Today, I went on a blind date. The girl seemed perfect for me, until I found out she says "lol" and "rofl" out loud whenever she laughs. She also believes sex screws with people's "spiritual energy", and that's why she'll never have it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was going on a blind date with a girl. She walked up to the table, said "Nah, no thanks" and left. FML
Today, I went on a blind date that my friends set up. Not only did my date visibly recoil at the sight of me, she ended up trying to convince me that we're actually cousins. When I told her how absurd that was, she muttered, "Fuck it" and left. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. She seemed really nervous, so I tried negging to loosen her up. She decked me. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. My date would respond to me by saying "retweet" and "favorite" when she thought something was relatable. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. Sadly, I wasn't blind enough. FML
Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML
Today, I had a date with a girl. The chemistry was just right and she seemed perfect in every way until she staunchly insisted that the earth is flat. FML
Today, I went on a blind date at a local restaurant. When my date walked in, she took one look at me, said "Nope", and walked out. FML
Today, while on a blind date, I told her in no uncertain terms that if I got married, my wife would need to be a housewife. She burst out laughing and asked, "Dude, do you even HAVE a house?" and walked out laughing when I said I didn't. FML
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Top comments
mrlaidback992 5
Tell her that someone who says lol and rofl out loud messes with your spiritual energy!
Ytram_fml 10
Well, it will be easier to follow the "don't stick your dick in crazy" rule with this one.
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Comments (129)
mrlaidback992 5
Tell her that someone who says lol and rofl out loud messes with your spiritual energy!
\ 28
She'd be amazed at how many religions/beliefs look at the connection between sex and spirituality...
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Yeah, but for some stupid ass reason certain religions only "allow" for specific sex positions. I'm not religious, but even if I was there ain't no way in hell I'd stick to missionary. I don't care who's wrath I'll have to endure, because if I do go to hell I'll be doggy styling it up down there.
greenmen 12
Sorry mate, sex makes the spiritual energy better not other way around. It's her excuse to get away from sex when she wants too.
tranced_ 45
like a boss!
Elliotkitty 13
I'm not getting your 'like a boss' did I miss something in the Fml?. not being crass just asking is all!
Zazoo1995 23
I believe in that spiritual energy stuff and sex is actually beneficial for it, not negative. FYL OP, sorry you didn't find a compatible lady. :(
Pinkgal123 24
I think she's one of the diva, health, always texting, and alway borrowing money type.
AntiPrude 26
Just another strange religious prude, nothing new, avoid at all costs OP
username53001 7
Lol. Rofl
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
A truly insightful comment. Thank you #2!
username53001 7
This was not a genuine comment. This was a reference of his date saying lol and rofl. I was using that reference to say that the OP's post was funny.
ryanthecheeseguy 18
Yes , #2, that is what the FML said.
username53001 7
Okay. Never mind. If I could redact this comment, I would.
username53001 7
I find it odd that you guys dislike the fact that I would like to redact the comment that you guys disliked. There's a big contradiction there.
euphoricness 28
Rofl. You're right, 19.
chosha_fml 27
#15 They never get it. FML, for reasons unknown, is full of grammar Nazis and others who will vote down any comment containing netspeak or anything less than perfect English, no matter how funny or apt. 'YOLO' makes them foam at the mouth.
mn_shr 22
Oh you poor thing. Tell us, did she say it "el-oh-el" or "lol" flat?
Ian7890 23
I've never understood the philosophy of lulz.
skitsmuffin 6
She already said that 22. Hella asinine.
skitsmuffin 6
So 3 says lol, 22 says lawl. Somehow different, nice fml community.
jonagoo 8
Stop now before you look more retarded.
timss4 19
Not gonna lie, when I read a text to someone I pronounce it lol flat and always feel so dumb for even reading it as par of the message
monsterfox1997 2
skitsmuffin lol and lawl are pronounced differently sound it out before you accuse someone of being as you tried to imply "stupid"
skitsmuffin 6
No they arent
CaptMurdock 25
Run now and don't look back.
biggestfan23 11
Blind dates rarely work out into something anyways OP
drewflav 17
I was engaged to someone I was set up on a blind date with. Don't be so sure about that!
isuckok 11
he said rarely. not never.
AprylAnn 23
+1
cheshirecat13242 32
-1 now.
Odis12 11
You "were" engaged. So it didn't work out.
jennieg33 6
Well she's probably married no so they wouldn't be engaged anymore
SherlockWho 6
She might be a bit loopy, OP.
Ytram_fml 10
Well, it will be easier to follow the "don't stick your dick in crazy" rule with this one.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
They're usually the most fun in bed though.. Not crazy, but just a wee bit out there. They'll do things to you that we couldn't even be able to imagine it without being a bit freaky. Don't knock it 'til ya try it, then knock again, 'cuz you might just find some homemade cookies on their boobies!
yawateverok 10
stfu
efettes 19
No sex?! Hopefully she grows out of it.. Otherwise she will be a crazy cat lady.
caden_bro 9
You know, not having sex does not entail dozens of cats. Plenty of people practice abstinence for the entirety of their life, and are happy and productive people who don't own tons of cats.
Chazzzor 10
How many cats do you own?
Cazz91 21
58 and counting. :P
1968Guy 9
They are called NUNS
Aurawyn 4
You've obviously never heard of asexuality. Not having sex doesn't automatically turn you into a crazy cat lady.
efettes 19
I don't really believe that no sex makes you a crazy cat lady. It was a joke... That you guys clearly didn't find funny and I accept that.
Octwo 16
For every year you go without having sex, you are obligated to adopt one cat.
ManInTheMachine 20
Spiritual energy isn't the reason she'll never have sex.
PossiblyInDanger 24
I guess she doesn't really have to worry about not having sex. I'd kill get if I spoke to her.
efettes 19
That seems a tad harsh.