Today, I walked into my house with a couple of friends and I saw my girlfriend doing laundry. I jokingly asked her if she had time to do a load of mine as well. She scoffed and said, "Yeah babe, I'll gladly do your laundry… The same day you learn to wipe properly." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, while a very cute girl was explaining the apartment's laundry machines to me, I blurted out, "It's okay, my pants are used to handling huge loads". FML
Today, I came home to find my fiancé trying to do laundry. His version was "rubbing the smelly spots with baby powder". Looks like I'll be the only one doing laundry for the rest of our lives. FML
Today, my girlfriend said to me, "You know, you only have to wash 3 times a week to be clean." FML
Today, after weeks of my girlfriend complaining that I don't help with the chores, I secretly took a day off work to deal with some that were piling up. When she got home, all she could do was complain about how I hadn't done more. FML
Today, I went to the laundromat for the first time. I fit all of my clothes into two washers. Not knowing where to put the soap in, I asked a man doing his laundry, "Excuse me, where do I put the soap in?". He replied, "Ma'am, those are the dryers." FML
Today, I went to the laundromat. I put a load in the dryer and walked away to check on my other load. When I came back, I saw a homeless man putting his dirty, wet underwear in the dryer with my clean clothes. FML
Today, I finally got around to doing laundry. The washing machines in my condominium building take about an hour to do a load. When I returned to throw my clothes in a dryer, I realized they were never washed in the first place. I used my card and detergent to pay for another person's laundry. FML
Today, I washed all the dishes that had been piling in the sink over the week, and set them in the drying rack before I left for school. I came home to see that my dad’s girlfriend had put them back into the sink, along with her dirty dishes. She told me to re-wash them. Why? “They didn’t smell clean.” FML
Today, after I was away for a couple of days, my wife told me she’s been doing laundry while I was gone. I'd reminded her to clean out the lint catcher because it might catch fire. I came home to a new dryer and a smoke damaged house. FML
Today, I came home to find that my roommate had done the laundry. At first, I was very appreciative. However, I wasn't so thankful when I found out she brought home the wrong basket from the laundromat. FML
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Top comments
ilovemsminaj 13
Maybe you should listen to her
GuyNoOneKnows 13
Well...learn to wipe and you will never have to do your laundry again
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Comments (76)
ilovemsminaj 13
Maybe you should listen to her
mb2_native 15
I'm 22 and last year due to the famous DQ Blizzard, also being lactose intolerant, I shit myself. It happened on the step of my girlfriends house in front of her mother. I had to wait until her little brother came out of the bathroom. My girlfriend cleaned my clothes and cleaned the floor on the way to the bathroom (disgusting, yes)... Safe to say she can handle my shit haha an FML by itself, but the point is your girlfriend can't handle yours LOL
arandomusernameaa 20
Unlike Minaj... you should never listen to that.
mb2_native 15
That was suppose to be a comment, not a reply. But FYL OP
CallMeMcFeelii 13
What the ****, 11? Just plain and simple.. What.. The.. ****..?
botanistjessica 24
If you're lactose intolerant why the **** would you eat ice cream?
Axipiter 24
Sadomasochism?
mb2_native 15
#62, I forgot to mention I had lactaid pills, maximum dosage. I'm so lactose intolerant that they didn't work. It was embarrassing as hell when it happened, but I find it's funny now :p and it was a mini chocolate fudge blizzard.. A mini.. With the max amount of pills and did not help whatsoever.
mb2_native 15
And plus, who in the ****.. Could resist the temptations of delicious ice cream? I only eat it when I plan on not being busy and close to a toilet LOL Burning ring of fire ain't got shit on me when I have ice cream haha
jazzy_123 20
That happens more than you'd guys think... when my sister went to Mexico to visit her in laws, she had to learn to squat and go bathroom outside behind a bush because they didn't have a bathroom (they're super poor) and since my sister is fat she couldn't support herself to reach and wipe... well my brother in law loves her sooooooo much he wiped her ass!!! I would never let my bf or anyone do that! I mean unless I was old, or handicapped or something... It's ok if you guys thumb me down though, its a true and disgusting story haha
CallMeMcFeelii 13
Taking a deuce while squatting is something everyone who hunts learns to do, that's quite normal. Getting someone else to wipe your ass, well that's a new one to hear. Now totally exploding your bowels into your poor, poor undergarments, that's just sad. I've even shit alongside freeways to avoid said situation. But I will not shit my pants. No, no, no.
Nastorrian 11
@71: "unless I was old, or handicapped or something..." our youth ladies and gentlemen.
Setareh23 34
#11: Yours was a rare (and unfortunate) accident. The FML seems to imply that he never wipes properly. There's a difference between a girlfriend who helps her boyfriend clean up a rare and embarrassing mess, and a girlfriend who has to constantly clean up shit which can easily be avoided.
purebliss_fml 19
That sounds like an accident. When you wash your boyfriends shitty undies day in and day out your sympathy kind of turns to disgust... It's not that hard to wipe properly boys! Skiddies are for kiddies.
jazzy_123 20
83, what?? have you never been to a home? a lot of old people can't do much for themselves anymore and have helpers. Ever been to a hospital? same thing. It has nothing to do with the youth.
cleopad1 3
So let me get this straight, #11: you're declaring the validity of your relationship based on whether or not your girlfriend can clean up your lactose intolerance induced mess after you stupidly decided to eat ice cream on a date to her house? And seeing as it was her house and the fact that you mentioned SHE cleaned your clothes and her floors, did you actually help? Because it looked to me as though you were bragging about how she did all the cleaning while you presumably just stood there xP
GuyNoOneKnows 13
Well...learn to wipe and you will never have to do your laundry again
kaablam 17
I've said this before, but flushable wipes are a magical thing.
kinky44 28
Never too late to learn.
Zazoo1995 23
"Jokingly" .. Ok, yeah, I totally believe you! It's not like you're trying to make yourself look like the victim when you're obviously a lazy sexist ****... No way, Jose! Not with those cute cheeks!
Vintage_Cola 29
Ouch...
jazzy_123 20
are you ok? Did you hurt yourself? Would you like a band aid? ?
MsConfusedd 27
Maybe you should take that advice. That's nasty
Rainhawk94 27
Don't be lazy, do your laundry while you wipe your ass
justagirl1998 10
That's nasty..
AFCCT 7
There's no excuse for leaving skidmarks. I'd make you hand wash that shit til you learned to wipe
jazzy_123 20
I read this thing that used the term fart art XD haha
UnicornFarts 15
If you underwear looks like a Jackson Pollock painting you have serious issues.
Nastorrian 11
literally.
baseballdude1283 18
Well, that was not an amazing image
gunda95 11
So learn then...
CrissyyyS2 22
Back to baby wipes.
squarecircles 13
Or diapers
Brandi_Faith 33
They actually have flushable wipes for everyone now so there really is no excuse!
onlychildFTW 33
I use those huggies clean team wipes. XD they work great and I like them a lot more. Don't judge me! Lol. If he went to diapers imagine the cleaning needed for that. Eeek.