their emotions different ways and different times.

Honestly it doesn't even matter if you did or didn't cry. People deal with loss in different ways and some people may wait to cry until later or may never do so at all. Complete lack of consideration for how you might be feeling on your mother's part. Still, talk to her. She may have just been emotional and not have even meant it.

I hate it when people assume you're emotionless just because you don't show emotion. Happens to me all the time.

My dad died in the beginning of this last September, and I didn't cry. I'm sure many assumed that I didn't love him or some bullshit like that. Tears just don't come naturally to me in these situations.

I'm sorry about your loss, and I'm sorry about your sorry excuse for a mom.

Agrees with #94! Your mom sucks.

totttally agree with 2.
sorry for your grandma.

sorry about your grandma

you are a soul, you have a body

im sorry for your grandma passing, but i have to laugh at the fact that your mom said you had no soul because you weren'tlike sobbing ahahahahah i actually laughed out loud at that part. but still sorry about the loss, hope you guys are all doing okay

don't even worry about it. sometimes people keep in the emotions because thats just how they deal the best way. My gramma died recently too, i loved her SO much but i just didnt cry at her funeral either. I did on my own time lol. also, that should be the LAST thing your parents should say to you, especially since YOU'RE suffering too and your emotions are overloaded as well.

I'm a bit confused as to how people are misinterpreting the part about being respectful. It's not that crying is disrespectful. The OP felt that making noise while crying would be disrespectful.

Either way, that is a terrible thing for your mother to have said.

My grandpa just passed away and I was trying to be strong not to cry and my parents thought the same.

It took 6 years before I cried about my grandmother's death last year. It's been almost 5 years since my grandfather died, and I still haven't cried. And I probably won't cry when my uncle dies. Which will probably be very soon. Some people just don't cry.

Your mom was probably upset, which made her say that. My mom got mad at everyone when her dad died, and she'll probably do it again when my uncle dies. In a few days, tell her how that made you feel. She probably didn't mean it.

And I'm very sorry about your loss.

and why would crying be disrespectful...YDI

Holding back tears at a funeral??? Well that's logical...

Your mom's a bitch... you don't always cry by the death of a loved one, even if you truly truly love them... It depends on the person, that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt or feel bad. And, yes,I know you would have cried, I'm just saying her logic is illogical.

It's ok to cry at a funeral, and there's nothing wrong not crying either, since you could be trying to be strong for your family.

Wow what a bitch your mum was! I hope you yelled at her! What an awful thing to say to your daughter!

Sorry :(

I'm annoyed w/ comments like #63, #77, and #104.

I can totally understand where you're coming from. I've unfortunately been to many funerals, and have a hard time - keeping it together, myself. I've been to a few that have been a bit disturbed by loud wailing. Not that i'm saying ANYTHING bad against the person greiving, but I can see why a person would not want to do that.

In the end, it doesn't matter that you cried, or didn't cry, wailed or didn't wail - and your mother should know that. Sometimes people are blinded by grief. I imagine, your mom will come around.

What really matters is that you carry a little bit of her in your heart, and she'll never be gone :).

#82: And how the fuck would you know? Do you know the OP, seriously? What you don't believe that people's parents are complete shits, and this is probably the OP's mom's mom so that would be a lot more anger. Jack ass.

last week , at MY grandma 's funeral , i cryed sooo much , and REALLY loud , i was soo embarrased , because i couldnt help it . everyone was crying except for the guys cuz they have to be all brave :P and it made me cry even more ... uugh .
the worse part , they buried her a minute or so from her house .
guess what we passed .
and i couldnt cry , that drove me crazy ,
soo , i wonder why you didnt ? :O

Shame your mum implied your soulessness, but on the other hand it could be worse. My parents suggested I see a therapist because apparently I'm not 'in touch' with my emotions, which apparently means because I don't, for example, cry or show any flicker of well, anything at say a funeral I'm a freak. Perhaps they're right; I just call it thick skinned. But aye, sucks you get the hassle for trying to keep a brave face.

I did almost the same thing at my great gradnmothers funeral. I didn't cry at all.
My mom and brother were upset with me over it, saying how I didn't care when I really did.
I ended bawling when I got home from the ordeal and they shut up.

I'm sorry for your loss. Just remember, everyone deals with grief in their own way.

I didn't cry at my Grandmothers funeral. But then I didn't love her and have often suspected that I have no soul...

i didn't cry when my grandparents died, didn't seem real since they live so far away.
but i did cry alot when my cat died cause he was run over and the blood stain on the road took a week to wash away.

that must make me evil crying over a cat and not my grandma or grandpa.
death hits you in different ways and depending on the situation it's ok to cry and it's ok not to cry.

I have had tons of sad times and deaths with close members... and ive barely ever cried. does that make me a sick fuck? No. So don't listen to your mum or dad. They must be idiots.

Well, you don't have a soul. Nobody does. Souls don't exist. :D

Sorry.

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