Today, I was dragged to a Super Bowl party. While there, the host's kid threw 3 cups of apple sauce at my feet, which then exploded and covered my jeans. 10 minutes later, the host's wife announced that she was pregnant with twins. All I could come up with was, "You're making more!?" FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was drunkenly showing my juggling skills at a party with three apples. I nailed it until one flew out of my hand, hit a guest in the face, and knocked their drink all over the host’s new beige couch. FML
Today, I was at a party at my boyfriend's house. As I was walking past him, he pulled me onto his lap and started introducing me to a childhood friend. I sneezed and accidently peed on him. I'm 6 months pregnant and can't control my bladder. FML
Today, at a friendly get-together, my friend's husband had too much to drink and got into a fistfight with my husband. I'm seven-and-a-half months pregnant, and the friendly get-together was my baby shower. FML
Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML
Today, I attended my husband's holiday brunch at a company I also used to work for. I was excited to see former coworkers until one raced up, grabbed my belly, and in front of a crowded room, exclaimed, "You're pregnant!" Nope, just older and a bit fatter. FML
Today, I was eating at Applebees at a high table with bar stools. I was reaching over to get some gum out of mom's purse when my chair flipped out from under me and my soda fell on top of me and got in my ear. To make things worse, the waiter ran over and shouted "I give that one a 10!" FML
Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML
Today, I was having dinner with my husband and two toddlers. My two year-old son was being incredibly cute and independently drinking water out of an open cup. I commented on how much I loved him. Two seconds later, he threw said cup with water at my head and started laughing. FML
Today, I was babysitting my friend's kids. One of the twin babies threw up all over my shirt and it went down my bra. Of course, I didn't have a change of clothes. FML
Today, I was hosting a small party for my nephews and a couple neighborhood kids. I unexpectedly started my period while I was serving the snacks. Have you ever been pointed and laughed at by a bunch of 12 year-olds? Ah, just like the good old days… FML
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Top comments
rattusrattus 18
Trust me, you were only saying what everyone else was thinking.
DocBastard 38
The difference between a good kid and a bad kid is a good parent who isn't afraid to say "no".
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Comments (97)
racerapj 10
Apple Sauce is the new style!
Naomimi_fml 6
Shawty had them apple bottom jeans (jeans)...
GTAmax99 12
She got the boots with the fur (with the fur)...
I_Hug_Cats 26
how about no.
hellobobismyname 24
#13, irrelevant.
Xxblackice 13
24 how is 13's comment irrelevant if its part of the the song 12 was singing
dontpanic_fml 32
...And the whole club was looking at hurr.
chlorinegreen 27
... SHORTY GOT LOW LOW LOW LOW (to wipe off the apple sauce)
Kingbreezy04 10
DON'T YOU DARE CALL THAT SONG HIP HOP AGAIN.
Angsty_Armadillo 25
Applesauce bottom jeans
spaboolly 26
The way you put it may have been a bit uncouth, but I'd have to agree with the sentiment. Children are demonic little creatures.
Voldy_fml 16
They're not all like that, it all goes down to manners. And would you say you were once a demonic little creature?
RvidxrKlvn 8
Good thing your parents didn't agree, huh?
spaboolly 26
Okay... children of parents who do not want to do their job as parents are demonic little creatures. The fact that this child would throw something at someone (especially an adult guest of their parents) three times doesn't exactly give the impression of parents who raise and discipline their children properly.
FelicityWishes 32
Although, if the kid was a baby or a toddler, the throwing could be excused.
da_directioner39 17
Hey! I'm a kid and I'm not demonic. Evil, maybe, but not demonic!
xStaciexLynnx 15
26- The parents should know better than to give a baby or toddler packs of applesauce if they aren't old enough to know not to throw them.
FelicityWishes 32
Little kids throw all kinds of food. Are you suggesting that the parents don't feed their kids until they are old enough to eat respectfully?
outoftown 26
71 - I'll suggest that if they throw applesauce at a guest, they don't get a second OR third applesauce! And they get fed away from guests.
Vix_Sparda 11
miss. i agree with you.
rattusrattus 18
Trust me, you were only saying what everyone else was thinking.
gc327072 30
And sometimes, what everyone else's thinking must be said.
Sandman366 6
It was slightly rude yet hilarious in context. Not sure everyone else could've done the same.
HeartForMusic 23
It's times like these when a simple 'congrats' should work fine. (I understand your frustrations though, man.)
iOceanus 18
Freudian slip! One can't help it.
Jovecove 13
Nice boobs
ohhhsnapple 14
It's apple sauce. It'll wash out. But perhaps there should have been a better plan for the little one during the party. (Bedtime, maybe?)
liv_graham 7
well she clearly hasn't taught her children how to treat adults, so imagine how much less of a grip she'd have with two infants and three children.
justspin 7
It was one child and three cups.
mb2_native 15
2 Babies on the way, 1 child, and 3 cups of apple sauce. There, no more confusion..
maz95 17
I think I might've said something a little more offensive if that happened to me. They should teach their kids to behave before having more.
calivianya 29
Me too, for sure. Something like, "If you're too incompetent to handle one, how are you going to handle three?" might have come out of my mouth.
GTAmax99 12
Some people are just ridiculous like that. Look at the 19 kids and counting family. I'm not even sure if they still have 19!
starbunnytwinkle 3
At least those kids are well behaved though, usually.
ShyAnn29 14
Yes they still have 19, she was pregnant with the 20th baby, but she had a miscarriage.
Enslaved 36
"We BeBe's kids. We don't die, we multiply!"
Kingbreezy04 10
"Test tube baby!"
LaLince 40
It's a pity that your feet explosed and covered your jeans.
cheertrombonist 9
Quite. Such diligent perseverance to worry of the bitches soon to arrive kin and not of OP's health.
JanisEvans 10
Your response is epic, OP. the apple sauce will wash out, the statement will remain forever in the comeback-hall-of-fame. In the end you win.