Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
Irrational fears
Today, my daughter, who can pick up spiders and even snakes without flinching, screamed at the top of her lungs because she saw a mouse. Um, what? FML
You gotta learn
Today, I sang the "Itsy Bitsy Spider" song with a class of thirty 20-somethings because we're going to be kindergarten teachers. She made us do the hand motions too. FML
Stop that now
Today, I saw my 4 year-old daughter singing and dancing, so I decided to sing along. As soon as I started singing she said, without blinking her eyes and super calmly, "Could you please stop doing that?" FML
She's 28
Today, I got a phone call from my daughter’s school. Apparently she stood on top of a table and screamed, “I HAVE SYPHILIS” at the top of her lungs. She’s in kindergarten. Where in the world did she even hear that? FML
Today, and all day, I was forced to listen to one of the kids in my apartment building play their recorder loudly and horribly. She started over whenever she missed a note. I was sick, was getting a migraine from it, and couldn't ask her to stop without her mom yelling at me. FML
Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML
Maths
Today, I screamed at the top of my lungs in the middle of a math test because I saw a spider that wound up being a hairball. My teacher was incredibly sympathetic, taking off only five points for "disrupting our working environment". FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
Top comments
adameeo 21
Even better than the original!
jojimugo 20
Those godamm BItchy spiders
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Comments (113)
adameeo 21
Even better than the original!
DEATHBYEX1LE 11
I second that
irateyou 9
than*
MelTheGreat 23
Agreed. And it's kind of a segway to all the explicit rap her generation will listen to in 10 years anyway.
adameeo 21
Knew someone would call me out on that!
irateyou 9
Sorry! Biggest grammar pet peeve
marxistbkly 3
Bigger then its it's confession?
PlayWithElmo 7
than* confusion* ? ... Was that on purpose?
BeachGirl27 23
Kind of the older child version of the classic!
DerrickJames 33
EYE DOGHNT NO HOW THA SONG GOSE BUTT THAT IZ ONE CRAY-Z TEECH URR.
hilda_kitty 16
That really really hurt to read. Did it also hurt to type?
Charmillionaire 13
Trolls feel no pain.
nightwishs 13
what's that? I couldn't read through the bad grammer
pinkpixie06 11
Wow! It took me far too long to read your comment. It seems like somebody should have payed a little more attention to their teacher!!
EsotericBrent 29
Just wait until family events.
ttqq 7
Everyone can sing along!
chanellgymnast 17
You are adorable!
jojimugo 20
Those godamm BItchy spiders
iOceanus 18
Maybe it wouldn't be so bitchy if it weren't so itchy!
maosquare 18
Give it some talcum powder!
PrincessPesa 20
One day, you'll laugh about this. Today is not that day. At least not for you! Sorry OP.
PunkySpunky78 15
Your icon is funny
hilda_kitty 16
I agree with 35.
DooleyFTW 17
Ain't that a bits
BunchieRules 31
I was itsing to say that, but you beat me to it.
heliraptor 13
Perhaps now would be a good time for the sex talk?
prioo 6
Why?
heliraptor 13
Possible results of stds? I have no idea, it made sense when I heard it in my head. It was something along those lines though. I don't know what I'm talking about right now, but I'm going to get thumbed down to hell for it.
sunkissedluster 20
haha welcome to the club, dont sweat it (:
bizarre_ftw 21
I would thumb you down but for the fact that I rather appreciate when a person completely admits to a mental misperception/miscommunication/mix-up in a sincere way that doesn't sound like they're trying to make excuses or explain it away That, and I'm curious where your thought process slipped and how you came to that conclusion (seriously, I can't figure it out, and therefore it's interesting) All this boils down to: *thumbs up* how'd you come up with that?
Charmillionaire 13
22 - Well, she will sweat if she's going to hell... D:
heliraptor 13
Well, thank you :) I have severe insomnia (which is why I'm on here so late, it's 3:49 am where I live) so I've slept approximately 6 hours since Saturday, and lack of sleep basically just turns into severe verbal diahrrea (sp?) for me. And, this may make me a sick ****, but as soon as I heard the post, I immediately thought of crabs. You get itchy, most likely pretty bitchy, and I've never seen one up close, but I've always pictured crabs looking something like little spiders. I guess it's just me, though, haha.
heliraptor 13
& 22, I've been sent to hell on here before, I'm used to it. It's actually quite the party down here.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22
#7 I guess that if her daughter learns itsy bitsy spider, she must be a little girl, and you want her ma to have a sex talk?? What is wrong with you?
heliraptor 13
What is wrong with me, has just been explained above :) you're a little tardy to that party dear, goodbye.
amillionbucks 5
You should have that talk in 3rd grade. Any later and whatever you say will not be new information.
DrunkButterfly 17
my mom had the sex talk with me when I was 10. I don't think it worked tho lol
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22
#44 Yeah I'm the tardy one... Coming from the guy who thought it made sense to suggest sex talk to a little girl... Oh the irony :)
heliraptor 13
Oh I'm sorry, I must be mistaken. I thought you were living in the real world, where children are raised to handle real life situations :o my bad. But that's okay, you live in your world, I'll live in everyone else's :) another thing, I'm not a guy. Must be hard to reformist, though, seeing as you're a flower. A bit of a late booemer,.might I add. Oh, and I suggest picking up a dictionary and looking up the definition of irony, because you're doing it wrong. Come back when you can make a valid argument. Thanks :) And 51, I agree, they'll hear about it one way or another, not to mention that 95% of what they'll hear is probably completely false anyways. I would rather my kid know the facts from me, before his or her friends start confusing him or her even more.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22
#55 So you take from my alias that I am a reformist? I guess that you think you're a dinosaur considering yours? I really don't see the point in having a sex talk because that little girl is saying "bitchy" (which means someone being mean) instead of "bitsy". In what way is it appropriate to start talking about sex in this situation? It's not like she was asking where do babies come from, there it would make sense to talk about it. And yes I find it ironic that you call me an idiot when you're the one who thought that it made sense to start a sex talk because of "bitchy" being mispronounced. "you live in your world, I'll live in everyone else's :)" LOL, puh-lease, get over yourself.
Razi_tail 25
You are taking the comment way to seriously, learn to take a joke!
little_one 20
When I think itchy and bitchy I think yeast infection. Anyone? No... Moving on. Kids tell other kids things you would not expect so besides the fact that this may not cause reason for a sex talk best do it young before they get embarrassed and do it wrong... Aka double bagging it (side note a found out men had testicles in grade six from a dirty snowman the other boys made and man did I feel dumb and same year felt dumb cause I didn't know what condom's were when we saw one on the ground walking to school good thing I didn't touch it.)
little_one 20
And 52 you Kesha wanna-be no one cares that your a ****.
redhedsaysrawr 18
Holy run on sentence, Batman!
LiterOfCola 16
Haha 62: "tardy" does not mean stupid; it means late. That's rich
hilda_kitty 16
Personally, I don't think people with lisps should teach kids at young ages. This happens. My little sister used to have a teacher with a lisp. I had to go through each word she learned and teach her how to actually pronounce it. That was terror.
heliraptor 13
Because of your picture, I will forever imagine your comments in Daniel Radcliffe's voice and accent
Sputnikspak 13
I completely agree - in the formative years of language, someone with a speech impediment (or even a heavy accent) can teach things to a child that are hard habits to fix later. My first French teacher (I live in Quebec) was Italian and spoke with a heavy accent, I had her from first through third grade, and it plagued me all the way through my teenage years until I entered the workforce and went to college, and started having friends who were Québécois who knew the reason why I have some messed up pronunciations and are happy to gently correct me. It's gotten much better with practice - working with the public basically forced me to understand and speak French decently, which I'm happy to do. I still have trouble with some words that I don't use often but I learned early (fleur de lys is one of them - my teacher insisted it was 'floor de lees' when really the correct way is more like 'floor de lisse'). In high school and college this isn't a problem - one of my college professors was German-French, and had some pretty entertaining accents and translations (my personal favourite was when he said 'Russian mountain' in class, and everyone turned to look at the native Russian girl who had no idea, but one slang term for 'roller coaster' in French (particularly the France variety) is 'montagne Russe' - which translates literally to 'Russian mountain'). He also told us to 'use our falcon eyes' and 'Save your work, happle-ess' - he taught Illustrator on Mac.
hilda_kitty 16
21 - that's hilarious, I do too. The picture also helps when I make a bad joke, LOL. 24 - montagne russe was probably my favourite word to learn in French class. Don't know why, maybe it's the fact that I like mountains and I'm Russian. I feel that girls feelings though, everytime my teacher said it, I got stared at pretty hard.
Sputnikspak 13
The whole montagne Russe thing was really confusing to us, because it's really not Quebec jargon at all (my class had about 1/3 native French speakers and no one had any clue what 'Russian Mountains' meant). There was also the time he mispronounced 'Nigeria' as 'Niggeria'... He corrected himself right away and went beet red. We had one black guy in the class and he basically yelled out 'I notice all you white-ass crackers are trying real hard not to look at me', which pretty much took the situation to levels of absurdity, made everyone laugh, even the teacher, who was horribly embarrassed about screwing it up. I've probably said a lot of confusing things in French. My vocabulary is pretty good but my grammar can be a little wonky, which means I sometimes 'Anglicize' sentences if I'm rushing, and then they don't make sense. >.> But yeah, I feel for this kid, you really want people who enunciate properly to teach your children when they're young. Because I had messed up teeth as a kid (I wore a palate-widener from second to sixth grade, then braces and a retainer until eleventh), I had some problems with speech, but once they started doing corrections, I did a lot better. I met with a speech therapist at the school once a week, and caught on pretty quick. I don't really have any issues now, apart from the occasional 'brain fart' where I forget what I'm saying in the middle of saying it - but I blame that on the Lupus.
pinkpixie06 11
Get it on video now. It will be funny to watch/hear before you know it! ;)
Myo_fml 20
Especially in front of friends and first- time dates.
hilda_kitty 16
7 - Don't you mean 'thex talk'?
heliraptor 13
Yeth, thorry :)