Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7515) - you totally deserved it (41379)
On 08/29/2009 at 11:13am - love - by coolhand (man) - United States (Texas)
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ooh first! look how cool I am! *rolls eyes*
#1 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:02pm by DynamicDave
Ahh I envy you so much...?
Op: Thats definitely more of an FHerLife than an FYL.
#2 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:05pm by Person1233
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thats nasty, girls cant poop
#24 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:13pm by ericpowpow
I imploded from First Coolness Factor and have to pick up the pieces of my shattered soul.
#53 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:24pm by LaceyPatrickson
I moderated this.
I was an inch close to clicking no.
:/
#126 - On 08/29/2009 at 3:53pm by _MLSBIDGAF
I don't think whether she was taking a crap or not was the problem #197... The problem was where she was taking a crap..
OMG UR 1st? HOW???
OP: your a moron how is that a FML or even a FHerL god grow up and stop being an idiot. Did you know that eventually you will be taking shits in front of each other on purpose? OMFG HOW DISGUSTING.
To #182- What do you mean girls don't do that?! You mean take a dump?! Saying that is like saying that guys aren't arses and DON'T just want to sleep with anything in a skirt. It's a lie and it's sexist!
#228 - On 08/30/2009 at 11:08pm by imaginationrox
OMG u saw ur gf poop...big deal!
u'd have to find out that she does that eventually >.>
i swear some guys r so stupid ~cough~ 182 n 24
u clearly dont live w/ ne girls n if u keep up that attitude u might not in the future...
there r childrens books "EVERYONE poops" (everyone!!)
OP: immaturity is a part of childhood...grow up now pls :) if ur gonna have a long relationship w/ her then ur gonna have to get over this...its not that bad ...just move past this. she's still the same girl
#230 - On 08/31/2009 at 12:37am by inconvienentgurl
#228: oh but generalizing about men isn't sexist because women are the minority, so they can get away with it. oh how i love america.
It's this wonderful invention God himself bleesed us with and it's a really complictaed process. The angels named it knocking on the door. You should try it.
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doesn't it kind of ruin the surprise of seduction if he's knocking on the freaking door?
it's not his fault his girlfriend is into things like shitting in the shower. gross.
#22 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:12pm by bellaellaella
It doesn't say she was shitting in the shower. In most countries, they keep the toilet and the shower in this one room called the bathroom.
agreed #34, there's a toilet and a shower in my bathroom!
lol
#43 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:20pm by rebel_yell_tiny
yeah, in my country the toilet is outside. we don't believe in indoor plumbing.
#46 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:21pm by bellaellaella
he never said he knocked, and he also never said she was shitting in the shower. she probably turned the shower on and used the toilet before she got in.
hahahahaha agree also...
theres this thing called bathroom here in brazil too, lol.
#112 - On 08/29/2009 at 3:21pm by chellinha93
if you actually WAITED for your girlfriend to get into the shower instead of being a dumb bitch, maybe this awkwardness wouldnt've happened.
btw, EVERYBODY POOPS
#7 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:07pm by kristenlee
no one's pooping in the shower if u was smart u'd kno that most people take a dump right before showering.
#40 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:19pm by elchapin562
Doesn't sound like she was going in the shower. Who craps in the shower.
#136 - On 08/29/2009 at 4:28pm by LaceyPatrickson
she must have one of those fancy new "silent" showers. perhaps the toilet is built in.
#183 - On 08/29/2009 at 8:44pm by smiley123_
Actually I always get in the shower, wash my body, hop out, do my pooping thing, then get back in and finish the shower.
I hope you licked the shit off her butt to make her more in the mood for sex.
Yeah, that would have scored you extra brownie points.
#9 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:08pm by screwtaylor
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ur so retarded... like seriously what's ur problem. fucking cross eyed bitch
I'M retarded? Yeah. Re-read your comment, let's see who's the retarded one.
I mean you can't even spell.
#103 - On 08/29/2009 at 3:11pm by screwtaylor
Seriously, "cross eyed bitch"?
Insult fail.
Screwtaylor is funny and cute, so stop being a jealous bitch.
#108 - On 08/29/2009 at 3:14pm by Intoxicunt
funny and cute?
more like sick and perverted....
you girls have too much time on your hands.
#151 - On 08/29/2009 at 4:48pm by abbymybowl
I think you all take yourselves way too seriously.
Taylor was obviously making a joke. Albeit..a..kind of..disturbing one..but..kinda funny too.
Jeez people get a sense of humor. I don't get how this comment makes her a bitch. Some other comments maybe (no offense, I just don't always agree with what you have to say) but not this one...and umm...yea get better insults..its embarassing.
#191 - On 08/29/2009 at 11:02pm by ohmandapants
I agree, that comment was just rude and unnecessary. You're a dumba$$ kewl92. Go back to first grade and learn how you spell "your" right.
#244 - On 09/04/2009 at 4:23pm by prinsessian
**EDIT** I agree with screwtaylor. That comment was just unnecessary and rude. You're a dumba$$ kewl92, go back to first grade and learn how to spell "your" correctly.
#245 - On 09/04/2009 at 4:25pm by prinsessian
you know what I love even more then the douches who yell "FIRST"..... the 50 idiots who come and yell at the douche who yells "FIRST."
#12 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:09pm by kahyia
whoa.... i mean peeing in the shower is one thing, but man...
anyway, this FML totally took me by surprise, I wasn't expecting that! FYL man.
#15 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:10pm by bellaellaella
She wasn't shitting in the shower, she just wasn't in yet!
At least, I hope that's what he meant.....
#23 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:13pm by Intoxicunt
LMAO! I totally took it as her pooping in the shower. If she was just pooping in the toilet and you walked in on her, then you're an idiot OP, this is not an FML.
#30 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:15pm by bellaellaella
Ahaha thats so awesome. Its called being comfortable. this is not an FML. Knock next time things end up better.
I was thinking the same thing, unless she turned the shower on to make him think that she was in the shower, not on the toilet
#31 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:15pm by HoShiz
I thought this, but then I remembered that I turn the shower on first so it can warm up, then go to the bathroom. (But I lock the door. :P)
Next time, OP, wait a bit longer. ;)
#101 - On 08/29/2009 at 3:10pm by LemonFairy
i feel bad for ur girlfriend. lol u walked in on HER doing a shit, sighh. aha try again some other day.(:
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2nd comment!!!!
#20 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:11pm by izsy9667
some people leave the water running and then after sometime of leaving it on they get in...so maybe thats what happened.
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@Calaura9- You are disgusting. If you actually think people want to know that, you have a sick mind. Gosh, be a lady.
#41 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:19pm by MollyisCuute
41: quit being a pussy. it doesnt matter whats hes doing...
#75 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:39pm by glassisass
How am I being a pussy? I said she should act like a lady.
puss·y 1 (pŏŏs'ē)
n. pl. puss·ies
Informal A cat.
Botany A fuzzy catkin, especially of the pussy willow.
Vulgar Slang
The vulva.
Sexual intercourse with a woman
#85 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:50pm by MollyisCuute
"be a lady"
so now 'ladies' can't take shits?
wow everyone in this FML is fucking retarded. EVERYBODY POOPS.
And excuse her for going for a bit of humor. CuteMolly, you're not cute, you're probably like 11 if that disturbs you, and she was going for a bit of humor anyway. If 'sick' things bother you so much then why the fuck are you on this website or the internet at all!?!?
i'm confused
with this entire stream of comments/replies...
thingy.
oh, and yeah, no shower running means NO SHOWER RUNNING, OP, you genius.
#181 - On 08/29/2009 at 8:23pm by BrEnNo1023
Maybe you should learn to knock. Boys need to use their brains more often.
#32 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:15pm by MollyisCuute
and girls need to learn that boys do crazy things. btw...who doesnt lock the door when they are on the toilet...talk about using your brain.
uhhh, some bathrooms don't have locks.
mine doesn't have a lock.
#166 - On 08/29/2009 at 5:54pm by elisablueee
There is that possibility. Still i know of some girls that dont lock the door when they are in the bathroom. Things can get a little weird.
Lol, I don't. I just think that if they can hear the water running, they shouldn't open the door.
#47 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:22pm by MollyisCuute
Like i said somewhere over here before. Some people leave the water running and do other stuff. So the OP probably thought that she was in the shower already when she was really taking a dump. Thats my theory.
i wish that were true. i hate thinking that girls do that stuff. poop and fart just some of the things that i dont want to think a girl does. HOLD IT IN! constipation ahaha
If you held it in, you would literally die. You would get dysentary and eventually die after not pooping, so that is a stupid idea. You are just going to have to face it, girls poop.
#56 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:25pm by MollyisCuute
This fails more than the OP walking in while his girlfriend is doing a number 2.
If you're not going to say anything that applies to the discussion at all, like shouting 'second!!!!!', then don't reply at all. It's just stupid and shows how little of a life you have.
You. Fail.
End of discussion.
@OP, really, any time someone is in the bathroom, that's private time. The doors close for a reason.
#194 - On 08/29/2009 at 11:16pm by xf0rg0tt3nx
Everyone saying he should have knocked needs to realize that surprise shower sex isn't a surprise if he knocks. We get the benefit of 20/20 hindsight. The OP didn't.
This is more of a F your girlfriend's life than an FYL, OP.
Took Rkelly Sex in the Kitchen song and changed the words around to fit this fml
Girl you're in the bathroom
shitting out a meal
Something makes me wanna come in there and get a feel
sitting there in your t-shirt
Nothing else on
Strutting pass, switching that ass while I'm on the phone
shittin' up tomatoes, fruits and vegetables and potatoes
Girl, you look so sexy while you're doing the damn thing i want
Sex in the bathroom over by the tub
Put you on the sink kissing your nose
Hands on the sink, standing on your shitty toes
We'll be making love like the bedroom was closed
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SECOND!!!!
#62 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:27pm by epicwinmaster
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Sixty FOURTH!!!!!!!!!!!
#64 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:31pm by LaceyPatrickson
I was being ironic because #32 screamed out SECOND!!!! to be obnoxious. I was saying, that perhaps I am excited by the number given to me by a site like this. This could mean something profound, like I will be the Sixty Fourth person to meet a hot guy and he will marry me. Or I will be the sixty fourth person to get into heaven and they will close the line after that. You don't know.
DON'T JUDGE ME
or my profound sarcasm.
#138 - On 08/29/2009 at 4:32pm by LaceyPatrickson
It boggles my mind when people say TL;DR to four lines of text. How short can attention spans get? I can see saying that to four paragraphs, but four lines?
Shouldn't that be your FML
I am addicted to FML but I hate reading. FML
#221 - On 08/30/2009 at 4:56pm by LaceyPatrickson
maybe she just told you she had to tae a shower so she could turn the shower on so you wouldn't have to hear her take a crap. although F-Her-L for not locking the f 'ing door.
#67 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:33pm by Jenspaztic
well i wasnt talking about starting by the toilet...more like in the shower. plus who would raise their leg high enough for it to have the chance of it dipping in the toilet
...no i can read and i was hoping you'd understand what i was trying to say. i mean how big is your toilet for you to be able to SLIP in it?
I think it's hot too.
No seriously, how IS it disgusting? I mean, you're in the SHOWER. You're getting clean while having sex!
Just so you know, you kind of get naked and wet when having sex in bed, too.
#97 - On 08/29/2009 at 3:00pm by DameGreyWulf
Well he was trying to catch her IN THE SHOWER, not IN THE TOILET. And you can't really help they're in the same room... seeing as it's in a BATHROOM.
#107 - On 08/29/2009 at 3:14pm by LemonFairy
You. Rainbow picture guy. Go read the reply to the Dirty Sanchez thread. I don't remember what I said, but I wanted you to read it.
#98 - On 08/29/2009 at 3:00pm by Intoxicunt
maybe she was just sitting there chillin and when you came in you scared the SHIT out of her. hahaha SICK!
SEVENTY NINTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#79 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:43pm by MyCubicleRomance
How am I being a pussy? I said she should act like a lady.
puss·y 1 (pŏŏs'ē)
n. pl. puss·ies
Informal A cat.
Botany A fuzzy catkin, especially of the pussy willow.
Vulgar Slang
The vulva.
Sexual intercourse with a woman.
#84 - On 08/29/2009 at 2:48pm by MollyisCuute
thats hilarious
sometimes my boyfriend and i do that... on purpose
nothing to be ashamed of, it's just funnny
F no ones' lives!
umm...its possible she turned on the shower for it to heat up, then took a dump, then was going to get in the shower after she went to the bathroom? thats what i do, i usually turn on the shower, wait for it to get hot, and brush my teeth while its heating. duhhh.
#188 - On 08/29/2009 at 9:55pm by tangerine_12
This FML is poorly written. If she was pooping in the shower, it would be one thing. but considering OP didn't say that, I'm guessing she wasn't. In that case, OP may be one of the biggest idiots I've encountered on the Internet and that is hard to achieve. OP, this is not an FML. Grow the fuck up.
#111 - On 08/29/2009 at 3:20pm by hot_tamale
I think it's cute you tried to seduce her because men often don't do that anymore, but next time wait until you hear her rinsing her hair in the shower before you make your move.
I think he was being "bold and dangerous" or something.
#116 - On 08/29/2009 at 3:40pm by DameGreyWulf
Dude, that's is so much more of an FHL, than a FYL. shoulda listened to see I'd the shower was ON, first.
Congratulations, OP. You have just discovered the shocking truth that girls are HUMAN (omfg!!112!2!!!who've guessed??????)
Seriously, do some guys genuinely not realise that girls shit and fart and puke too? Or do we just have one hell of a "special" OP?
No, we have little shit fires inside us, it all comes out when we have periods.
#223 - On 08/30/2009 at 5:07pm by LaceyPatrickson
Are you kidding? WHy would you even think that your life is f'ed up? Poor girlfriend, someone walked in one her doing something private AND have that someone react like a 10 year old boy. I hope she dumped you.
#127 - On 08/29/2009 at 3:55pm by capricaz
pervert! whether she is your girlfriend or not you should've at least knocked. YDI
#130 - On 08/29/2009 at 4:00pm by GongButterfly
130: Why is he a pervert? It was an accident, and he obviously didn't enjoy it. Grow up.
#134 - On 08/29/2009 at 4:13pm by OverEnthusiast
Why does it always turn out to be guys who think, hey my GIRLFRIEND is naked I have a right to jump in there with her. Perhaps she wanted to have time alone. If she didn't invite you in then perhaps you 1) need to back off. 2) need to start the seduction before the shower. 3) wait until you know she is out of the shower.
#142 - On 08/29/2009 at 4:34pm by LaceyPatrickson
There are lots of girls who do this too. And just because you don't like being surprised in the shower doesn't mean no one else does either.
I also don't like to be surprised while dumping. Puh-lease.
#222 - On 08/30/2009 at 5:05pm by LaceyPatrickson
Here's how to avoid that happening: if one of you is in the shower, leave the door open a crack. Taking a shit? Shut the door and lock it!
IDK. Even before I got married, my husband & I never cared about seeing each other on the toilet. We all piss, crap, etc. These are necessary biological functions.
#132 - On 08/29/2009 at 4:00pm by lway2009
I agree with lway2009. Mz husband I have lived together for 2 years before we got married. we had exactly one bathroom in our apartment which had both the shower and toilet in it.
He didn't care if I was in there doing my make-up or showering...if he has to pee, he goes pee. Same vice versa, if I have to use the bathroom while he's showering I just do it. It's not that big of a deal.
I don't give a crap if he walks in on me while I'm in the bathroom, I don't see the problem. I also never actually lock the bathroom door, I just close it. If I ever don't want him to come in because I want privacy then I just tell him...no big deal.
#162 - On 08/29/2009 at 5:33pm by Puolukka
maybe he walked in the shower when she was peeing. taking a dump could mean either peeing or pooping gosh
#135 - On 08/29/2009 at 4:27pm by madforpink
Actually no, a dump implies a load of something. Taking a dump is pooping. Its not both.
#143 - On 08/29/2009 at 4:35pm by LaceyPatrickson
So you should of fucked her that would of been horny fyl for not doing that
#145 - On 08/29/2009 at 4:38pm by skatergirl21
if he waited for her to get IN the shower before going inside the bathroom to join & seduce her, presumably she was in the shower whilst taking a poop. ew.
#147 - On 08/29/2009 at 4:42pm by tenthredemption
Yea, fuck your life because women shit. It's better when they have eating disorders that prevent the act of defecating.
What's up with shower sex anyway? The water washes away all the fun slippery juices. It's like fucking two balloons pushed together. PASS, thanks.
Mollyiscute, starchild and the rest of you. I'm rarely on this site yet I always manage to read your stupid comments. If you were witty and made meaningful points you wouldn't be annoying at all. But you don't. So you need to stop. I'm sick of scrolling down and reading your attempts at proving yourself over the comment threads on FML.
Today, like everyday, I argued for hours over a gag website. I didn't have anything in the world better to do. FML.
#154 - On 08/29/2009 at 4:53pm by murderofcrows
Oh man! When she's menstruating and she want's to lick you and you haven't noticed - please post to FML again. What you have experienced is life...
Murderofcrows thanks for saying that so I didn't have to go into a full rant on their idiocy.
#160 - On 08/29/2009 at 5:08pm by 17xVampx17
What a stupid FML. It would've been sexier if you caught her after the shower. She'd turn the water off, and there'd be your chance. Why have water distract you and her from the good stuff?
#163 - On 08/29/2009 at 5:38pm by paigeee_x3
girls are forced to feel shame about taking a shit... so the shower gets turned on to hide noises.... it's not her fault dumbass... it's not your life that's F'd.. it's hers for having a jerk react that way
What the hell is with all these "OH MY GOD SO WOMEN CAN'T SHIT NOW!?" comments?
You don't want to walk in on ANYONE taking a dump, let alone someone you were planning on screwing. Seriously, it has nothing to do with her gender, just that he had to walk in on that when he was trying to be sexy.
It's the reason bathrooms have doors, just so you know.
#165 - On 08/29/2009 at 5:45pm by DameGreyWulf
There's something to be said for trying to do something romantic and normal. Maybe you should try it sometime. YDI
That's nothing dude. My wife refuses to close the door when she is pooping.
#171 - On 08/29/2009 at 6:16pm by Soxfan19
you should have waited to hear her in the shower and dude everyone takes a shit get over it and stop being so immature.
#177 - On 08/29/2009 at 6:56pm by victoriax3
If girls don't poop, does that mean they're full of shit?
#203 - On 08/30/2009 at 1:58am by moonlight_daze
Is your shower one of these magical silent ones? Is that why you didn't hear it before stepping in on your gf taking a dump? Damn those Asians are good...
#192 - On 08/29/2009 at 11:06pm by ohmandapants
I'm not sure if I read this wrong or not. Did u open the shower door and find her shitting in the shower? Or open the bathroom door and find her on the toilet? If she was in the shower, then she is pretty much disgusting. If she was on the toilet, well you should've knocked!!
#193 - On 08/29/2009 at 11:08pm by shoegal808
oh man i think the worst would be seeing a man taking a dump, if i see my boyfriend taking a shit i would not be able to look at him normaly ever again, i dont think i would be able to be turned on by him ever again.
#198 - On 08/30/2009 at 12:38am by Nessy_messy
It could have been worse. She could have snuck a guy into the bathroom and started making out with him.
#202 - On 08/30/2009 at 1:45am by somethingawesome
I've never heard of a bathroom that doesn't have a lock on the door. Wow FHL that would be like the most horrifying experience in my life if i got walked in on like that. Not being sarcastic. I like my privacy. I don't understand how anyone could be comfortable crapping in front of another person, even a spouse. My parents sure aren't :/ yeah I'm a bit of a pride but I mean come on that's just sick!
#205 - On 08/30/2009 at 3:08am by mollytamale
i agree with you, idk why people are assuming she shit in the shower, like come on. she left the water running, oh damn i have to shit, forgot to lock the door and it happened.
and OP: shes probably more embarassed than you are, get over it?
#216 - On 08/30/2009 at 1:11pm by kisseshugsdrugs
Does that mean that the sound of your girl taking a dump sounds like the shower flowing? That must be a shitload of diarrhia.
#206 - On 08/30/2009 at 3:09am by Shyman4ever
I am part of your ten percent. I take care of that stuff beforehand in case someone else needs to come in, then I don't waste water.
Plus it doesn't really take THAT long for water to heat up, does it?
I mean, if you're out in nowhereville, sure, but if a small town of 3000 can make it quick...
Also it was just an unpleasant surprise is all. I hate walking in on someone taking a shit...
I'm thinking the OP posted this mostly out of amusement. I doubt he's seriously scarred for life by his girlfriend shitting.
And who the hell didn't get the seducing thing? I've only seen maybe five people say "knock first" or something.
#212 - On 08/30/2009 at 5:29am by DameGreyWulf
*applauds* This is the smartest comment i've read so far. (no sarcasm)
It doesn't take minutes for water to heat up it takes seconds, unless all the hot water in the hot water tank has been used...then you're shit out of luck.
#215 - On 08/30/2009 at 1:09pm by ohmandapants
You should've obviously KNOCKED on the door first, and asked her if she was in the shower yet. The answer would've been "no," but then you could've said something like "Well when you do, I'd like to help you... wash your back. ;) ". I don't know, but anything was better than what you ended up doing.. *cough cough* It's actually a FHerLife because she's not smart enough to lock the door when she's "busy."
#224 - On 08/30/2009 at 5:59pm by prinsessian
The main problem is that he was expecting some action and ended up seeing someone taking a dump. I know girls take dumps but I don't like to think of it.
#226 - On 08/30/2009 at 8:59pm by ElNegroHombre
i get that everyone makes a mistake but wouldn't you have heard the shower water running if she was in the shower?
230, typing out complete words instead of incredibly annoying Internet slang is also a sign of maturity.
So what? QQ more, fucking idiot. So you walked in on your other taking a dump. It happens, get over yourself.
While the kiddies giggle retardedly as they type about 'poop'...
I say the OP has NOOO idea what seduction actually is, which makes this a FHL for the gf.
This FML is another case-in-point that FML NEEDS to add a THIRD button. FYL and YDI don't cover all the bases.
You'll remember that sight. You'll remember that smell. So will she. Talk to each other about it.
You may discover a whole new world of fun together.
#240 - On 09/01/2009 at 6:43am by wellinever
sure everybody poops, so it's dumb to get upset about it. but someone pooping in the shower is FAIL.
#241 - On 09/03/2009 at 3:10pm by the_uninvited
OP: Did you just crap?
GF: Yeah, its like natural.
OP: Know what else is natural, sitting on my face.
GF: I need to wipe...
OP: ...with my tongue...
Yes that's romance right there
#247 - On 09/11/2009 at 5:28am by LaceyPatrickson
Forget the seducing crap fuckin knock next time, i'd be so damn pissed if my bf did that, sooo glad i have a freakin lock, you know you can still seduce if you knock or atleast ask if she was in the shower, it's not like she can read your mind and knows you're going to try to do her.
And heck, now that guys know we poop we have lost some of that charm.
#250 - On 09/30/2009 at 4:29pm by LaceyPatrickson
