Today, my teenage daughter found out that she's pregnant, but insists she's still a virgin. Who does she think knocked her up? God? FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
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Today, not only did I find out that my 13 year-old daughter is pregnant, I found out that she did it on purpose "to prove that she’s responsible." FML
Today, my 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test came back positive. I wanted to know who the father is, so I could sit the two of them down to talk the situation through with them. She isn't sure if it's her best friend, or our neighbor's son. FML
Today, my 15-year-old daughter told me that she's pregnant. To make matters worse, she doesn't know who the father is. She told me not to worry though, because she has it narrowed down to "like, only 3 guys." FML
Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML
Today, my 14 year old daughter told me she's pregnant. I work as a public speaker for promoting celibacy and safe sex. FML
Today, my daughter confessed to me she is pregnant from a guy she had a three-minute hook up with in an alley with, but I shouldn’t worry because she’ll make plenty of money from her OnlyFans, since lots of guys like pregnancy porn, Plus it gives her a real good reason to quit smoking. I'm gobsmacked. FML
Today, my 17 year-old daughter texted me, “Mom I’m pregnat” Yes, exactly how you see it spelled. She’s a senior in high school. Oh, and she doesn’t know who the father is. FML
Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML
Today, despite warning her multiple times, my daughter has gone and got herself pregnant by an idiot who has never held a job for more than 3 months, and once confidently told me the moon landing was a conspiracy. And yes, he scarpered the second he found out she was pregnant. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter not only has a boyfriend, but that they're trying for a baby. She's barely 15. FML
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Top comments
meirginsburg18 10
looks like Jesus 2
L2U7A_E5I9A2E8H 20
Oops daughter
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Comments (97)
meirginsburg18 10
looks like Jesus 2
smokecloud_ 37
Or the anti-Christ.
SmuggletheBudgie 15
Jesus 2.0 New and Improved!
HKCgrimmjow 15
What about if she had been implanted with sperm? You know, something like that.
Ardatlile 13
yey let's get a new jebus on earth! 'cause it went so very well the first time x)
Vagitarian1 10
This post does nothing but confirm the hilarity of God and religion.
IHATEFMYLIFE 26
82 Who in their right mind would implant a teenage girl with sperm? Smh
Somuchart 3
What the ****. What mom would go on the internet after finding out her daughter is pregnant, and tell it to the world?
184886837272837 32
#84 if you find religion hilarious best keep it to yourself. It's not polite to infringe upon other people's beliefs so long as they do not infringe upon yours, or use their beliefs to try to infringe upon your rights. Being atheist doesn't mean you're more enlightened if you're a bigger dick about it than fundamental Christians.
Sports_guy3 28
I agree with #96. Maybe OP's dad hasn't had enough..?
happylappy 21
She could of blacked out and got taken advantage of or date raped...
TideRider 3
agreed. look at the gender symbol of course is the dad.
speckledots 29
My friend actually got pregnant and was still a virgin. You can get pregnant while messing around. All the sperm has to do is get on the vaginal wall. Penetration isn't necessary.
minesbiggerr 25
#140 or the male could have an uber small penis like that FML a long time ago where her boyfriend's was to tiny and didn't penetrate enough
Odis12 11
As soon as Sperm hits the air it's dead. It's not like you could wipe semen on the ****** and a girl gets pregnant.
thehumanlyhuman 7
152 I don't know what your high school health teacher taught you but that sure as hell isn't true..
StzaCrack666 18
sequels are almost always never as good as the original
allia118 11
Well, not this kids mom. But her dad on the other hand.
Just_stop 5
idiots claim that kind of retardation.
baby4mommy 27
Even before fully aroused a small amount is often discharged and can remain viable long enough to be transferred by hand with a small but still significant risk of pregnancy. This kind of information is why abstinence only education is so dangerous.
incoherentrmblr 21
God f**king damnit!!!...
calipilot227 16
The second coming!
5111fire 7
Hope it goes well
caohm 18
when they say you have the holy ghost in you I don't think that's what they mean
breakinlegs 19
how is her teenage daughter having a baby going to go well?
abhi95 31
Because she is the grandmother of GOD!
L2U7A_E5I9A2E8H 20
Is your sister's name Mary?
L2U7A_E5I9A2E8H 20
Oops daughter
MidnaLink 33
Still a valid question!
RenoTheRhino 30
Common sense?
shellykjelly 26
It is possible to become pregnant and still be a virgin...
Tsuky_fml 4
withous sperm implant ?
jonahwalzer 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Wow, im so sorry for you, a teen really shouldn't be pregnant. Thats my opinion anyway
Palirose 22
They shouldn't. If anything anyone who can't even afford to take care of themselves shouldn't be having sex in general. Especially if you have no means of taking care of the child. If you can't understand to use a condom. Then you're not old enough or mature enough to be doing the deed.
annie_nk 22
Teenage pregnancy is high risk anyway.
skitzymew 19
49, a condom doesn't always mean that you won't get pregnant.
xChaos 29
Yeah I'm pretty sure it's illegal to have sex under 18, or something like that...
dutch_princess 5
not in canada! 16 is th age of consent!
NessaMae 19
I don't see why your daughter is even bothering with lying. She's trying to play you for stupid, but obviously you're not. I'm not sure what she was thinking stating she was a virgin, when clearly the evidence she's not is growing inside of her uterus.
Chris93Jones 20
There's two sides of the coin. if the parents are responsible and can take care of it without being welfare mooching dropouts, more power to them! If not, don't have kids. in the end, it's none of our business, and what they do is their choice.
euphoricness 28
I had sex at nine years old
Sweetpea22 14
Troll
happyevil 10
Woop-dee-*******-doo dude. No one care what age you had sex we here to give our opinion to OP. Not ogle at your stupidity 182...
TheAlchemist22 9
its the reincarnation of Jesus!
strike2867 13
Everyone, hide your liquor and prostitutes!!!
Enslaved 36
Wonder if the OP is going to regret doubting her when his grandbaby starts changing water into wine!
1947Chevy 17
18 why hide my liquor? Nothing says I can't drink and Jesus was able to turn water to wine. He may just turn it into even better liquor.
Rishima 8
I think he's saying the new Jesus would take them. You know Mary Magdalene was a prostitute, she ended up following him around, and he did drink a lot in the bible...
fletchy803 10
Oh society.......so screwed
theawkwardlife 21
What does society have to do with op's daughter getting knocked up? Stop blaming the world for everything that goes wrong!
theawkwardlife 21
#36, getting pregnant was her own damn fault. The TV shows didn't force her to do it, she made her own decisions so she should be the one taking responsibility for them.
jrshap12 10
It was society who allowed her to feel ok with what she was doing, therefore leading to her getting knocked up
jkmartinjk 16
A family friend of mine had to "console" a high school student who was crying in class because she /didn't/ get pregnant...
ThatsMyPie 20
@111 Look, bitches, OP is from Egypt. It's not society's fault at all considering THAT BEHAVIOR IS FORBIDDEN. It was the daughter's fault entirely. Have sex as a teenager is fine. Who cares? Biologically, TEENAGERS ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE KIDS. Unfortunately, economics and conventional ethics condemn it. It's fine to have sex. Just use birth control. I know it's still possible to get pregnant. If that happens, no big deal. Your life isn't over, it's just a very large change.
Nohman 14
@111 You're acting as if it is every teenage girl's goal to end up pregnant, which is a tremendous overestimation. Yes, cultural structures are important, but they do not determine outcomes, they facilitate or constrain them. Don't generalize on the basis of the behaviour of a few.
xMnky 8
Jesus has been busy!
pwnman 33
At least Santa tried to get her pregnant.
awkwardloveannie 28
take her to a gynecologist and get proof she isnt a virgin?
JazNim17 18
You mean the pregnancy isn't proof enough?
theawkwardlife 21
I think getting pregnant is proof enough.
bananabean16 2
The "proof" a gynecologist could offer (her hymen being broken) is not 100% accurate, since it could possibly be broken in other ways. The fact that she has been impregnated, however, is irrefutable, excluding divine phenomenon.
carbivore 10
There is absolutely no way to prove if a woman is a virgin or not. Hymens aren't real, and "vaginal laxity" is no way to tell either. That's why 'virgin testing' in the Middle East is such a huge cause of outrage.
FarFromSocial 9
never go full retard ma'am.
Sweetpea22 14
Please tell us you were joking. You can't really be that ******* stupid
Sweetpea22 14
Hymens aren't real? Guess my friend didn't really have her hymen completely covering her vaginal opening that needed to be surgically fixed
Sweetpea22 14
LIES, #34 SAID HYMENS AREN'T REAL. D:< *Sarcasm*
SpicyDuck 22
So a females hymen isn't an actual body part, but a myth...? Please teach me more about what they didn't tell me in sex ed.
Sweetpea22 14
The g-spot and clit are myths too. *Sarcasm*
tukies 28
I thought 11 had a good idea. I mean as soon as OP brings this up to their daughter, she would get all nervous, and decide to tell the truth.
MelTheGreat 23
Are you new??
V688 12
To #34 Never go full retard ...
Sports_guy3 28
#129- 1. Already stated. 2. You're so late.
SilverInGray 25
79 - a lot of people don't think the g spot is real, actually. Sex researchers don't all agree about it.