Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my in-laws invited us over to dinner. I decided to help out in the kitchen and watched in horror as my mother-in-law licked every utensil, sucked her fingers while making the plates and slurped wine straight from the bottle. My husband said I was rude for refusing to eat. FML
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML
Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML
Today, during my sister’s baby shower, my 3 year-old daughter choked on a piece of food. My sister got upset because this apparently attracted a lot of attention from the other guests, and called my daughter an “attention whore” for “choosing today of all days to make a damn scene.” FML
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML
Today, I was babysitting. Everything was going well until the kid called 911 on me for making him eat his vegetables. FML
Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "Shit!", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
rosenkrieger223 24
That's more than just a little extreme. That's in the realm of insanely extreme.
DanqGirlxoxo 13
Mother in laws know how to swallow more than anyone , they just don't admit it. That's why they try to make themselves seem to perfect.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (93)
onorexveritas 23
harsh, hopefully you all talked it out
groovycrazyjoe 18
no she should have let her called and let her make a fool of herself explaining that to the CPS (moron)
jojimugo 20
**** talking, you pull that shit in my house with CPS, you would never be welcomed back again
cocainewhore 30
It could just be here, but around where I live there are posters informing people about the effects of eating disorders, and on them it does say 'good girls always swallow'. It's supposed to be a play on words for the poster, but I don't know if they would have those around where OP lives.
TheElBurrrito 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Start them young is my motto.
DanqGirlxoxo 13
Mother in laws know how to swallow more than anyone , they just don't admit it. That's why they try to make themselves seem to perfect.
wlddog 14
If they knew how to swallow better, they wouldn't be grandparents.
DanqGirlxoxo 13
Your right.
MissMae93 23
Sorry 35, I'm forced to thumb you down. *you're
Catkam623 27
It's impolite to spit everyone knows that.
DanqGirlxoxo 13
# 40. , I AM sorry for not caring enough ( Laugh Out Loud ) I gave you a thumbs up however :)
harrypotter955 19
Children these days...
golden_warrior 23
are spoiled and need an ass whooping.
WelcomeToAndale 13
Yes, cause beating your child is always the solution... I think someone needs to call CPS on you.
Mossears133 15
And it's delicate people like you, 39, that are lending a hand in creating the "children these days" -.- I'm obviously too young, but when/if I have kids, I will be sure to beat their asses when necessary, just like I was taught.
JBChristian 47
Same here ^^, and #39. There's a difference between a beating and a whoopping. And no a whopping isn't always going to be the answer, and beating will never be the answer. There's times where you just have to sit them down and talk about the seriousness in it. But my dad whoopped me, and am I glad he did, seeing all those people out there fretting over the smallest things.
Shade1982 20
Yeah, because all children from back who did not get a whooping are turning out crap as well (/sarcasm). I've heard that argument all over, and it makes no sense whatsoever. There are plenty of adults now who never received a 'whooping' or 'beating' (regardless of how you call it) who have turned up fine. It's just lazy parenting, you can do just fine without it. "Today's children", yeah, right, as if there are NO lazy adults now who were lazy kids back in the day themselves... A good parent can get their kid to grow up fine without having to resort to something like that.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Yep. CPS is clearly the answer. We can all see how much danger your child is in. Smh, sorry about your monster-in-law, op.
M3DIC4T3 29
Seriously though. Can you imagine phone call? "Oh CPS hi I'd like to report my son in law because I think he taught my grand-baby a vulgar---hello??"
Sir_ND_Pity 35
That truth was hard to swallow for your in-laws, huh, OP?
ryan1268 18
sexual refrence?? maybe. or maybe it could have been a sentence you used on your daughter to drink bad tasting meds?
_GoodGuy 11
If you scramble mother-in-law, you get Woman Hitler
narkill 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Well. How can you blame her for being right?
Pwn17 25
In what way is calling CPS for something that small right?
groovycrazyjoe 18
@11 see why probably never have kids
ChibiChibi_fml 27
If the OP has no idea where his son heard such a thing, how is it right for the Mother-in-Law to call C.P.S? I'm actively hoping you are trolling. The correct thing to do here would be for them to ask the son exactly where he heard something like that. He could have heard it at Daycare.
ChibiChibi_fml 27
Plus context matters, it could have been something like "Good girls always swallow their broccoli, not spit it in a napkin."
rosenkrieger223 24
Dammit, you beat me to it. lol