Today, I had my final divorce proceeding. The judge denied my divorce because my husband is unemployed. I can't get a divorce until he gets a job to pay child support. He hasn't had a job for 3 years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26566) - you totally deserved it (1765)
On 10/08/2009 at 10:26pm - love - by branwen5 - United States
(0)ffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu ake
yes thats right
fake
because you know what
no country could be thaqt stupid
and child support is a PERCENTAGE of your income
whats 50% of 0?
20%?
30%?
(+1)I don't know much about divorce proceedings but I am guessing this doesn't normally happen, so I would recommend maybe trying to get another judge for the case? Just a suggestion, don't know if it will help.
#3 - On 10/09/2009 at 3:36am by StarGirl11
(0)yeah, since when is employment a determining factor in granting a divorce? at the very least the plaintiff should be able to say "i waive my right to child support" or something. why would her husband even bother looking for a job if he knows getting one will immediately result in divorce and child support payments?
#44 - On 10/09/2009 at 10:20am by diet_otaku
(+2)Since you supported him and the kids for the last three years, you should have to pay the child support and pay him spousal support. If you were jobless and he was supporting the family that is exactly what would happen, it shouldn't be any different because you are the woman in the relationship.
#64 - On 10/09/2009 at 1:55pm by jonsonvillebrat
(0)IAWTT
Judge is stupid, get another, or drop the child support shit.
But you are the one who has been supporting so why even bother with it anyway?
#80 - On 10/09/2009 at 6:35pm by DameGreyWulf
(+1)Yes, because everyone knows that you can just go to a different courtroom if you don't like the judge that's been assigned to your case. Seriously, do you people even think? You might as well go ahead and get the judge disbarred and removed from the bench since you're going to the trouble anyway.
Never in my life have I heard of a judge denying a divorce. All you need if you both agree is to sign the papers and have a lawyer file them. The details of support and custody don't stop the divorce from happening. Unless you happen to live in a screwed up state like California where judges rewrite the laws instead of upholding them.
(-2)Did you say the "till death do us part" thing when you married him? Not that I'm trying to put any ideas in your head...
#4 - On 10/09/2009 at 3:38am by FerrariCake
(0)REALLY...??? WTH are either of you saying - you don't know the circumstances...she could very well of had two choices...divorce or die...not your place to judge...
#23 - On 10/09/2009 at 5:35am by ljwoller
(+1)I'm calling bullshit. Unless you have some backwards ass hick for a judge, he shouldn't give two shits about bankrupting your already jobless husband for that child support money.
#5 - On 10/09/2009 at 3:41am by bigcrazymike
(0)yep, i'm with you on the bullshit statement. i have never called fake before but this would never happen. if by some strange chance this is real, op you need a new lawyer and a different judge because thats the most backward ass thing i have ever heard.
#65 - On 10/09/2009 at 2:04pm by whyohwhyohwhy
(0)Or how about -gasp- he doesn't pay (alot) of child support as your husband is the poorest of you 2 or -bigger gasp- he takes care of the kids as he's the time and you pay him child support (assuming he treats the kids well).
(+2)oh yes, because this woman Im sure feels that leaving her kids in the hands of their dead beat father and paying him to sit on his ass all day is the appropriate compromise for this situation?
Obviously if the man cannot hold down a job for three years, hes a deadbeat, and thats probably one of the reasons for the divorce. Your suggestion is to give him the kids, and reward him for being a lazy bastard by her paying child support?
OMG get over yourself. Giving up your children and money is not -gasp- even remotely close to the answer to this situation.
If anything, the judge should be ordering him to find a job/work.
#51 - On 10/09/2009 at 11:38am by brilliantbarbie
(0)You know, Barbie, a person who is unemployed for great lengths of time might not just do it cause they're a 'deadbeat'. For example, housewives are unemployed for great lengths of time, and getting the kids and getting rewarded for being 'lazy bastards', as you say, by getting child support (not to mention alimony) is *exactly* what happens. Giving up their children and their money is exactly what many many men do when this situation is reversed. Read the FML with a slight modification:
Today, I had my final divorce proceeding. The judge denied my divorce because my wife is unemployed. I can't get a divorce until she gets a job to pay child support. She hasn't had a job for 3 years. FML
The only change is to the gender of the other party. Would you get all self-righteous about that? Way to respect gender equality...
#70 - On 10/09/2009 at 4:11pm by ContelStin
(0)So according to brilliantbarbie, my mother who has cared for me and my sisters all of our lives while my dad brings in the money is a DEADBEAT. So what if she drove us to school, cooked food, cleaned the house, took us to our friend's houses, she hasn't had a job for years, and is therefore a DEADBEAT.
#81 - On 10/09/2009 at 7:07pm by Tubasaurus
(0)Thing is, you're assuming the husband ever did anything to contribute to the household.
True, it's an unfair assumption to say he was a deadbeat, but if the statement is correct, then it's correct.
Me? I wouldn't assume that a woman in his position was a stay-at-home mom. Personal experience -- I happen to know a lot of deadbeat women too. From what I've seen personally, it's pretty hard to stay afloat with just one job and (maybe) a check from the government (also assuming the husband wasn't fired). It's hard to stay afloat with four jobs between two people with only one child.
#86 - On 10/09/2009 at 9:08pm by CyclonePsycho
(+1)Try again, maybe the judge is retarded or something. Anyway if not make ur husband life a hell, if he will want ANY amount of money tell him to move his fucking ass and earn it. Limit his access to all the fun he can get. He will be forced to get a job.
#10 - On 10/09/2009 at 4:07am by sarcasticbitch
(+1)Wait a sec. The husband hasn't worked in three years, and yet he's expected to pay child support? That doesn't make sense. If the wife is the bread-winner of the household, she should pay alimony (or child support, if the dad takes the kids).
Sexist courts piss me off.
(+1)It can also depend on the circumstances. Not everyone gets alimony.
#19 - On 10/09/2009 at 5:06am by devendarling
(+1)According to the system, he would get alimony but if the mother takes care of the kids she still gets child support. That's how child support works.
#43 - On 10/09/2009 at 10:08am by Callyn
(+1)the only way he'd get child support or alimony is if he got full or part custody of the kids but since he doesn't have a job there's no way he'd get any custody. A Father doesn't have many rights in court when it comes to getting custody
#61 - On 10/09/2009 at 12:30pm by captaincanoe
(0)WHY did the jidge ruled that your husband should pay for child support instead of you??
#17 - On 10/09/2009 at 5:00am by WonderBlunder
(+1)Your husband may be a deadbeat loser or he may be a wonderful, caring, stay-at-home dad, but no matter what he is he should not have to pay you fuck all. If you were supporting a husband and kids with your income before the divorce, then you would only be supporting kids after it. Your expenses would go down by the cost of living of one husband. This would give you MORE financial stability and freedom than you had before the divorce.
I find it very hard to believe that you don't even have the CHOICE to forfeit your receipt of child support in order for the divorce to go through. I'm willing to bet that you just won't take that option. If my hunch is correct, then you're a greedy bitch, OP, and YDI.
(0)Such are the pitfalls of marriage.
Love is giving someone the power to hurt you worse than anyone else could, and trusting them not to. As an extension, marriage is giving someone the power to royally screw up your life for years to come, and trusting them not to.
Around half the time, that trust is misplaced.
#21 - On 10/09/2009 at 5:10am by Ultimate_Cynic
(+1)Yeah, this seems a bit goofy. I would definitely get another judge to hear the case; I can think of a couple I've known who'd have stuck him with a job in the county clerk's office or something.
I mean, did the judge not even consider the possibility that his being unemployed for 3 years might have been a contributing factor to the divorce in the first place?
Yeesh.
#20 - On 10/09/2009 at 5:07am by Ultimate_Cynic
Can people even do that? If one person wants a divorce they should be given it no matter what. I would refuse to stay married to someone just because of a reason like this. Judges shouldn't be able to deny divorces, if someone files for one they should get it.
#24 - On 10/09/2009 at 5:41am by Tarynkd
(0)BS! The ability to pay child support has nothing to do with holding up a divorce. The judge can deny on grounds but that's not one of them. Something tells me the OP isn't telling the whole story (I know, that's so rare here!).
(0)i think you need a better lawyer. most judges that see you're husband has been unemployed 3 years will push the divorce faster so you have one less person to support other than your kids. the only way child support would be an issue is if OP told the lawyer that she had to get child support immediatly after the divorce. most OP the time if the husband is unemployed then the divorce will go through and once he becomes employed child support back pay will start.
#29 - On 10/09/2009 at 6:38am by Jenspaztic
(0)# 29 and # 26 make very good points.
We NEVER get ALL the story in FML's. Nature of the beast.
I think OP has a gf that's living easy off her child support (meaning the $ isn't going to the kids) and wanted the same deal. The judge saw what was going on and ruled accordingly.
Ironic that she can't get her husband to get a job but thinks the court can.
(0)Doesn't mean they can refuse the divorce. The judge might just rule that no alimony or support payments are in order. You can't force someone to force someone else to get employment to leave their sorry ass. What the hell kinda logic is that?
(0)my mom's been unemployed for well over 18 years. is she a lazy ass? sexist asshole.
#83 - On 10/09/2009 at 7:33pm by Plumppotato
(0)Either the judge is a retard and you should ask for a new one, or your lawyer is a retard and you should get a new one.
Either way it's completely retarded that the Judiciary should have this amount of control over someone's life.
Once you get this much retardedness in one place, it's time to buy a gun and do some gene pool cleansing.
#31 - On 10/09/2009 at 7:03am by paivarotti
(+1)If you can't divorce him, throw his ass to the curb and let him find his own place to live, eat, sleep, shower, watch tv, etc. There's no reason you can't throw him out of the house. Change the locks and leave his stuff in the lawn. That's what I'd do. But seriously, you definitely need a different lawyer. It makes no sense whatsoever that you'd be denied a divorce because your lazy husband doesn't have a job.
#32 - On 10/09/2009 at 7:04am by toomanycats
(0)I agree completely. You have to have a judge for a divorce. You do not have to have one for a separation. Kick his butt out and motivate him to get a job. And I partly say YDI, because seriously, if yo had been pushing, and helping him look, he would have had a job by now, unless your expectations were too high. The economy is crap, but there ARE jobs, so tell your husband to let go of a little of his pride and go get a job at McDonald's.
#42 - On 10/09/2009 at 10:05am by PoeticPixie
(0)Unfortunately, you cannot get an appeal. The judge denied you a final order, and you can only do an appeal to change a final order. You're fucked. Start a business, hire your husband, get the divorce, and fire his ass. That's about the only thing you can do, if he won't get a job.
#34 - On 10/09/2009 at 7:42am by airbornerose
(0)The judge can most definitely deny due to support issues. I've worked at a law firm for years and unfortunately, I've seen something like this happen. It sucks, but it can be done.
#35 - On 10/09/2009 at 7:44am by airbornerose
(+1)Alot of the commenters here are missing the point. You guys are saying to kick him out of the house - people don't typically get a divorce living in the same household. It's a safe bet that he's been out of the house for quite a while (either living with someone or what not) - my parent's divorce took over 7 years. Whoever has physical custody of the children will receive child support - it may not be much but they are entitled to it unless they forgo it, which is a stupid idea: if he winds up making a LOT of money 5 years from now and she winds up unemployed, that money would help. And forfeiting child support also means giving up his help for college and these days it takes all the money people can muster up to send their kids to college. There is a lot underlying child support that shouldn't be forfeited.
OP, I don't know the law but I'd suggest just talking to some other lawyers and seeing if you have any options. Good luck!
#37 - On 10/09/2009 at 9:25am by Mommy2KAR420
(0)Wait -- why would the father be expected to pay for college? It's the kid's job to pay for college. Just like it should be the responsibility of the parent that wants the kids to pay for them. If he doesn't want the kids, and she does, she can pay for them.
#55 - On 10/09/2009 at 12:05pm by ozymandias
(+1)#55, you're totally missing the point. The parents are usually expected to at least HELP pay for their children to go to college. Even if she wants them to go, she may not be able to help them pay for it when the time comes. The OP won't have that job forever, and she may not have it in a matter of months, if that. WANTING to doesn't mean you'll be ABLE to.
#59 - On 10/09/2009 at 12:26pm by RazorFox16
(0)I think you are missing the point. The person going to college is (presumably) an adult. They can pay for their own college. Why are their parents obligated to pay *anything* after they turn 18? Even presuming child support is forced upon the non-custodial parent (if the parent does not get to have the kids, they should not be obligated to pay, but that is another story), any money not spent directly on or for the child ought to be refunded, with interest, when the child is 18. If the *CHILD* support was not needed or used to support a child, the judge screwed up, and the non-custodial parent should not be punished for that mistake.
#62 - On 10/09/2009 at 12:36pm by ozymandias
(0)#62, You are aware that the majority of child support agreements require the non-custodial parent to support the child until they are 21 as long as they are in school? Parents are expected to pay for college. When you apply for scholarships and federal loans, they tell you how much your parents are expected to pay of your tuition.
(0)You are fully aware that just because something is the current system doesn't make it fail, equitable, or even reasonable, right?
Why are the kids any different than a car or a house? Whoever wants to keep them can make the payments on them.
#67 - On 10/09/2009 at 2:44pm by ozymandias
"Why are kids any different than a car or a house?" Are you kidding???
Both parents are responsible for bringing that child into the world and should then be responsible for making sure the child is taken care of. If neither parent want a car they can just sell it. You can't compare car payments to child support.
I agree with you that college is not a given for parents to pay for. If the child support agreement says that they stop paying at 18 then they don't have to... that's not that big of a deal. The individual can finance it themselves. If, as some people say, the agreement goes until age 21 then they do have to continue making payments. It seems that it just depends on the situation.
In my opinion, the OP deserves both a divorce and child support.
#72 - On 10/09/2009 at 4:19pm by synchroskater
(0)If the OP can't adequately care for the children without additional money, the children should be given to someone that can.
#73 - On 10/09/2009 at 5:02pm by ozymandias
(0)#63 My dad stopped paying Child support for my sister when she became 18 and she's still in school he only sends money for my brother and I.
#89 - On 10/09/2009 at 11:57pm by DollyDoll2
(0)If he doesn't have a job and you have control of the children... then why the hell are you expecting child support payments? You're clearly the one earning. I don't know about the US, but in the UK, the divorce courts have a tendency to force the one earning to offer financial support to a divorced partner if he or she could not viably keep themselves afloat financially, as it were.
(0)i didn't know that could happen (yes I'm 14) to me that sounds like " you have to stay married until he can give you money"?
(0)Here's a crazy idea! Tell the judge you are not a gold digger and are willing to pay for your own damn kids.
#45 - On 10/09/2009 at 10:23am by ozymandias
(0)I have never once in my life ever heard of a judge denying a divorce period. Can they actually do that?
#46 - On 10/09/2009 at 10:50am by Bloodknight
(0)Biggest reason he declined the divorce because of a jobless husband is because just that.
If you, a woman, divorced an unemployed man, you're making more then he is. You would be paying him alamony. That's on top of paying for your kids.
Being married, you have a loophole not to give him any money.
In this case, the judge made the right call for the time being. Be Thankful!
(+1)Excuse me? I've been divorced. NO judge will stop a divorce because the man isn't working. It doesn't happen. So where ever you are, what the judge did isn't even legal in the USA. My ex was unemployed for a year. Judge told him he had to get a job to pay his support OR go to jail. The judge wasn't dumb enough to tell me I wasn't getting a divorce because my dead beat ex wasn't working. That had Nothing to do with me. And, the poster needs a REAL attorney, because hers did not do his job.
#49 - On 10/09/2009 at 11:02am by OneandOnlyOne
(0)Claim some past abuse. That'll change the judge's mind asap. And if it doesn't, go to the press: "Judge won't allow woman out of abusive relationship!" won't be a pretty headline for the judge.
(+1)#52, people who do that ruin the credibility of people who really have been in an abusive relationship. I was in an abusive relationship for almost a year, and I was terrified of leaving him because he said he'd kill me if I did. I would be so angry if someone used abuse just as motivation for a judge to approve a divorce, if the claim wasn't true.
#56 - On 10/09/2009 at 12:20pm by RazorFox16
(+1)Actually, the laws regarding divorce vary from state to state. There was just a big flap a few months back that made it onto national news...something about New York's ridiculous divorce laws, and the fact that a judge can deny a divorce pretty much on any grounds he or she sees fit.
I divorced in California. I actually had the judge argue with me because I waived the state computed child support/alimony of $1200, and asked instead for only $500 monthly. I was married to my husband for 12 years, and while I stayed home and raised our kids, he jumped on a Navy vessel and let his penis wander around every port he visited. Still, regardless of my problems with my husband, I want him to be an active, involved father more than I want his money. We have it worked out so he sends $$ to help me offset the increasingly high cost when things like school clothes and dental work are needed, but overall, I just manage on my own, and don't ever see the $500 that he and I settled on monthly. I'm OK with that, because I know if I run into dire straits, he'll step up and help out.
That being said, I do strongly feel that OP should have ditched this guy's ass sooner. I also feel as he has been unemployed for 3 years, that there is a sense of self-entitlement (I've known guys like that), and suspect he has been a leech for some time. Any job is better than no job, not only in the sense of contributing to the household, but in the sense of self esteem and whatnot, especially for a man (you men are weird sometimes....just sayin'.) Most men don't like to be forced into what is still largely seen as the woman's role...staying home and tending a home and raising kids. I've known very few men that even remotely enjoyed it, because it actually proves to be more work than one might think.
And a lot of you folks that are calling her a gold digger are missing the point entirely. If the husband is a lazy sod who refuses to help (one would think machismo would dictate he get SOME kind of job after 3 years) out financially or otherwise, then as our laws are written the wife is entitled to restitution in the form of alimony and child support. If she supported his jobless ass, and he had kids with her, then he should have to contribute too. I'd say the same (and have said the same...remember, I was a military wife so I saw a crap-ton of lazy, good for nothing women in that time) about a lazy, slacker, drooling lump of a wife who does nothing.
I'm sure I'll be lambasted as sexist, but I think at this point in our (collective) social development, we have not yet steered firmly away from gender role assignments.
(0)I am sure you won't be judged. No one's gonna take the time to read your essay xD
#74 - On 10/09/2009 at 5:39pm by PrinceTwilight17
(0)3 years without a job?? That sucks. But what's the reason? He doesn't want to work or he can't work?
You also can support him finding a job, then you divorce him :)
(0)This makes no sense, a Judge cannot deny a divorce on the grounds the husband is jobless and can't pay child support. What would happen is that the judge would of ruled that the husband had a set date to get a job and start paying child support or face legal consequences like jail
#58 - On 10/09/2009 at 12:24pm by captaincanoe
(0)is it bad that I have around 5 favorite posters that I scroll through the comments for while I overlook damn near everyone else's response
(0)That SUCKS. Let's see, do you have every right to divorce this man? Yes. Do you have every right to make sure he helps provide for the kids her brought in to the world? Yes. Basically this judge is massively protecting your (hopefully soon ex) husband. I agree with every one who said it should be either find a way to pay by a certain date or go to jail. Denying you a divorce because he can't provide for the kids... HOW IS HE PROVIDING FOR THEM NOW??
As for this being sexist and the terms of alimony, none of you know what the conditions or terms were in that house. You assume he intenionally does not have a job so he can fulfill some role at home, just as a stay at home mom would. If he just didn't get a job because he's a lazy jerk taking free rides whenever he can get them, then why should she have to pay him because he won't go get a job? Ug, that's great. "Your choices are 1) stay married and pay me to be lazy, or 2) divorce me and pay me to be lazy. Your call."
#69 - On 10/09/2009 at 3:58pm by Improbability
(+1)Ok, I've never commented before, but I just had to for this one.
1) The OP could not have waived child support. Child support is a right of the child, not the parent and cannot under any circumstances be waived by the parent.
2) Ability to pay is something that is considered when a judge determines child support, but I have an extremely extremely hard time believing that a judge would deny the divorce on the basis on divorce. When someone files a complaint for divorce they can also file a complaint for alimony (spousal support), equitable distribution, child custody, and child support. All of these complaints can be combined into one complaint, but you are asking for several different things. The judge can grant parts and deny others, thus even if the judge wanted to deny child support (this could happen if he granted joint physical custody) he would still be able to grant the divorce.
3) I think one of the following things happened: OP went in there without a lawyer, filed things wrong, asked for things wrong or something else and that's why it was denied. OR the OP was without a lawyer and just didn't understand what the ruling of the judge actually was (i.e. he denied somethings granted others and she thinks that means she didn't get her divorce).
4) Someone said you can't appeal a denial of a divorce. This is patently false.
Source: I'm in my last year of law school I've taken 3 different family law courses and practiced under the supervision of an attorney in the field of family law for the last year.
#76 - On 10/09/2009 at 5:43pm by lawgirl1983
(+1)Also, alimony and child support are completely different and separate things.
#77 - On 10/09/2009 at 5:44pm by lawgirl1983
(0)sure you may not be divorced yet but atleast you dont have to live with him ;)
so just work and earn your own money like many others do, then worry about divorce at a later date.
#78 - On 10/09/2009 at 5:48pm by catriona_cd
(0)Reverse the genders here, and not a single damn person would be calling a stay at home mom lazy. These comments are ridiculous.
#82 - On 10/09/2009 at 7:17pm by Tubasaurus
(0)lolno Just because he's unemployed doesn't mean that he's a stay-at-home dad. It's highly possible that he's really just a lazy ass, and this is new incentive for him to remain unemployed.
#92 - On 10/10/2009 at 12:39am by zuli
(0)Hold on, if you were able to take care of yourself when your husband was jobless for 3 years, why does the judge think you need more from your hopefully-soon-to-be-ex-husband?
(0)I call it a fake. I know getting a divorce is often diffcult, but that is a stupid reason. You should be paying him money.
#90 - On 10/10/2009 at 12:12am by Corrupt_Tears
(0)well ain't that a fucked up system? Most people divorce cuz the guy's a fucking bum. And now they're not letting you do exactly that?
(0)If they can't pay child support they just go to jail and it is a percentage of the income that is decided in court. Why don't you just split visitation then no child support to worry about. if he abuses the children tell the authorities and there is a reason to get him locked up and out of your life.
#97 - On 10/10/2009 at 8:13am by bs_spotter
(0)guys, this is fake. the courts can't deny anyone a divorce. and no, you don't need kids to get alimony. some of these comments are ridiculous.
#98 - On 10/10/2009 at 10:48am by atty11
(0)she will be entitled to child support if she is the primary caregiver and primary guardian. as for him getting alimony, you have to be married 'X' amount of years (depending on the state) and other factors. just because he is unemployed doesnt mean he will get alimony. and depending on why he is unemployed, he may get a check every month.. that amount is included in his "wages" and what he has to pay child support out of. as for the judge not granting... i agree -- BS
#104 - On 10/12/2009 at 2:14pm by kimbers8
(0)Ydi for being dumb. getting married is a efing promise. everyone gets divorced nowadays.
#106 - On 10/31/2009 at 10:41pm by xfmylifexxx
(0)you call someone "dumb" with a comment like that? smooth.
#107 - On 11/04/2009 at 9:54am by atty11
(0)107. calling people dumb isn't nice. it's not their fault. don't be stupid.
*please note sarcasm directed towards 106*
(0)i agree with 106. they should make it law that you CANT get divorced. then people wouldn't go off and do such stupid things with out being 100% sure
(0)WHATEVER!!!!!! if anything the fact that you married a lazy loser would go in your favour when filing
#112 - On 05/24/2010 at 10:10pm by hobo_lowbo
