Today, I was about to take a dump when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shat myself. FML
Today, the smoke alarm went off while I was in the shower. Fearing a house fire, I jumped out and ran out, wearing just a tiny towel that barely covered my modesty, only to realize that water was coming through the ceiling and on to the smoke alarm, via a leak in the shower tray. FML
Today, my kitchen nearly burned down because the fire alarm didn't detect the plumes of smoke wafting through the kitchen. This is the same alarm that wails when I use the toaster. FML
Today, someone tripped the fire alarm at the hotel I'm currently staying at while I was taking a shit. FML
Today, I went out on the porch to smoke a cigarette and then my two year-old son locked me out. I didn't have my cellphone so while I was waiting for my husband to get home, he pooped, smeared his poop all over the floor and glass door, then tried to "mop it." It was literally a shit show. FML
Today, I tripped while rushing to my classes. In a desperate attempt to regain my balance, I grabbed the nearest thing to me. A fire alarm. FML
Today, my 3-year-old came to me very excited because he had gone to the bathroom by himself for the first time. What he did not tell me was that he had shit on the floor, and when I went into the bathroom to check, I slipped on a turd and knocked myself out on the sink. FML
Today, my smoke alarm went off. In a frenzy, I called 9-1-1 and exited my house. Several minutes later a fire truck showed up. After investigating, one of the firemen informed me I needed to change the batteries in my smoke alarm. FML
Today, I decided to make a toaster scramble. I thought it was bad enough when the pastry fell through the grate in the toaster over. Then it burst into flames. After 5 minutes of fanning the smoke away from the smoke detector, it still went off. Now my entire dorm building is outside in a snowstorm. FML
Today, my cat took a shit in my toaster. FML
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Top comments
kingwaldo 0
Looks like someone had a shitty day.
saranottelling 7
I can already see almost every comments, "Why does your kid have access to your wallet and the toaster? YDI!!!!!111." Meanwhile, the OP's kid, a 35 year old, is eating Pop Tarts and playing Tetris inthe basement. He's thinking on doing something with his girlfriend later, Bertha. Bertha is a blow-up doll. He hides his parents medications so they can't kick him out. He also starves them by eating all the food they have. OP, f your life indeed.
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Comments (183)
killabeast1 0
that really sucks
rowyourboat 0
lololol ;D
sidiouz 0
haha not onl did u shit on yourself, ur money did too lol
shadaboo2014 0
hahahahaha i almost peed on myself laughing at this one...considering wat sum ppl been puttin up thts pretty much fml worthy lol
madonnaLiz 0
hahahahahahaah omg that is too funny:)
iheart655 0
I laughed out loud at this...ur kid seriously put ur wallet in the toaster? haha kids these days *tsk tsk*...gotta love em.
pongmaster 0
holy dog biscuit that's a triple suck
mfmylifesrsly 29
at least it wasn't a public bathroom :D
Breazy 0
yeah....cause they have toasters in public bathrooms :P lol
rebornhunter25 0
lol toasters in bathrooms lol
CharonTheShadow 0
YDI for having a kid? xD
mfmylifesrsly 29
lol not the toasterss zndjsmfkfmf
Lancerman7449 0
YDI for having such a stupid kid
Austino713 0
poptarts are amazing i agree whoever said that
nkah 0
wow fml
ilovefatcats 12
soooo a FML
d2r 0
lolzz
warom 0
No joke, exactly the way I was gonna put it
epound28 0
Let's be glad it wasnt in the other bathroom with that other FML dude who was crawling in the dark and tripped and shit on himself. Jesus christ, this site shows some serious low-IQ'ers here. You may be the product of wincest. YDI OP.
FMLowLife 0
Mmm.... what's cookin... oh! my favourite! Toasted wallet with a bit of melted plastic (credit card, ID, etc.) on it!
judetheobvious 0
YDI for leaving your wallet within reach of your kid.
The_Toxic_Mite 0
STFU.
Averizzle 0
Shut doesn't go up biaaaach :D
cadeissoscene 0
not lke the kid is gonna kill him with it or spend his money
glen12 0
more to the point he left his kid to a toster
mmastermetallica 0
what's ydi plz
warom 0
STFU
albinomustang 0
Why do a lot of the fmls come from Nord de Calais?????
Cjw1220 0
If you don't put a location, I think fml is based there so the just put that down.
TeamDazu 5
You deserved it that what it means
michael666 7
really? your stupid bro, kids can get into whatever they want when they want to, I climbed a closet shelf when I was 4 and found my grandpa's .357 loaded.
kingwaldo 0
Looks like someone had a shitty day.
479 0
pun intended? lol
Extacy23 0
97-479 - looks like ur momma shit u outta her asshole son
BannedStory 0
lols at #97. tht must be ur kid.
mfmylifesrsly 29
lol at 113
oogyboogy 6
lol at 118
ouchthatsux 0
lol at 124
intint50 0
lol at OP.
PurpleSquirrel 0
lolol
maa_rico 4
win
PsychoMerk 0
omfg I lol'd xD
ifmlftw 0
lmfao!
CupCakeGirl101 0
hahahahhahaha that sucks but its reallly funny!
jazziloveberryy 3
lmao!!!!
ISLIM_SHADYI 0
jjj
saranottelling 7
I can already see almost every comments, "Why does your kid have access to your wallet and the toaster? YDI!!!!!111." Meanwhile, the OP's kid, a 35 year old, is eating Pop Tarts and playing Tetris inthe basement. He's thinking on doing something with his girlfriend later, Bertha. Bertha is a blow-up doll. He hides his parents medications so they can't kick him out. He also starves them by eating all the food they have. OP, f your life indeed.
wtf20007 10
hahah win!
Jrook 0
i don't think you can insult this guy... he already shit himself, and most likely was injured during the fall.
ilovefatcats 12
lol #11 :)
daydreamstar 7
wow... srry to hear that