Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
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Today, I asked my wife for a kiss. She snarled, "I'm your WIFE, just fucking kiss me! You don't have to ask!" Later, I went in for a kiss and she slapped me, then yelled that it was my fault for "getting in her face." FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, I went to the mall with my girlfriend to buy some new clothes, and I turned around to give her a quick kiss. My lips were half-way to "her" face when I saw instead the face of another lady. She slapped me. My girlfriend was standing next to me, very pissed off. FML
Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML
Today, my wife accused me of cheating. Why? Because I recently started working out, and according to her, no married man tries to improve his physique unless he's trying to look good for other women. FML
Today, while heading to the bathroom, I saw my girlfriend putting some lingerie under my bed. I stupidly thought it was for some sexy time later. Well, later on, she dramatically "found" the lingerie and broke up with me. Almost everyone believes her story and thinks I'm a dirty cheater. FML
Today, at a bar, a drunk girl kissed me, so I went home and confessed what happened to my girlfriend. She forgave me but took it as permission to admit she’s cheated sexually at least once a month for over a year, then got mad I didn’t immediately forgive her like she forgave me. FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating after she read some of my messages I sent to an old female friend. Apparently I'm very flirty with her. I showed her the same kind of messages that I sent to my guy friends as well. Now I'm apparently gay and cheating. FML
Today, I followed my wife out, since she's been acting strangely lately and I was suspicious. She met up with a guy at a restaurant, who she later claimed was her brother. Either she's cheating on me, or it's tradition in her family to make out and grope each other at the end of meals. FML
Today, my insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them, ever. It's "cheating." FML
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Top comments
perdix 29
She probably just had the taste of penis on her lips and got confused. Honest mistake, no harm done :D
massinator5 4
Those magazines are evil, man
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Comments (132)
perdix 29
She probably just had the taste of penis on her lips and got confused. Honest mistake, no harm done :D
jw90 18
Haha I was thinking the same thing when I read this one.
CanadiAnM8 24
What in the actual... Test your man...? If she can taste penis that good then maybe you should do a test your woman test.
nurchok 15
Next time you go down in her, just do the same, say her ****** smells like a penis... That'll teach her a lesson :)
ThatFancyPenn 18
Don't worry, my breath too smells like penis sometimes.
Ari1337 15
thats kinda personal info, don't you think?
CallMeMcFeelii 13
You must be chowing down on some nasty dicks if they make your breath smell.
LexSwift 17
58, the way you worded that makes it even more hilarious.
massinator5 4
Those magazines are evil, man
Caitie_kid 8
They really are! There's one article about testing your man, then there's a article about how important trust is in a relationship, then there's an article on how you should always be trying pushing yourself to look a certain way for your man, then there's an article about being happy with the way you naturally look... Those magazines are crap.
mFUNdo21 17
and all these articles can be found consecutively in the same issue
Dark__Angel66 24
I don't understand why people follow the crazy advice those magazines give sometimes
LowExpectations 30
And chances are the people that write them can't maintain a steady relationship.
scarface90 8
99- so true, most of the women writing these articles are usually 30-something years old, still single and looking for "Mr. Right" They write these articles to torture us guys in healthy relationships.
asv78 12
Because people are very very bored. The only reason that comes to mind.
Bradley_Dillon 39
My theory is that people are getting really dumb. :o I don't mean to offend anyone, but we are too gullible.
anonymous198913 26
I don't know how people can follow the advice. Everything they say contradicts something they said in a previous article, all within the same issue.
RainbowDashie140 12
And This is why you don't take advice from any of those magazines.
Bradley_Dillon 39
Taking the advice makes for funny moments like these.
ApollosMyth 22
Some people are too crazy into those magazines.
Rosebudx 32
Coming from a woman, your girlfriend is insane if she listens to stuff like that. Run, bro.
Alexis2742 31
Didn't it say wife?
Rosebudx 32
You're right, it did. That's what I get for not reading it closely enough :/
DocBastard 38
I suppose there's one guy out there who actually is cheating with a guy that will get caught by this devious plot. And ALL the other men will think their wives are completely ******* insane.
MEM0817 18
There are already thousands of others who already think their wives are completely ******* insane... This shouldn't be much different.
vipirius 18
I'm pretty sure that one man thinks his wife is insane too.
Caitie_kid 8
Lol, this reminds me of the "let me smell yo dick" thing.
AshesNicole623 17
14-I'm sure mine thinks I'm insane. I asked him, but my magazine said he may be lying.
asparagus12 21
If a "best comment of the day" badge existed, you would totally unlock it #9!
iSativa 24
This is why I hate Cosmo. My ex is insane and anorexic because of those stupid things.
hippo1234 19
And probably from some underlying mental health issues, not just Cosmo issues...
neuroticallyyour_fml 17
Seriously. If she is indeed truly anorexic, the eating disorder was already there or in the works. Cosmo just adds fuel to the fire.
ghostanimal 8
This is why I don't read Cosmo. It's full of shit. And why does she need to test if you're cheating on her with another guy?