Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (167616) - you totally deserved it (11895)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)
(-1)u said u guyz were joking. he was just joking gosh this is a stupid FML, learn to take a joke u jackass girl
#644 - On 03/31/2010 at 4:50pm by FMLrockzdude
(0)hey... I said that same thing today... and I went to starbucks today
#650 - On 04/23/2010 at 8:23pm by michaelscot23
(0)WTF, what kind of seed? is it a fruit or a vegetable. Oh I hope it's a pineapple. Best. Fruit. Ever.
(0)wtf that is so freaking creepy. Cut off all ties with him IMMEDIATELY.
#2 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:07pm by LLsuperfly
(0)Oh my gosh, I have to remember that. I'm gonna say that to everyone in school, including my chemistry and biology teachers, I wonder how they'll react. I'll twitter about it or post it here somewhere. Haha.
#593 - On 06/24/2009 at 1:02am by FatAssAnonymous
(0)This really is the best pickup line in the world. The chloroform one is just more successful.
#615 - On 09/25/2009 at 8:31am by slackbheep
(0)HAHAHAHA.
That's almost as good as "If I told you that you have a great body, would you hold it against me?"
(0)hahahahahahahahahaha ahhhhh that just made my day!!
for #4..... ummm.... just think about it for a second....
#10 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:10pm by abcdefghijklmno
(0)hahahahah sorry this is too funny.
But on a side note, you guys were still joking... right?
#12 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:10pm by mini_munny
(0)WTF. O_= CREEPER. STAY AWAY.
... at this same time, that's kinda lulz. XD
#16 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:12pm by white_mouse
hahahaha that is too freaking weird. Who in their right mind would say that and on the first date?!
#19 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:13pm by 100308
(0)hahahahahahahaha
I just came back from a first date myself, i thought it was a little awkward but yours really put mine in perspective :P
#20 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:13pm by dayinthelife66
(0)That's the funniest damn thing I've read this past hour.
#21 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:13pm by UrLifeDoesntSuck
(0)Can you say sketchy? If he's thinking about kids on the first date, I can only imagine what the hell he'll be thinking on the second one... ._.;
#24 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:14pm by SiLveRStaRLIGHT
(0)LMAO, you have no idea how hilarious the image in my head if from this.
#26 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:15pm by Lou_Briccant
(0)hahahahahah this made me LMAO but seriously what a creeper
#27 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:16pm by choppedNskrewed
(0)Agreed with 23. As soon as he said that you should have just run like hell and never so much as made eye contact again.
(0)Hahaha, that's hysterical. I DO hope he was kidding, though, lol.
#31 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:16pm by wtfuckery
(0)That is... well, very creepy but hilarious at the same time.
#32 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:17pm by EmilyMarie
(0)sorry but i don't think he was into you and needed a way to end it.
#35 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:18pm by RainbowTubeSocks
(+1)PLUMP? lmao oh my gosh, this is hilarious yet insanely creepy. i would have just walked off.. laughing. but still walking off. :]
(0)LMAO I hope he plans to marry you first XD
But seriously what a creep! I hope he doesn't know where you live!
(0)He is joking. He probably found you very annoying, and said that so you would never want to talk to him again.
#41 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:20pm by Uconnrunner
(0)lol? wow, that woulda' been awkward. he's just joking?
#44 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:22pm by OMGShoes1994
(0)LOL!!!! ahahahahahhahaha. total creep. what do you even say to that?
#45 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:22pm by jabbaundead
(0)OMFG THIS IS SO FRICKIN HILARIOUS....i just have the most amazing picture in my head..this creeper guy suddenly getting really intense.."soon this will be plump with my seed"
(+1)#41- if he was, he's a genius, and it's still hilarious/ an FML, because someone would have to be pretty annoying for someone to be that creepy. and if he wasn't, it's still hilarious.
but tears were streaming down my face. hahahaha, fyl indeed.
(0)omg, i just died. greatest thing i've ever heard, ever. :)
#50 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:25pm by sexxxy_lexxxy
(0)LMAO
I'm sorry, sweetie , but cut ALL TIES
but thank you for sharing. Best FML since the one where the chick popped the pimple on her boyfriend's neck accidentally while making out! XD
#51 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:25pm by 1NinjaPaper1
(0)Wow, i'm thinking maybe he was trying to creep you out because he wasn't that into you. But if not, at least now i know what to say next time a date is going bad
(+1)Did you happen to be on a date with Dwight K. Schrute? Sounds like something he would say.
#54 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:26pm by codycalifornia
(0)Did you happen to be on a date with Dwight K. Schrute? Sounds like something he would say.
#55 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:26pm by codycalifornia
(0)Hahhaa, that's hilarious.. hopefully this guy is just kind of a joker, albeit bad timing... I want to see this happen to somebody, now, just so I can laugh.
#58 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:26pm by shawleigh17
(0)Today, I was on a first date with this girl I really like. I was so nervous and I was cracking bad jokes the whole time. I touched her stomach and said, "soon this will be plump with my seed." she didn't find it funny. FML
#65 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:29pm by Claire_bear
(0)LOL! This is the oddest FML I've seen in a while. Hahaha
#72 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:35pm by Person_Man
(0)I can just imagine this;
it gets awkwardly silent and he reaches for your stomach slowly
with a french accent he says; "soon! THIS will be plump with my seed"
then he winks
and you run
#74 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:36pm by helen_
(0)I can just imagine this;
it gets awkwardly silent and he reaches for your stomach slowly
with a french accent he says; "soon! THIS will be plump with my seed"
then he winks
and you run
#75 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:37pm by helen_
(0)ROFL. The second date he'll probably tap your chest and say:" That's where my seeds will be sucking on in a year. " Ahhh Im joking with you =P
#76 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:39pm by iDontFail_xD
(0)JESUS CHRIST that is so freaky. Cut off all ties with this guy.
#78 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:41pm by TydusArandor
(0)WhoA!
Creepppp
I woulda ran away from him so fasttt
I hope he doesn't have your number or know where you live...
#79 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:41pm by Sophalump
(+2)
Let me tell you the rest of the story: this actually happened a couple months ago, but I just discovered this site.
First off, there was NO second date. My God.
Right after he said that, I told him I wanted to go home (he had driven, and I didn't have a car or any way to get home). He then asked if I wanted to go to the woods so he could "do things to me." I told him no, going home would be fine.
He took me home and I called him and told him I never wanted to see him again. For half an hour, he tried to convince me to see him again, but I eventually just hung up. For a month or so he called me every day but I didn't answer. Finally, I grew tired of this and I answered the phone. I told him he was really scaring me and he needed to stop trying to contact me. He told me, "I was falling in love with you but they all laughed at me!" (Mind you, I do not know who "they" are. Nor do I wish to know). I told him I was very sorry, but he had to stop calling me or I would contact the police. He then said to me, "Where is the darkness??? Why do you paint me as a demon when I just want to show you the light???"
I haven't spoken to him since.
#82 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:44pm by creepermagnet
(+1)Let me tell you the rest of the story: this actually happened a couple months ago, but I just discovered this site.
First off, there was NO second date. My God.
Right after he said that, I told him I wanted to go home (he had driven, and I didn't have a car or any way to get home). He then asked if I wanted to go to the woods so he could "do things to me." I told him no, going home would be fine.
He took me home and I called him and told him I never wanted to see him again. For half an hour, he tried to convince me to see him again, but I eventually just hung up. For a month or so he called me every day but I didn't answer. Finally, I grew tired of this and I answered the phone. I told him he was really scaring me and he needed to stop trying to contact me. He told me, "I was falling in love with you but they all laughed at me!" (Mind you, I do not know who "they" are. Nor do I wish to know). I told him I was very sorry, but he had to stop calling me or I would contact the police. He then said to me, "Where is the darkness??? Why do you paint me as a demon when I just want to show you the light???"
I haven't spoken to him since.
#84 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:44pm by creepermagnet
(0)I'm just imagining that he's not saying it to you, but more to himself in a self-satisfied sort of way. hahahahaha.
(0)oh my, so scary.
and the rest of the story, what a f*cking creep o_O
you poor girl.
#88 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:47pm by featherhead
(0)AHAHAHA.
That just made my day.
It's unbelievably creepy (how do you respond to that?!), but it's also HILARIOUS.
But honestly, run as fast as you can.
Maybe buy some new locks and sleep with pepper spray and a rape whistle for now on...
::continues laughing::
#90 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:48pm by marykateex3
(0)well, it could have been worse. he could have put his hand lower down and said "soon, your love canal will be filled with my manhood." always look on the bright side!
(0)Sounds like he was trying to make a joke, and probably failed at the delivery. But yea, I'm sure it was a harmless joke, albeit a creepy one.
#94 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:51pm by Silhouette
(0)ew don't ruin your life and get pregnant. It's the biggest mistake a woman can make.
#96 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:51pm by mercedeslove
(0)oh my god, this is hysterical.
hahaha i actually laughed out loud at this one.
creepy, but sooooo funny.
#101 - On 04/06/2009 at 8:55pm by awkwardlykara
(0)#19… Lol, who in their right mind would say that EVER? The terminology of that statement is insanely creepy.
And while it's a little disturbing, I little lmfao'd at this. I wonder how the OP responded?
(0)ROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFL .
CREEPER !
LMAOOOOOOO .
#110 - On 04/06/2009 at 9:03pm by dammn
(0)actually my friend dated this guy who wanted to get her pregnant but she didn't want to, I don't know why some guys are like that :-\
#117 - On 04/06/2009 at 9:08pm by Bear_Sandwich
(0)HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA
THIS IS MY OTHER FAVORITE FML. ahahahaah LOVE THAT BOY. as long as he just has a cool sense of humor and was joking..
(0)that is sooo creepy.
i sugest never going on a date with him again
#121 - On 04/06/2009 at 9:10pm by bridgetheartsyou
(0)that is sooo creepy.
i sugest never going on a date with him again
#123 - On 04/06/2009 at 9:12pm by bridgetheartsyou
(0)oh man dude, that's even creepier with the full story. i hope you did call the cops o.o
#125 - On 04/06/2009 at 9:13pm by starvingxartist
(0)HAHAHAHAH omg i swear this is so hilarious
i just spit out my tea everywhere
but yeah i would totally call the police or something because after i read the rest of your
story, it sounds like he's just beyond creepy. if he's scaring you like that then seriously
tell someone.
like that's really weird.
but still hilarious.
#129 - On 04/06/2009 at 9:17pm by tropmignon
(0)HAHAHAHAH omg i swear this is so hilarious
i just spit out my tea everywhere
but yeah i would totally call the police or something because after i read the rest of your
story, it sounds like he's just beyond creepy. if he's scaring you like that then seriously
tell someone.
like that's really weird.
but still hilarious.
#134 - On 04/06/2009 at 9:21pm by tropmignon
(0)ROFL ! Oh my god, that is hilarious.
But seriously creepy.
Do not associate yourself with him anymore.
#136 - On 04/06/2009 at 9:25pm by amanda_panda_
(0)i agree with 35. probably just trying to scare you away on purpose because the date wasn't going well.
#137 - On 04/06/2009 at 9:26pm by 21yearoldvirgin
(0)hahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahaahah omggg that had me rolling. damn thats hilarious. wooo thanks for that.
one of the best FML's in my opinion.
im sure he was joking but if not i would get the hell out.
#138 - On 04/06/2009 at 9:27pm by amykillswitch
(0)Honestly, I wish he was trying to scare me away on purpose. However, the events that followed kinda showed that he wasn't...
#140 - On 04/06/2009 at 9:27pm by creepermagnet
(0)#92 awesome
that was really funny til i read the rest of your story... now it's just disturbing. that's a shame because if it were a joke he'd be my dream man :op
#141 - On 04/06/2009 at 9:28pm by GoldenSofa
(0)something so crazy similar happened to me at a starbucks...on a first date wiht a guy....creepy as fuck!!! you better hope he looses your number real fast.
(0)i agree with 35. probably just trying to scare you away on purpose because the date wasn't going well. still hilarious though! lol
#147 - On 04/06/2009 at 9:38pm by 21yearoldvirgin
(0)Woah, if that was me i would have smashed him and ran!
#150 - On 04/06/2009 at 9:40pm by XxJokerxX
(0)This man is a damned hero! If you can't get the joke, then you are probably not right for each other.
(0)Was he the creepy guy who works at Wendy's and posted a FML about it a couple of days ago? =P
#153 - On 04/06/2009 at 9:44pm by braFTW
(0)ahahahahaa oh god this is something i'd do
but not on the first date
and i'd let them know i was joking...after a day or eight
(0)hahaha *going into my favs*
this is hilarious. although yeah, fyl, he's a creeper, get away from him as fast as you can.
(0)Alright that is just fucked up.
DON'T LET THAT HAPPEN!!!!!!
#166 - On 04/06/2009 at 9:56pm by Lala_Land14
(0)This doesn't surprise me. I met a guy at a bookstore who seemed really cool, so I gave him my number. He got really weird and sent me texts calling me "princess" and telling me how much he wanted to impregnate me. When I didn't respond he would alternately send nasty, rude messages calling me names and then ones apologizing and saying he loved me. Such a freak.
(0)AHAHAHA that is hilarious but yet i feel very sorry for you, because what he said is also extremely creepy...
#168 - On 04/06/2009 at 9:57pm by summersong89
(0)You should have started planning names and outfits and even colleges for you 'children to be'
See if he was joking or serious.
#169 - On 04/06/2009 at 9:58pm by JillianIsLoveee
(0)if you look at her comment farther down the page youll know he was deff. serious...and then some. what a creepy bastard hahaha
(0)thats the funniest thing i ever heard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im gonna go around saying that to everyone!
#172 - On 04/06/2009 at 10:04pm by APit
(0)OMG THAT WAS ME! I'M SO SORRY! I WASN'T TRYING TO BE AWKWARD!
#175 - On 04/06/2009 at 10:10pm by hannahbanana17
(0)I just read your other comment, and... oh my god. That is disturbing. I am so sorry. :( Hopefully you'll find someone better.
(0)I just read your other comment, and... oh my god. That is disturbing. I am so sorry. :( Hopefully you'll find someone better.
(0)omg HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH this is hilarious!! wow omfg wow
#181 - On 04/06/2009 at 10:14pm by nomesdahomes
(0)Yeah, I'm now dating someone who's the complete opposite...but those were some good times, let me tell you
#184 - On 04/06/2009 at 10:17pm by creepermagnet
(0)#179--thanks! I did find someone better, and hopefully won't be plump with anyone's seed anytime soon...
#186 - On 04/06/2009 at 10:19pm by creepermagnet
(0)When I read the initial story - my comment was simply: "Stalker! Danger Will Robinson!"
I came back today to post, and saw the rest of the story - OMFG!
Hope your magnetism draws someone much nicer next time.
(0)HAHA. This story is hard to believe though because people this creepy don't act normal and then just blurt out the creeper statement of the century. Plus, who says "plump" ?
#190 - On 04/06/2009 at 10:24pm by rachelhuggo
(0)If he was joking, that'd be so cool! If not... ehhh..
#192 - On 04/06/2009 at 10:29pm by sumoneoverthere
(+1)were you on a date with Dwight Schrute, per chance?
#193 - On 04/06/2009 at 10:31pm by wotchersarah
(0)I just nearly choked laughing.
OH MY GOSH.
Hahahahahaha.
#195 - On 04/06/2009 at 10:35pm by FlyMeToTheMoon
(0)Well, it actually happened several months ago...I just discovered this site recently.
#199 - On 04/06/2009 at 10:39pm by creepermagnet
(0)Well, #194...I just discovered this site today. The incident actually happened several months ago.
#200 - On 04/06/2009 at 10:39pm by creepermagnet
(0)He sounds pretty confident in the potency of his swimmers. He's a keeper, for sure.
Ah, I just lol'd so hard.
(0)*gags* oh, oh my god. get the hell away from that fucking creep. if he picked you up for the date or has any idea where you live, change the locks on your doors.
#194, all FMLs start with 'today,' that doesn't necessarily mean they took place the same day they were posted.
#203...stfu. >:|
#208 - On 04/06/2009 at 10:59pm by McLaughlane
(0)I hope there was some more context to that. Otherwise it's pretty weird.
#210 - On 04/06/2009 at 11:03pm by thelastnerd
(0)your terrible experience has blessed me with the best laugh i've had in a long time :P
#211 - On 04/06/2009 at 11:05pm by generalsmith2
(0)honestly i would have what he said as a joke to friend who knows me well. but that OTHER stuff you said was sooo effin' creepy.
(0)It totally depends on how he said it. If he meant it as a joke, that's fucking hilarious. If he didn't, it's still hilarious, but not for you.
(0)im definitely going to do this to a certain female fml-reading friend next time i see her. reactions shall be gauged.
(0)Oh. My. God. Wow.
See sadly, it is funny, but when the laughing dies down: girl, get the fuck away from that creeper. That's just disturbing
#217 - On 04/06/2009 at 11:16pm by _musical_addict_
(0)HAHAHAH.
That's TOO hilarious!
He MUST have been joking.
Otherwise, ohh man.
#223 - On 04/06/2009 at 11:32pm by iEuphorical
(0)Aww, that's sweet! Unless you don't want a baby with him anytime soon, I can understand why you FML'd it.
#226 - On 04/06/2009 at 11:37pm by Clearsky18
(0)Today I was reading comments made on Fmylife.com. I ended up reading the same shit over and over again because the site is glitchy and people are posting repeated messages again and again. It's now boring and dull. FML.
(0)GAWHAHAHAHABWAHAHAHAHAHA!! best pick up line ever! lol
#229 - On 04/06/2009 at 11:43pm by Loveless_92
(0)These are the kinds of guys that will slip you roofies. Cut off all ties.
#238 - On 04/07/2009 at 12:01am by Nakedsquirrel
(0)That sounds like something that would happen in my city xD
Hope he stopped calling you eventually. I'd be crazy paranoid if this happend to me.
On a different note:
LMFAO.
(0)Lmao
I love creepy people
they are the highlight of my day
#247 - On 04/07/2009 at 12:16am by Shadesville
(0)ROTFL
did you say "Yes, and we shall water it daily"?
#248 - On 04/07/2009 at 12:24am by rachelroller
(0)haha thats freaking hilarious. and amazingly creepy but funny nonetheless. reminds me of a 4chan troll story, except irl. FYL
(0)LMFAO OMG THIS IS AMAZING. AMAZING FML. WOW. THIS IS AMAZING. I AM LITERALLY LMFAO. I HOPE IT DOESN'T REALLY FALL OFF.
haha fuck being first, i'm number 250, bitchessss hahaha
(0)wtf dont stay away he wants your babys! :D
he probably likes you allot (:
#255 - On 04/07/2009 at 12:39am by Zombie_ADD
(0)#146 -- You do realize that there are TONS of starbucks all over, right? I doubt it was the same date. However, if it was then you need to rethink your friends.
(0)say "Uh, no it won't." and get out of that Starbucks as fast you possibly can.
This is not a pickup line. It's cheating. You can't talk about going all the way till you've at least made it to first base.
(0)That guy is FUCKING AWESOME. I want to be his friend just because of that, he is a winner.
#263 - On 04/07/2009 at 12:51am by jagg3d3d93
(0)bahahahaha, this is hilarious, but u would wanna cut it with him if he's serious and creepy like that, but that was funny~
(0)*is laughing my head off over here*
Read the post, and the follow up comment. That is just... I mean... Best FML ever!!!!
#266 - On 04/07/2009 at 1:00am by judgeymcjudge
(0)Chill out, he was probably kidding.
Oh, and by the way, the next person to use the word "creeper" will be lynched, kthx
(0)HAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHHAAHAHHAAH
OHHHHHmyfuckingggjesussss
haahhaahhahaha
#271 - On 04/07/2009 at 1:14am by wickedsick
(0)... "plump with my seed"???????? PLUMP? How much seed did he have?! This is disturbing and weird. Even more so with the rest of the story. Way to get out of there! Although, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have gotten in the car with him!!!!!!
(0)OMG, This has got to be one of the best FMLs ever. And have the greatest number of comments.
@269 look at the name of the OP. then you will understand the use of the word "creeper". Way to read the comments before posting.
@272 plump as in plump with child. fruit of his seed. that whole deal.
@OP might I suggest you find alternative methods of transportation if you must escape from similar situations in the future? Getting him to drive you home... you must have (metaphorical) balls of fuckin steel. Or plutonium. Or something. Just, bad idea. People that I know that attract odd people tend to do it on a large scale. I also suggest investing in a machete. They are the cheapest weapon of mass slaughter ever produced.
But I should SO use that line someday just to see reactions... that would be hilarious if it was intended as a joke. If only... lol.
And welcome to FML, you just practically owned the whole website.
(0)Maybe he was trying to be funny and you don't have a sense of humor. Context, context, context....
(0)Seriously, you should make a report with the police. From your story in #82,84 this is now a necessary precaution on your part.
If he has actually stopped contacting you then the police wont take any action; however, if he does anything else having the previous report with the police will allow you to get a restraining order, significantly help your case when you file charges etc.
Not legal advise, not a lawyer, etc.
#275 - On 04/07/2009 at 1:35am by Reasonable_man
(0)Ewwww.
Did you say.
"Oh by the way, did I tell you I used to be a man?"
#277 - On 04/07/2009 at 1:43am by caligirl5422
(0)I wish to shake the hand of this man.
That is purely bad-ass.
#281 - On 04/07/2009 at 2:16am by tigerwolfgal
(0)You sure he wasn't joking?
You said you guys were joking around.........
It would still be weird even if he was though.
(0)I'm scared for you.
I read #82 and I'm thinking maybe he was really religious and desperate?
I dunno, but that's actually pretty scary.
(0)OP, you should submit your story to psychoticlettersfrommen.blogspot.com! It's perfect for it. This guy sounds soooo creepy.
#287 - On 04/07/2009 at 2:41am by babydoll86
(0)Given the stuff about the pregnancy and the religious undertones of his stalking, maybe he is God and he wanted you to be the vessell for his immaculate conception? In which case, nothing too freaky about it.
(0)WHAT THE FUCK????? hahaha that is the funniest thing I have ever read.
#289 - On 04/07/2009 at 2:48am by californiagirlx7
(0)hahaha its kinda funny.. maybe he was joking... or trying to scare u away!!! guess it worked hey?
#292 - On 04/07/2009 at 3:33am by Mikeymikey
(0)omg.. wow O_o creepy stalker much?? "plump with my seed".. lmao!
#296 - On 04/07/2009 at 4:19am by lifeisf_ed
(0)I bet the next thing he said was "Help me spawn the demon child..."
Man, the guy is twisted. But thanks for the laugh... :-)
I sometimes wonder how many of these entries are true, but matter of fact is, I don't care, and it doesn't matter!
Good luck!
B.
(0)oh he's a keeper for sure haha such a way with words!
joking lol but i agree with some people it's funny if he's kidding around but def creepy if he means it.
#299 - On 04/07/2009 at 5:11am by monkey_around
(0)btw thanks for posting a follow up with the rest of the story...you don't see that around a lot and i feel really sorry for you...but thank god you didn't go on a second date with him!
#300 - On 04/07/2009 at 5:20am by allstarplayer324
(0)I would also never go on another date for months if not my entire rest of my life...
#301 - On 04/07/2009 at 5:23am by allstarplayer324
(0)hahahahahahahahahaha... perfect way to make a girl lose interest! =D
#304 - On 04/07/2009 at 6:10am by Rollercoaster
(0)okej...after reading #82... HAHAHAHAHA.... he wasn't kidding... now it's just disturbing
#305 - On 04/07/2009 at 6:15am by Rollercoaster
(0)He's just letting you know where you stand. Don't like it? Stop associating with him.
#307 - On 04/07/2009 at 6:49am by everythingtold
(0)okay first of all i don't even know how to respond to this. If a guy i just met or watever said that to me i'd ask him wat he was on nd peace.That is soo awkward and creepy. He seems like a effin psycho..nyone that says that sentence either married or watever its just weird. I mean i couldn't even laugh that off. i hope you stopped talking to him and walked away.
#314 - On 04/07/2009 at 9:28am by ashybabi23
(0)How are people even taking this seriously?
You even brought up that you guys were joking. There's no reason to interpret that as anything but a joke. Where the heck is the appreciation of good humour?
That is hilarious. He deserves a medal.
#315 - On 04/07/2009 at 9:32am by seanomoric
(0)OP, I'm glad you reposted to let us know you avoided this guy. That was disturbing on so many levels!
On the other hand, this was an awesome FML!
(0)ccrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppyyyyyyyyy!
I would have been like...
well no i would have just ran away.
#319 - On 04/07/2009 at 9:50am by MizzHollywood
(0)I vote that he's one of those religous fanatic fundamentalists people... Just a thought.
LOL, btw.. Hahahahaha!
(0)thats pretty creepy. i hope u stabbed him. or at least poared hot coffee on his seed-maker
#321 - On 04/07/2009 at 10:14am by whocaresnotme
(0)oh dear god, that's just CREEPY.
but honestly...that's a little funny. i'm laughing and i feel bad for you.
(0)This is one of the ONLY FML's I've acctually LOL'd at.
Bahahaha. SO CLASSIC!
#324 - On 04/07/2009 at 10:50am by hayleykaulitz
(0)you brave little girl.... i have goosebumps just thinking about this. it sounds like the beginning of a horror movie...
#326 - On 04/07/2009 at 11:48am by catchthisdrift
(0)HAHAHAHAHA creepiness at its best!
I'm SO remembering this to scare off guys. " So, feel this right here? Soon this will be plump with your seed." :D
#327 - On 04/07/2009 at 11:57am by Dr_Quackerr
(0)Do you normally attract creepers?
hahahahhahhaha best pickup line EVERR
#333 - On 04/07/2009 at 12:39pm by dazzlingmemuch
(0)AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAA.
#336 - On 04/07/2009 at 12:55pm by fitz_dizzyspells
(0)WOW. Joking gone too far? Better safe than sorry, ditch him!
That's one of THOSE stories, you know; your skin crawls, but you're crying from laughing so hard...
(0)that's just plain creepy. I've had some moments like that myself, but never to that creepy extent! good for you for avoiding him, and be safe!
(0)Damn I think thats the funniest thing I've heard! LOL He is either insanely crazy, or has a really good sense of humor.
(0)HAHAHAHAHA! plump with my seed. what a turn OFF. how creepy. and a hilarious way to tell you he wants to fuck you and make cute little babies.
(0)#315 - the guy wasn't joking... if you read her follow-up on the story on comment #82, you'll see just how creepy the guy is.
OP: He drove you home?! You are brave. If that was me, I'd call a friend to pick me up and stay far away from my house as long as possible to hopefully guarantee he wasn't trailing me home.
#355 - On 04/07/2009 at 3:44pm by mini_munny
(0)You found a guy with a wacky sense of humour and wonderful diction (plump... seed... come on, it's the wording that makes this joke, isn't it?); where's the FML?
(0)hahahahaha that was hilarious :]
but you gotta know it was a joke. c'mon, no one says 'plump' and 'seed'. lmao
#358 - On 04/07/2009 at 4:14pm by cheerloveexx3
(0)CREEEEPPPPPEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. my advice? kick em in the nuts and run as far away as possible :)
(0)holy shit you went out on a date with Dwight from the Office?
#363 - On 04/07/2009 at 5:06pm by outforprophets
(0)I totally understand the feeling, I'm a creeper magnet too; just not to that degree. That really sucks.
HAHAHAHA thats hilarious!!!!! hahahahahaha oh my god haha xD
#369 - On 04/07/2009 at 6:31pm by HAHA_13
(0)That's one way to end a date. He's a character, just think of the interesting things he could bring up over dinner with your parents.
#370 - On 04/07/2009 at 6:43pm by false_swipes
(0)I would have been pretty creeped out lmao! Obviously it would have been different if it was a close friend previous to the date and you knew they were joking or if you had been dating them for a while though.
#378 - On 04/07/2009 at 7:57pm by t0xicfaerie
(0)Wow, that it possibly the funniest FML i've read yet. Guarantee at that point he thought "Well, this is going absolutely nowhere, and this girls sucks, might as well have fun with it."
(0)this reminds of the fml where the girl screamed BE MY BABY DADDY!
imagine having sex with him and then he shouts BE PLUMP WITH MY SEED!
oh goodness you can't make this stuff up.
make sure you make him wear a helmet so his soliders don't march!
(0)Yea im thinking he took the easy way out to make sure he never had to see you again.
#384 - On 04/07/2009 at 9:28pm by dimond_2010
(0)LMFAO, #383.. the be my baby daddy one is my favorite FML ever.
but..
bahahahahahahahahahah.
dude, thats a straight up creeper.
lmfao, thanks for making my day :D
#385 - On 04/07/2009 at 9:28pm by hollisterhottiex
(0)Just for those saying maybe he was joking and it's funny, and especially the person saying use a condom. Check out OP's detailed reply at #82.
100% freaky creepoid. No jokes about it.
(0)i would guess he was just joking. this has got to be the funniest fmylife i have ever read.
#388 - On 04/07/2009 at 10:02pm by koneko12984
(0)OH lordy lordy.
I did this to my sister today. She freaked out. It was hilarious... and I still laugh every time i think about this fml
#389 - On 04/07/2009 at 10:22pm by sagittaurus
(0)OMG. What a fucking creep. Please tell me you got up and left.
Or that he was joking? Oh jeeze. Lmfao. FYL, for sure.
(0)your life is fucked because not only did he say that
a) you went to starbucks on a first date
b) you go to starbucks
(0)amen, #400. though that was funny enough that i would have gone on another date to see what would happen next. if he meant it, then yeah, he has to go. but i think its just down right amazing. xD
#401 - On 04/08/2009 at 12:46am by cobbsalad1337
(0)Well at least you know that he doesn't have a fear of commitment!
#402 - On 04/08/2009 at 1:09am by SgtSchadenfreude
(0)That guy, is the greatest fucking comedian ever.
Seriously, that's so funny. You suck at humour, woman.
Though I will admit, he popped that joke too early.
#403 - On 04/08/2009 at 3:28am by RespondomaticMan
(0)And I thought the guys that I dated were creepers...ROFLMAO!
#404 - On 04/08/2009 at 5:05am by MissKittyKat24
(0)woahh wat a creeperr.... thats just freaky XP
and uhh... #406 i think to her its good that u never c her again.... if that really is u
#408 - On 04/08/2009 at 11:09am by a7xforlife
(0)i actually used that line the other day with my friend. she hates me now.
#410 - On 04/08/2009 at 11:51am by organisedchaos
(0)I would totally say something like this if I was on a first date where the girl was boring as hell. Funny to me, and she never talks to me again. WIN.
#412 - On 04/08/2009 at 1:22pm by fudgefingers
(0)HA HA HA HA HA I imagined him saying that.. after which, his psycho killer laugh ensues.
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!
#413 - On 04/08/2009 at 1:41pm by circayouandme
(0)LMAO! ahahahahahahaha!
you poor thing, that must have been traumatizing.
#414 - On 04/08/2009 at 4:24pm by JessiLou777
(0)That is one horror movie quality creeper, especially if you read the continuation at post #82. Jesus tapdancing christ, I wouldn't wait for a ride, I would just run the f**k out of there!
(0)HAHAHAHAHA
OMG this just made my day! haha WHAT A CREEEPER!! :/
#419 - On 04/08/2009 at 6:10pm by wadeyy
(0)Ahahaha, that sucks :(
You might find him on America's Most Wanted in a couple years
#421 - On 04/08/2009 at 7:04pm by Schoolcraft
(0)haha, OMG just wanted to let you know that just joined FML specifically to comment on this & say how creepy yet HILARIOUS that is! perfect timing! hahaha
(0)that is the most effing disgusting and creepy thing i've ever read.
i would have punched him in the face, kicked him in the groin, poured a drink on his head and left.
i hope you did that.
#423 - On 04/08/2009 at 9:36pm by ohwowthatsucks25
(0)RUN!!!!!!!!!!!! RUN AS FAST AS U CAN FAR AWAY FROM HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#425 - On 04/08/2009 at 10:49pm by princess_sugar
(0)OMG LOL! That is so fucking funny! I can totally imagine a situation like that happen even if it's unlikely. I loled so hard!
(0)I'm sorry. I know it's creepy and weird, but this is pretty funny. Like something off of Family Guy.
XD
Anyway, hopefully the next person you date will be more normal. But it's still hilarious! XD
(0)HAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHA OMFG I LITERALLY LAUGHED OUT LOUD WHEN I READ THIS. WHAT DID YOU SAY AFTERWARDS!?! LMAO
#435 - On 04/10/2009 at 1:20am by comedyqueen
(0)ohh i see.
thats alittle odd(:
ahah. that must have been interesting. youu should get a restraining order.
#441 - On 04/10/2009 at 5:09pm by causeseveneight9
(0)I laughed until I hurt myself.
I hope you showed him the door.
...*still laughing*
#443 - On 04/10/2009 at 10:49pm by Tobias_Grey
(0)woooooooow. if you get a chance, check out the rest of the story on #81
seriously, call the police.
something kind of like this happened to a friend of mine, CALL THE POLICE
#448 - On 04/12/2009 at 7:06pm by epicfail12
(0)ROFL!!
im pree sure i just laughed for like, 10 mins. aha
he's my hero.
#450 - On 04/12/2009 at 8:34pm by fmlmylifesfucked
(0)Wow.
This guy is either quite the immature prankster (albeit kinda funny..I have to admit..) or really psychotic.
Btw. No, police won't really help. The most they would do is basically just shake their finger at him.
(0)ok so heres what you do
you run. fast. but not to your house, we dont want him to know where you live. go to an enemys house and hide in the backyard
when he gets there, make sure he stays til you get a far enough distance away from himm. then run home. locks all doors and windows and dont pick up your home phone for 5 days. you should be safe
#456 - On 04/13/2009 at 9:48pm by Emmett_Luver_101
(0)My best guess would be a pregnancy or impregnation fetish, on top of what seems otherwise like a very strange dude. Interesting.
(0)You should've put your hand over his crotch, stared him right in the eye and said..
"I'll show you plump."
*Kicks him in the balls*
(0)lol that is my new fave pickup line EVER hhahahahhahahahah
btws....
RUN FAR FAR AWAY!!!!!!!
#465 - On 04/15/2009 at 8:53pm by greysgal15
(0)LMAO this is hilariouss -- what a CREEP! i hope you ran..
#472 - On 04/17/2009 at 8:31am by fernlinusdawson
(0)hahaha im soo sorry but i LOVED this.
I like a guy thats straight up with you =p
#473 - On 04/17/2009 at 4:34pm by AshenSkies
(0)That's fucking creepy. Drop all contact with him.
I would have punched him so hard.
#474 - On 04/17/2009 at 8:43pm by Sakura_Haruno
(0)hahaha wow lol
I would've reached over and touched his face and said "soon, your face will be broken with my fist."
hahaha what a creeper.
(0)just let it happen. have the baby. sell it for money. profit$
#484 - On 04/21/2009 at 7:27pm by Azwethinkweiz78
(0)just let it happen. have the baby. sell it for money. profit$
#485 - On 04/21/2009 at 7:27pm by Azwethinkweiz78
(0)HOLY SHIT, OMG, WTF! HE IS A FREAK AND A MAJOR CREEPER!!!!!!!!!
#486 - On 04/21/2009 at 8:04pm by DanielleMazz
(0)#3,487,473,449,400,273,92, and 5 really good. but the best one goes to #65. LOL its been like 20mins and i still can stop laughing. that was until i read #82 best off luck to you. if you want me and a couple buds could go kick his ass. it be a great addition to the story!
#492 - On 04/23/2009 at 9:41am by criminalreborn
(0)wtf! why did u wait to call the police! wut if he does this to some other girl!!! just watch him become a deranged serial killer!
#494 - On 04/26/2009 at 9:12pm by id0nTgiv3af___
(0)wow, that is so creepy.
please tell me you did not go out with him again.
#500 - On 04/28/2009 at 1:15am by ahhitssusie21
(0)Omg! What a freak! I hope he was joking! I woulda been like...ookkaayy....leaving now! Lol
#501 - On 04/28/2009 at 8:26pm by ily4evrrgf
(0)Oh my gosh! That has happened to me too! Not at starbucks in school. I sympathize for you.
#503 - On 04/29/2009 at 1:29pm by ladytiger223
(0)this would depend entirely on delivery. the guy is either hilariously funny, or a complete sicko.
hope its the first luck!
just hope hes not like that one from the movie species
(0)ROFLOOLMAO!!! XD
I would get a restraining order if I were you!!! XD
#507 - On 04/30/2009 at 10:04am by TopsyKretts3
(0)i've never laughed at an FML harder. someone just came in the room to see if i was crying. the best part is i have absolutely no idea how i would react if someone did that to me.
#511 - On 05/04/2009 at 5:12pm by sucks_for_you
(0)oh... oh, my... he's either a clever one or just a big creeper. either way, that is a bit odd...
#513 - On 05/05/2009 at 9:50pm by lovell_says_hey
(0)oh... oh, my... he's either a clever one with the jokes or just a big creeper. either way, that's a bit odd...
#514 - On 05/05/2009 at 9:51pm by lovell_says_hey
(0)^ Seriously #513, 514, there IS an edit button... USE IT
#515 - On 05/06/2009 at 2:45am by Epic_Fail_Sauce
(0)this is like, the best FML ever... me and my friend always joke about it =] haha awesome
#516 - On 05/06/2009 at 2:00pm by theluckygirl28
(0)HAHAHHAHAHA thats so creepy but so funny at the same time, i couldnt stop laughing when i read that!
(0)People are so uptight these days.
I'll be buying his comedy album or reading his book when it comes out.
#518 - On 05/06/2009 at 10:46pm by ManganeseDream
(0)I made an account on FML just to say something in response to this. And that something would be - FUCK YES! marry this man!
#519 - On 05/07/2009 at 11:39pm by kendralugo
(0)This guy is my god. I will use this line forever.
#521 - On 05/09/2009 at 4:36am by christopherlove
(0)Hahahaah that was hilarious. I'm going to use that on my friends.
:]
And I'm sure he was joking.
#525 - On 05/10/2009 at 9:39pm by ImaTrainwreck
(0)BEST fml ever!!!
It sounds like something Dwight would say.
#527 - On 05/11/2009 at 3:58am by jewelzgalore
(0)I'm sorry, but the second part IS the funny part of this story. The first part isn't that funny.
#531 - On 05/14/2009 at 10:37pm by ImaTrainwreck
(0)@530
I'm sorry, but the second part of this story IS the funny part.
#532 - On 05/14/2009 at 10:44pm by ImaTrainwreck
(0)OMFG my friend did that to my guy friend, funniest shit in my life xDDDDD I did that to my brother too xDDDDD
#537 - On 05/19/2009 at 8:12pm by NDN03
(0)HAHAHAHAHA
you shoulda put your hand on his stomach and been like
"no...soon this will be plump with MY seed..."
#539 - On 05/21/2009 at 10:40pm by Fo_Shizzy_Nizzy
(0)HAHA #541 i was thinking the same thing!
check out OP's response in comment #82:
"Let me tell you the rest of the story: this actually happened a couple months ago, but I just discovered this site.
First off, there was NO second date. My God.
Right after he said that, I told him I wanted to go home (he had driven, and I didn't have a car or any way to get home). He then asked if I wanted to go to the woods so he could "do things to me." I told him no, going home would be fine.
He took me home and I called him and told him I never wanted to see him again. For half an hour, he tried to convince me to see him again, but I eventually just hung up. For a month or so he called me every day but I didn't answer. Finally, I grew tired of this and I answered the phone. I told him he was really scaring me and he needed to stop trying to contact me. He told me, "I was falling in love with you but they all laughed at me!" (Mind you, I do not know who "they" are. Nor do I wish to know). I told him I was very sorry, but he had to stop calling me or I would contact the police. He then said to me, "Where is the darkness??? Why do you paint me as a demon when I just want to show you the light???"
I haven't spoken to him since."
(0)LOL #81....TRUE That...This was wildly inappropriate on the 1st date wtf! even a new boyfriend shouldn't say something like that!
(0)WOW I just read the rest of the poster's story and That is the Creepiest/scarietst date story I have EVER heard!!! =0 I mean if that happened to me I'd be scared for my life! it's like something out of a movie! glad you are ok =)
(0)I literally LOL at that. HILARIOUS. Well, not to you... but to those of us that are far, far away from him.. it is.
(0)THAT IS WHEN YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM AND CLIMB OUT THE WINDOW, BEFORE YOU ARE TO PLUMP (WITH HIS SEED) TO FIT.
#559 - On 05/31/2009 at 11:10pm by burtonboard97
I'm gonna use that as a pick up line, and see where it gets me. To jail probably
#562 - On 06/03/2009 at 2:06am by
(0)#563 is right.. i'm laughing right now, but if I was in your shoes I'd runnnnnn!
#565 - On 06/03/2009 at 9:50pm by SuperPandaPig
(0)This is one of my faves. Now my boyfriend says this to me all the time. LOL
#567 - On 06/04/2009 at 12:39pm by Heatherloves
(0)this is actually the funniest thin gi've ever heard lmao!
i feeeeel so sorry for you! that's way to brutal.
i couldn't even imagine having to ride home with that.
sorry girl :(
#570 - On 06/06/2009 at 11:31pm by klutzilla1275
(0)D:..
Run. Run fast. And far.
Change your name, maybe move out of country, I dunno - do anything
Gl
D:
(0)Worst pickup line in the history of the Earth.
#575 - On 06/10/2009 at 12:46am by XXMeowmeowmeowXX
(0)this is the funniest fml i have ever read in my life. i'm not kidding. me and my friend read it together and were laughing for a straight five minutes. thank you for making my day :)
#576 - On 06/10/2009 at 3:44am by watching_clouds
(0)I love all of the creepy crap guys come up with to say on a date these days XD I'm so sorry, but that was hilarious.
#579 - On 06/14/2009 at 12:52am by Silver_Fox
on ur first date?!
how creepy is that?!?!?!?!?!
just throw the coffee and run! RUN!!!!
#583 - On 06/16/2009 at 4:56am by xxHannahBubblexx
(0)Omygod he is a super freak! Get rid of him immedietly!
#587 - On 06/18/2009 at 3:26pm by Dramaramagrl
(0)that sounds EXACTLY what Dwight Schrute would do. was he the Assistant (to the) Regional Manager?
#591 - On 06/20/2009 at 3:53am by blackbear6193
(0)That's not creepy at all...
I'd invest in a gun you drop him and he keeps popping up. Live the 2nd, love the 2nd, baby!!
#595 - On 06/28/2009 at 4:16am by der_Jabberwhock
(0)Two words: RESTRAINING ORDER. Hahhahahahhahhha I think this is the best fml ever! oooh god funny funny!
#597 - On 07/01/2009 at 1:01pm by HeyThereGorgeous
(0)Would it be so wrong to say that I haven't laughed this hard in a month or so? My god, THAT right there made my day.
But seriously? As creepy as that is, I'd have laughed so hard.
#598 - On 07/01/2009 at 3:20pm by Sandrock04
(0)Ahahahahaha! Holy crap! That's hilarious in such a creepy way! Oh my gosh, you just made my day! I read this awhile back but I forgot about it. I'm sorry to hear what you heard.
#602 - On 07/10/2009 at 11:31am by epicFAIL_Sometim
(0)I have a hard time imagining anyone saying that and being serious. At least not without giving off some serious warning signs ahead of time. It sounds like you might've taken a joke a little too seriously, though honestly that seems unlikely as well...
Clever prankster, maybe? Shit, I'd give him a second date for that.
#603 - On 07/14/2009 at 1:43pm by HornetsHornets
(0)OH MY GOSH . i love this hahahahahaha how funny, did you laugh or was it really serious? lmaaaooo
(0)maybe he was having a flashback to his garden at home
#609 - On 08/19/2009 at 4:53am by Andyangels27
(0)That's the funniest fml I've read so far! I'm sure he was joking though.
#610 - On 08/28/2009 at 1:23am by roastingmallows
(0)YDI for not having a good sense of humor.
I bet he only got it half full though
#611 - On 08/31/2009 at 4:59pm by Jason_Has_Heart
(0)LMFAOOOO!!!!! dudeee thats hilarioussss hahahaha. i wouldnt have been able to do anything but laugh hahaha
(0)well you did say that you two were joking around. perhaps when he said that, he was still joking around.
(0)Oh my God.
This guy's first name wouldn't happen to be Ryan, would it?
#619 - On 10/30/2009 at 11:28pm by iConcur
(0)frans that was hilarious I gotta use that one :D
#622 - On 01/11/2010 at 11:20pm by infernalpuppet
(0)oops my bad wrong person it was magurusi or whatever that said that
#623 - On 01/11/2010 at 11:21pm by infernalpuppet
(0)LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!! I fell out of mii bed laughing at this.ROFL mii ass off
#624 - On 01/12/2010 at 6:36pm by maddiey2014
(0)I know quite a few guys that would probably do something just as creepy. but I hope he was joking, just for your sake. you guys were already laughing and joking so it is probably fine.
#630 - On 02/09/2010 at 8:08pm by missybopoo
(0)I smile everytime I read this... thank you for making my day(s) XP
#646 - On 04/13/2010 at 2:43am by Caleb49423
(0)this strikes me as funny...lol
yea i would uh try to not go on any dates with him anymore...
#647 - On 04/13/2010 at 8:59pm by weavermycutecat
(0)hahaha! that's kind of adorable, as long as he's not a McCreeper.
#661 - On 06/11/2010 at 2:33am by carriedaway02
(0)Today, I went on a date with this girl for the first time. We went to Starbucks, and started talking. She ket laughing and her own jokes and didn't have much to say I was interested in. In an effort to creep her out and spare her feelings, I reached out and touched her belly, saying in my most fond-of-you voice "soon this will be plump with my seed". I thought it was nicer than "It's been great but I want to kill myself just listening to you". She took me seriously, I received an "are you compatible? and how to fix it if you're not" test request view email. FML
